RITA'S XXXVII: Habits Old and New

[Matt Algren]

I have things to say, but I think I'll wait til Matt leaves
It's all clear, he's gone.

...

No, I'm not him. See, I have a moustache, whereas he does not.

[Puma]

in just over an hour I head to an interview for a position I don't want, why didn't I just decline in the first place? oh yeah, needed to stay on the list. bleargh

[jessecuster3]

in just over an hour I head to an interview for a position I don't want, why didn't I just decline in the first place? oh yeah, needed to stay on the list. bleargh

This is the best position to be in, you can brush up on interview skills and even try some things you might want to use in another interview down the road.



See, silver lining!

[Matt Algren]

Ixnay on the attMay, he is googling his own name.
Don't knock it. I hear it's the hip thing with all the leading comics professionals.

[jessecuster3]

Don't knock it. I hear it's the hip thing with all the leading comics professionals.

Hmm I don't know of any, could you name them?

[Jeff Brady]

Bleh. Really don't wanna go to work.

[Ray R.]

Leona Helmsley (http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,,2153107,00.html?gusrc=rss&feed=networkfront) just died (aged 87).

They'll probably hang the maids at half-staff in tribute.....

[Puma]

This is the best position to be in, you can brush up on interview skills and even try some things you might want to use in another interview down the road.



See, silver lining!

That's what I keep telling myself but for some reason I am seriously dreading this interview.

[Matt Algren]

Hmm I don't know of any, could you name them?I don't think I'd better. Sorry.

They'll probably hang the maids at half-staff in tribute.....Nice work counselor.

Very nice.

[jessecuster3]

That's what I keep telling myself but for some reason I am seriously dreading this interview.

This should be easy, you know you don't want it, so who cares?

[Gladiaria_Alata]

Bleh. Really don't wanna go to work.

Hardly anybody does.

[Michael P]

Bleh. Really don't wanna go to work.

You just want to bang on de drum all day?

[Jeff Brady]

You just want to bang on de drum all day?

I don't even want to do that. And now, for something completely different:

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[tricksterpup]

They'll probably hang the maids at half-staff in tribute.....

Scary, I got this.. very nice.

[jessecuster3]

great spam!

Dames always srieked at me and even gentlemans did in the federal toilet! Well, now I whizgiggle at them, because I took Me - ga - Di k
for 3 months and now my phallus is excessively longer than federal.

[Joe Rice]

http://www.fantagraphics.com/blog/uploaded_images/Squirrels_1700x1073-739928.jpg

[ragnarok_2012]

They'll probably hang the maids at half-staff in tribute.....

Ha!

And Guapo, I'm glad that you and your family are safe and were spared the worst of that hurricane.

[Ed Cunard]

great spam!

That is great spam.

UNRELATED: I caught the Comedy Central Roast of Flava Flav last night. I love a roast.

[Schuimend Mormel]

Joe Rice, what's with the squirrel story? :confused:

[Joe Rice]

Joe Rice, what's with the squirrel story? :confused:

Just a "Mark Trail" compilation I found on the Fantagraphics blog.

[Matt Algren]

Joe Rice, what's with the squirrel story? :confused:
Mark Trail reuses his bad art over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

[Mac Danny]

Bleh. Really don't wanna go to work.

Well I didn't want to go to War today. But the Lord of the Lash said Nay nay nay...


Fuckin lord of the lash!

[Guapo Méndez]

Ha!

And Guapo, I'm glad that you and your family are safe and were spared the worst of that hurricane.

Thanks, Rags.

My kids just found their Darth Vader lightsabers and they want to re-enact Anakin vs. Obi-Wan's fight in the outside where "the wind is blowing and it makes our hair and clothes go wild, like in the movies."

I've paddlocked the door.

[Guapo Méndez]

Mark Trail reuses his bad art over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Well, squirrels are hardly known by their dramatic body language.

[Ray R.]

Thanks, Rags.

My kids just found their Darth Vader lightsabers and they want to re-enact Anakin vs. Obi-Wan's fight in the outside where "the wind is blowing and it makes our hair and clothes go wild, like in the movies."

I've paddlocked the door.

That's funny.

Glad to hear you and the Guappettes are safe and sound.

[Michael P]

Thanks, Rags.

My kids just found their Darth Vader lightsabers and they want to re-enact Anakin vs. Obi-Wan's fight in the outside where "the wind is blowing and it makes our hair and clothes go wild, like in the movies."

I've paddlocked the door.

Good thing you don't live near an active volcano.

[darkhanamaru]

Thanks, Rags.

My kids just found their Darth Vader lightsabers and they want to re-enact Anakin vs. Obi-Wan's fight in the outside where "the wind is blowing and it makes our hair and clothes go wild, like in the movies."

I've paddlocked the door.

well at least they are showing a good attitude :D. glad you are safe guapo!

hopefully for you they'll find some quieter distractions shortly!

[Mac Danny]

Thanks, Rags.

My kids just found their Darth Vader lightsabers and they want to re-enact Anakin vs. Obi-Wan's fight in the outside where "the wind is blowing and it makes our hair and clothes go wild, like in the movies."

I've paddlocked the door.

Which Lightsabers are they using, because if they are cheap knock off "light Swords" I make those!

[Matt Algren]

Thanks, Rags.

My kids just found their Darth Vader lightsabers and they want to re-enact Anakin vs. Obi-Wan's fight in the outside where "the wind is blowing and it makes our hair and clothes go wild, like in the movies."

I've paddlocked the door.
I like your kids.

----

I originally saw the Mark Trail squirrel montage linked from The Comics Curmudgeon (http://joshreads.com/?p=1204) a few days ago.

edit: Don't let Him! see this link!!!

[Jared_Humpherys]

I am stupid.



In other news, you will not see me defend Rex Grossman ever again.

I only saw 10 minutes of the game last night.

Now, in that ten minutes, there was 2 fumbles and an interception by him...

[Ray R.]

Which Lightsabers are they using, because if they are cheap knock off "light Swords" I make those!

Shill.......

[Puma]

off to the interrogation.

[jessecuster3]

I only saw 10 minutes of the game last night.

Now, in that ten minutes, there was 2 fumbles and an interception by him...

I feel bad for his wife, he keeps pulling out early.

[Jared_Humpherys]

Well, squirrels are hardly known by their dramatic body language.

And Mark Trail isn't known for high-quality...well, anything.

[Jared_Humpherys]

I feel bad for his wife, he keeps pulling out early.

Ohhhh, snap!

[Ray R.]

I only saw 10 minutes of the game last night.

Now, in that ten minutes, there was 2 fumbles and an interception by him...

And then they pulled him because it was preseason. That was a 1.3 QB rating-type game.

Not that overly impressed with either team overall, although Devin Hester is nasty again on the return game.

[Mac Danny]

Shill.......

It is ture, I must find some joy in making toys that seek to confuse grandparents and appeal to frugal moms.

My legacy will be that no child has to pretend a stick is a sword.

[Ray R.]

off to the interrogation.

Name, rank, serial number. That's it.

[Schuimend Mormel]

Just a "Mark Trail" compilation I found on the Fantagraphics blog.

Mark Trail reuses his bad art over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Oh, right! Now I see it! I noticed bits of it at first... Gee, not even Jim Davis recycles art this much. If ever.

[jessecuster3]

And then they pulled him because it was preseason. That was a 1.3 QB rating-type game.

Not that overly impressed with either team overall, although Devin Hester is nasty again on the return game.

Danieal Manning was plenty nasty on his return, too, did you see the small hole he squeezed through on that one return.

[Mac Danny]

And then they pulled him because it was preseason. That was a 1.3 QB rating-type game.

Not that overly impressed with either team overall, although Devin Hester is nasty again on the return game.

So I'll be taking Rexy off my Fantasy draft for this year.

Despite his Sexiness..

[Ray R.]

It is ture, I must find some joy in making toys that seek to confuse grandparents and appeal to frugal moms.

My legacy will be that no child has to pretend a stick is a sword.

You're the one sucking the joy of imagination out of the precious skulls of our children. Take a bow, Dr. Mengele.

I had a stick I used as lightsaber, staff of light, Colt six-shooter, and divining rod. And dammit, I was happy.

[Jared_Humpherys]

And then they pulled him because it was preseason. That was a 1.3 QB rating-type game.

Not that overly impressed with either team overall, although Devin Hester is nasty again on the return game.

I must've dropped in at just the right time, then. I also saw the Colt's botched 4th and goal TD attempt.

Y'know what game I really enjoyed watching? The Chargers/Rams game.

[Ray R.]

Danieal Manning was plenty nasty on his return, too, did you see the small hole he squeezed through on that one return.

Chicago D/ST will go in the first four rounds of my live fantasy draft, I'm pretty sure of that...

[Mac Danny]

You're the one sucking the joy of imagination out of the precious skulls of our children. Take a bow, Dr. Mengele.

I had a stick I used as lightsaber, staff of light, Colt six-shooter, and divining rod. And dammit, I was happy.

Was that back when black Licorice and sour balls was considered Candy?

