Round 4 - Dan McDaid (Only judges can post here!)

[Dan M]

Page One

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Page Two

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Page Three

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Page Four

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[Vince Hernandez]

PAGE ONE:

Panel 1 - Nice opening shot but really big for what's actually being represented in the panel. This is the largest panel on the page--does it need to be?

Panel 2 - Good opening shot of our main character. Nice Jetsons feel to his design and costume.

Panels 3 and 4 together are a bit confusing. I can kinda get the gist of what you're trying to convey but I'm stifled by the use of basically the same pose for both panels. Try to mix it up from panel to panel.

Panel 5 - nice panel, you could definitely add some more speed lines or tension to this panel. Where is his mouth?

PAGE TWO:
Panel 1 - Good destructive shot! You followed Francis' notes about the robot the closest. Your cityscape leaves a little to be desired but overall it has that nice retro futuristic feel you're getting known for.

Panel 2 - I like this panel.

Panel 3 - Interesting design on the camera thingy. I like your action lines framing this panel.

Panel 4 - Very cool panel idea! This works well though I think you overused the standing pose for the alien in this sequence.

Panel 5 - This is an ominous panel. It's not what the script truly called for but makes for a nice, tense moment. A calm before the storm.

PAGE THREE:

Panel 1 - This a great example of how dynamic your work can be when you want it to. I like this panel.

Panels 2, 3, and 4 - I think you should lose the ball at this point in the story. It doesn't serve a purpose to story anymore.

Panel 5 - This is an okay shot of Saturn Girl but not something to get excited about. That ball criticism I made is most evident here where the ball takes up almost half the shot and cuts into our shot of Saturn Girl.

Panel 6 - This panel could've been combined into the previous one or taken out all together.

Panel 7 - Nice work here.

PAGE FOUR:
Your characters here all look great and your proportions are correct but this splash lacks depth and has more of a cover feel than a splash page. The lack of a true background here hurts you more than helps.

I like what you bring to the table every time out Dan. You need to sometimes open up your art and allow yourself to get more innovative with some of your shots. You really shine when you do!

[Francis Manapul]

Hey Dan congrats on making the final 4! On with the show:

PAGE 1.

Panel 1. Great shot! however does this panel need to be this big? it doesn't..

panel 2. looks great love your kid!

panel 3 Like Vince said, you kinda of lose me here as well. I think this might work better if we see his face, and just have him catch the ball, but still stay oblivious to all the people running.

panel 4 With the changes to panel 3, this panel can be a bit bigger, and show more people running from something behind the kid.

panel 5. Nice reaction shot! I think for this to be more dramatic and serve as a nice exclamation mark to the end of this page, the changes suggested in the previous panel would have be done. this is a drum beat, and they all have to work cohesively together to accomplish the drama.

PAGE 2.

panel 1. Love this panel! I really dig your robot, great shot of the kid in the foreground as well. I think this panel would have been more dramatic though if you had more people running.

panel 2, looks really good! The odd thing about this panel is that, in the other entries, I suggested that this panel is redundant of the last panel of page 1. However since you were able to accomplish a different expression (the last panel of page 1 looked more like a confused look and this one shocked and scared) it works!

panel 3-5 I actually really dig this addition to the story! great job!!

PAGE 3.

panel 1. great shot angle, I think we'd feel the danger even more if he was closer to the blast as indicated by how close the barrel of the gun was in the previous page. Maybe even off the ground a bit.

panel 2, 3. I like your idea of of having the ball bounce towards Saturn Girl, it was a really nice way to connect the two. however it would have been better if he was still holding the ball in the last panel of page 2 to establish that he still has it, and then in panel one of this page you can have it flying off his hand as he evades the blast. Also in panel 3, I don't quite feel that he fell on the ground, he kinda looks like he's just kneeling. he should have fallen flat on his face, which makes the reader on edge thinking that just like in movies when you're running away you always trip from the in coming threat and he's about to get it.

panel 4 I dig how you transitioned the ball from panel 3 to 4. sweet!

panel 5 great shot! very dynamic. However too much emphasis is put on the ball. we need more Saturn Girl! Most importantly show the symbol on her chest. With the ball blocking it, it takes away from her grand entrance. Thats like having your first shot of Superman, but have his chest emblem covered by something.

panel 6 and 7 works for me! great reaction shot on the last panel!

PAGE 4:

I actually like this a LOT, but you need some more background elements, to tie it into the story. Right now it feels too much of a pin up shot. Also the positioning of the boy in front of Saturn Girl is kind of awkward, it cuts her off at the torso and she and the kid almost blends into one shape. not good.. i think if you positioned him a bit more to the left to at least allow us to see part of her leg that would fix the problem. Perhaps even show a bit of the kids face (3/4 view from the back of his head) as well to help show the separation. Overall, I really dig this page. I think this is one of my favorite last page!

I think you did a really great job Dan, I enjoy your style quite a lot. You bring a lot of fun to the competition, and your style has a nice bounce and fluidity to it. I just think some of your pacing and choice of shot angles can be clearer. I'm really hoping you make it to the next round, as I enjoy seeing your work. Best of luck!

[Marc Silvestri]

Dan-

Congrats man, you’ve made it to the final four! I have to confess that while impartial (I’m really adding my two cents to help all you guys make pro!) I really do like your style. Now hold on, that doesn’t mean I don’t have problems with it I just like the easy old-school flow it has. You kind of remind me of Joe Staton and his run on E-Man.

Page one is probably my least favorite of your work this round. I love the design of the kid and the last panel but the rest of the page is kind of clumsy for me. Is the kid chasing the ball or is he dribbling it down the street? I don’t know and as a reader I should. Because I don’t, the fact he grabbed it in panel three means nothing to me. In panel two you get cute again with having him step out of the panel. In this instance it’s bad in a couple of ways. One, by having the ball literally bounce off the border it draws too much attention to the fact there is a border. Two, you have his leg stepping over the same border but into panel four which leads the reader to visually skip panel three! You’ve done this sort of thing before with the same bad result. Stop it!

Panel three should have the other aliens (which should look like the kid!) running toward him/us not away. Panel four works and I like the way the foreground figure grabs our attention (because he’s looking at us) and leads us into the background. I Love panel five.

Page two is one of my favorites from all the contestants this round. Best first panel composition (finally, somebody put kid is in the foreground!) and best robot by far. Great second panel! Love the pacing of the page but I disagree with the gun being so close to the boy in the last panel (especially the way it leads to the next action). And what is his shadow being cast on anyway? Those grips aside, great page.

Page four starts rough but finishes strong. First panel is nebulous as to how powerful the blast is and how he gets away from it exactly. I like the second panel (great expression on the kid). I don’t like the third, as he should be face-planting the ground. Hard. Nice touch with the ball crossing the border and connects to the next panel (this is how the gimmick works!)

The “ball gag” (no pun intended) in the last panels works for me and shows you to be the strongest of the remaining contestants in imaginative and entertaining storytelling. Really. My only complaint here is we need an establishing shot of Saturn Girl. Oh, and I don’t think the kid reaching for the ball is a necessary beat here. The better sequence would have been; close up of Saturn Girls hands grabbing the ball followed by a big full figure shot of Saturn Girl holding said ball. Nice expression on the kid in the last panel.

The last page although bursting with energy, suffers from a lack of the figures interacting with any background. The figures needed to be grounded and because they weren’t a lot of the impact is lost due to the fact they all kind of look like they’re floating around. Pulling back a bit, placing them on the ground, and throwing in some fire and busted concrete would have added much drama.

I hope you make it to the next round Dan because I enjoy your work and want to see more. Good luck!

-M