Round 1: Caio Oliveira

[Caio Oliveira]

In the eve of time!

Page 1
http://jtorresonline.com/Fathom pg 1_Caio THUMB.jpg (http://jtorresonline.com/Fathom pg 1_Caio Oliveira.jpg)

Page 2
http://jtorresonline.com/Fathom pg 2_Caio THUMB.jpg (http://jtorresonline.com/Fathom pg 2_Caio Oliveira.jpg)

Page 3
http://jtorresonline.com/Fathom pg 3_Caio THUMB.jpg (http://jtorresonline.com/Fathom pg 3_Caio Oliveira.jpg)

[Ryall_IDW]

Aaaand away I go. I'm going to post responses to everyone right now, this just happens to be my first one, so let me say that you've all impressed me in various ways with your work, and I'm happy to be a part of this. My comments after this will skip this preamble and just jump right into my thoughts on the pages you've posted.

Chris

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Page One
This is a great establishing shot—really nice style to the image, and while that palm tree on the left might be experiencing some severe lean, I really like the feel. The rest of the page follows suit, too—it’s got a solid, well-constructed feel to it. The helicopter is hovering a bit close to the house when it launches its missles, I still like the stark blackness to it, next to the finer linework on the house itself.

Page Two
Things get a bit murkier for me here. The explosion caused some strange proportions to happen to his body, and the explosion seems very localized in this panel. The area near the bathroom seems relatively unscathed here, but in panel two, it seems to have affected her all of a sudden, too. Her facial proportions also seem to have gotten knocked for a loop.

Page Three
I appreciate the effort to include everything in this first panel, but it doesn’t quite work. I like different angles and askew panel design, but having panel two be flopped 90 degrees just feels off to me here. And the simple little waterball she throws at the copter doesn’t really seem sufficient enough to take down a big helicopter, either.

[Vince Hernandez]

Overall I enjoyed your work on this sequence. Your linework is clean and polished, although on pages two and three your style appears slightly different. This is not a bad thing because your last two pages have an impactful feel to them.

PAGE ONE:
Panel 1: This is a good establishing shot. You seem to have an understanding of varying line weights which works to your advantage. The Thunderbird in this panel appears slightly out of perspective; not enough to damage the panel though.

Panel 2: You followed the script well in this panel but the first thing that caught my eye is the sparcity of the background. The decor of the house appears bland and uninteresting--my personal observation. The steam is a wise choice to set the stage for Aspen's intro. For the most part your anatomy on Chance is good and is one of the more dead-on versions of the character I've seen from the ten contestants.

Panel 3: Artwise I'm okay with everything in this panel but I would've preferred a bit more distance between the helicopter and the beach house. It would've made for a nice time lapse to see the Helicopter coming in the distance. Your panel 5 gives me the impression the bird basically has been hovering over the house (Chance or Aspen would hear this).

Panel 4: Of the group, this is one of the closest interpretations of Aspen. Well done. A bigger shot wou'd work better for you here plus you foreshortening of her arm here isn't right anatomically. Also her hands are a bit too masculine.

Panel 5: I've already mentioned the time lapse element in panel 3, otherwise I feel this panel came out great. It is clear and consise with the added bonus of a focus box to ease the transition of our eyes.

PAGE TWO:
Panel 1: Your style diverted here from the previous page. Your line weights here appear less diverse than the previous page and your perspective isn't helping either. The two smoke trails and the towel covering her private parts are a good choice but the execution appears forced here; the two trails stand out the most in their uniformity. Aspen's anatomy is okay if not a bit wide around her hips. Also, I'd go with more detail on her face as we (the reader) are not that far from her. Chance's anatomy here is off, re-check his waistline-to-torso area.

Panel 2: Aspen's posterior and her legs don't look right to me. I think her rear is extended to high and right. I like the addition of the falling debris if only to add a vertical element to contrast all the horzontal lines and the widescreen panels on this page. Aspen's nose is too big and her eyebrows and eye liner are too thick.

Panel 3: This panel doesn't really serve the action in the script. It only appears as if Aspen is floating amongst the debris in water form. I do however like the Aspen rendition and the overall figurework on her. Nicely done.

PAGE THREE:
Panel 1: Great version of the Commanche. Your tech is dead-on. I like the way you interpreted this panel; the layout works great. Be careful not to get too uniform when showing wreckage. You could've been more creative with Aspen's pose with her covering her breasts.

Panel 2: This angle doesn't work. Everything else seems fine artwise but you should've went with a better angle. I figure you're going for the POV of the 'copter.

Panel 3: One of my favorite panels of the sequence. Great, tense angle. Solid, confident linework. A top-notch effort.

Panel Four: Ha--the fastball special. Fun choice in using her water powers in a different way. You also came close to capturing the angle I was looking for with her powers shooting at us.

[jameslucasoni]

I really like that you aren’t afraid to put some serious work into a page! The amount of intricate detail on these *inked* pages shows serious dedication and a work ethic I can get behind!

Page 1 – The lead panel for this is gorgeous with just the right amount of character. You follow the script very closely and I think it pays off in the first 3 panels. I think the camera angle and framing you chose for panel 4 could be a little better—as it is you really minimize the impact of her appearing on-page and for a character like Aspen, that’s a crime. I like what you were going for in the last panel but I think it makes the action too difficult to decipher and could have benefited from a more straight-forward approach.

Page 2 – Wow. The detail on this page is insane! Unfortunately, without the benefit of colors it’s kind of a mess. You’re not spotting any blacks and the whole thing is just overly busy to the point of being dizzying. I think with a good colorist this could work but as is, I’m having a really tough time with it. I also wish there was more going on in panel 3. It’s lacking the determination in terms of her expression and character that such an important panel requires.

Page 3 – This is a relatively strong page, though the framing and camera placement in panel 2 seems a little awkward. I do really like the expression on Aspen’s face in panel 1 and while normally I’m not all that fond of having a central character’s back to the camera, the third panel showcases exactly what it should. If I had one comment on that particular panel it’s that you could have gone tighter and left more room for the big huzzah in the final panel, but that’s really more of a nitpick than anything.

Thanks for putting so much time into these samples. Your hard work and talent definitely show through!