My toys promote imagination, Imagining it's a better toy and you don't have chep ass parents.

[jessecuster3]

I had a stick I used as lightsaber, staff of light, Colt six-shooter, and divining rod. And dammit, I was happy.

Did you also use it as a cane when walking up hill both ways to school through 6 feet of snow?

[Ray R.]

So I'll be taking Rexy off my Fantasy draft for this year.

Despite his Sexiness..

He does have a "Mike Myers on Steroids" come-hither look, doesn't he. YEAH, BABY!

[jessecuster3]

Chicago D/ST will go in the first four rounds of my live fantasy draft, I'm pretty sure of that...

I love those people! They never win.


RB RB, WR, WR, QB, TE, RB/WR for a few more rounds and never a K or Def until after Rd 10.

[Ed Cunard]

Jesus Christ. I'll be back later.

You know, when you fuckers are talking about something I understand, like decorating or make-up or shoes.

[darkhanamaru]

i can't believe HBO gave branagh money for another shakespeare production. this time "as you like it". in nineteenth century japan.

[Mac Danny]

Did you also use it as a cane when walking up hill both ways to school through 6 feet of snow?

Now Now, you know it was Ice. I mean the Ice age had just started.

Speaking of cavemen. Has anyone been watching the horrible Flash Gordon series? THey had a MOTW this week that looked like Ringo Starr from "Caveman."

[Dom]

Jesus Christ. I'll be back later.

You know, when you fuckers are talking about something I understand, like decorating or make-up or shoes.

Wait!

I was just about to ask which shoes go best with a little red cocktail dress.

[Mac Danny]

He does have a "Mike Myers on Steroids" come-hither look, doesn't he. YEAH, BABY!

Ohh REXY...

[Ray R.]

Was that back when black Licorice and sour balls was considered Candy?

My toys promote imagination, Imagining it's a better toy and you don't have chep ass parents.

I'll look for your "signature line" at the local dollar store.

And let me tell you, young whippersnapper, we had candy cigarettes when I was young. You'd blow out the sugar smoke and the cigarette was made of gum. That was eating candy that was cool.

And need I bring up Pop Rocks?

[Mac Danny]

I love those people! They never win.


RB RB, WR, WR, QB, TE, RB/WR for a few more rounds and never a K or Def until after Rd 10.

QB's are like pitchers. Only draft the premier one early if you are a late pick. Otherwise, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

[Ray R.]

Jesus Christ. I'll be back later.

You know, when you fuckers are talking about something I understand, like decorating or make-up or shoes.

The Vagisil is usually in aisle 4. Stock up.

[Mac Danny]

I'll look for your "signature line" at the local dollar store.

And let me tell you, young whippersnapper, we had candy cigarettes when I was young. You'd blow out the sugar smoke and the cigarette was made of gum. That was eating candy that was cool.

And need I bring up Pop Rocks?

I don't make the factory Direct China crap. I make the middle ground between factory direct china crap and Hasbro / Mattel quality stuff.

[Mac Danny]

The Vagisil is usually in aisle 4. Stock up.

Ed doesn't feel so fresh?

[jessecuster3]

I'll look for your "signature line" at the local dollar store.

And let me tell you, young whippersnapper, we had candy cigarettes when I was young. You'd blow out the sugar smoke and the cigarette was made of gum. That was eating candy that was cool.

And need I bring up Pop Rocks?

I don't know dude, last time I was at Toys R Us, I saw a tube that was probably filled with RainBlo type gum, and the top of it was one of those army men with a parachute that you throw in the air and the chute opens and they glide back down. It was pretty cool.


But then I saw Gummy Transformers characters and they were pathetic.

[Ray R.]

i can't believe HBO gave branagh money for another shakespeare production. this time "as you like it". in nineteenth century japan.

Jesus.

Isn't he done raping Shakespeare yet (or put another way, "making it palatable for the masses").



No means no, Kevin.

I heard they're making a sequel to "Wild Wild West." Go put on your overpaid hammy hack wardrobe.

[jessecuster3]

QB's are like pitchers. Only draft the premier one early if you are a late pick. Otherwise, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Yup, I have never taken a QB earlier than the 5th rd. But scoring rules can change some of that.


An interesting one I have discovered, in 6 or 7 years of fantasy, I have never taken a player from Green Bay.

[Michael P]

Jesus.

Isn't he done raping Shakespeare yet (or put another way, "making it palatable for the masses").



No means no, Kevin.

I heard they're making a sequel to "Wild Wild West." Go put on your overpaid hammy hack wardrobe.

Uh, I think you just mixed Kenneth Branagh with Kevin Kline.

Although I will say Kline was quite an underwhelming Nick Bottom in "Midsummer."

[Ray R.]

I don't make the factory Direct China crap. I make the middle ground between factory direct china crap and Hasbro / Mattel quality stuff.

There's a difference?

Last I saw, Mattel, Hasbro, and Fisher Price were putting out toys with enough lead to shield kids from plutonium.

[Mac Danny]

I heard they're making a sequel to "Wild Wild West." Go put on your overpaid hammy hack wardrobe.

Wow and there were so many unanswered questions from the first Wild Wild West. The Number 1 question being "Why did I pay for this?"

[darkhanamaru]

Jesus.

Isn't he done raping Shakespeare yet (or put another way, "making it palatable for the masses").



No means no, Kevin.

I heard they're making a sequel to "Wild Wild West." Go put on your overpaid hammy hack wardrobe.


yeah and not one of the actors were japanese even though all the costumes were. mix it up a little branagh.

[Mac Danny]

There's a difference?

Last I saw, Mattel, Hasbro, and Fisher Price were putting out toys with enough lead to shield kids from plutonium.

Oh Like the toys you played with as a child were safe.

Hell they were probably made of lead.


The lead paint is a shame, accident really. And loing magnets for toys takes some magic out of the play pattern.

[Rallura]

Thanks for the good wishes and vibes.

Dean headed south as he approached the peninsula, so we're spared the worst of the impact. We'll have tropical storm-type winds all day long.

Well that's good.
Have they started
to survey where it hit yet?


Also,
good morning everyone.

[Matt Algren]

Jesus Christ. I'll be back later.

You know, when you fuckers are talking about something I understand, like decorating or make-up or shoes.
I watched Singin' in the Rain again last night, and I couldn't help but notice that the shoes Debbie Reynolds wore during the Good Mornin' scene were clunky and didn't match the style of her dress.

How's that?

[Mac Danny]

Well that's good.
Have they started
to survey where it hit yet?


Also,
good morning everyone.



Mornin Rally

[Ray R.]

Uh, I think you just mixed Kenneth Branagh with Kevin Kline.

Although I will say Kline was quite an underwhelming Nick Bottom in "Midsummer."

No.

I wish I were mistaken.

http://www.sinemafanatik.com/wildwildwest/bad4.jpe

[Michael P]

No.

I wish I were mistaken.

http://www.sinemafanatik.com/wildwildwest/bad4.jpe

Oh, he was the dude in the wheelchair? I did not know that, or, now that I think of it, care.

[Ed Cunard]

Uh, I think you just mixed Kenneth Branagh with Kevin Kline.

Although I will say Kline was quite an underwhelming Nick Bottom in "Midsummer."

Branagh played the villain in WWW.

[Guapo Méndez]

Which Lightsabers are they using, because if they are cheap knock off "light Swords" I make those!

Official Star Wars Darth Vader sabers. We bought them in Big K-Mart when we were in Orlando.

[Ed Cunard]

I watched Singin' in the Rain again last night, and I couldn't help but notice that the shoes Debbie Reynolds wore during the Good Mornin' scene were clunky and didn't match the style of her dress.

How's that?

Did you notice how she doesn't dance very well at all?

[Dreadstar]

Branagh played the villain in WWW.

. . .



Hand in your Elitist card.

[Ray R.]

Oh Like the toys you played with as a child were safe.

Hell they were probably made of lead.


The lead paint is a shame, accident really. And loing magnets for toys takes some magic out of the play pattern.

Two words: Lawn Darts.

We used to play chicken with them.

And truth be told, my son had a few of the Thomas the Train recalls. Since he doesn't gnaw on them, I've not been as concerned as maybe I should be.

[Dreadstar]

Did you notice how she doesn't dance very well at all?

It's the hips.


Gal had her some hips, she did.

[Rallura]

Mornin Rally

How are you?


Did you notice how she doesn't dance very well at all?

It's tough to look good
next to those other two guys.

[Ray R.]

. . .



Hand in your Elitist card.

I think that's fair if Kenneth Branagh hands his in first.

[Dreadstar]

Toys when we grew up were Darwinian.


It helped us weed out the spazzes.

[Matt Algren]

Did you notice how she doesn't dance very well at all?
She does okay, especially when she had to keep up with Kelly and O'Connor. I read somewhere that she had no dance experience when they cast her.

[Jared_Humpherys]

I find it somewhat sad that the only exposure I've had of "Singing in the Rain" is from "A Clockwork Orange."

[Mac Danny]

How are you?




