RITA's XLII: For the Turnstiles

[jessecuster3]

How is one supposed to decide where to go when this is offered:

Best Buy
[News][News][News]
- Box Set – Robot Heroes Exclusives Cliffjumper and Battle Damaged Prime w/ 2-disc Special Edition DVD ($29.99) – Minimum 10 sets per store
- Free Megatron Lithograph with purchase of DVD – Minimum of 30 per store
- Exclusive Voyager Figure Repaints – Metallic Megatron and Metallic Ratchet ($19.99) - $5 off of one figure when purchased with DVD
- Buy the DVD and any version of the movie game and receive a $10 gift card

Blockbuster
[News]
- Exclusive 128MB MP3 player with 1-disc DVD – Minimum 4 per store

Borders
[News]
-Exclusive "Making-Of" Booklet with purchase of 2-disc Special Edition DVD ($39.99)

Circuit City
[News][News]
- Free Gift Card with code for 15 minutes of exclusive online content about the movie included with purchase of DVD
- Free Transformers Hat with purchase of DVD - First 20 customers per store who purchase Transformers DVD

Fred Meyer
[News]
- Buy the DVD, get a free T-Shirt

Hastings
[News]
- Free reversible Transformers beanie with purchase of movie

KMart
[News]
- Free LED/Flashlight included with purchase of 2-disc Special Edition DVD (same as sister company, Sears)
- Buy movie and any Transformers toy $19.99 or greater and get $10 off instantly

Movie Stop
- Free movie poster with pre-order of DVD

Sears
[News]
- Free LED/Flashlight included with purchase of 2-disc Special Edition DVD (same as sister company, KMart)

Suncoast
[News]
- Steel case 2-disc Special Edition set

Supervalu Chains (Albertsons, Cub Foods, Jewel-Osco’s, etc.)
[News]
- Mouse Pad with DVD purchase

Target
[News]
- Transforming Optimus Prime Case w/ 2-disc Special Edition DVD
- Exclusive Prequel Comic w/ DVD purchase

Wal*Mart
[News]
- Exclusive Box Set – 1-disc standard DVD & exclusive prequel animation “Beginnings” narrarated by Peter Cullen


And comedians or critics, none of them is not an option.

[Chris Nowlin]

You mean, what Voyager *SHOULD* have been.

Yup. Take them to a whole unexplored sector of space and see what they come up with.

They forgot the next step, which is to actually come up with things. I think they spent years just patting themselves on the back for thinking up a good setup.

I like some episodes, like when the Doctor gets stranded on a planet where time went faster.

But, like all decent eps of Voyager, it was stolen from past series. That one being a lot like Inner Light from TNG, which was better.

[Chris Nowlin]

The hat, Jesse! Go for the hat!

[jessecuster3]

The hat, Jesse! Go for the hat!

I already have a Transformers hat.

[Matt Algren]

Have I mentioned that Cunard is my BITCH?

[Jared_Humpherys]

Only being up to Season 4, Species 847-whatever was one of the few things Voyager has done right. The concept of fluid-space would have been a great one to explore in more depth.

Alternatively, the type of storytelling in the "Year of Hell" 2-parter would have been a great way to go, minus the time-travel crap. The fact that they undid it all ticked me the hell off.

I would've loved to see a season comprised of a gradually more %^&$ed-up Voyager limping along, with several of the crew away in shuttles trying to scrounge up new allies and new tech. It would've been great to see a patchwork hybridized Voyager and the challenges that would bring.

[Michael P]

I vote for the beanie.

[Ed Cunard]

Have I mentioned that Cunard is my BITCH?

I told you I suck at Scrabble.

[Matt Algren]

You think I'm a bad loser? I'm a worse winner.

USA!

USA!

USA!


(You totally had me beat till two before the end.)

[Jared_Humpherys]

I told you I suck at Scrabble.

Where'd you go in our game? I found out how to do it and you vanished.

And now I have to leave for lunch in the next 10 minutes.

[Ed Cunard]

Where'd you go in our game? I found out how to do it and you vanished.

And now I have to leave for lunch in the next 10 minutes.

I was writing a paper. I played again.

Matt, I started a new game with you. This time? BALLS OUT, HOMEBOY. BALLS OUT.

[Ed Cunard]

Where'd you go in our game? I found out how to do it and you vanished.

And now I have to leave for lunch in the next 10 minutes.

I was holding onto my Q, U, and I, but you went and did klutz.

[Jared_Humpherys]

I was writing a paper. I played again.

Matt, I started a new game with you. This time? BALLS OUT, HOMEBOY. BALLS OUT.

I don't see your play.

[Matt Algren]

I was writing a paper. I played again.

Matt, I started a new game with you. This time? BALLS OUT, HOMEBOY. BALLS OUT.
It'll have to be tomorrow. I'm buried here.

[Michael P]

Only being up to Season 4, Species 847-whatever was one of the few things Voyager has done right. The concept of fluid-space would have been a great one to explore in more depth.

Alternatively, the type of storytelling in the "Year of Hell" 2-parter would have been a great way to go, minus the time-travel crap. The fact that they undid it all ticked me the hell off.

I would've loved to see a season comprised of a gradually more %^&$ed-up Voyager limping along, with several of the crew away in shuttles trying to scrounge up new allies and new tech. It would've been great to see a patchwork hybridized Voyager and the challenges that would bring.

Yeah, but that would've been work. Much easier to do "This alien race has technology that could get us home tomorrow, but to use it would violate the Prime Directive!" every week.

[Ed Cunard]

I don't see your play.

That's weird. I only just saw your's now.

[Jared_Humpherys]

And while I like Janeway as a character, I think she's the wrong Captain for this sort of situation.

She's too darn nurturing and forgiving.

"Chakotay, this is the 37th time you've disobeyed orders. I'm very, very dissapointed in you."

"I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm glad to have cleared that up."


Sisko would have had Chakotay pissing his pants and moaning in a corner after the first transgression.


Edit: Actually, he would never let a Maquis be Commander in the first place.

[Ed Cunard]

It'll have to be tomorrow. I'm buried here.

That's ok. No rush. That was actually the quickest game I've ever played.

Probably because the rest of my friends have lives, unlike you and me.

[Tadhg]

You've been some busy little munkies today.

I just got out of a three hour meeting. Luckily my body failed in its attempt to assassinate me.

[Paul McEnery]

Ah, not really into that sort of thing myself so thats about all I can say. Heheh.

Gladi--

Youtube. Stephen Fry. QI.

That is all.

[Jeff Brady]

So very bored.

What are some good web comics & 'toons?

[Michael P]

So very bored.

What are some good web comics & 'toons?

Order of the Stick!

[thespianphryne]

Species 8472.

Before you say anything I'd just like to remind you that we are all on a comic book forum.


-Das

[Tadhg]

So very bored.

What are some good web comics & 'toons?

http://www.ubersoft.net

[Tadhg]

Species 8472.

Before you say anything I'd just like to remind you that we are all on a comic book forum.


-Das

Hah! I ended up watching the entire Voyager series when Spike ran a marathon that coincided with my vacation. I lurve Harry Kim.

[thespianphryne]

So very bored.

What are some good web comics & 'toons?

Copper (http://www.boltcity.com/copper/)

And check out The Webcomics Examiner (http://webcomicsreview.com/) for reviews and criticism of many web comics.


-Das

[Matt Algren]

So very bored.

What are some good web comics & 'toons?
Go here. (http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail181.html)

Then here. (http://www.homestarrunner.com/stinko_comic.html) Build your own!

