Cast the Bad Remake

[The Mutt]

I don't have anything against remakes, but Hollywood should really avoid things like David Soul as Rick in Casablanca.

What casting horror could you imagine Hollywood actually inflicting on us?

Like say...

Johnny Knoxville in Cool Hand Luke.

[Monty_Cristo]

Martin Lawrence in just about any remake.

[StoneGold]

Nine and a Half Weeks starring John Goodman and the corpse of Anne Ramsey.

[Chiasm]

King Kong with Jack Black

Oh wait . . . . .

[mattx110]

jack black in "the grapes of wrath".

not that he couldn't pull off the role, but that whatever studio exec who suggests his name would be doing it for the wron reasons entirely.

and i swear, i typed this before chiasm did his jack black comment, he was the first actor i thought of!

[StoneGold]

Lemmy from Motorhead in the Sharon Stone role in Basic Instinct.

[Fatguy]

King Kong with Jack Black

Oh wait . . . . .

lol

Chinatown really needs to be remade with Jon Heder as Jake Gittes, and Kathy Bates as Evelyn Cross Mulwray.

[The Zapper]

Johnny Knoxville in Cool Hand Luke.

I'd watch that.

[rick]

lol

Chinatown really needs to be remade with Jon Heder as Jake Gittes, and Kathy Bates as Evelyn Cross Mulwray.


Actually I see it a little differently.


Brett Ratner 's production of Chinatown.

Starring, Jason Statham as Jake Gittes, Lucy Liu as Evelyn Mulwray, and John Travolta as Noah Cross.

[Fatguy]

Actually I see it a little differently.


Brett Ratner 's production of Chinatown.

Starring, Jason Statham as Jake Gittes, Lucy Liu as Evelyn Mulwray, and John Travolta as Noah Cross.

"Brett Ratner's Production of Chinatown" made me vomit a little in my mouth.

[Chase]

Maybe... Dane Cook as Andy Dufresne, and Martin Lawrence as Ellis Boyd "Red" Redding?

(Eww eww eww)

[Wenatchee the Hatchet]

Pauly Shore and Jamie Kennedy in a remake of John Woo's The Killer? I'm not sure who should be cast as the blinded singer because I'm not really into that kind of pop music.

[Thorlief]

Adam Sandler as Stephen Chow in Shaolin Soccer, smartly changed in Shaolin Football: The Buddhist Yard

[Mac Danny]

Damon Wayans in Casablankman!

Cedric the Entertainer starts in "Inherit The Wind"

Jeff Foxworthy & Brett Butler star in "Gone With The Wind"

[The Mutt]

Jeff Foxworthy & Brett Butler star in "Gone With The Wind"
With the right script, this could be pretty damned funny. Of course, Hollywood would change the title to Blown Away.

[Mac Danny]

With the right script, this could be pretty damned funny. Of course, Hollywood would change the title to Blown Away.

It would be a Thanksgiving day comedy about a married couple, their wacky in laws and an impending Hurricane.

I should be in Hollywood!

[The Mutt]

It would be a Thanksgiving day comedy about a married couple, their wacky in laws and an impending Hurricane.

I should be in Hollywood!

But does it really need to be in the South? Southern pictures don't sell on the coasts. Couldn't it be Chesapeake Bay? And Brett Butler does nothing for us in the urban markets. What about Queen Latifah as Scarlet?

[Mac Danny]

But does it really need to be in the South? Southern pictures don't sell on the coasts. Couldn't it be Chesapeake Bay? And Brett Butler does nothing for us in the urban markets. What about Queen Latifah as Scarlet?

You know what sells right now, Racial Flipping! Look what it's done for Guess Who and The Honeymooners!

So Gone with the Wind will Have Mike Epps and Queen Latifah as Rhett and Scarlett. Then we'll give them a stuck up English butler who can say "Sir, I do not know anything about birthing babies"

make Sure Jamie Kennedy is in it. He's funny and plays well to most crowds.

[The Mutt]

You know what sells right now, Racial Flipping! Look what it's done for Guess Who and The Honeymooners!

So Gone with the Wind will Have Mike Epps and Queen Latifah as Rhett and Scarlett. Then we'll give them a stuck up English butler who can say "Sir, I do not know anything about birthing babies"

make Sure Jamie Kennedy is in it. He's funny and plays well to most crowds.

Okay, but we have to make them Jamaican. Jamaicans aren't as scary as regular Negroes. Everybody loves that cute accent.

[StoneGold]

Damn it, all of this is yesterday's thinking. We need to get on the ball, start remaking movies that aren't even out yet. Iron Man starring the fat kid from the Goonies (yeah, I know he's skinny now) and Steven Seagal as the Mandarin.

[Chase]

Damn it, all of this is yesterday's thinking. We need to get on the ball, start remaking movies that aren't even out yet. Iron Man starring the fat kid from the Goonies (yeah, I know he's skinny now) and Steven Seagal as the Mandarin.