Good, Trying to avoid work and the rain. You?

[Ray R.]

Toys when we grew up were Darwinian.


It helped us weed out the spazzes.

As they should have been. A third degree burn from an E-Z Bake Oven should put the fear of a vengeful god of fire into a kid's head. Fire+touch=bad.

I fondly remember a toy Cylon Raider that shot little torpedoes just big enough to block a toddler's windpipe. Get off the phone, and watch your kid, Rhoda.

[Ray R.]

I find it somewhat sad that the only exposure I've had of "Singing in the Rain" is from "A Clockwork Orange."

I find Clockwork's version superior, actually.

[Mac Danny]

Toys when we grew up were Darwinian.


It helped us weed out the spazzes.

Me too. I look at pictures from my childhood and I am surprised I am alive.

School playgrounds with asphalt under all the slides and swings

Baby chairs made from draped fabric and tube steel.

Metal army men with sharp "stab your eye out" pieces.

Kids today are weak and still live with their parents when they are 30, because theirr toys promote "wussism."

[jessecuster3]

I fondly remember a toy Cylon Raider that shot little torpedoes just big enough to block a toddler's windpipe. Get off the phone, and watch your kid, Rhoda.

You should see the missiles they are putting into the new Transformer Movie toys. One of them can shoot a good 5 feet.

[Mac Danny]

As they should have been. A third degree burn from an E-Z Bake Oven should put the fear of a vengeful god of fire into a kid's head. Fire+touch=bad.

I fondly remember a toy Cylon Raider that shot little torpedoes just big enough to block a toddler's windpipe. Get off the phone, and watch your kid, Rhoda.

I loved that toy! Man back when spring loaded didn't have to pass an eye test.

I have a Cylon from that toy run on my toy shelf. Sadly without his weapon.

My Shogun Warrior toy shot his fist at incredible speeds!

[Ray R.]

Me too. I look at pictures from my childhood and I am surprised I am alive.

School playgrounds with asphalt under all the slides and swings

Baby chairs made from draped fabric and tube steel.

Metal army men with sharp "stab your eye out" pieces.

Kids today are weak and still live with their parents when they are 30, because theirr toys promote "wussism."

Fuck yeah.

When they eliminated dangerous toys, they emasculated the children. When they phased out dodgeball, they might as well have reconnected the umbilical cords.

[jessecuster3]

School playgrounds with asphalt under all the slides and swings



Oh yeah! Remember getting as high as you can go on the swing and then jumping off?


You should see the difference in the playground I grew up with, with the giant concrete "swiss cheese", to what is now all padded and rounded edges, etc.

[Schuimend Mormel]

Gosh darn it, it's a royal pain in the keester, trying to post in Rita's and X-Crescence at the same time.

[jessecuster3]

My Shogun Warrior toy shot his fist at incredible speeds!

Shogun warriors fists were awesome! But they were probably big enough to not be able to get swallowed.

[Ray R.]

I loved that toy! Man back when spring loaded didn't have to pass an eye test.

I have a Cylon from that toy run on my toy shelf. Sadly without his weapon.

My Shogun Warrior toy shot his fist at incredible speeds!

They were pretty cool.

There were Star Wars toys that shot projectiles as well, if I remember right.

As I look back of those times within the cepia patina of nostalgia, I see metal and sharp edges. Lots of sharp edges.

Good times, good times.

[Chris Nowlin]

Gosh darn it, it's a royal pain in the keester, trying to post in Rita's and X-Crescence at the same time.

I can't even keep up with one of them.

[Jared_Humpherys]

I find Clockwork's version superior, actually.

I'd pay to see that in a musical.

[Dreadstar]

Oh, I have a medium sized rant on toys, that I post here at CBR occasionally:


Toys have been sanitized, purified and lobotomized and somewhere along the way a lot of the fun was lost. I remember a day when you could buy a chemistry set and actually create something more interesting than baking soda in vinegar foam, or watch litmus paper turn colors. I remember when you could mix together such ingredients as boric acid or tannic acid or powerful alkalis that created enough chemical heat to shatter the (non-Pyrex) beakers. Things that would foam over all brown and purple and melt the cheap nylon of the living room carpet earning you a swift punishment from a parental unit. Contrast THAT to the set I got my kid a year ago, which has about as much bite as a 20-year-old arthritic Basset with no teeth. “Hey dad! Look what happens when I add this phenol to this test tube! It turns purple!” *sob*

Remember Easy-Bake ovens? I understand they still make those, but I also understand that its teeth have been pulled as well. Well do I remember my sister making brownies and real cakes and me burning my fingers trying to swipe them before they cooled. Those pans got freakin’ hot! Speaking of hot, I had a toy called the ‘Strange Change Machine’ where you put these plastic squares in a heated grid chamber and the heat would cause the memory of the plastic to turn it into shapes of monsters or dinosaurs. That was another possible burn inducer. More on that one at some later date. There were a lot of toys based on the “hotplate”. Shrinky-Dinks, Creepy Crawleys, and Thingmakers, just to name a few off the top of my head. They don’t make them any more, because some kid might get burned, I guess.

And what of that venerable old institution, Spirograph? I remember how you had to use these little stickpins to hold the pattern wheels in place on the cardboard. Guess what? They got rid of the pins. And because of the choking hazard, they eventually got rid of Spirograph. Sanitized, I tell you!

*sigh* Train sets got depowered, Tinkertoys got bigger, Erector sets lost their edge, plastic models became glue-less and jacks became plastic (along with slinkys, firetrucks and construction toys). Lawn darts became illegal, clackers disappeared, BB guns became endangered and woodburning kits aren’t feeling very well. And remember those rocking horses with the big springs on the sides?

And it wasn’t just because the toys were dangerous. The PC mind police did a real number on toy guns, and GI Joes went through a REALLY bad patch in the 70’s. Barbies stopped being bimbos, anything remotely suggesting ‘Cowboys and Indians’ got leprosy and war games stopped killing --- the word became “neutralizing.” Except for Nazis. We were still allowed to kill Nazis, of course.

I understand why most of this happened, really I do. Every now and again, some kid would shove a Spirograph pin in his thumb and run screaming to mama or get a blister by trying to pull that melted rubber out of the Thingmaker too soon,0 got their finger caught in the rocking horse spring or (ahem) melted the living room shag carpet. But you know what? The kids that got hurt with these toys were usually the spazzs who had no business with a toy like that in the first place. You knew kids like that when you grew up. The “Um, Donnie, I don’t think it’s a good idea to stick your finger in that lightsocket” kind of kids. Not that we all haven’t stuck our finger in the lightsocket, just that that was the 10th time we told Donnie. And invariably, Donnie had a mother who would grab that Spirograph, or Thingmaker, or Rocking horse and run screaming back to the toy store to give them a scorching piece of their mind. I once got the end of my fingernail torn off by an Erector set experiment gone awry. My mother’s comment as she tortured me with iodine? “Serves you right. You’ll be more careful next time, huh?” Toys were Darwinian. We laughed and laughed at the Donnies of the world for losing their fingernails, piercing their thumbs, burning their fingerprints off and setting the rug on fire. “SPAZ!” we’d yell.

And that was the point! These little setbacks were life lessons. Kids learned from their mistakes. Kids remembered to keep their fingers away from the rocking horse springs. Kids became more meticulous when fixing down a Spirograph wheel. Kids used model glue more sapringly after being unable to pull their fingers apart. Kids figured out how to distract their sisters for the extra 5 minutes it would take for the brownie pan to cool off. I say, let’s de-sanitize the toys! Lets put some extra bite back into playtime! Let’s give the kids toys that return to THEM a little self-respect. Let’s make toys FUN again! We need to identify the Donnies and their parents, anyway.

Just remember to put down a plastic sheet when the kid’s playing with the chemistry set, huh?

[jessecuster3]

They were pretty cool.

There were Star Wars toys that shot projectiles as well, if I remember right.

As I look back of those times within the cepia patina of nostalgia, I see metal and sharp edges. Lots of sharp edges.

Good times, good times.

I remember BSG toys shooting stuff, but I don't remember Star Wars stuff, my X-Wing had a red bulb in the nose that would light up for a laser.

[Ray R.]

Oh yeah! Remember getting as high as you can go on the swing and then jumping off?


You should see the difference in the playground I grew up with, with the giant concrete "swiss cheese", to what is now all padded and rounded edges, etc.

Don't forget the rust factor as well on those swing sets.

We use to have bi-weekly calls to the pediatrician to see if we were up to date on our tetanus shots. "You're gonna get lockjaw....."

[Michael P]

Oh yeah! Remember getting as high as you can go on the swing and then jumping off?


You should see the difference in the playground I grew up with, with the giant concrete "swiss cheese", to what is now all padded and rounded edges, etc.

Oh, don't get me started on playgrounds today. When I was a kid, our playground was lined with gravel. Not the little stuff that you can convince the slow kids is dried boogers, but fucking sharp chalk the size of your thumb. When you took a fall on that stuff, you had somethin' to show for it.