[Tadhg]

Oh and Jeff, I just got a reply.

[Matt Algren]

Ah, hyperventilation. How I've missed you.

[Jeff Brady]

Order of the Stick!

Already caught up on that.

http://www.ubersoft.net

Not a big fan.

HATE Strongbad.

Thanks Das!

[Puma]

Hello Puma!

Hello Gladia. So your sister posts in CBR too?

[Matt Algren]

HATE Strongbad.
Duuuuuuude.

[Jeff Brady]

Oh and Jeff, I just got a reply.

SQUEEEEE! This brings me joy.

[Tadhg]

Already caught up on that.



Not a big fan.

HATE Strongbad.

Thanks Das!

What's Strongbad?

[thespianphryne]

So very bored.

What are some good web comics & 'toons?

And just in case you haven't already seen this on youtube: Charlie the Unicorn Goes to Candy Mountain. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=JPONTneuaF4)


-Das

[Matt Algren]

And just in case you haven't already seen this on youtube: Charlie the Unicorn Goes to Candy Mountain. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=JPONTneuaF4)


-Das
It's the gayest gay that ever gayed.

Gayer than Richard Simmons' short shorts. Covered in body glitter. ON THE INSIDE.

[Jeff Brady]

Duuuuuuude.

Stupid incoherent babbling. That's all it is to me.

[Jeff Brady]

And just in case you haven't already seen this on youtube: Charlie the Unicorn Goes to Candy Mountain. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=JPONTneuaF4)


-Das

It's the gayest gay that ever gayed.

Gayer than Richard Simmons' short shorts. Covered in body glitter. ON THE INSIDE.

Oh, I've seen it. I have to agree with Matt's assessment.

[jessecuster3]

So very bored.

What are some good web comics & 'toons?

UserFriendly, for sure.

[Matt Algren]

Jeff, have you seen the SNL take off on last season's finale of The OC? The one with that song MMM Watcha Say?

Find the original OC clip on youtube, then the SNL version. Then bask in the glory of youtube take offs, including South Park, Looney Tunes, Star Wars, etc.

[Dreadstar]

Stupid incoherent babbling. That's all it is to me.

God, I thought *I* was the only one...


On the other hand, my 17 year-old loves it.

[Matt Algren]

God, I thought *I* was the only one...


On the other hand, my 17 year-old loves it.
Your 17 year old is wise beyond his years.

[thespianphryne]

God, I thought *I* was the only one...


On the other hand, my 17 year-old loves it.

Yeah, but he's also 17...


-Das

[Tadhg]

Looking for Strongbad now. Hoping he's as awesome as Sinbad.

[Matt Algren]

Looking for Strongbad now. Hoping he's as awesome as Sinbad.
Check my link that Jeff so callously tossed aside.

[Merey]

Looking for Strongbad now. Hoping he's as awesome as Sinbad.

Check out Teen Girl Squad while you are there.

[Tadhg]

Check my link that Jeff so callously tossed aside.

Well. Certainly no Sinbad.

[Gladiaria_Alata]

Hello Gladia. So your sister posts in CBR too?

Yup. I talked so much about it that she got very curious.

[Jeff Brady]

Jeff, have you seen the SNL take off on last season's finale of The OC? The one with that song MMM Watcha Say?

Find the original OC clip on youtube, then the SNL version. Then bask in the glory of youtube take offs, including South Park, Looney Tunes, Star Wars, etc.

Nope; I'll check it out after everyone leaves the office.

God, I thought *I* was the only one...


On the other hand, my 17 year-old loves it.

Me and you, Dread, against the world.

[Tadhg]

Check out Teen Girl Squad while you are there.

That was terrible.

[Puma]

Yup. I talked so much about it that she got very curious.

neat.



10

[Agent Helix]

God, a friend on another forum has been posting the most infuriatingly awful creative writing I've ever seen. I weep for him, having to sit through that class.

[Matt Algren]

That was terrible.
Your sense of humor is bwoken.

Although, Strong bad is notoriously hard to get into. Lots and lots of in-jokes.

[jessecuster3]

Ed's too slow, who else wants a game?

[Agent Helix]

God fucking save me I'm arguing about Smash Bros.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Ed's too slow, who else wants a game?

Me, me, me!!!

[Jared_Humpherys]

God fucking save me I'm arguing about Smash Bros.

Stop poking the gamers, Helix.

[Agent Helix]

But.. but.. they're so pulpy!

[Matt Algren]

God fucking save me I'm arguing about Smash Bros.
You're thiiiiiissss close to arguing about who the real gamers are.

[Gladiaria_Alata]

Stop poking the gamers, Helix.

Never a good thing to do. :p

[Jared_Humpherys]

Never a good thing to do. :p

We tend to bite.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Do I have you as a facebook friend jesse?

[Agent Helix]

You're thiiiiiissss close to arguing about who the real gamers are.

Look, if being a real gamer means being against bats with tits, then sign me the fuck up.

[jessecuster3]

Me, me, me!!!

Do I have you as a facebook friend jesse?

You will now.

[Michael P]

Already caught up on that.


Shit. What about Minus?

[Michael P]

God, a friend on another forum has been posting the most infuriatingly awful creative writing I've ever seen. I weep for him, having to sit through that class.

High school or college?

[Agent Helix]

College, which is the really sad part. Here's an excerpt:

"Overall, I kinda like Lisa somewhat except for the fact that she's cold, proud, and intimidating, but none of that bothers me as much as her gun fetish. Blades have been and always will be better, since they require more skill to handle than guns and you actually have to put some work into chasing after and killing your prey. Mmm...I get chills just thinking of sleeping with her and gently cutting her soft skin, accompanying my love with trickles of blood. And yes, I'm into S&M stuff, get over it."

[Jeff Brady]

Shit. What about Minus?

Yep, her, too. As well as Shortpacked and Three Panel Soul.

College, which is the really sad part. Here's an excerpt:

"Overall, I kinda like Lisa somewhat except for the fact that she's cold, proud, and intimidating, but none of that bothers me as much as her gun fetish. Blades have been and always will be better, since they require more skill to handle than guns and you actually have to put some work into chasing after and killing your prey. Mmm...I get chills just thinking of sleeping with her and gently cutting her soft skin, accompanying my love with trickles of blood. And yes, I'm into S&M stuff, get over it."

That's horrible.

[Michael P]

Ye Gods, Helix. Is that supposed to be narration?

[Jared_Humpherys]

You will now.

Awesome. I've started the game.

[Agent Helix]

Ye Gods, Helix. Is that supposed to be narration?

I don't know. I think so.

I don't know what it is.

He is Word Hitler, and that story is his Holocaust.

(Note: My friend didn't write that. One of his classmates did.)

[Jared_Humpherys]

College, which is the really sad part. Here's an excerpt:

"Overall, I kinda like Lisa somewhat except for the fact that she's cold, proud, and intimidating, but none of that bothers me as much as her gun fetish. Blades have been and always will be better, since they require more skill to handle than guns and you actually have to put some work into chasing after and killing your prey. Mmm...I get chills just thinking of sleeping with her and gently cutting her soft skin, accompanying my love with trickles of blood. And yes, I'm into S&M stuff, get over it."

I feel dirty, and the dirt's not coming off.

[thespianphryne]

College, which is the really sad part. Here's an excerpt:

*These words have been covered over with vomit*

Please never do that again.


-Das

[Michael P]

I don't know. I think so.

I don't know what it is.