Seagal's too Asian to be Mandarin.

What we need here is Chris Tucker.

[StoneGold]

Seagal's too Asian to be Mandarin.

What we need here is Chris Tucker.

Hell, if Seagal is too Asian, so is Chris Tucker. I submit as proof.

http://content.ytmnd.com/content/1/9/c/19c40a28419d4176138c87bf9c5b0bcd.jpg
http://img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/medias/nmedia/18/63/76/94/18755548.jpg



How about Burt Reynolds? He's totally not Asian, but with his plastic surgery pulling his face ever tighter, he kind of is these days, so maybe not. Ooo, maybe Sean Connery can find his Japanese eye makeup from You Only Live Twice!

http://www.rightreading.com/blog-images-07/japanese-sean.jpg

[StoneGold]

Ooo! Ooo! Genius idea. Remake Rush Hour, only this time, Christ Tucker plays Jackie Chan, and Jackie Chan plays Police Chief Wiggum!

[The Mutt]

48 Hours with Shaquille O'Neill and Verne Troyer.

[The Zapper]

48 Hours with Shaquille O'Neill and Verne Troyer.

I'd watch that.

[Chase]

Hell, if Seagal is too Asian, so is Chris Tucker. I submit as proof.

[snip!]


How about Burt Reynolds? He's totally not Asian, but with his plastic surgery pulling his face ever tighter, he kind of is these days, so maybe not. Ooo, maybe Sean Connery can find his Japanese eye makeup from You Only Live Twice!

[snip!]

Oooh, good idea with Reynolds.

And maybe Tom Cruise as Chan, since he has a tendency to rook Asian.

http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/7383/tomcruiseez9.jpg

... ;B

[The Mirrorball Man]

Whoopi Goldberg as James Bond. I really can't imagine anything worse.

[Phil Clark]

Tom Arnold and Roseanne Barr in "Bodyheat".

[Infernorhythm]

The Godfather, starring Martin Lawrence as Don Corleone and Chris Tucker as Michael. Anthony Anderson plays Clemenza, and Dane Cook play Sonny.

[The Zapper]

The Godfather, starring Martin Lawrence as Don Corleone and Chris Tucker as Michael. Anthony Anderson plays Clemenza, and Dane Cook play Sonny.

I would have watched that until I saw Dane Cook. Dane Cook is to shitty to watch. Even for me.

[Monty_Cristo]

they could try to remake 'Biodome' with the same cast. that would be pretty horrible.

[Jared]

I would have watched that until I saw Dane Cook. Dane Cook is to shitty to watch. Even for me.

Anthony Anderson could probably play a really good Clemenza. But you gotta have Ving Rhames as Fredo and Mel Gibson as Mo Green.

[The Xenos]

This thread needs to be deleted NOW. Quick! Before some Hollywood producer finds it and mines it for ideas!

[The Mutt]

This thread needs to be deleted NOW. Quick! Before some Hollywood producer finds it and mines it for ideas!

Never! Moo hoo wah hah hah hah hah hah! :evilsmile

[Wenatchee the Hatchet]

Someone's already tried doing an American remake of The Killer anyway, which mercifully seems caught in development hell and may never get out. So at least for the movie that I don't want remade there's not a high risk and if I just don't mention the other movies I don't remade maybe the suits won't catch on.:)

[ultramandingo]

........wasnt Mel Gibson going to do a ''Hogan's Heroes'' movie ?

[StoneGold]

........wasnt Mel Gibson going to do a ''Hogan's Heroes'' movie ?

And an A-Team one.

[stealthwise]

Uwe Boll directs...


A Jerry Bruckheimer production


guest starring HHH as the Butler who "dun it"


with leading ladies The Spice Girls


Carrot Top is...




CITIZEN KANE

[The Zapper]

guest starring HHH as the Butler who "dun it"





You're an evil man to stick HHH on people.

[The Mutt]

You're an evil man to stick HHH on people.

HHH and Stephanie McMahon in Swept Away.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Midnight Cowboy
Ashton Kutcher in Voights role
Jason Biggs in Hoffman's role

more plausible 3 years ago, don't know who could be the current double threat

bonus
The Graduate
Jimmy Fallon as Hoffman.

[Toku King]

You're all thinking too small!

Remake "Metropolis" with Jodie Foster, William Shatner, Ashton Kutcher, C3P0, and Chris Rock as the black comic relief we never saw before!
Directed by...........GEORGE LUCAS!

[Your Imaginary Pal]

The Ten Commandments
Markie Mark as Moses.
Vin Diesel as The Pharoah
following the smashing success taking over Heston's role in Planet of The Apes.
Directed by Brian Singer.

[Toku King]

USA should remake Gamera!
Starring Dane Cook, Dakota Fanning, Tom Cruise, and Steven Segal.
Directed by none other than "Godzilla"'s own Roland Emmerich!