And metal slides that turned into hot death torture machines in the sun. Tire swings made of real tires and hanging off chains that could knock out your teeth. Big, wooden structures with splinters sticking out everywhere. Giant rope "spiderwebs" stretching up to ten feet tall. It was like basic training with cookies after.

[Schuimend Mormel]

I can't even keep up with one of them.

Yeah, same here. I guess I'll have to put Rita's on hold... and give that other thang my undivided attention...

Sayonara...

[jessecuster3]

The one that really pisses me off these days is wooden wagons. I want my semi-rusted one back.

[Tadhg]

I think I'll buy the Danger/Strange Baby a nice chemistry set, eh? The REAL kind. You've inspired me sir.

[Rallura]

Good, Trying to avoid work and the rain. You?

Just got up a few ago,
getting ready to go run errands.
I have to pick up my liver biopsy slides,
fax a thing to payroll, and buy a bra,
and BB is going to go apply a few places.


Fuck yeah.

When they eliminated dangerous toys, they emasculated the children. When they phased out dodgeball, they might as well have reconnected the umbilical cords.

We had this rather heavy
toy metal pistol
that was great for hitting people with.


Gosh darn it, it's a royal pain in the keester, trying to post in Rita's and X-Crescence at the same time.

I just don't have that kind of ambition.
I only post in X-Cres like
once every three months.

[Ray R.]

Oh, I have a medium sized rant on toys, that I post here at CBR occasionally:

Just remember to put down a plastic sheet when the kid’s playing with the chemistry set, huh?

Boy, we just tossed one into your wheelhouse, huh, Dread.

That was a nice little manifesto. Kind of a mix between Charles Bronson and Andy Rooney. And I agree with every word of it.

[Dreadstar]

I think I'll by the Danger/Strange Baby a nice chemistry set, eh? The REAL kind. You've inspired me sir.

I'll bet you can still get the vintage ones on E-bay.

[Dom]

I'll bet you can still get the vintage ones on E-bay.

They don't still make those?

The old school ones, I mean?

[Tadhg]

I'll bet you can still get the vintage ones on E-bay.

I'll make my own chemistry set to send to them. The extra-fun Trix edition Chemistry set. NO2 from the thermal decomposition of Ammonium-Nitrate!

[Dreadstar]

Boy, we just tossed one into your wheelhouse, huh, Dread.

That was a nice little manifesto. Kind of a mix between Charles Bronson and Andy Rooney. And I agree with every word of it.

Thanks.

Yeah, back in the day, I started to do a thing called Uncle Dread's Toychest. I was going to review new games, old games, toys, rant, etc. That was the first installment. It got some decent feedback. Then I did the second one on some boardgames, and . . .


...nothing.

So I gave it up.

[Kid Omega]

Ah, whatevs.

Toys today are pretty cool.

I just bought my 3 year old nephew an awesome foam cutlass... if I had gotten one of those when I was a kid, I would have been stoked. Instead, we made swords out of wood, and couldn't really fight with them without busting our fucking knuckles.

I just don't think that made me a better person in any way.

The same with toy guns... they were pretty cool when they looked real, but a bright neon super-soaker was still WAY better than a realistic fake uzi any day.

[Matt Algren]

Thanks.

Yeah, back in the day, I started to do a thing called Uncle Dread's Toychest. I was going to review new games, old games, toys, rant, etc. That was the first installment. It got some decent feedback. Then I did the second one on some boardgames, and . . .


...nothing.

So I gave it up.
Dread's learned an important life lesson. If you don't get instant gratification from something, just quit.

[Dreadstar]

They don't still make those?

The old school ones, I mean?

Not that I'm aware of, no. They still make chemistry sets, but it only contains "safe" materials.

[Dreadstar]

Dread's learned an important life lesson. If you don't get instant gratification from something, just quit.

What's the point of doing reviews if no one reads 'em?

[Mac Danny]

They were pretty cool.

There were Star Wars toys that shot projectiles as well, if I remember right.

As I look back of those times within the cepia patina of nostalgia, I see metal and sharp edges. Lots of sharp edges.

Good times, good times.

You could kill a child with a Die cast Star wars Millennium falcon.

[Dom]

Not that I'm aware of, no. They still make chemistry sets, but it only contains "safe" materials.

I could have sworn I saw a stack of old school sets at a local Toys R Us. It had the boric acid, gum arabic and all those little glass vials. It actually was called Vintage Chem Lab or something.

I was very close to buying it and attempting to make my own moonshine, but I wussied out.

[Michael P]

The one that really pisses me off these days is wooden wagons. I want my semi-rusted one back.

The fuck? Wagons are red, made of metal, can easily fit a small boy and a tiger and can sustain multiple falls into a ravine.

[Mac Danny]

Ah, whatevs.

Toys today are pretty cool.

I just bought my 3 year old nephew an awesome foam cutlass... if I had gotten one of those when I was a kid, I would have been stoked. Instead, we made swords out of wood, and couldn't really fight with them without busting our fucking knuckles.

I just don't think that made me a better person in any way.

The same with toy guns... they were pretty cool when they looked real, but a bright neon super-soaker was still WAY better than a realistic fake uzi any day.

From Toys R Us? Is it the boig Foam sword for the pool or more of a pirate sword?

[Mac Danny]

Oh, I have a medium sized rant on toys, that I post here at CBR occasionally:


Toys have been sanitized, purified and lobotomized and somewhere along the way a lot of the fun was lost. I remember a day when you could buy a chemistry set and actually create something more interesting than baking soda in vinegar foam, or watch litmus paper turn colors. I remember when you could mix together such ingredients as boric acid or tannic acid or powerful alkalis that created enough chemical heat to shatter the (non-Pyrex) beakers. Things that would foam over all brown and purple and melt the cheap nylon of the living room carpet earning you a swift punishment from a parental unit. Contrast THAT to the set I got my kid a year ago, which has about as much bite as a 20-year-old arthritic Basset with no teeth. “Hey dad! Look what happens when I add this phenol to this test tube! It turns purple!” *sob*

Remember Easy-Bake ovens? I understand they still make those, but I also understand that its teeth have been pulled as well. Well do I remember my sister making brownies and real cakes and me burning my fingers trying to swipe them before they cooled. Those pans got freakin’ hot! Speaking of hot, I had a toy called the ‘Strange Change Machine’ where you put these plastic squares in a heated grid chamber and the heat would cause the memory of the plastic to turn it into shapes of monsters or dinosaurs. That was another possible burn inducer. More on that one at some later date. There were a lot of toys based on the “hotplate”. Shrinky-Dinks, Creepy Crawleys, and Thingmakers, just to name a few off the top of my head. They don’t make them any more, because some kid might get burned, I guess.

And what of that venerable old institution, Spirograph? I remember how you had to use these little stickpins to hold the pattern wheels in place on the cardboard. Guess what? They got rid of the pins. And because of the choking hazard, they eventually got rid of Spirograph. Sanitized, I tell you!

*sigh* Train sets got depowered, Tinkertoys got bigger, Erector sets lost their edge, plastic models became glue-less and jacks became plastic (along with slinkys, firetrucks and construction toys). Lawn darts became illegal, clackers disappeared, BB guns became endangered and woodburning kits aren’t feeling very well. And remember those rocking horses with the big springs on the sides?

And it wasn’t just because the toys were dangerous. The PC mind police did a real number on toy guns, and GI Joes went through a REALLY bad patch in the 70’s. Barbies stopped being bimbos, anything remotely suggesting ‘Cowboys and Indians’ got leprosy and war games stopped killing --- the word became “neutralizing.” Except for Nazis. We were still allowed to kill Nazis, of course.

I understand why most of this happened, really I do. Every now and again, some kid would shove a Spirograph pin in his thumb and run screaming to mama or get a blister by trying to pull that melted rubber out of the Thingmaker too soon,0 got their finger caught in the rocking horse spring or (ahem) melted the living room shag carpet. But you know what? The kids that got hurt with these toys were usually the spazzs who had no business with a toy like that in the first place. You knew kids like that when you grew up. The “Um, Donnie, I don’t think it’s a good idea to stick your finger in that lightsocket” kind of kids. Not that we all haven’t stuck our finger in the lightsocket, just that that was the 10th time we told Donnie. And invariably, Donnie had a mother who would grab that Spirograph, or Thingmaker, or Rocking horse and run screaming back to the toy store to give them a scorching piece of their mind. I once got the end of my fingernail torn off by an Erector set experiment gone awry. My mother’s comment as she tortured me with iodine? “Serves you right. You’ll be more careful next time, huh?” Toys were Darwinian. We laughed and laughed at the Donnies of the world for losing their fingernails, piercing their thumbs, burning their fingerprints off and setting the rug on fire. “SPAZ!” we’d yell.

And that was the point! These little setbacks were life lessons. Kids learned from their mistakes. Kids remembered to keep their fingers away from the rocking horse springs. Kids became more meticulous when fixing down a Spirograph wheel. Kids used model glue more sapringly after being unable to pull their fingers apart. Kids figured out how to distract their sisters for the extra 5 minutes it would take for the brownie pan to cool off. I say, let’s de-sanitize the toys! Lets put some extra bite back into playtime! Let’s give the kids toys that return to THEM a little self-respect. Let’s make toys FUN again! We need to identify the Donnies and their parents, anyway.

