Round 3: Jon Reed (Only judges can post here!)

[Reed]

[Click on image for larger version]

Page One:
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr31th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr31.jpg)

Page Two:
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr32th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr32.jpg)


Page Three:
http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr33th.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/jonreed/jrr33.jpg)

[Ryan Ottley]

Jon,

I feel your first two rounds were stronger than this one. This one looks a little more hurried. Especially this first page. Of course drawing a guy in tights and making him look cool is actually pretty difficult.

Page 1

Panel one- Not feeling this panel at all. It's pretty wobbly and unstructured. I know your style is purposefully somewhat skewed but drawing a dude in tights really shows off your weak point which is anatomy. The costume is off. The arms are cut off at the panel. Breaking panel borders would've looked cool here. The only thing I like about this panel is his face.

Panel 2- Looks ok, it's a little on the boring side. This page should be very dynamic and fun looking. Invincible is suppose to be having a good time here.

Panel 3- He doesn't look like he is looking down. It looks like he is looking straight ahead but his nose is looking directly UP. I'd say work on structure of faces more, the more you know the better you'll able to use your style. A better transition would've been to show Invincible a little closer in panel 2 so you can see how happy he is flying around, then in panel 3 is a closer shot and his chest is the same position as panel 2 but his head is turned to look down, and his face is changed to more of a troublesome look. As is, it kinda looks like he's got a sneeze coming on.

Panel 4- This panel works, It looks like he's in a hurry for something. Would've been cool to see him rocketing through the city, but the reader will get the point by what you have here that he's hurrying.


Page 2

Panel one- This panel looks pretty cool. More buildings and maybe some cop cars would've been nice. Octoboss looks like a giant here though, and in panel 2 he is smaller. But he does look cool and menacing, and his poor Manatee needs a hug, I love it. Your Squidmen look awesome.

Panel 2- more cars and closer buildings in the BG would've been good. Other than that it works.


Page 3

This page works. I think the last panel would be more effective by showing more of Invincible's face, maybe more of a close up with his face in the foreground and squidmen behind. Seems like it would bring the reader more into it and show how big of a pickle he is in. I still can't believe Robert wrote that Invincible was in a bit of a pickle. What a dork. :D

[Ryall_IDW]

Page One
This page gets off to a bit of a rocky start. Invincible looks like he has a massive torso, and tiny and oddly shaped legs. I know feet are tough, but the feet seem especially rushed. The whole page just feels a bit off to me, really, as I could never quite envision a style this unrefined on an Image book. Which isn’t to say you couldn’t do it, just that this first page doesn’t convince me. The buildings and figure in panel two likewise fee a bit amateur. Panels three and four, likewise—the large nostrils in panel three, and the ropy neck, just don’t feel like a character Invincible’s age (not that a character his age couldn’t have huge nostrils, but it just doesn’t work here). And I don’t quite get the sense of shock in panel three that leads to what follows. The body positioning in panel four is curious, but I at least see what you were trying to do here. It just didn’t quite work.

Page Two
This page doesn’t feel quite as rushed, although there are still spots where more care would’ve benefited the page. The lettering on the aquarium needs to be stronger, and Invincible looks to be hovering more than rushing into the scene here. Mark’s body looks odd in the final panel, too, and the manatee seems to be floating overhead. I’d really like to see your work inked up to see what you want the page to ultimately look like, since much of this feels a bit too sketchy.

Page Three
I would’ve preferred an additional panel added rather than using the flying speed lines to show Mark heading up to catch the manatee. But the page is redeemed by panels three and four, especially the final panel. Mark doesn’t appear to be hovering over the scene like the script asks for, but the figures around him do really feel like they have him surrounded. Overall, I think your work has a lot of potential but I’d like to see it a bit less rushed.

[Marc Silvestri]

Jon-

Hey man, sorry I’m late to the party but here goes. Definitely looking at a mixed bag from you this round. There are some things about your pages I really like but we’ll get to those later. Yeah, some of this is gonna hurt.

What’s with the crazy crop of invincible in the very first panel? Dude you should no better than that! This is the all-important establishing shot of the character, which means you have to show him! Is he holding a Manatee? Is he holding an airplane? Is he holding up the top of the comic? When you crop the guys hands like this those are the questions that race though the readers mind (well maybe not the Manatee part). The anatomy gets iffy here too especially the neck area. It’s an odd criticism because things seem to be put in the right place just not very attractively. Don’t read anything into this but one thing about male anatomy is that even though us guys have uh…junk, we don’t really have the gap between our legs that women do - I can’t believe I just typed that.

Panel two lacks depth because the background elements are all rendered the same as they recede (miles) into the background. A simple rule to follow is the farther back an object, the less detailed it is. For the cinematic equivalent watch ‘Bladerunner’ because every shot in the movie is based on that principle. All the city models were shot in a room misted with oil, which made the air thick so that only the foreground elements were clear. This gave a great sense of depth and scale.

Nasty face in panel three bro. Plus he should be looking down at us to establish he’s distracted by what’s going on in the city below. Mark looks like he’s running on the ground in the last panel. Careful about having a guy bleed off the bottom or sides of a page. He may get cropped off in the printed version!

Page two gets better. Except for the awkward perspective and use of black in the background I really dig this first panel. Oh, and the lack of cops hurts the scale of the action. Your Octoboss kicks ass and I can clearly see he’s holding a Manatee! Cool weaponry too. I would have pushed Invincible farther back to add depth and a sense of velocity leading into the next panel.

In panel two the impact lacks force partially because Invincible looks so static. Place his feet together to streamline the figure and that will add a sense of speed. Think about an Olympic platform diver just as he’s reaching terminal velocity and breaking the surface of the water. The crack in the ground gets muddy with the random black placements. The distinction between what is cast shadow and crater is unclear. Your black spotting in general lacks confidence but this can be worked through. Damn, check out the width of the crotches on those cops!

Page three is my favorite especially the compositions in the individual panels. All of them are solid and unlike the previous pages the black spotting is confident and accurate here. You missed a storytelling beat though. You should have led off with a shot of Mark about to catch the Manatee rather than the action being done already. I gotta give you a big “ugh” on Mark’s anatomy in panel one. I’d feel sorry for anybody shaped like that! He’s a super hero so give him the slim waist and broad shoulders of one. Invincible isn’t Thor but at least make it look like his hips aren’t wider than his shoulder’s!

Panel three is a killer shot of Octoboss! It’s very graphic, very confident, and very professional. Out of all the artists this round you came closest to nailing the threat in the last panel. I like how you create three distinctive planes with the strong black elements in the foreground. Nice picking out of the shapes of the baddies with white btw. You’ve got what it takes but you need refinement. Study anatomical proportion and show the confidence of composition that you demonstrate in the last page in ALL your pages!

Good luck!

-M