Round 1: Dan McDaid

[Dan M]

Page One

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Page Two

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Page Three

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[Ryall_IDW]

Page One
The greytones give this a nice, classic feel. Not really the kind of thing that then works well with additional colors added, but if this were a two-color project, the tones would work well. The tones and the feel of the first panel, plus details like the tiny TV with its antiquated antennae bring to mind a ‘50s horror story—I’m expecting to see giant crabs or something next. The perspective in panel two is a bit of a cheat, though, because I can’t really envision what house would have a shower facing out of the bathroom the way it appears here. It also seems incongruent with the positioning in panel three. The incoming helicopter in panel three should also be played up a bit, and that panel opened up more, to build the threat more. As a beer drinker, the poorly constructed beer bottle neck stands out to me more than it should, too.

Page Two
The explosion works well, and I always love when artists letter their own sound effects into a panel. It always feels much more organic to the scene than a separate lettering layer being added later.

Page Three
The classic, almost Joe Staton-y feel to the artwork continues here, and I like the release of energy in the final panel—really feels like there’s gonna be hell to pay. In all, a nice, classic comic book style to these pages.

[Vince Hernandez]

Overall, this is my favorite entry. You stayed consistent throughout the scene and your style reminds me of Bruce Timm or Darwyn Cooke. It's a bit different from any previous incarnations I've seen of Fathom but it works for me. Anyone who actually follows Aspen's titles can tell you we employ no two artists that share a similar style--so I like diversity in art. Okay off of the rant and onto the entry:

PAGE ONE:
Panel 1: Nice setup and establishing shot. No criticism here.

Panel 2: Followed the script nicely here. Don't like the positioning of the shower directly in front of the doorway. The background elements are okay but bare.

Panel 3: This panel is too small to relay the action. While I did ask for a small panel, you can take the liberty of increasing it as you see fit to make it work. Also, while I like your own lettering in some parts, I don't necessarily think it works in this spot.

Panel 4: This is a great panel. I really dig the intro shot of Aspen. She looks both cute and sexy without the panel coming off raunchy. The expression and hand gesture also help sell the action since you chose a different approach from the script direction. Chance looks okay but his beer is too small.

Panel 5: Not liking the 'Foom" sfx here either. The word itself works but the positioning and font doesn't scream danger to me. Otherwise, this panel is very nice. Plus the missiles are laser guided so they would shoot straight as such--nice research or random choice.

PAGE TWO:
Panel 1: Awesome work here! This is where I appreciate the cool lettering-effect. The boom works well here and is a good match with your style. Everything works in this panel and it has a dynamic feel to it.

Panel 2: Here I'm not feeling the lettering again. Chance gets lost in this panel and he's hard to make out. Also, Aspen doesn't really appear trapped in this panel, her hand gesture also doesn't serve the action well.

Panel 3: I like the figurework on Aspen and the water effect around her waistline. This panel works for me.

PAGE THREE:
Panel 1: Aspen and Chance both work well in this shot. Again I'm not into the lettering especially the placement of the sfx right in front of the helicopter. Proportionally you seem to have nailed the anatomy of Aspen's figure. I like the choice to go vertical here with the panel structure.

Panel 2: No complaints here. I like the POV.

Panel 3: Again not much to critique here, well done.

Panel 4: We don't get a good sense of her power blast being shot out or coming at us. Aspen looks good. Her left forearm seems slightly oversized. Her hairline also recedes more than it should. Nice work Dan--I'm impressed.

[jameslucasoni]

Dan, your pages are a treat! The storytelling is clear and delivers everything that the script asks for. The figure work and environments are all very organic and feel part of the same world. Your layouts are clear and easy to follow and the sound effects add emphasis and weight to the action scenes. Your classic cartooning style is right up my alley in terms of aesthetics and I can’t wait to see what you do in future rounds!

[Marc Silvestri]

Dan-

This is almost impossible to criticize. The layouts, storytelling, and overall feel are all professional grade! With your work, I believe it will come down to whether or not the “old school” aesthetic will resonate with voters because the skills are already there man.

From the opening panel (which can serve as a clinic on composition) you had me with the “classic” vibe. Dig that 50’s TV! All I can really do here is point out to everyone else what you do RIGHT because it would be unfair to try and criticize the work itself.

Almost every panel has a great kinetic energy to it yet still manages to feel relaxed and natural. I had to mentally remove the gray wash and imagine it as color and it still held up. Good composition is good composition plain and simple. I want everyone to note that in panel #1 the positioning of the car, the direction of the road, the spotting of the black on the house, even the right hand position of the sun, does the most important thing in a 2D medium. It makes it look 3D! The composition NATURALLY leads the eye left to right, and FRONT TO BACK.

This natural sense of composition carries over in the next panel with the chair as a foreground element. Again your eye is then lead back INTO the panel by way of the TV, then Chance, then Aspen.

In the last panel on the page the decision to tilt the shot was spot-on. It adds the necessary feeling of movement and urgency the page needs to lead you to…

…BOOM! This is just great storytelling. Nothing fancy just solid, well paced, and entertaining. Who could ask for more in a comic? Again the publics taste will determine how they feel about the “look”, but Dan, you’ve got a fan in me. Damn good job.