Just remember to put down a plastic sheet when the kid’s playing with the chemistry set, huh?

Ever since one kid spent a couple days chewing through his super ball to get the toy pokemon inside and swallowed said Pokemon it has be come a toy concern.

CPSC has taken the fear out of childhood and turned kids into little bubble children who think that everyone gets a trophy and nothing can hurt you if you dream.

Watch your children!!! If you see your kid Chewing on a superball and eating it, maybe he shouldn't have it.

[Dreadstar]

We never battled with swords anyway. We preferred BB guns.

[Kid Omega]

From Toys R Us? Is it the boig Foam sword for the pool or more of a pirate sword?

Pirate cutlass with matching dagger.

We took it in the pool, and the glue eventually came apart.

[Mac Danny]

We never battled with swords anyway. We preferred BB guns.

Never had any BB guns, But we had lots of toy swords you could really whomp on each other with.

whiffle ball bats were also good for this purpose.

[Matt Algren]

What's the point of doing reviews if no one reads 'em?
Thy dagger, it stings.

[Kid Omega]

We never battled with swords anyway. We preferred BB guns.

Yes. Shooting each other with BBs prepared many generations for IT jobs in flourescent cubicles.

[Mac Danny]

Pirate cutlass with matching dagger.

We took it in the pool, and the glue eventually came apart.

On sale at TRU? With lights and sounds? Power Foam?

I designed that! That's my toy. What a colossal failure it was, but its still mine!

[Dreadstar]

Yes. Shooting each other with BBs prepared many generations for IT jobs in flourescent cubicles.

Thanks man!




So, what's your problem today?

[Paul McEnery]

OTOH, I do like that spongy stuff they put in little kids' playgrounds.

Means you can take your eye off them for a bit while you take a smoke and chat up the nannies.

[Rallura]

It was always a problem of mine
when I had the day care.
The kids were desensitized
to the fact that they could actually get hurt.
When everything's safe,
its harder to learn to be careful.

[Paul McEnery]

Pirate cutlass with matching dagger.

We took it in the pool, and the glue eventually came apart.

Yes. Shooting each other with BBs prepared many generations for IT jobs in flourescent cubicles.

I have a sudden urge to hold up a comic book store with a light sabre.

[Kid Omega]

On sale at TRU? With lights and sounds? Power Foam?

I designed that! That's my toy. What a colossal failure it was, but its still mine!

No no... it was just a big foam sword... no lights, no nothin'.

Fun as hell, though.

[Paul McEnery]

It was always a problem of mine
when I had the day care.
The kids were desensitized
to the fact that they could actually get hurt.
When everything's safe,
its harder to learn to be careful.


Right there, the nightmare of American foreign policy.

Ooh, a little bit of politics, missus!

[Mac Danny]

No no... it was just a big foam sword... no lights, no nothin'.

Fun as hell, though.

Damn.. GO BUY MY SWORDS!

[Tadhg]

OTOH, I do like that spongy stuff they put in little kids' playgrounds.

Means you can take your eye off them for a bit while you take a smoke and chat up the nannies.


Who is having you watch kids?

[Dreadstar]

Who is having you watch kids?

That was my first thought, but...

[Mac Danny]

It was always a problem of mine
when I had the day care.
The kids were desensitized
to the fact that they could actually get hurt.
When everything's safe,
its harder to learn to be careful.


Kids, If you can't smack em, how will they learn?

you have 10 years to scare them straight, that's it.

Sometimes my wife gets concerned about the stove. She'll say something like, What if the cats go up there when the bruner is cooling off and they burn their paws?

I say" well they probably won't do it again. "

[Paul McEnery]

This is the toy I most coveted when I was a kid.

http://www.bigredtoybox.com/cgi-bin/toynfo.pl?johnny7index

http://www.writersblocklive.com/images/johnnyseven.jpg

Needless to say, my stupid cheap preacher dad who was a total pacifist who thought everyone should have to do national service did not think I should have one of these.

Bah!

[Paul McEnery]

Who is having you watch kids?

Registered child care provider in the state of California. In your face!

[Kid Omega]

Thanks man!




So, what's your problem today?

Uh, I have no problem.

I just don't know how many valuable life lessons there are when beloved toys take off a finger (or whatever). This idea that previous generations with their unsafe toys are somehow better off makes no sense to me. I know plenty of kids, younger than me, that are tough as hell, and only had NERF products growing up. On the flip side, there are ample fat pussies in the world that grew up on choking hazards and pellet guns.

[Dreadstar]

This is the toy I most coveted when I was a kid.

I loved that thing, but the grenade launcher would only work sporadically, and then the spring would break, the little plastic bullets would travel the grand distance of 15 feet, and the stock came off in a gentle breeze.


But it looked cool!

[Dom]

Registered child care provider in the state of California. In your face!

I'm frightened for California.

And the Universe in general.

[Mac Danny]

Who is having you watch kids?

Oh he doesn't watch them. He just goes to Hit on the Nanny's.

That over 40 crowd loves a tortured single dad.

[Rallura]

Who is having you watch kids?

I would also like to know...


Kids, If you can't smack em, how will they learn?

you have 10 years to scare them straight, that's it.

Sometimes my wife gets concerned about the stove. She'll say something like, What if the cats go up there when the bruner is cooling off and they burn their paws?

I say" well they probably won't do it again. "

It took Vaudeville
three times
before he figured out
there was no possible way
to be up there and not get hurt.
Now he sits on the counter
and glares at me.

[Mac Danny]

Registered child care provider in the state of California. In your face!

That a new way of saying Sex offender?

[Dreadstar]

Well, with that usual predictable ray of sunshine, I'm out of here.

Catch you guys tomorrow.

[Tadhg]

Registered child care provider in the state of California. In your face!

I have visions of Futurama with Bender and the orphans.

[jessecuster3]

The same with toy guns... they were pretty cool when they looked real, but a bright neon super-soaker was still WAY better than a realistic fake uzi any day.


We loved the ones that shot hollow rubber bullets. You shot the guns by squeezing teh handles(I don't know the word for it) together and the air launched the "bullets".

[Mac Danny]

Uh, I have no problem.

I just don't know how many valuable life lessons there are when beloved toys take off a finger (or whatever). This idea that previous generations with their unsafe toys are somehow better off makes no sense to me. I know plenty of kids, younger than me, that are tough as hell, and only had NERF products growing up. On the flip side, there are ample fat pussies in the world that grew up on choking hazards and pellet guns.

The truly inspired child will do what they can to make a safe toy unsafe.

[Kid Omega]

We loved the ones that shot hollow rubber bullets. You shot the guns by squeezing teh handles(I don't know the word for it) together and the air launched the "bullets".

They still make those.

They're great.

[Mac Danny]

I would also like to know...




It took Vaudeville
three times
before he figured out
there was no possible way
to be up there and not get hurt.
Now he sits on the counter
and glares at me.


I believe cats are blessed with disturbingly low short term memory. This is how they can sleep all day for 16 years without TV and not want to kill themselves.

[Rallura]

Uh, I have no problem.

I just don't know how many valuable life lessons there are when beloved toys take off a finger (or whatever). This idea that previous generations with their unsafe toys are somehow better off makes no sense to me. I know plenty of kids, younger than me, that are tough as hell, and only had NERF products growing up. On the flip side, there are ample fat pussies in the world that grew up on choking hazards and pellet guns.

I couldn't care less
if they are tough or not,
I just wanted them to know
when you whack someone with something
you might hurt them.
The ones with the foam swords
and subsequent lack of parental supervision
always seemed to be the ones
who ended up seriously hurting another kid
cause they didn't get it.

[Tadhg]

I couldn't care less
if they are tough or not,
I just wanted them to know
when you whack someone with something
you might hurt them.
The ones with the foam swords
and subsequent lack of parental supervision
always seemed to be the ones
who ended up seriously hurting another kid
cause they didn't get it.


Just like puppies that are taken away from the litter too early and don't learn proper bite inhibition.

[Kid Omega]

Well, with that usual predictable ray of sunshine, I'm out of here.

Catch you guys tomorrow.

yeah... that long rant about how children playing with safe toys are going to be ruined pansies was a milkshake of positivity.

I guess one thing you learn playing with dangerous toys is how to handle mild disagreements online!

[Paul McEnery]

We loved the ones that shot hollow rubber bullets. You shot the guns by squeezing teh handles(I don't know the word for it) together and the air launched the "bullets".

Now I have a picture in my head of your sex life that's even worse than the transformer in your pants.

[Kid Omega]

I couldn't care less
if they are tough or not,
I just wanted them to know
when you whack someone with something
you might hurt them.
The ones with the foam swords
and subsequent lack of parental supervision
always seemed to be the ones
who ended up seriously hurting another kid
cause they didn't get it.


