Round 1: Warren Leonhardt

[warren_0]

Page 1
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Page 2
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Page 3
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[Ryall_IDW]

Page One
I appreciate the way panel four is given the most space on the page, since that’s our first look at the lead character and all, but somehow the first three panels running as they do across the top, in varying sizes, don’t work for me. I feel that all three of those needed to be larger on the page—first to establish the scene, then to show the interior of the place, and finally to build up the impending threat of the helicopter. The helicopter, or its shadow, need to really be larger than life—or at least larger than the figures—so we feel the coming threat. Panel five is a bit vague, too. Good expression on her face, though.

Page Two
You can really feel the explosion in panel one, which is nice, but the figures here, and her figure in panel three, somehow feel off.

Page Three
Here, I really feel like we needed to see more than just her face and her striking out against the still unseen threat. This threat just blew up the house—by now, I’d like to see what she’s up against, since the most we’ve seen is the shadow of the copter in a small panel. Make us feel the weight of the attack.

[Vince Hernandez]

PAGE ONE:
Panel 1: A good strong opening shot if not a little small for our establishing shot. You probably could show more of the beach house to set the scene.

Panel 2: I don't like the panel layouts on this page and this one tops my displeasure. The POV is not that far way yet there are too few details on Chance. It's hard to make out the beer in his hand.

Panel 3: The more I look at this house, I can't help but notice it looks slightly different from panel one. The oceanside structure to me doesn't match up (but this could just be my eye :)) The helicopter is serviceable but not threatening.

Panel 4: I really, really, really like your opening shot of Aspen. This is the key moment of this page for me and you nailed it. She looks very good. She has a Turner-inspired feel to her. I don't like the swirling water around her used to cover her up--too convenient. Also, what happened to the lamp next to Chance?

Panel 5: Again the helicopter does not appear threatening in this panel. I do like the missile blast and the trajectory which adds to the drama. Also, I swear this house changed again!

PAGE TWO:
Panel 1: I'm not feeling this blast. Your lines seem to be going in all types of directions but some have no real purpose. The emotion and reaction of Aspen is good. Chance's silhouette is okay but the positioning of his body weights this panel heavily to the right side.

Panel 2: I don't mind the polaroid-shape of the panels as it adds to the tension of the scene. you did a good job in this set-up panel of establishing Aspen trapped under the wreckage. However, I'm not a big fan of having her face covered by her hair--personal preference.

Panel 3: You reference her water power correctly, well done. Also I like the sweeping movement of her coming out from beneath the wreckage. This shot was directly affected by the nice job you did setting it up in the previous panel.

PAGE THREE:
Panel 1:This panel works well. I don't like the placement of Aspen's face but I'll address this next panel. You did a great job on Chance here.

Panel 2; the problem I have with this panel is that you placed the large reaction shot of Aspen too far right after the reader's eye will have already glance at panel 3. I would have you restructure this slightly. Aspen's face in this panel looks grea, nice emotion. I also like the reaction shot of her looking up. Your wreckage would be better if it had more detail to it.

Panel 3: This small inset panel doesn't work well because of the rather nebulous placement of it. I'm just not feeling it. I applaud the attempt to try a challenging and creative inset panel, but this doesn't work for me.

Panel 4: That's a blast! I like. Very cool circular, sweeping motion around her hands and the pure force of the blast rocks. Well done.

[Marc Silvestri]

Hey Warren-

First thing I noticed on page #1 was an issue with perspective. Remember ALL objects in a panel should lead to one constant horizon line. In panel #2 for instance, the vanishing points on the chair, floor, and windows don’t match the horizon line as defined by the water in the background. All the vanishing points in the house seem to lead to high. That happens again in the big panel making Aspen look HUGE compared to the door she’s leaning out of. People need to be in perspective too!

We work in a 2D medium so proper perspective is crucial in creating the illusion of 3D. Separation of planes and placements of black helps the 3D effect too. In panel #1 for instance, the trees, house, car all seem to be on the same plane because they’ve all been spotted with the same amount of black.

Compositions need a little more thought as well. Objects seem a little too neatly placed such as the way the palm trees fit perfectly around the car in panel #1. All the placements seem too deliberate and that makes them a little flat and uninteresting. Camera angles could be more varied as well. The shots are all kind of medium high. Don’t be afraid to get bold.

Not feeling any threat from the chopper on page 1 though. Don’t really feel the danger Aspen and Chance are in. The missiles flying away from us feel a little passive and non-threatening.

The explosion on page 3 is a little ill defined and lacking in power. We need a sense of “direction of the blast”. As it is, the force of the blast is not coming toward us its not heading away from us its not headed left or right its just kind of all over the place.

I like the idea of panel 2 although Aspen is a little “hunch-backed” in the shot and I’d like to see at least part of her face (Work on making the anatomy a little less stiff in general). In the last panel I think a low angle shot with the guy as a foreground element would add a lot more depth to the panel and give the reader a sense of space and where the two characters are in relation to each other. Kind of what you have in panel 1 of page 3.

Be careful about getting too cute with figures and elements crossing panel boarders. Once on a page is ok but it needs to help the story telling not make it confusing. The Big shot of Aspen looks as though she’s checking out what’s happening on the rest of the page like she’s reading it with us. She’s looking at the big “water fist” just like we are. It’s kind of distracting and pulls the reader out of the story.

Over all it looks like you’ve got some solid drawing skills. Just work on some of those elements I mentioned.

[jameslucasoni]

I like a lot of what’s going on here. The action is dynamic, the page design is solid with layouts that are easy to follow. You followed the script very closely and I think in terms of comic storytelling these pages are definitely with the front of the pack. If I have one complaint, it’s that your style, your voice, seems to be still developing. I think once you get more comfortable with your illustration style your work will be even better

Page 1 – I think you’re doing a good job of moving the camera on this page. You’re choosing shots that make sense for each panel and you’re delivering everything the script is asking for. I especially like that last panel.

Page 2 – The energy of this page is remarkable. If I had one complaint is that I feel like you could have done a little more with the wreckage in page 1. I wish that there was more junk mixed in with the blast.

Page 3 – Again, solid layouts, clear storytelling, and the way that you handled the inset fist “charging up” was fantastic. I think you could probably stand to pick a different, more dramatic angle for that last panel, but if that’s your biggest mistake in three solid pages, it’s totally forgivable.

Great job, sir!