Round 2: Dan McDaid

[Dan M]

Page one:

http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/danmcdaid/pageoneTHUMB.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/danmcdaid/pageone.jpg)


Page Two:

http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/danmcdaid/pagetwoTHUMB.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/danmcdaid/pagetwo.jpg)


Page Three:

http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/danmcdaid/pagethreeTHUMB.jpg (http://brainiac.boilingpoint.com/~cbi3/danmcdaid/pagethree.jpg)

[Ryall_IDW]

Page One
At a first glance at the page, I really like the style and your tones and washes—it all feels like snapshots from a bygone day, which is what this script really is. After the first glance, I step back a bit and look at what you’ve done with the script, and see some areas that could be strengthened. The sameness of the panel size works in the “snapshot” regard, but I do think the script calls for a bit more weight to be assigned to some of the panels instead of others to work most effectively. Panel five in particular could’ve used a bit more emphasis as our first real look at C.B. But here’s no mistaking the fact that this is a fun style that is well-suited to this sort of tale.

Page Two
The one thing about this art style is that it feels more a tale from farther back in the past, like the 1950s, not the late 1980s. But that aside, this page works well, notably panel five, where the simple dot-eyes and lines on his cheeks perfectly capture what the script was going for.

Page Three
Strangely, the only panel that doesn’t really work for me here is panel three, and that could be corrected by fixing her left hand. I’m not sure who would slap with the backs of her fingers like she seems to be doing here. But that aside, the page is nicely constructed, and the facial expressions work well, too, with only minimal features. Panel four, in the rain, the angle and pooling rain on the ground really drives home the emotion—that’s nicely communicated. The floating inset panel at the very end seems almost an afterthought, but I do think that the narrative captions that will fill in the blank space under panel five will help tie the final scene together. This is a story that is well-suited to your strengths, and I enjoyed your take on the script quite a bit.

[jameslucasoni]

Well, Dan, like in the first round, your pages here are just about perfect for my tastes and sensibilities and your natural style might be the best suited of any of the contestants for this kind of nostalgic montage. My comments here are nit-picky because, seriously, my only complaints about this work are tiny.

The character emotions that you display throughout the three pages are clear and easy to interpret. Your inking adds character to even the smallest panel and your grey tones are perfectly balanced—adding contour and depth without being overpowering. I do think you could have taken your “pushing the panel aside” in the fourth panel of page 1 a little farther. It's almost too subtle as is. Page 3, panel 2, on the other hand is almost too exaggerated. The crash, to me anyway, is almost too severe for them to be laughing off. I love how the page ends though and I think the choice to spotlight the hand-holding is a perfect cap to the sequence.

Like I said, a few tiny issues in an otherwise superb sample. My only disappointment with your work is that I hadn't discovered it earlier.

[C.B. Cebulski]

Totally digging what I see here, Dan! Your fun, more animated style really gave the story a nice bounce from panel to panel. While you didn't use an inset panel on page one, your use of my hand to break the border and "push" the action into the next scene worked well. And I love this little shock of electricity in the last panel of page one. Wonderful touch! Actually, each panel had a nice little touch in it, showing you really thought through each one to bring extra life to the characters.

The looks of each of the girls on page two captures each one nicely, conveying a different emotion just like I wanted to see. Love the tougher sports chick in panel two and the jab with her stick! Having the girl in panel one of page three weariong my high school jacket jut may have been one of my favorite of the whole competition. That's such a natural high school thing to do, again demonstrating your insight into the script! Similarly, our relief in panel two of page three is apparent. Adding two onlookers into the scene where I get slapped was a nice touch, but my only complaint is that this also serves to remove a little of the focus from the main characters, who the story is about.

Great work! I expect we'll be seeing a lot of you in the future!

Take care,
C.B.