You know, stupid kids whose parents aren't paying attention will hurt and get hurt no matter what the toy is.

[Paul McEnery]

Oh he doesn't watch them. He just goes to Hit on the Nanny's.

That over 40 crowd loves a tortured single dad.

A child is even better than a wedding ring.

Course, it puts them all in estrus.

[Paul McEnery]

You know, stupid kids whose parents aren't paying attention will hurt and get hurt no matter what the toy is.

Exactly the point! Make those toys lethal!

[Guapo Méndez]

When we moved to Merida, we were strapped for cash. So I missed on a great deal of toys.

We used to play Urban Commando. We were divided into two camps: defenders and attackers. We each carried a 2 kilo can of powdered milk filled with gravel. We'd either attack or defend a house that spent 2 years being constructed. Among unfinished stairs, non-reinforced columns and loose equipment everywhere.

You guys worry about nerf bullets? We dodged fistfulls of gravel and liked it.

[Ed Cunard]

When I was a kid, the only toys I cared about were GI Joes, Transformers, Legos, and the like.

You know, shit that one could play with by himself. I wasn't a social child.

[Rallura]

You know, stupid kids whose parents aren't paying attention will hurt and get hurt no matter what the toy is.

Of course they will.
But even fairly intelligent children,
the longer they are kept in that foam padded world
the less likely they are
to be able to make the connection.
I ran the daycare for
what, seven years?
And started babysitting when I was ten.
What I am saying is what I have observed.
Your world is not mine.

[Paul McEnery]

When I was a kid, the only toys I cared about were GI Joes, Transformers, Legos, and the like.

You know, shit that one could play with by himself. I wasn't a social child.

How long does it take to get a lego out of your urethra?

Or into it, for that matter?

[Rallura]

Alright,
BB's dressed
so we're going.

Why did I agree to dress up tonight?

[Mac Danny]

A child is even better than a wedding ring.

Course, it puts them all in estrus.

For picking up ladies you will need one of the folowing..

Dog on a leash, preferably a terrier of some kind.

A Baby in a stroller

A Wedding Ring Tan (no ring, but the tan to let them know you are recently divorced)

[Kid Omega]

Of course they will.
But even fairly intelligent children,
the longer they are kept in that foam padded world
the less likely they are
to be able to make the connection.
I ran the daycare for
what, seven years?
And started babysitting when I was ten.
What I am saying is what I have observed.
Your world is not mine.




Well that's the end of that!

You sure told me, that there thing where i wasn't really disagreeing!

EDIT: Holy fuck! I miss vacation!

[Slam_Bradley]

It is ture, I must find some joy in making toys that seek to confuse grandparents and appeal to frugal moms.

My legacy will be that no child has to pretend a stick is a sword.


Then you're failing miserably. My six year old has never seen a stick that isn't a sword. And they all need to be kept forever along with his "neat" gravel collection.

[Mac Danny]

Alright,
BB's dressed
so we're going.

Why did I agree to dress up tonight?



Dressing up can be fun. Like going out and being real people for a night.

[Mac Danny]

How long does it take to get a lego out of your urethra?

Or into it, for that matter?

Depends on how many connectors? Those 6 brick connectors will take some doing.

[Jeff Brady]

One of my clients, a very popular children's book publisher, has a design team that isn't exactly on the ball.

After a series of proof and changes, and completing the job, they notice a few flaws.

I worked until 11 last night making sure we met their deadline. I walk in, and discover their newest disaster. I just want to walk over there and snap off all of their worthless heads.

[Paul McEnery]

For picking up ladies you will need one of the folowing..

Dog on a leash, preferably a terrier of some kind.

A Baby in a stroller

A Wedding Ring Tan (no ring, but the tan to let them know you are recently divorced)

Of course, kids are the male equivalent of tits. The eyes are up here!

Which is why God invented the piggyback.

[Guapo Méndez]

Then you're failing miserably. My six year old has never seen a stick that isn't a sword. And they all need to be kept forever along with his "neat" gravel collection.

We fought sword-fights with broken pieces of an aluminum antena (I have the faintest remnant of what was a scar all along my left forearm), we removed the suction cups of the gun-and spring-dart launchers, we used to shoot at each other using sharpies and a mini-crossbow. Hell, my brother melted glass, silicone and lead in the kitchen oven.

Ah, fun times.

[Matt Algren]

When I was a kid, the only toys I cared about were GI Joes, Transformers, Legos, and the like.

You know, shit that one could play with by himself. I wasn't a social child.Yeah, playing with yourself rocks.

...

That's not what I meant. I had three best friends move away before the 6th grade, two of them within weeks of each other.

Eleven-year-old me decided that it'd be better to quit trying, so he learned to play by himself.

[Slam_Bradley]

Two words: Lawn Darts.

We used to play chicken with them.



So did we. And you could leave incredible welts when hitting someone with orange plastic Hot Wheels track.

[darkhanamaru]

Of course, kids are the male equivalent of tits. The eyes are up here!

Which is why God invented the piggyback.

the piggyback is so yesterday...what every manny needs is the bjorn

http://www.babybjorn.com/upload/Temp/emotion_img/product/emo_img_bb_active.jpg

[Matt Algren]

One of my clients, a very popular children's book publisher, has a design team that isn't exactly on the ball.

After a series of proof and changes, and completing the job, they notice a few flaws.

I worked until 11 last night making sure we met their deadline. I walk in, and discover their newest disaster. I just want to walk over there and snap off all of their worthless heads.
Do it! Do it! Do it!

[Slam_Bradley]

I find it somewhat sad that the only exposure I've had of "Singing in the Rain" is from "A Clockwork Orange."


Oh you lucky man.

[Guapo Méndez]

I had demolition derbys with my Transformers. Trailbreaker totally destroyed Smokescreen.

[darkhanamaru]

I was so normal...

I spent my time decapitating barbies until i gave up toys all together.









well, certain toys....

[Slam_Bradley]

We never battled with swords anyway. We preferred BB guns.


I had a bb lodged in my leg for over two months before it finally pussed its way to the surface. No way on God's green earth I was going to tell Mom or Dad about it.

[jessecuster3]

I had demolition derbys with my Transformers. Trailbreaker totally destroyed Smokescreen.

Heh, we just hooked M-80s to our GI Joes.

[darkhanamaru]

I had a bb lodged in my leg for over two months before it finally pussed its way to the surface. No way on God's green earth I was going to tell Mom or Dad about it.

I grew up partly in hunting country. my friend's dad would shoot us with bb's so we got "tougher"

[Mac Danny]

We fought sword-fights with broken pieces of an aluminum antena (I have the faintest remnant of what was a scar all along my left forearm), we removed the suction cups of the gun-and spring-dart launchers, we used to shoot at each other using sharpies and a mini-crossbow. Hell, my brother melted glass, silicone and lead in the kitchen oven.

Ah, fun times.

I used Bar B Q rotisserie Sticks. Good weight, Metal, and kind of a hilt.

Later the Rotisserie stick would be kit bashed to build a sai.

[Guapo Méndez]

My brother had a game called Hunter.
He was the hunter. I was the prey. His ammo were darts. I caught three in the back and one in my leg.

[Tadhg]

I wasn't really into toys that much. I did disassemble my Apple //c when I was 5. Including the monitor. I wasn't really supervised growing up.

[thespianphryne]

Did no one here spend hours on hours and reams of paper trying to build the perfect paper plane?


-Das

[jessecuster3]

I wasn't really into toys that much. I did disassemble my Apple //c when I was 5. Including the monitor. I wasn't really supervised growing up.

It was always about destroying the toys, this is why my only remaining ones were Legos, Tinker Toys, Lincoln Logs(which are now plastic), and blocks.
Oh yeah and a few Capsela, too.

[darkhanamaru]

It was always about destroying the toys, this is why my only remaining ones were Legos, Tinker Toys, Lincoln Logs(which are now plastic), and blocks.
Oh yeah and a few Capsela, too.

i totally forgot about capsela! didn't they have the water ones too?

[Slam_Bradley]

I grew up partly in hunting country. my friend's dad would shoot us with bb's so we got "tougher"


Dad would have just said I was a Dumbass for having exposed skin in a BB-gun fight. Mom probably would have wanted to take it out. That would have hurt a whole lot worse than leaving it in.

It came out eventually. Didn't even scar much. Not like the pencil lead that was shoved into my leg.

[jessecuster3]

i totally forgot about capsela! didn't they have the water ones too?

That's what the big awkward yellow things were for. So it could float.

[Merey]

Did no one here spend hours on hours and reams of paper trying to build the perfect paper plane?


-Das


O my god, no. Just think of all those potential paper cuts.

[Paul McEnery]

O my god, no. Just think of all those potential paper cuts.

Exactly.

Pen and paper are dangerous.

Computers are chockablock with kiddyfiddlers.

Just as well we never learned to read and write.

[Dom]

Just as well we never learned to read and write.


I never did, and it has served me well.

[Slam_Bradley]

Did no one here spend hours on hours and reams of paper trying to build the perfect paper plane?