He is Word Hitler, and that story is his Holocaust.

(Note: My friend didn't write that. One of his classmates did.)

The guy's not intentionally writing it as if it's being posted to someone's MySpace, is he? Like an ironic 21st Century epistolary kind of thing?

[Agent Helix]

It gets worse.

[Agent Helix]

This guy, instead of saying "firstly, secondly, thirdly" which is shit writing to begin with, says the same thing but with GREEK LETTERS.

He literally writes "Alpha-ly, Beta-ly..." all the way to "Omega-ly". HE GETS TO OMEGA.

[thespianphryne]

The guy's not intentionally writing it as if it's being posted to someone's MySpace, is he? Like an ironic 21st Century epistolary kind of thing?

Poor Michael, he's such an optimist.


-Das

[Jared_Humpherys]

Remember when Ed posted that fake Emo fanfic?

That was better than this.

[HomerJay]

"Overall, I kinda like Lisa somewhat except for the fact that she's cold, proud, and intimidating, but none of that bothers me as much as her gun fetish. Blades have been and always will be better, since they require more skill to handle than guns and you actually have to put some work into chasing after and killing your prey. Mmm...I get chills just thinking of sleeping with her and gently cutting her soft skin, accompanying my love with trickles of blood. And yes, I'm into S&M stuff, get over it."
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/HomerJay64/14w626t.jpg

[thespianphryne]

This guy, instead of saying "firstly, secondly, thirdly" which is shit writing to begin with, says the same thing but with GREEK LETTERS.

He literally writes "Alpha-ly, Beta-ly..." all the way to "Omega-ly". HE GETS TO OMEGA.

I've heard of ordinal numbers, but never ordinal alphabets.


-Das

[Jared_Humpherys]

Poor Michael, he's such an optimist.


-Das

No kidding. For one, I doubt the guy knows the menaing of the word "epistolary."

[howyadoin]

College, which is the really sad part. Here's an excerpt:

"Overall, I kinda like Lisa somewhat except for the fact that she's cold, proud, and intimidating, but none of that bothers me as much as her gun fetish. Blades have been and always will be better, since they require more skill to handle than guns and you actually have to put some work into chasing after and killing your prey. Mmm...I get chills just thinking of sleeping with her and gently cutting her soft skin, accompanying my love with trickles of blood. And yes, I'm into S&M stuff, get over it."
I don't know. I think so.

I don't know what it is.

He is Word Hitler, and that story is his Holocaust.

(Note: My friend didn't write that. One of his classmates did.)
This guy, instead of saying "firstly, secondly, thirdly" which is shit writing to begin with, says the same thing but with GREEK LETTERS.

He literally writes "Alpha-ly, Beta-ly..." all the way to "Omega-ly". HE GETS TO OMEGA.Hang on. Is this Goth Creative Writing, or the regular variety?

[Michael P]

This guy, instead of saying "firstly, secondly, thirdly" which is shit writing to begin with, says the same thing but with GREEK LETTERS.

He literally writes "Alpha-ly, Beta-ly..." all the way to "Omega-ly". HE GETS TO OMEGA.

"Merciful Zeus" seems the appropriate epithet here.

Tell your friend to burn this guy's computer for the good of mankind.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Hang on. Is this Goth Creative Writing, or the regular variety?

If there is a Goth Creative Writing class at a University, I'll eat my shoe.

(maybe)

[Agent Helix]

"I'm convinced that I attend Duskhill High with a vampire, a succubus, a machine, a military soldier, and gods-know-what-else. Now wait, don't leave me yet. Just hear me out, I'm being serious. Alpha-ly, Charles is a fuckin' freak, man. He's pale like someone -poured-bleach-down-his-throat-pale, and always comes in looking sleepy, like he he hates daylight or something. Daylight, highlight, highlighter, firestarter, dusk like Duskhill, then murky night. The blackness that serves as a perfect veil for devious deeds, neck sucking, pussy-pounding, throat-slicing!"

http://www.bcysth.ca/photo_gallery/art_project/images/despair.jpg

[Michael P]

If there is a Goth Creative Writing class at a University, I'll eat my shoe.

(maybe)

Many creative writing classes at universities become goth creative writing classes by default.

At Emory, we had to submit samples when registering. Man, did that cut through the treacle.

[Michael P]

Mommy, make the bad man stop.

[HomerJay]

That totally reminds me of the "Brocktoon" sketch from SNL in the 90s with Tom Hanks. A guy accidentally stumbles into a "Guy that plays Mr. Belvedere" fan club meeting that is actually full of stalkers.

The highlight is Phil Hartman delivering completely deadpan:
"I should want to cook him a simple meal, but I shouldn't want to cut into him, to tear the flesh, to wear the flesh, to be born unto new worlds where his flesh becomes my key."

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/91/91sbelvedere.phtml

[Jared_Humpherys]

"I'm convinced that I attend Duskhill High with a vampire, a succubus, a machine, a military soldier, and gods-know-what-else. Now wait, don't leave me yet. Just hear me out, I'm being serious. Alpha-ly, Charles is a fuckin' freak, man. He's pale like someone -poured-bleach-down-his-throat-pale, and always comes in looking sleepy, like he he hates daylight or something. Daylight, highlight, highlighter, firestarter, dusk like Duskhill, then murky night. The blackness that serves as a perfect veil for devious deeds, neck sucking, pussy-pounding, throat-slicing!"

http://www.bcysth.ca/photo_gallery/art_project/images/despair.jpg

This sounds like the rantings of a young unibomber.

[thespianphryne]

AH, I am going to petition Cronin to ban you from this board if you do not stop with the emetic writing samples.

Wait there's a good use for that, instead of syrup of ipecac everyone should keep a copy of that crap handy.


-Das

[HomerJay]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/HomerJay64/ael.jpg

[Jared_Humpherys]

Many creative writing classes at universities become goth creative writing classes by default.

At Emory, we had to submit samples when registering. Man, did that cut through the treacle.

That kind've makes sense, I guess. Some idiot figures "hey, I can write more poetry about cutting myself in the dark and get college credit for it!"

[Agent Helix]

AH, I am going to petition Cronin to ban you from this board, if you do not stop with the emetic writing samples.

Wait there's a good use for that, instead of syrup of ipecac everyone should keep a copy of that crap handy.


-Das

I'll stop.

Sometimes, we're faced with such horror, that we have to share it.

[Jared_Humpherys]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/HomerJay64/ael.jpg

What the $%^& gender is that?

I'm serious.

[thespianphryne]

Madness does not dissipate by the sharing, it only multiplies.

But I do feel sorry for you, having to read that stuff.


-Das

[Dreadstar]

I'll stop.

Sometimes, we're faced with such horror, that we have to share it.

I had a bowel movement that fit that description yesterday, but did you see me come to Rita's with picture in hand?

No.

[Lone Ranger]

What the $%^& gender is that?

I'm serious.

I find it interesting that he/she decide to work a Curious George t-shirt into the overall look.

[howyadoin]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v655/HomerJay64/ael.jpgYou'd think that a group of people so terminally obsessed with appearance would realize how ugly multiple chins are.

[Jared_Humpherys]

I hated my college Creative Writing class. Half of it was spent discussing poetry in class.

I figured the class should and would be "I write stuff, you tell me how to write it better."

I did not want to read and talk about a damned feminist baby poem for an hour and a half.

[Puma]

http://www.thecrazywebsite.com/pictures/Goth_Cat.jpg

[howyadoin]

I hated my college Creative Writing class. Half of it was spent discussing poetry in class.