It's not like any of them have ever made bad movies, right? .....Right? *cries*

[Thorlief]

Gone with the wind with Steve Carell as Rhett, Sandra Bullock as Rossella and Anthony Anderson as Mamie

[J. Robb]

The Ten Commandments
Markie Mark as Moses.
Vin Diesel as The Pharoah
following the smashing success taking over Heston's role in Planet of The Apes.
Directed by Brian Singer.
Here's a much better Moses:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/images/celebritology/gibson1.jpg

[mattx110]

Uwe Boll directs...


A Jerry Bruckheimer production


guest starring HHH as the Butler who "dun it"


with leading ladies The Spice Girls


Carrot Top is...




CITIZEN KANE

see, i could picture bruckheimer being reverent about this film (even though there will be some extra car bombs and tanks). so there's that bit of "hmm maybe he was serious" before we get to the carrot top and spice girls... then i notice the uwe boll, then i just cry :(

[Your Imaginary Pal]

Here's a much better Moses:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/images/celebritology/gibson1.jpg

and he gets to direct

it winds up all in hebrew.

Moses gets burnt by the burning bush for half the movie, oh the humanity.

[Jared]

And an A-Team one.

I could actually see Mel as Hannibal Smith.

[Your Imaginary Pal]

I love it when a plan comes together.

[Toku King]

As much as I love Raimi, I know a remake he could never do: Spider-Man 3, only now not every single villain is connected to Peter in some way, or trying to kidnap his girlfriend for the billionth time.

[The Zapper]

As much as I love Raimi, I know a remake he could never do: Spider-Man 3, only now not every single villain is connected to Peter in some way, or trying to kidnap his girlfriend for the billionth time.

I'm with you man. I love Raimi, but man, Spider-Man 3 sucked.

[Toku King]

I'm with you man. I love Raimi, but man, Spider-Man 3 sucked.

No, I liked "Spider-Man 3" a ton, actually. I just got tired of all of the great new stuff being tagged on by things we've already seen.

[ultramandingo]

Jim Hensons The Passion of the Christ

Kermit ... Jesus
Madeline Kahn ... Mary
Swedish Chef ... John
Animal ... Peter
Miss Piggy ... Magdalen
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew ... Caiphas
Beaker ... Annas
Fozzy Bear ... Judas
The Great Gonzo ... Pontius Pilate (as Hristo Naumov Shopov)
Statler ... Claudia Procles
Waldorf ... Abenader
Dr. Teeth ... Joseph of Arimathea
Dom DeLuise ... Nicodemus
Sam the Eagle ... Old Temple Guard

[The Mutt]

Lord! Your betrayer is a bear!

No he's a-not. He's a-wearing a necktie.

[The Zapper]

Jim Hensons The Passion of the Christ

Kermit ... Jesus
Madeline Kahn ... Mary
Swedish Chef ... John
Animal ... Peter
Miss Piggy ... Magdalen
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew ... Caiphas
Beaker ... Annas
Fozzy Bear ... Judas
The Great Gonzo ... Pontius Pilate (as Hristo Naumov Shopov)
Statler ... Claudia Procles
Waldorf ... Abenader
Dr. Teeth ... Joseph of Arimathea
Dom DeLuise ... Nicodemus
Sam the Eagle ... Old Temple Guard

I'd watch that.

[StoneGold]

I'd watch that.

Hell, I might just have to add that to my pornograpy collection.

[ultramandingo]

.........it was either that or

Hal Needhams The Last Temptation of Christ Part 2

Burt Reynolds ... Jesus
Dom DeLuise ... Judas
Roger Moore ... Zealot
Bert Convy ... Centurian
Farrah Fawcett ... Mary, Mother of Jesus
Loni Anderson ... Mary Magdalene
Terry Bradshaw ... Jerobeam
Dean Martin ... Andrew, Apostle
Sammy Davis Jr. ... Zebedee
Jamie Farr ... Peter, Apostle
Jackie Chan ... John, Apostle
Jimmy 'The Greek' Snyder ... Phillip, Apostle
Jerry Reed ... James, Apostle
Paul Williams Little Enos, Apostle
Pat McCormick ... Big Enos, Apostle
Jackie Gleason John The Baptist
Foster Brooks ... Thomas, Apostle
Tim Conway .. Money Changer
Don Knotts ... Saul/Paul
Marty Allen ... People at Sermon
Jim Nabors ... Pontius Pilate
Frank Sinatra ... Frank Sinatra
Ricardo Montalban ... Rabbi
Abe Vigoda ... Satan/Archangel (voice) (uncredited)
Arte Johnson ... Beggar
Bobby Berosini's Orangutan ... Voice in Crowd
Joe Greene ... Himself (as 'Mean Joe' Greene)

.........check out the wacky out takes during the credits !

[StoneGold]

Somehow I don't see Sammy Davis Jr doing it.