Sure. During classes.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

We fought sword-fights with broken pieces of an aluminum antena (I have the faintest remnant of what was a scar all along my left forearm), we removed the suction cups of the gun-and spring-dart launchers, we used to shoot at each other using sharpies and a mini-crossbow. Hell, my brother melted glass, silicone and lead in the kitchen oven.

Ah, fun times.

We grew up next to a small wooded area. In the middle of it was an area that looked as if there had been construction at one time. There were remains of what looked to be concrete walls (all crumbled down to a foot high or so) and huge, rusted industrial pipes, like sewer pipes. We used to push the pipes up to the top of a hill (usually a three or four kid job), then get inside and roll them down. We'd run over every stump and rock along the way until finally crashing into a tree and emerge battered and bruised, only to start pushing it up the hill to do it again.

After we got tired of that, we'd go over to a small ridge that was mostly crumbling sandstone, tie one of the old rotten ropes we'd left there around our waists and try to climb down. Invariably, a ledge would give way and we had to pray the rope wouldn't break, otherwise it was a good 12 foot fall to the ground.

And in the winter, we'd go through the woods past the old sanitarium to the biggest hill in the city. The hill ended right above one of the major boulevards. The game was to sled down the hill and try to get as close to the road as possible without actually going into traffic.

Then there was the time I took my dad's red plastic jug of gas into the woods so we could play "napalm" with our G.I. Joes. We almost burned the whole damn woods to the ground.

Great fun.

[jessecuster3]

We grew up next to a small wooded area. In the middle of it was an area that looked as if there had been construction at one time. There were remains of what looked to be concrete walls (all crumbled down to a foot high or so) and huge, rusted industrial pipes, like sewer pipes. We used to push the pipes up to the top of a hill (usually a three or four kid job), then get inside and roll them down. We'd run over every stump and rock along the way until finally crashing into a tree and emerge battered and bruised, only to start pushing it up the hill to do it again.

After we got tired of that, we'd go over to a small ridge that was mostly crumbling sandstone, tie one of the old rotten ropes we'd left there around our waists and try to climb down. Invariably, a ledge would give way and we had to pray the rope wouldn't break, otherwise it was a good 12 foot fall to the ground.

And in the winter, we'd go through the woods past the old sanitarium to the biggest hill in the city. The hill ended right above one of the major boulevards. The game was to sled down the hill and try to get as close to the road as possible without actually going into traffic.

Then there was the time I took my dad's red plastic jug of gas into the woods so we could play "napalm" with our G.I. Joes. We almost burned the whole damn woods to the ground.

Great fun.

And of course you were wearing foam cheese on your head the whole time, too.

[Jeff Brady]

When I was a kid, the only toys I cared about were GI Joes, Transformers, Legos, and the like.

You know, shit that one could play with by himself. I wasn't a social child.

Same here. I'm a little surprised at your list, though. No My Little Pony or Barbie?

Yeah, playing with yourself rocks.

...

That's not what I meant. I had three best friends move away before the 6th grade, two of them within weeks of each other.

Eleven-year-old me decided that it'd be better to quit trying, so he learned to play by himself.

When I was five or six, we moved from a rather central part of town to the outskirts. It wasn't just that there were no kids in the new neighborhood; there wasn't much of a neighborhood.

Did no one here spend hours on hours and reams of paper trying to build the perfect paper plane?


-Das

Yes, on one rainy summer day like this. It was a collaborative effort at the baby sitter's house. We had a book with different designs to follow, and we tried combining them.

Flew like a lead zeppelin, it did.

[HomerJay]

When we were kids, my friends and I used to beat drifters to death for fun.

[Dom]

When we were kids, my friends and I used to beat drifters to death for fun.

and profit.

don't forget the profit.

[tricksterpup]

We grew up next to a small wooded area. In the middle of it was an area that looked as if there had been construction at one time. There were remains of what looked to be concrete walls (all crumbled down to a foot high or so) and huge, rusted industrial pipes, like sewer pipes. We used to push the pipes up to the top of a hill (usually a three or four kid job), then get inside and roll them down. We'd run over every stump and rock along the way until finally crashing into a tree and emerge battered and bruised, only to start pushing it up the hill to do it again.

After we got tired of that, we'd go over to a small ridge that was mostly crumbling sandstone, tie one of the old rotten ropes we'd left there around our waists and try to climb down. Invariably, a ledge would give way and we had to pray the rope wouldn't break, otherwise it was a good 12 foot fall to the ground.

And in the winter, we'd go through the woods past the old sanitarium to the biggest hill in the city. The hill ended right above one of the major boulevards. The game was to sled down the hill and try to get as close to the road as possible without actually going into traffic.

Then there was the time I took my dad's red plastic jug of gas into the woods so we could play "napalm" with our G.I. Joes. We almost burned the whole damn woods to the ground.

Great fun.
It was always easier for me. i used just roam the fields behind my house as a wee pup.
http://www.hoothollow.com/Yellowstone%202005/Coyote%20jump%20A%20-010758%20RAW.jpg

http://www.vividlight.com/23/images/COYOTE%20JUMP.JPG

[Tages]

Registered child care provider in the state of California. In your face!

You should bring that up the next time Mike SMASH! goes on one of his "How horrible it is to lie to a child" things.

[Ed Cunard]

When we were kids, my friends and I used to beat drifters to death for fun.

Under the boardwalk?

[Matt Algren]

When I was five or six, we moved from a rather central part of town to the outskirts. It wasn't just that there were no kids in the new neighborhood; there wasn't much of a neighborhood.

Pff. You've never lived in the country. Here's the neighborhood where I grew up.

35967

(Not that this is a contest. And a good thing too, cause I totally P3NED you!)

[Mac Danny]

Did no one here spend hours on hours and reams of paper trying to build the perfect paper plane?


-Das

I did once illustrate an origami book on paper airplanes. Paper airplanes were the best.

With a little paper clip in front to give you a little more OMMPH!

[Dom]

I just read the worst asset transfer agreement ever written.

I think the lawyer that drew this up was drunk and high at the same time.

[Gladiaria_Alata]

I just read the worst asset transfer agreement ever written.

I think the lawyer that drew this up was drunk and high at the same time.

That bad? .....

[Paul McEnery]

You should bring that up the next time Mike SMASH! goes on one of his "How horrible it is to lie to a child" things.

It's vitally important to lie to children.

And even more important to teach them how to lie properly. Especially to other people's Mommys. For snacks.

[tricksterpup]

I just read the worst asset transfer agreement ever written.

I think the lawyer that drew this up was drunk and high at the same time.

Was Ray drinking again??

[Jeff Brady]

Pff. You've never lived in the country. Here's the neighborhood where I grew up.

35967

(Not that this is a contest. And a good thing too, cause I totally P3NED you!)

Dairy farm across the highway from my house.

[Guapo Méndez]

I just read the worst asset transfer agreement ever written.

I think the lawyer that drew this up was drunk and high at the same time.

Maybe his delivery boy substituted his cilantro for a batch of MJ. Perhaps he wasn't tipping him well.

[Matt Algren]

Dairy farm across the highway from my house.
Pig farm AT my house. AND we didn't have a highway!

p3NED!

[DarkBlade]

Thanks, Rags.

My kids just found their Darth Vader lightsabers and they want to re-enact Anakin vs. Obi-Wan's fight in the outside where "the wind is blowing and it makes our hair and clothes go wild, like in the movies."

I've paddlocked the door.

HA! That's awesome!

I mean.. uhm.. err.. they shouldn't do that, it's not safe! >_>

[Paul McEnery]

HA! That's awesome!

I mean.. uhm.. err.. they shouldn't do that, it's not safe! >_>

Exactly what I thought.

You got locks on the windows, Guapo?

[Guapo Méndez]

Exactly what I thought.

You got locks on the windows, Guapo?

No, but they are barred.

[Jeff Brady]

p3NED!

What does that even mean?

[Mac Danny]

Pig farm AT my house. AND we didn't have a highway!

p3NED!

And yet you can still read and write? Do you also enjoy the comedy stylings of Gallagher?

[Mac Danny]

I just read the worst asset transfer agreement ever written.

I think the lawyer that drew this up was drunk and high at the same time.

Dom - "Oh What do you know, my names on it.. Boy is my face red."

[DarkBlade]

Oh, I have a medium sized rant on toys, that I post here at CBR occasionally:


Toys have been sanitized, purified and lobotomized and somewhere along the way a lot of the fun was lost. I remember a day when you could buy a chemistry set and actually create something more interesting than baking soda in vinegar foam, or watch litmus paper turn colors. I remember when you could mix together such ingredients as boric acid or tannic acid or powerful alkalis that created enough chemical heat to shatter the (non-Pyrex) beakers. Things that would foam over all brown and purple and melt the cheap nylon of the living room carpet earning you a swift punishment from a parental unit. Contrast THAT to the set I got my kid a year ago, which has about as much bite as a 20-year-old arthritic Basset with no teeth. “Hey dad! Look what happens when I add this phenol to this test tube! It turns purple!” *sob*

Remember Easy-Bake ovens? I understand they still make those, but I also understand that its teeth have been pulled as well. Well do I remember my sister making brownies and real cakes and me burning my fingers trying to swipe them before they cooled. Those pans got freakin’ hot! Speaking of hot, I had a toy called the ‘Strange Change Machine’ where you put these plastic squares in a heated grid chamber and the heat would cause the memory of the plastic to turn it into shapes of monsters or dinosaurs. That was another possible burn inducer. More on that one at some later date. There were a lot of toys based on the “hotplate”. Shrinky-Dinks, Creepy Crawleys, and Thingmakers, just to name a few off the top of my head. They don’t make them any more, because some kid might get burned, I guess.