I figured the class should and would be "I write stuff, you tell me how to write it better."

I did not want to read and talk about a damned feminist baby poem for an hour and a half.Mine was actually pretty good, except for a couple students.

Probably because we didn't have any goth kids.

[HomerJay]

Sometimes, we're faced with such horror, that we have to share it.
I had a bowel movement that fit that description yesterday, but did you see me come to Rita's with picture in hand?
It's just human nature. Like when you take a bite out of something and say "OHMYGAWD this is horrible! Taste this..."

[HomerJay]

I find it interesting that he/she decide to work a Curious George t-shirt into the overall look.
It's cleverly ironic.

I still maintain that one of the best takes ever done on clueless teenage rebellion was in THE STATE's "Doug" sketches.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Mine was actually pretty good, except for a couple students.

Probably because we didn't have any goth kids.


It got so bad, I dropped it to take a car repair class alongside my girlfriend at the time's father to fix a blown headgasket on a Mazda 323.

[Matt Algren]

Mommy, make the bad man stop.
There is darkness all around me
Deep, piercing black, I cannot breathe
My heart has been raped.

[Agent Helix]

Mine was actually pretty good, except for a couple students.

Probably because we didn't have any goth kids.

So was mine, and I went to art school, of all places. We had a REALLY strict professor. If you wrote anything in a genre like sci-fi or fantasy, he'd give you one page to convince him that you could do it. If he didn't get past the first page, you'd have to write a new story completely.

[Michael P]

That kind've makes sense, I guess. Some idiot figures "hey, I can write more poetry about cutting myself in the dark and get college credit for it!"

More like "My poetry about cutting myself in the dark is BRILLIANT and DEEP! I must share it with the world!"

[Gladiaria_Alata]

We tend to bite.

And growl and glare homicidally like my sister.

Oh. Yeah, thats only when I laugh at her when she keeps losing/dying/whatever....

Move along nothin' to see here!

[Jared_Humpherys]

So was mine, and I went to art school, of all places. We had a REALLY strict professor. If you wrote anything in a genre like sci-fi or fantasy, he'd give you one page to convince him that you could do it. If he didn't get past the first page, you'd have to write a new story completely.

That's my major problem: I don't do the mundane all that well.

[howyadoin]

So was mine, and I went to art school, of all places. We had a REALLY strict professor. If you wrote anything in a genre like sci-fi or fantasy, he'd give you one page to convince him that you could do it. If he didn't get past the first page, you'd have to write a new story completely.That guys sounds great.

[Typo Lad]

I'm feeling much, much better about my own shitty writing. Thanks, AH.

[Agent Helix]

Honestly, I think he was right. For a lot of people, writing 'genre' fiction is a crutch. It's a lot easier to make up a bunch of bullshit than it is to write a real story. I was really proud that my one sci-fi story did slip through, but it was really low-key. It's not that the guy had anything against science fiction and fantasy, it's just that the best writers of those genres are people that can flat out write well, and that's what he was trying to impress upon us.

[howyadoin]

That's my major problem: I don't do the mundane all that well.But the mundane is the basis. It's like submitting sequentials to a comic company - they wanna see how you draw a normal scene so they can get a better look at your actual technique.

Honestly, I think he was right. For a lot of people, writing 'genre' fiction is a crutch. It's a lot easier to make up a bunch of bullshit than it is to write a real story.Bingo.

[Agent Helix]

The best story I wrote for that class, and the story that he actually kept of mine to use in future classes, was just a brief story focusing on one guy spilling coffee all over another guy's laptop. Our challenge was to take something mundane and make it worth reading, and that's the best writing instruction I think I've ever gotten.

I wish I still had that story.

[HomerJay]

Hip-hop nerds rule.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw0v6kkasMk&NR=1

[Jeff Brady]

It's cleverly ironic.

I still maintain that one of the best takes ever done on clueless teenage rebellion was in THE STATE's "Doug" sketches.

"Son, are you on drugs?"

"Drugs? I'm Doug, not Bob Dylan."

"Doug, do you even know who Bob Dylan is?"

"No, but I know he died of drugs!"

"Doug, Bob Dylan's alive and well; I produced his last three albums."

"Oh, you mean Uncle Robert?"

[Michael P]

But the mundane is the basis. It's like submitting sequentials to a comic company - they wanna see how you draw a normal scene so they can get a better look at your actual technique.

Well, one can learn or practice the fundamentals while still writing about the fantastic. One just has to be able to tell the difference between the fundamentals and trappings.

[Matt Algren]

The best story I wrote for that class, and the story that he actually kept of mine to use in future classes, was just a brief story focusing on one guy spilling coffee all over another guy's laptop. Our challenge was to take something mundane and make it worth reading, and that's the best writing instruction I think I've ever gotten.

I wish I still had that story.
So, the other guy had a gun fetish, right? Or is he a pale like someone-poured-bleach-down-his-throat-pale? He's got to be one or the other.

Wait a minute! He could be both! GENIUS!

[Jared_Humpherys]

But the mundane is the basis. It's like submitting sequentials to a comic company - they wanna see how you draw a normal scene so they can get a better look at your actual technique.



I've only done it right once, when I got a short story published in a local magazine called "Voice." It was about a guy who was using various pseudopsychological techniques to suppress emotion in himself.

I actually got a few phonecalls from folks in the Kansas City area telling me they liked my story. It was really neat for me.

[HomerJay]

"Son, are you on drugs?"

"Drugs? I'm Doug, not Bob Dylan."

"Doug, do you even know who Bob Dylan is?"

"No, but I know he died of drugs!"

"Doug, Bob Dylan's alive and well; I produced his last three albums."

"Oh, you mean Uncle Robert?"
BRILLIANT.
That's exactly the passage I was thinking of.

[howyadoin]

Not a big fan.

HATE Strongbad.I wouldn't say I hate it, but it's definitely not funny.

Or entertaining.

Well, one can learn or practice the fundamentals while still writing about the fantastic. One just has to be able to tell the difference between the fundamentals and trappings.Well, sure. And y'know what's a great way to teach that difference? Remove the crutch.

Plenty of time to experiment with genre and style after you've learned the basics.

[jessecuster3]

Many creative writing classes at universities become goth creative writing classes by default.

At Emory, we had to submit samples when registering. Man, did that cut through the treacle.

There was creative writing there? I must have taken too many business classes.

[Agent Helix]

Well sure. And y'know what's a great way to teach that difference? Remove the crutch.

Plenty of time to experiment with genre and style after you've learned the basics.

Right. I think in a learning setting, it's important to be learning those fundamentals. It's the same way as learning how to draw. You have to know how anatomy works before you can successfully exaggerate it.

[howyadoin]

Right. I think in a learning setting, it's important to be learning those fundamentals. It's the same way as learning how to draw. You have to know how anatomy works before you can successfully exaggerate it.Yup. Or like learning to play guitar - start with "Smoke on the Water".

[Michael P]

There was creative writing there? I must have taken too many business classes.

I majored in it.

[Agent Helix]

And for the most part, most 'genre' fiction isn't really all that creative for a creative writing class. Honestly, how many times do we have to see the same western European standard mythos dredged up with elves and magical stones/swords/ocelots?

[Jared_Humpherys]

Yup. Or like learning to play guitar - start with "Smoke on the Water".

That's exactly the first song that Sarah learned in her bass guitar lessons.

