Round 3: Nick Pitarra (Only Judges can post here!)

[Nick Pitarra]

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[Ryan Ottley]

Nick,

The duck gag was pretty hilarious. I like it.
Page one-
Anatomy needs some major work, and learning to spot some blacks is always useful. The storytelling works fine I think. Panel 2 seems unnecessary though. It's got the same feeling as panel one, just a bit closer. Maybe a different angle or drop it completely.

Page two

A shortcut for the first panel would make it look more energetic and interesting and at the same time be easier on the artist. By shortcut I mean close up on someone, fill up the foreground with them and do a small amount of Background. Just give what's needed with the right amounts. For example close-up on Octoboss and have cops in the BG. Or viceversa.
Panel 2 works. Panel 3 works well with motion except the contact with the ground is really weak. Needs more breaks and cracks, rocks flying everywhere. As is, it looks like Invincible is slamming him into some Strawberry Jello. Why Strawberry you ask? I don't know, first flavor that came to mind.

Page three

Pay off of the duck gag, sweet. I just want to bring up again that more knowledge of anatomy would be good. And that means learn about the face more as well. The more you know, the more interesting you can make everything look. It's still pretty rough but you have huge potential.

[Ryall_IDW]

Page One
I really like your style, Nick. While it’s still got some rough spots, there’s just a real dynamism to your work. I love the panicked and freaked out birds, even if they look a bit like ducks and not birds. And I like Mark’s face here, even if his body in panel one somehow doesn’t convey flying as much as floating. The reaction shot in panel three is nice, but not as nice as the duck-bird that slams into Mark’s suddenly stopped body—that made me laugh, as did the bird getting dragged down in his wake. Of course, this makes him seem a bit clumsy and reckless, but still, funny. The figure of Invincible himself could use a bit more care, notably in panel four—his size and proportions seem a bit off.

Page Two
The art remains a bit messy in places, as though your good ideas and interesting designs interrupt your actual craft in places. I definitely don’t love the lettering on the outside of the Aquarium and would like to see that more refined, and the downed cops look smaller than they should, but it’s still a great scene. It pays off even better in panel two, with Octoboss’ weapon being especially impressive. And the manatee being taken is clearly conveyed. The clarity fades as we get to panel three, however. A colorist would help clarify what we’re seeing, but still, I don’t really feel the impact, or even see Invincible on the approach on this page, which is needed even more than just showing us things from his POV like in panels one and two. The manatee getting jettisoned into the air in this panel and then his positioning in the final panel seem wrong, too.

Page Three
Okay, the bit with the bird was totally unnecessary, and a bit nonsensical (how slow did that bird fall?) but also very funny. Panel one doesn’t necessarily work as well as the script calls for, since we can’t see Mark leave the ground, we can only see the few speed lines to convey movement. But as a whole, the sequence makes me smile before upping the ante on the threat, which is exactly what was called for in the script.

[Marc Silvestri]

Nick-

You’re killin’ me man! First time I saw you’re pages I thought how fun, quirky, and just plain oddball they were. Now I realize it’s not the Pages, It’s you! Adding ducks as a major story beat? You’re a nut dude, and God help me I love ya for it!

One of the points of this round was to see how all the contestants ran with a loosely plotted story, and brother you ran farther than Forrest Gump! But hey, for the most part you got away with it. Out of the remaining artists I felt this story was best suited for you and your skill set and really wanted to see you shine. I got most of what I wanted.

The first panel on page one is a great establishing shot and once color is added (and you’re work needs color) will have a lot of depth. My only criticism would be he feels too close to the ground to be having a relaxing flight. If someone wants to relax they go for a stroll through the park. If you’re a super hero that can fly you go for a drift among the clouds. By having Invincible so close to tall buildings you unintentionally create tension by subliminally making the reader think our hero might have to avoid running into a skyscraper. That sentence is not meant to sound heady, it’s a fact of what we do as storytellers and seemingly inconsequential details such as those are as important to readers as lighting and music are to an audience watching a movie.

The buildings in panel two add to the problem mentioned above plus the positioning of Mark’s arm matching the roofline of the background creates a tangent that messes with the needed 3D effect. I like the “take” in panel three but I would have pulled in a bit closer to differentiate it from panel two. The “duck gag” works here but the last panel focuses too much on said duck. Because we don’t know it’s the set up to a punch line it just strikes as odd to make such a point of showing it in the last panel. A little subtlety would have worked wonders here.

Page two is where I notice how loose you’re line work is. The style you’ve adopted NEEDS a TIGHT line quality. If you look at the work of Art Adams you’ll notice he can get cartoony but the line work is clean and solid and really holds his stuff together. He’s NEVER wobbly and that’s one of the secrets to pulling this style off. Watch the line quality! I love the detail of Octoboss standing in water but somehow the first panel seems small and non-threatening and a little too “children bookish”. Careful that you don’t make the far background objects as detailed as the near background objects. It’s a consistent issue you have that should be tossed right now!

The big panel two shot is cool but because you spot NO blacks in your work the Manatee gets lost in the tentacles (again, that’s your style and color will help here). I like the expression on the Manatee’s face. Nice touch.

Panel three is waaay too cartoonish for me. The “Matrix” impact waves don’t read at all like asphalt. If I hadn’t read the script I would have thought Octoboss had just jumped into the river. Watch the textures because stuff like this pulls the reader right out of the story! Too many bent buildings!

I like the payoff on the duck beat although panel two seems a bit on-the-nose, kind of like you needed to remind the reader there was a duck gag coming. That said, the payoff is nice and you add to the whole softhearted animal lover bit. Like all the other samples in this round, the final panel threat seems small. I like the composition and the line quality is better but uh, why is everybody about to shoot Invincible in the ass?

Like I said, I like your work but I’d be curious to see how you would illustrate a children’s book. That’s not a dig btw, it’s a compliment as that is a tough aesthetic to get right. I showed you a bit of tough love here but you are one of my favs. Good luck!

-M