And what of that venerable old institution, Spirograph? I remember how you had to use these little stickpins to hold the pattern wheels in place on the cardboard. Guess what? They got rid of the pins. And because of the choking hazard, they eventually got rid of Spirograph. Sanitized, I tell you!

*sigh* Train sets got depowered, Tinkertoys got bigger, Erector sets lost their edge, plastic models became glue-less and jacks became plastic (along with slinkys, firetrucks and construction toys). Lawn darts became illegal, clackers disappeared, BB guns became endangered and woodburning kits aren’t feeling very well. And remember those rocking horses with the big springs on the sides?

And it wasn’t just because the toys were dangerous. The PC mind police did a real number on toy guns, and GI Joes went through a REALLY bad patch in the 70’s. Barbies stopped being bimbos, anything remotely suggesting ‘Cowboys and Indians’ got leprosy and war games stopped killing --- the word became “neutralizing.” Except for Nazis. We were still allowed to kill Nazis, of course.

I understand why most of this happened, really I do. Every now and again, some kid would shove a Spirograph pin in his thumb and run screaming to mama or get a blister by trying to pull that melted rubber out of the Thingmaker too soon,0 got their finger caught in the rocking horse spring or (ahem) melted the living room shag carpet. But you know what? The kids that got hurt with these toys were usually the spazzs who had no business with a toy like that in the first place. You knew kids like that when you grew up. The “Um, Donnie, I don’t think it’s a good idea to stick your finger in that lightsocket” kind of kids. Not that we all haven’t stuck our finger in the lightsocket, just that that was the 10th time we told Donnie. And invariably, Donnie had a mother who would grab that Spirograph, or Thingmaker, or Rocking horse and run screaming back to the toy store to give them a scorching piece of their mind. I once got the end of my fingernail torn off by an Erector set experiment gone awry. My mother’s comment as she tortured me with iodine? “Serves you right. You’ll be more careful next time, huh?” Toys were Darwinian. We laughed and laughed at the Donnies of the world for losing their fingernails, piercing their thumbs, burning their fingerprints off and setting the rug on fire. “SPAZ!” we’d yell.

And that was the point! These little setbacks were life lessons. Kids learned from their mistakes. Kids remembered to keep their fingers away from the rocking horse springs. Kids became more meticulous when fixing down a Spirograph wheel. Kids used model glue more sapringly after being unable to pull their fingers apart. Kids figured out how to distract their sisters for the extra 5 minutes it would take for the brownie pan to cool off. I say, let’s de-sanitize the toys! Lets put some extra bite back into playtime! Let’s give the kids toys that return to THEM a little self-respect. Let’s make toys FUN again! We need to identify the Donnies and their parents, anyway.

Just remember to put down a plastic sheet when the kid’s playing with the chemistry set, huh?

I had a chemistry set about.. 13 years ago? I forget what all I could do with it.. the instructions told me jack so I kinda started futzin with stuff. I was on an enclosed concrete floored back porch/room though.

I want my spirograph back! And mama hated the EZ Bake oven, cause it was a bitch to clean if the pans overfilled..

I was terrified of getting my leg or finger or some various bit of skin caught in the springs of the rocking horse.. we had like, industrial strength springs on the damn thing. I can't remember if I ever actually CAUGHT flesh in it, but I know I was terrified of doin it. I'd assume from that that I did, but my hand got shut in a car door once so I might have just connected the potential pain from that.

[DarkBlade]

You know, stupid kids whose parents aren't paying attention will hurt and get hurt no matter what the toy is.

Actually, Rally was talking about that kid hurting OTHER kids, because they don't have a very good concept of "If I swing this here stick as hard as I can, I might crack someone's bone with it, or at least induce sobs."

[Matt Algren]

What does that even mean?No one can hear my comments!!! (http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1771556)

And yet you can still read and write? Do you also enjoy the comedy stylings of Gallagher?No. Gallagher is the Antichrist.

Calf scrambles, though. Those are awesome.

[DarkBlade]

Exactly what I thought.

You got locks on the windows, Guapo?
Honestly, I'd probably let 'em out WITH me if I didn't have a wee little one to keep track of too, under one condition: when I yell to get inside, it doesn't matter who has who almost beat or in what death throws, it means sprint for the goddamn door and get in the house.

If the winds are knocking the kids over, that constitutes get in the house.

[Mac Danny]

Actually, Rally was talking about that kid hurting OTHER kids, because they don't have a very good concept of "If I swing this here stick as hard as I can, I might crack someone's bone with it, or at least induce sobs."

I once broke a kids arm with a See-Saw. Accident.. total accident.

[Matt Algren]

I once broke a kids arm with a See-Saw. Accident.. total accident.
Yeah, next time you finished the job, right?

[DarkBlade]

I grew up partly in hunting country. my friend's dad would shoot us with bb's so we got "tougher"

Ok, that's effing retarded. Way to teach kids how to use guns responsibly.

[tricksterpup]

Yeah, next time you finished the job, right?

Yes, he had me bury the body.

[Paul McEnery]

No, but they are barred.

Hmm.

Do they happen to have a vaulting horse in their room for some reason? :D

[Dom]

That bad? .....

If I was my client, I would sue my lawyer for being a drooling moron.

[Guapo Méndez]

Hmm.

Do they happen to have a vaulting horse in their room for some reason? :D

No, but I remember being very good at climbing out of windows and into roofs.

Preventive measure.

[jessecuster3]

If I was my client, I would sue my lawyer for being a drooling moron.

Don't talk about Ray and Huffypuffy like that!

[Dom]

Don't talk about Ray and Huffypuffy like that!

Why?

They aren't drooling morons, are they?

[Puma]

Well I'm back. I actually did a really good interview, the interviewers provided a good critique at the end and if I had wanted one of the positions I think I had a very good shot. Oh well.

[Paul McEnery]

Well I'm back. I actually did a really good interview, the interviewers provided a good critique at the end and if I had wanted one of the positions I think I had a very good shot. Oh well.

So what you going to do when they offer you the job? :D

[Gingold]

Hey everybody.

Glad to see you're okay, Guapo.

[Puma]

So what you going to do when they offer you the job? :D

since I told them I didn't want either position I don't think they'll offer.

[Dom]

Ah. The Memories (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ljp-Izoc5k&mode=related&search=)

[Orc Breath]

I'm posting this from the library:

My parents took my computer away after finding the short stories I've been writing and trying to get published. They were mostly horror stories and were pretty graphic and sexual. My parents are just so fucking lame. All my mom is ever says is "just be normal". WTF is normal? My mom goddamn farts while eating dinner and laughs about it. She stuff beans and coleslaw in her mouth and tries to have a discussion and all you see is a mess up food flying out of her mouth.

My parents are always trying to push junk food on me and then berate me for being fat. They say "just don't eat it" but then when they go grocery shopping they come back with 3 or 4 bags of chips for me and if I don't eat them I don't get money for comics. Fucked up eh?

Anyways, I don't know when I get my computer back. It's getting to the point where I'm thinking life isn't worth living. If I wasn't disabled I would be living on my own. But unfortunately, life gave me the shitty end of the stick.

[Paul McEnery]

since I told them I didn't want either position I don't think they'll offer.

"This much power must never be offered to anyone who wants it."
"She's in, then."

[Matt Algren]

I'm posting this from the library:

My parents took my computer away after finding the short stories I've been writing and trying to get published. They were mostly horror stories and were pretty graphic and sexual. My parents are just so fucking lame. All my mom is ever says is "just be normal". WTF is normal? My mom goddamn farts while eating dinner and laughs about it. She stuff beans and coleslaw in her mouth and tries to have a discussion and all you see is a mess up food flying out of her mouth.

My parents are always trying to push junk food on me and then berate me for being fat. They say "just don't eat it" but then when they go grocery shopping they come back with 3 or 4 bags of chips for me and if I don't eat them I don't get money for comics. Fucked up eh?

Anyways, I don't know when I get my computer back. It's getting to the point where I'm thinking life isn't worth living. If I wasn't disabled I would be living on my own. But unfortunately, life gave me the shitty end of the stick.
PLS KEEP POSTING UR BLOG!!!

[Puma]

"This much power must never be offered to anyone who wants it."
"She's in, then."

You're an evil man.

[Jared_Humpherys]

You're an evil man.

He should have henchmen.

[Gingold]

PLS KEEP POSTING UR BL