[Michael P]

And for the most part, most 'genre' fiction isn't really all that creative for a creative writing class. Honestly, how many times do we have to see the same western European standard mythos dredged up with elves and magical stones/swords/ocelots? That assumes all genre fiction, even within the same genre, is the same.

I mean, you're right that cookie-cutter "epics" are overdone, but there's more to fantasy than that, as even a cursory glance at the stacks in Barnes & Noble will tell you.

The trick, as with anything, is to find a spin on it that works for you.

[Jared_Humpherys]

And for the most part, most 'genre' fiction isn't really all that creative for a creative writing class. Honestly, how many times do we have to see the same western European standard mythos dredged up with elves and magical stones/swords/ocelots?

How often, in your estimation, do people in a creative writing class craft horror works?

Adding some weirdness to the mundane I CAN do.

[howyadoin]

That assumes all genre fiction, even within the same genre, is the same.

I mean, you're right that cookie-cutter "epics" are overdone, but there's more to fantasy than that, as even a cursory glance at the stacks in Barnes & Noble will tell you.

The trick, as with anything, is to find a spin on it that works for you.For sure. But recognizing and exploring genre conventions isn't as important as the basics of writing.

And getting back to sub-Tolkien fiction, I'd be pretty tempted to say that well has run dry.

[howyadoin]

How often, in your estimation, do people in a creative writing class craft horror works?

Adding some weirdness to the mundane I CAN do.Not that I'm against weirdness, but what specific reason do you have for adding it to the mundane? Are you adding it to subvert things and make a statement, or are you adding it because writing - and/or reading - the mundane stuff is boring?

[Michael P]

Adding some weirdness to the mundane I CAN do.

Which is always fun. Heck, a fantasy story I wrote in school was basically "boy falls for the new girl in school" with the twist being that she's one of the Fae. And it was *about* old friendships falling apart.

I'm still not sure where Elvis the fry cook came from, though...

[Michael P]

Not that I'm against weirdness, but what specific reason do you have for adding it to the mundane? Are you adding it to subvert things and make a statement, or are you adding it because writing - and/or reading - the mundane stuff is boring?

Is it not possible to do both?

Honestly, I think if you ask most genre writers why they write in the genres they do, you'll get some variation of "that's the direction my brain wants to go in."

[Jared_Humpherys]

Not that I'm against weirdness, but what specific reason do you have for adding it to the mundane? Are you adding it to subvert things and make a statement, or are you adding it because writing - and/or reading - the mundane stuff is boring?

Because I like to see what happens when ordinary people encounter extraordinary circumstances. Not necessarily supernatural, mind.

Edit: also, I have a screwed-up head, and therefore, find more comfort in screwed-up things.

[Jeff Brady]

Which is always fun. Heck, a fantasy story I wrote in school was basically "boy falls for the new girl in school" with the twist being that she's one of the Fae. And it was *about* old friendships falling apart.

I'm still not sure where Elvis the fry cook came from, though...

I expect to read that story some day.

[Michael P]

I expect to read that story some day.

Just don't judge me as a writer now by it. It's been about five years.

[Ray R.]

College, which is the really sad part. Here's an excerpt:

"Overall, I kinda like Lisa somewhat except for the fact that she's cold, proud, and intimidating, but none of that bothers me as much as her gun fetish. Blades have been and always will be better, since they require more skill to handle than guns and you actually have to put some work into chasing after and killing your prey. Mmm...I get chills just thinking of sleeping with her and gently cutting her soft skin, accompanying my love with trickles of blood. And yes, I'm into S&M stuff, get over it."

Are you sure that's college? That's awful.

[Chris Nowlin]

For sure. But recognizing and exploring genre conventions isn't as important as the basics of writing.


Certainly true. But part of writing is choosing a setting and character. If I set my story in the 19th century American West, what I'm writing could be labelled a Western. Beyond that, I don't have to follow any other conventions of the genre.

If my setting or characters are in any way extrareal, it automatically falls into scifi/fantasy, no? Beyond that, I'm just telling a story, same as if I chose to set in a present day high school.

[howyadoin]

Is it not possible to do both?Sure it is. But we were specifically talking about the early stages of formally learning to write.

Because I like to see what happens when ordinary people encounter extraordinary circumstances. Not necessarily supernatural, mind.Do you need genre fiction to show people in extraordinary circumstances?

Edit: also, I have a screwed-up head, and therefore, find more comfort in screwed-up things.Right. So why not step outside your comfort zone? If writing the mundane stuff is a challenge, that's all the more reason to do it.

[HomerJay]

Are you sure that's college? That's awful.
Did you get a look at the Virginia Tech shooter's creative writings?
That makes this look like Melville.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Sure it is. But we were specifically talking about the early stages of formally learning to write.

Do you need genre fiction to show people in extraordinary circumstances?

Right. So why not step outside your comfort zone? If writing the mundane stuff is a challenge, that's all the more reason to do it.

Oh, I know I should. But I have enough problems with writing at all these days, let alone fixing what I suck at.

[howyadoin]

Certainly true. But part of writing is choosing a setting and character. If I set my story in the 19th century American West, what I'm writing could be labelled a Western. Beyond that, I don't have to follow any other conventions of the genre.

If my setting or characters are in any way extrareal, it automatically falls into scifi/fantasy, no? Beyond that, I'm just telling a story, same as if I chose to set in a present day high school.I think you're either drastically oversimplifying, or you're not reading what I'm saying.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Did you get a look at the Virginia Tech shooter's creative writings?
That makes this look like Melville.

That wasn't creative writing. That was bile on a page.

[howyadoin]

Oh, I know I should. But I have enough problems with writing at all these days, let alone fixing what I suck at.Fixing what you suck at should be your first priority. The rest should come from that.

[Michael P]

Sure it is. But we were specifically talking about the early stages of formally learning to write.

Yeah, and? Sin boldly, as the book title goes. Anyone who's paying any attention to what they write will learn something either way.

I think you're either drastically oversimplifying, or you're not reading what I'm saying.

I dunno, I think he makes a good point. Genre is just classification. If you're using characters and actions to explore themes and express ideas (which is what writing, and learning to write, is all about), what does it matter?

[Ray R.]

For sure. But recognizing and exploring genre conventions isn't as important as the basics of writing.

And getting back to sub-Tolkien fiction, I'd be pretty tempted to say that well has run dry.

And as someone who is having trouble finding good genre books for a used bookstore, I would wholeheartedly agree. Most of it is crap.

[howyadoin]

I dunno, I think he makes a good point. Genre is just classification. If you're using characters and actions to explore themes (which is what writing, and learning to write, is all about), what does it matter?Well again, it depends on your reasons for doing so. If you're writing something ordinary and the only way you can make it interesting is to throw a vampire into the mix, then it's nothing but a crutch to hide your shitty writing (as opposed too, say, identifying your weaknesses and working to fix them).


It's like Todd McFarlane putting a huge cape on a character so that he doesn't have to actually work on the anatomy.

[Ray R.]

Certainly true. But part of writing is choosing a setting and character. If I set my story in the 19th century American West, what I'm writing could be labelled a Western. Beyond that, I don't have to follow any other conventions of the genre.

If my setting or characters are in any way extrareal, it automatically falls into scifi/fantasy, no? Beyond that, I'm just telling a story, same as if I chose to set in a present day high school.

If you're not following the conventions of the genre, then it's not really a genre work. At least the way, I see it.

[howyadoin]

If you're not following the conventions of the genre, then it's not really a genre work. At least the way, I see it.I'd say it depends on your awareness of the genre conventions. Are you turning those conventions on their heads, or are you just ignoring them because you don't know what they are?

