Round 1: Jose Holder

[joh james]

Here is my contribution. Enjoy!:)
Page 1
http://www.thegeekout.com/images/jj1r1.jpg (http://s243.photobucket.com/albums/ff261/JoseHolder/?action=view&current=Aspenpg1_1web.jpg)
[click thumbnail for larger image]

Page 2
http://www.thegeekout.com/images/jj2r1.jpg (http://s243.photobucket.com/albums/ff261/JoseHolder/?action=view&current=Aspenpg2_1web.jpg)
[click thumbnail for larger image]

Page 3
http://www.thegeekout.com/images/jj3r1.jpg (http://s243.photobucket.com/albums/ff261/JoseHolder/?action=view&current=Aspenpg3_1web.jpg)
[click thumbnail for larger image]

[Ryall_IDW]

Page One
Is it too grandiose to say that I see some linework that reminds me just a bit of Barry Windsor-Smith-meets-Walter Simonson? Of course it is, but still, at a first look, that thought entered my head. The first panel is a nice way to set the scene and also shows an interesting approach to doing so. If it isn’t clear by my other comments yet, transitions between scenes and establishing shots are important to me. This first page does that well.

Page Two
I like both the explosion, and the borderless panels—that works well. Panel three, and the way her body is contorted, isn’t entirely successful for me, but overall, it makes me want to turn the page to see more, which is the whole point.

Page Three
This page works well for me, too, and I’m normally not really into the final panel on a page leading my eye back up to the top of the page instead of the bottom, but here, it works, as do the askew panels and sharp lines. Her figure in panel three doesn’t stand out as much as it could, but the overall effect works.

[Vince Hernandez]

PAGE ONE:
Panel 1: A deviation from the script which I both like and dislike. I like that you chose to try a challenging angle for this shot (something out of the ordinary), but I dislike that the change doesn't help to serve the establishing of the beach house. The rendering on the pilot's face is well done and adds to the cool factor.

Panel 2: Nice work, the interior design of the house and the change to a hammack are all nice touches. Those are changes I don't mind. Chance looks great and you sold the lounging to a tee. You didn't follow the script direction by having the towel in the foreground--a major plot issue since it's used to intro Aspen later.

Panel 3: Another major stray from the script but I really can't complain because this shot is so damn cool. I'm on the fence on the mountain-range panel border (not sure it fits or is necessary).

Panel 4: This panel could've been better served to stick to the angle mentioned in the script. This is Aspen's opening shot so the frontal face and upper body shot is crucial. Artwise, everything is cool in this panel I just don't agree with the change of the POV.

Panel 5: No problems here. This is a cool shot.

PAGE TWO:
Panel 1: Awesome work on the explosion. While everything works and looks great, this panel is hurt by the fact that we never establish the house and car. Also, where is the panel border?

Panel 2: This panel works quite well and I think the odd-shaped panel design actually helps to draw the reader's eye to the next panel.

Panel 3: This is one of the better versions of this panel I've seen. You nailed Aspen's water form and the anatomy helps to sell her action. I think you chose a great pose.

PAGE THREE:
Panel 1: This panel shows good emotion and I like that you were consistent with Chance's lifeless body from the page before. This is a great example of tastefully covering her private parts. I don't like the texture on the background and around her posterior. It doesn't seem to serve a purpose.

Panel 2: Very stylish choice--the circular inset panel. I like. The face is nice although her jawline is a little more curvy and round than Aspen's should be.

Panel 3: The pilot rendering is really great but you shouldv'e bumped the previous inset panel up to allow more room for his head. Nice work on this panel overall though.

Panel 4: Nice addition and a clear example of how adding panels can also help the script. I don't mind the addition here at all as the three panels (2,3, and 4) all lead nicely into our closing shot. The direction of the panels is good.

Panel 5: Great flow and direction to the motion of this panel. You bring the reader's eye down through a series of panels and then unleash this very cool scene on them--kudos. You nailed the beats of this page while adding your own warranted choice.

For what it's worth, I showed all the entries to our head honcho Michael Turner and this was his favorite.

[jameslucasoni]

Overall, Jose, I think you have a very accessible and energetic style. Your page layouts have energy but are still clear and anatomy and environments are impressive. That said, you seem to have the same lack of commitment to the script that many of your fellow contestants do.

Page 1 – I actually really love the idea of panel one. It’s a creative solution that if it had been handled differently could have added to Vince’s script instead of shorting important details. I like the scene being a reflection in the pilot’s visor but it should have been a much tighter shot, leaving the impression of a visor but not revealing any of the pilot. If you’d had that tighter shot to work with, you could have gotten in some of the details that the panel is missing as-is—things like the beach house and the Thunderbird. Panel 2 is spot on, but panel 3 deviates from the script yet again, blowing the reveal of the helicopter that Vince is specifically saving for the next page. I think your solution in panel 4 is a creative one and I like it for the most part, but keeping us from Aspen’s face is a bad idea. In comics you have to be as aware of the blocking as if you were directing a play or film. Vince’s script asks for a “popow!” reveal of Aspen and while this panel is pretty, it’s too subtle and doesn’t clue the reader in to who were looking at and how important she is.

Page 2 – I love the blocking, energy and detail in panels 2 & 3 but I still feel like I’m being robbed of that powerful panel Vince asked for depicting the missiles coming into the house from the POV inside the house.

Page 3 – This is your best page in terms of storytelling. The panel you added takes nothing away from the script and only adds to the order. We’re getting everything the script asked for and even a little extra. I’m impressed.

If you can follow the script more closely in the future rounds, Jose, you’re going to be one of my favorites.

[Marc Silvestri]

Jose-

First off, your sense of design is great. Love the hammock element in panel 2 and the way it leads the eye deep into the shot. Your stuff leaps off the page and although design heavy, never feels cluttered. Heavy design can sometime interfere with good storytelling but that doesn’t seem to be a problem with you. Kudos.

Although you should be smacked around a bit for going off script so much you pull it off. You made some really interesting choices that actually enhanced the story. That’s the only time editors and writers don’t mind an artist veering off track btw. The big head lead-in is a ballsy move in a competition like this but again you’ve got the chops to pull it off.

The figure work is solid and dynamic (two things I always look for) and always appropriate to the action. Panel #1 on page 2 is a very cool idea but I would have liked to see the car brought forward to add that illusion of depth. Not crazy about the angular design of panel 3 though as it distracts from the figure of Aspen right next to it. To me it’s the one design slip of the three pages.

Again, not crazy about that angled first panel but I can live with it on this page because the rest of the action rocks. Solid figure work, nice black placement, and imaginative water effects really make this page pop.

I guess I would sum up how I feel about your work by saying I wouldn’t mind having you in the studio!