[Ray R.]

Well again, it depends on your reasons for doing so. If you're writing something ordinary and the only way you can make it interesting is to throw a vampire into the mix, then it's nothing but a crutch to hide your shitty writing (as opposed too, say, identifying your weaknesses and working to fix them).


It's like Todd McFarlane putting a huge cape on a character so that he doesn't have to actually work on the anatomy.

Right. It's flash over substance.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Fixing what you suck at should be your first priority. The rest should come from that.

Except that I'm not yet really at the point where I'm writing for other people, yet.

And the first rule about writing is "just write already." I'm not sure I could force myself to do that on a daily basis if I'm not writing something that interests me. Were I in a class, then sure.

I'm also a bit of an idea writer. Usually I'll come up with multiple ideas that I've never seen put into practice for stories and characters and such, and write the one that interests me most.

Unfortunately, most of these aren't mundane.

[howyadoin]

Right. It's flash over substance.Bingo. Develop the substance first, and worry about the flash later. If nothing else, it's a good disciplinary exercise.

[Michael P]

But what if you're just a writer who likes vampires?

It's possible for a writer, fledgling or otherwise, to approach writing from directions other than the two you're focusing on. And it's also possible to learn writing from those directions.

[howyadoin]

And the first rule about writing is "just write already."I thought it was "write what you know."

[Ray R.]

I'd say it depends on your awareness of the genre conventions. Are you turning those conventions on their heads, or are you just ignoring them because you don't know what they are?

Well, you mentioned the sub-Tolkein genre of fantasy, which is pretty limited convention-wise, and pretty much appeals to a reader who WANTS convention, because that what interests them. I'm trying to think of fantasy authors who fly really far afield of the C.S. Lewis/J.R.R. Tolkein/Ursula LeGuin school of fantasy, and there isn't much convention-turning going on with the vast majority of it.

[thespianphryne]

Does anybody here know any vampires though?

[Michael P]

I thought it was "write what you know."

Depends on whom you ask. Although someone who sits down to "just write already" is likely to "write what they know," just on the odds.

[jessecuster3]

I am going home guys, I will try to pick up the games in a bit.

[howyadoin]

But what if you're just a writer who likes vampires?That's fine if you have something to add to a played-out genre. Otherwise it's just masturbation.

See those posts from Agent Helix for examples.

It's possible for a writer, fledgling or otherwise, to approach writing from directions other than the two you're focusing on. And it's also possible to learn writing from those directions.It's also possible to learn by forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, is it not? Then you're not falling back on the stuff you're comfortable with.

[Dreadstar]

Does anybody here know any vampires though?

Professional courtesy requires me to say "no."

[Ray R.]

Does anybody here know any vampires though?

They have a pretty well-established mythos in place, with tried and true conventions left and right to use as plot devices.

* - no sunlight
* - blood symbology/sensuousness of same
* - ancient civilization/immortality
* - bat/wolf totem/symbology
* - hypnotic gaze

etc.

[howyadoin]

Does anybody here know any vampires though?Do succubi count?

[Michael P]

Well, you mentioned the sub-Tolkein genre of fantasy, which is pretty limited convention-wise, and pretty much appeals to a reader who WANTS convention, because that what interests them. I'm trying to think of fantasy authors who fly really far afield of the C.S. Lewis/J.R.R. Tolkein/Ursula LeGuin school of fantasy, and there isn't much convention-turning going on with the vast majority of it.

You can probably say that about any genre, though, up to and including what gets called literary fiction. That's less the fault of the genre than the fault of the writers.

[Ray R.]

Professional courtesy requires me to say "no."

Stop stealing our lines. I'm going to have to bill you.

[howyadoin]

They have a pretty well-established mythos in place, with tried and true conventions left and right to use as plot devices.

* - no sunlight
* - blood symbology/sensuousness of same
* - ancient civilization/immortality
* - bat/wolf totem/symbology
* - hypnotic gaze

etc.And of course, one of the (relatively) newer conventions is the bit where you scoff at previous conventions and show how clever a writer you are by having vampires who aren't bothered by garlic or silver, for example.

[Lone Ranger]

And of course, one of the (relatively) newer conventions is the bit where you scoff at previous conventions and show how clever a writer you are by having vampires who aren't bothered by garlic or silver, for example.

They also must announce the non-effect of said article with a witty one-liner to prove to the audience that this really is a fresh take on the vampire genre.

[Michael P]

It's also possible to learn by forcing yourself out of your comfort zone, is it not? Then you're not falling back on the stuff you're comfortable with.

Yes, but my point is that's not the only way, and you don't have to look down your nose at someone who chooses a different way.

[Ray R.]

You can probably say that about any genre, though, up to and including what gets called literary fiction. That's less the fault of the genre than the fault of the writers.

Right. No disagreement there.

My point, which I really flummoxed in trying to make, is that genre relies on convention because that's what the READER expects and wants, BESIDES providing the writer with plot devices, storylines, convenient deus ex machinae and macguffins, and other genre trappings.

Vicious circle.

[Spike-X]

Does anybody here know any vampires though?
Only the emotional kind.

[Michael P]

That's fine if you have something to add to a played-out genre. Otherwise it's just masturbation.


All writing is masturbation, something to add or not. Why do you think we do it alone in our rooms?

And hey, there's nothing wrong with saying something old if you say it in an interesting way.

[Michael P]

Right. No disagreement there.

My point, which I really flummoxed in trying to make, is that genre relies on convention because that's what the READER expects and wants, BESIDES providing the writer with plot devices, storylines, convenient deus ex machinae and macguffins, and other genre trappings.

Vicious circle.

Financially, genre relies on convention. Artistically, genre relies on whatever the artist brings to it.

[Ray R.]

They also must announce the non-effect of said article with a witty one-liner to prove to the audience that this really is a fresh take on the vampire genre.

I.e., biker vampire taking a bite out of the garlic. "Got any salt?"

Then there's the vampires going to a place that's dark for most of the year to take advantage of the lack of sunlight. Gah.

[Matt Algren]

I.e., biker vampire taking a bite out of the garlic. "Got any salt?"

Then there's the vampires going to a place that's dark for most of the year to take advantage of the lack of sunlight. Gah.
You've been reading Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, haven't you.

[Tadhg]

I'm allergic to the sun, does that count?

And I'm like totally gothy too. I can ponder the sheer soul-sucking malaise of existence with the best of them!

[HomerJay]

I can ponder the sheer soul-sucking malaise of existence with the best of them!
Says the man with the cute widdle puppy avatar.

[Matt Algren]

I'm allergic to the sun, does that count?

And I'm like totally gothy too. I can ponder the sheer soul-sucking malaise of existence with the best of them!
You're g*nger. You don't have a soul.

[Ray R.]

You've been reading Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, haven't you.

Nope. This stuff writes itself, though.

Watch for my new Tek Jansen novel: "Tek Jansen: Alpha Coordinate Zulu Vampire."

Tek ends up on a planet perpetually in darkness, where a race of blind vampires continually send up distress signals so as to get curious travelers to land on the planet. Tek kills all the vampires by blowing up a nearby hydrogen cloud with his spaceship, which replicates the internal stellar mechanics of a sun, thereby creating artifical sunlight.

Horror/scifi.

[Jared_Humpherys]

You've been reading Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, haven't you.

Isn't that the one with all the inter-monster sex?

Ewww.

[howyadoin]

Yes, but my point is that's not the only way, and you don't have to look down your nose at someone who chooses a different way.Hey, I read shitloads of genre fiction. Again, I'm specifically talking about relying on it too heavily when you're first really plunging into writing. At that point - and your mileage may vary - if you're writing only genre fiction, and especially if you're only writing in one genre, then it's extremely easy to get caught up in the trappings of that genre (to the detriment of dialog and character development in particular), which are nowhere near as important for writing as developing the actual tools that a writer needs if he or she wants to be a good one.

Are they mutually exclusive? Not at all. But sticking with the genre stuff is definitely self-indulgent, and to my mind doesn't encourage the aspiring writer to really get to the roots of writing. Part of the reason so much fan-fic is garbage - nobody's trying to be a good writer; they just want to see their favourite character doing something cool in a style that apes their favourite writer. And if you wanna see where that can go, look at Devin Grayson.

[Michael P]

Nope. This stuff writes itself, though.

Watch for my new Tek Jansen novel: "Tek Jansen: Alpha Coordinate Zulu Vampire."

Tek ends up on a planet perpetually in darkness, where a race of blind vampires continually send up distress signals so as to get curious travelers to land on the planet. Tek kills all the vampires by blowing up a nearby hydrogen cloud with his spaceship, which replicates the internal stellar mechanics of a sun, thereby creating artifical sunlight.

Horror/scifi.
Wouldn't that actually be creating a real sun, and therefore real sunlight?

[howyadoin]

Nope. This stuff writes itself, though.

Watch for my new Tek Jansen novel: "Tek Jansen: Alpha Coordinate Zulu Vampire."

Tek ends up on a planet perpetually in darkness, where a race of blind vampires continually send up distress signals so as to get curious travelers to land on the planet. Tek kills all the vampires by blowing up a nearby hydrogen cloud with his spaceship, which replicates the internal stellar mechanics of a sun, thereby creating artifical sunlight.

Horror/scifi.Ooh, creative!

[howyadoin]

Wouldn't that actually be creating a real sun, and therefore real sunlight?Either way, it's a great way to focus on writing shitty, pompous vampire dialog and not on learning to recognize the rhythms of normal speech.

[Chris Nowlin]

I think you're either drastically oversimplifying, or you're not reading what I'm saying.

To be fair, I came in in the middle, didn't have time to read all the posts and just posted something then left to do work. As I'm doing now.

My bad

[Ray R.]

Wouldn't that actually be creating a real sun, and therefore real sunlight?

Perhaps. I'm still on first draft.


I need a superior interstellar consciousness for exposition about the vampires and some deus ex machina clean-up as well. Perhaps a spot of time travel too.

Perhaps the darkened world was really......wait for it.....


EARTH!

[howyadoin]

To be fair, I came in in the middle, didn't have time to read all the posts and just posted something then left to do work. As I'm doing now.

My badSee, a good writer would know that there should be a period after "bad".

[howyadoin]

Perhaps. I'm still on first draft.


I need a superior interstellar consciousness for exposition about the vampires and some deus ex machina clean-up as well. Perhaps a spot of time travel too.

Perhaps the darkened world was really......wait for it.....


EARTH!Maybe you could throw some super-evolved animals into it.

[Tadhg]

And if you wanna see where that can go, look at Devin Grayson.

User totally deserved an Eisner.

[Ray R.]

Either way, it's a great way to focus on writing shitty, pompous vampire dialog and not on learning to recognize the rhythms of normal speech.

Exactamundo.

Lots and lots of description too. Enough to make Lord of the Rings read like a Sears catalogue.

[Michael P]

Hey, I read shitloads of genre fiction. Again, I'm specifically talking about relying on it too heavily when you're first really plunging into writing. At that point - and your mileage may vary - if you're writing only genre fiction, and especially if you're only writing in one genre, then it's extremely easy to get caught up in the trappings of that genre (to the detriment of dialog and character development in particular), which are nowhere near as important for writing as developing the actual tools that a writer needs if he or she wants to be a good one.

Are they mutually exclusive? Not at all. But sticking with the genre stuff is definitely self-indulgent, and to my mind doesn't encourage the aspiring writer to really get to the roots of writing. Part of the reason so much fan-fic is garbage - nobody's trying to be a good writer; they just want to see their favourite character doing something cool in a style that apes their favourite writer. And if you wanna see where that can go, look at Devin Grayson.
Doesn't discourage it, either. Hell, nothing's going to encourage an aspiring writer to really get to the roots of writing except himself. And I think it's a lot more beneficial (and, since I'm harping on that word, encouraging) to sit down and go with whatever you feel like writing than stall yourself worrying if you're following the pictures in the instruction book. Again, if you're paying attention, you'll learn something no matter what you do. And if you're not paying attention, you're not really writing.

Ultimately, what we're talking about is the approach of content vs. the approach of form. And, as I always say when this comes up, neither is right or wrong, except in the context of the individual. Eventually, you'll be working with both anyway once you've gotten into it.

As for self-indulgence, all writing is self-indulgence. Hell, all art is self-indulgence. The Beatles didn't give a shit if they were being self-indulgent*, they just played music.

*In fact, thinking on it, the Beatles were always self-indulgent. It's just that their selves, and their interests, changed over time. So the kind of stagnation you're talking about is probably just as much due to flaws in personal character as flaws in writing.

[Tadhg]

Maybe you could throw some super-evolved animals into it.

Tortured were-creatures. People who are now neither man nor beast thanks to their tampering with genetics. Then it can be a parable or something too.

[Chris Nowlin]

See, a good writer would know that there should be a period after "bad".

Nah. It's all about context and style.

Not putting the period created the effect I desired to create.

I didn't want to give finality to my comment.

This time I do.

[Michael P]

Either way, it's a great way to focus on writing shitty, pompous vampire dialog and not on learning to recognize the rhythms of normal speech.

Unless, as you're writing your space vampire story, the dialogue seems off, so you rework it in the second draft to sound more natural.

Writers can think about more than one thing at a time. Or maybe that's just me.

[Michael P]

As a last thought, because I really have to go home now: All art holds a mirror up to reality. Nothing wrong with making it a funhouse mirror.

[Ray R.]

Maybe you could throw some super-evolved animals into it.

The vampires are super-evolved fruit bats that survived two hundred years of nuclear winter by living in caves in the Amazon, and forming a rudimentary, if cannibalistic society.

They go blind as they evolve, but their other senses quintuple as a result. They can smell blood twenty-five miles away and a hear a baby's cry from 20,000 feet.

See. Totally writes itself.

[howyadoin]

As for self-indulgence, all writing is self-indulgence. Hell, all art is self-indulgence. The Beatles didn't give a shit if they were being self-indulgent*, they just played music.

*In fact, thinking on it, the Beatles were always self-indulgent. It's just that their selves, and their interests, changed over time. So the kind of stagnation you're talking about is probably just as much due to flaws in personal character as flaws in writing.Just outta curiosity, how come you keep ignoring the fact that I'm only talking about writers when they're first learning the mechanics of their art? Not once did I say that creative people shouldn't experiment, or explore genres or mediums or techniques.

[howyadoin]

Unless, as you're writing your space vampire story, the dialogue seems off, so you rework it in the second draft to sound more natural.

Writers can think about more than one thing at a time. Or maybe that's just me.Just outta curiosity, how come you keep ignoring the fact that I'm only talking about writers when they're first learning the mechanics of their art? Not once did I say that creative people shouldn't experiment, or explore genres or mediums or techniques.

[Tadhg]

Holy shit. Dove "Beyond chocolate chunk" cookies are the best prepackaged cookies I've ever had.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Holy shit. Dove "Beyond chocolate chunk" cookies are the best prepackaged cookies I've ever had.

Dove makes cookies now?

[Ray R.]

Holy shit. Dove "Beyond chocolate chunk" cookies are the best prepackaged cookies I've ever had.

Dove makes cookies? I thought they only did ice cream bars.

[Ray R.]

I wish Dove made coke, so I could hand Jared one.

[Tadhg]

Dove makes cookies now?

Sweet, sweet, delicious cookies.

http://www.walgreens.com/dbimagecache/341714.jpg

[Spike-X]

Apparently Bruce Springsteen's an Arcade Fire fan (http://www.trendwhore.ca/).

[Ray R.]

Just outta curiosity, how come you keep ignoring the fact that I'm only talking about writers when they're first learning the mechanics of their art? Not once did I say that creative people shouldn't experiment, or explore genres or mediums or techniques.

I know I'm being facetious with the space vampires, but I've found that the line between original and hackneyed writing is so blurred as to be indistinguishable sometimes.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Sweet, sweet, delicious cookies.

http://www.walgreens.com/dbimagecache/341714.jpg

Since this image came from a Walgreens, I assume they are in most grocery stores?

[Tadhg]

Since this image came from a Walgreens, I assume they are in most grocery stores?

Probably. I found a box at my parents' house and have been devouring them

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

The vampires are super-evolved fruit bats that survived two hundred years of nuclear winter by living in caves in the Amazon, and forming a rudimentary, if cannibalistic society.

They go blind as they evolve, but their other senses quintuple as a result. They can smell blood twenty-five miles away and a hear a baby's cry from 20,000 feet.

See. Totally writes itself.

He read the post, as he had read many, many others. He turned to look out the window. In the distance, he saw the gray clouds that caught the rays of the soon-to-set sun. He thought a long while about what he had read in that post. He wondered about the writer and what he was thinking when he had written it.

Then he decided that the writer must have been completely, batshit insane. He decided to take the sports page to the men's room and think some more.

[Matt Algren]

Since this image came from a Walgreens, I assume they are in most grocery stores?
We have 'em here, though I've never tried them.

[Jared_Humpherys]

We have 'em here, though I've never tried them.

I must inform Sarah of their existence.

We $%^*ing love Dove.

[Typo Lad]

We $%^*ing love Dove.

So did Hank Hall.

[jessecuster3]

Thursday night bachelor party, hiring two girls to escort the bachelor to all of the bars with us. Good idea?

[Tadhg]

So did Hank Hall.

I thought he loved to $%^* Dove?

[Tadhg]

Thursday night bachelor party, hiring two girls to escort the bachelor to all of the bars with us. Good idea?

Happy Ending?

[Justin D.]

So did Hank Hall.

Brilliantly timed nerd humor.

[jessecuster3]

Happy Ending?

No I doubt they are those kind of escorts not for $100.

[Tadhg]

No I doubt they are those kind of escorts not for $100.

Then it's a good idea.

[Puma]

First day back at work since the procedure. Damn, I'm tired. I'll definitely be doing some icing tonight.

[Ray R.]

No I doubt they are those kind of escorts not for $100.

Rip-off.

He should get at least a hand-job for that. Especially Chicago escorts.

[Slam_Bradley]

You'd think that a freaking week would be long enough to get rid of a cough.

But no....

[Tadhg]

You'd think that a freaking week would be long enough to get rid of a cough.

But no....

Chocolate cough?

[Slam_Bradley]

Chocolate cough?


Nagging cough.


Much like a wife. Irritating and hard to get rid of.

[Jared_Humpherys]

You'd think that a freaking week would be long enough to get rid of a cough.

But no....

Have you checked for bronchitis?

[jessecuster3]

Rip-off.

He should get at least a hand-job for that. Especially Chicago escorts.

My buddy advertised for them on Craig's list.

[Michael P]

Just outta curiosity, how come you keep ignoring the fact that I'm only talking about writers when they're first learning the mechanics of their art?

I'm not. I just don't see any difference in how they should approach it.

[Ben Morgan]

I don't know what's going on, so here's Howling Mad Murdock, enjoyhttp://www.legendarytv.com/the_a-team/images/Dwight_Schultz_murdock_2.jpg

[Chris Nowlin]

Anybody ever have one of those dreams where you're teaching a class of 500 students, and the button to your shorts pops off in the middle?

That was my morning

[Tadhg]

Anybody ever have one of those dreams where you're teaching a class of 500 students, and the button to your shorts pops off in the middle?

That was my morning

And that is why I wear a belt to work. To hide my buttons popping.

[Jaye]

Please vote in the Showcase drawing Showdown:
http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showthread.php?t=194134

Thanks all.

-Jaye

[Chris Nowlin]

And that is why I wear a belt to work. To hide my buttons popping.

I need to either wear a belt or get new shorts.

*sigh*

[darkhanamaru]

I need to either wear a belt or get new shorts.

*sigh*

uh you could start jogging more? ;)

speaking of that i need to exercise more too.

[Tadhg]

uh you could start jogging more? ;)

speaking of that i need to exercise more too.

I'm just proud that sweatpants weren't a choice.

[Spike-X]

I voted!







!!

[darkhanamaru]

Thursday night bachelor party, hiring two girls to escort the bachelor to all of the bars with us. Good idea?

as long as you get to use the whip cream...

[Royal]

Thursday night bachelor party, hiring two girls to escort the bachelor to all of the bars with us. Good idea?

A friend did that once in Romeo.

He got a pregnate lady and a crackhead.

[Puma]

sleeeepppppyyyy

[Chris Nowlin]

sleeeepppppyyyy

I was too. So I came home, and lay in bed reading for a bit. But now I gotta get back to school.

There's always more work to do

[Michael P]

So, the new Spirit team is Sergio Aragones, Mark Evanier, and Mike Ploog.

Good call, DC.

[Michael P]

Wow. I want to give Heidi MacDonald, like, a medal or something.

[howyadoin]

I need to either wear a belt or get new shorts.What about grownup pants?

[Jeff Brady]

Wow. I want to give Heidi MacDonald, like, a medal or something.

How about you don't wear a Superman shirt at the next MoCCA?

(What did she do?)

[Tadhg]

What about grownup pants?

http://www.thebudgetfashionista.com/newsletter/images/eighties/pants.jpg

?

[howyadoin]

Thursday night bachelor party, hiring two girls to escort the bachelor to all of the bars with us. Good idea?Are they hot?

[howyadoin]

http://www.thebudgetfashionista.com/newsletter/images/eighties/pants.jpg

?I bet Hammer never popped a button in front of a class of math nerds.

[Chris Nowlin]

What about grownup pants?

It's rather warm. Shorts and t-shirt are common attire.

[Tadhg]

Parachute pants are quite cool.

[Gingold]

How about jams?

[Tadhg]

How about jams?

Is that like when Shaw wore peanut butter to comicon?

[Michael P]

How about you don't wear a Superman shirt at the next MoCCA?

(What did she do?)

All will be revealed (and linked) in the next Tale To Mildly Astonish.

[Ben Morgan]

Yum. I just had some pierogies

[howyadoin]

It's rather warm. Shorts and t-shirt are common attire.Maybe you need some rainbow suspenders, then.

Or stronger buttons.

[Ed Cunard]

Hip-hop nerds rule.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uw0v6kkasMk&NR=1

That made my night.