The Grand Beef
06-04-2007, 12:09 AM
I don’t much remember who I was. It doesn’t matter. I don’t much care where I’m going. It doesn’t matter. I am here, living and surviving.
I have two things in my arsenal. These two things are my smile and my mind. Charm goes a very long way. I can make friends easily. I’ve been told I have a quiet voice and easy walk which puts people at ease. I listen to what people say. I’m friendly, I’m courteous. I’m a bad person, with just enough good to make me seductively exciting. I have quirks, but I don’t see them as quirks, its just who I am.
I haven’t had a home in five years. My mother and father took turns hurting me, so I left. I moved in with a friend. Things happened, so I left again. I made other friends. I stayed with them. I continued moving, from place to place, life to life, and experience to experience. Back then, I was swimming in the current of drug addiction, floating from substance to substance, anything to keep me afloat. The money ran dry, I ran dry.
Soon after that I was at a very low point. I remember things, like from a dream. Sunken eyes, I remember. I remember cackling laughs, I remember blood, I remember fear, I remember damp alleys and city sounds. I remember becoming a rag doll of abuse, the lowest of the low. I did things to survive.
And, I did survive. I experienced things no person should experience. But what is there to do? Learn. Every experience, good or bad, is a learning experience. I clawed my way back from the pit of addiction, criminality and filth. I moved on.
---
There is one rule I’ve always kept. Never Trust.
---
There was a time when there was calm. Somehow, through connections with people I barely knew, I made my way west. I was abandoned, as was expected. I went from the guts of New York to the Breadbasket. The difference in reality was jarring, but there is always adaptation. I felt like I was on another planet. I would look and see only two things. I would see a road, straight, ahead and behind, empty. On either side were miles of fields. What was there to do? I walked.
---
One night I had been walking, and there had been no vehicles on the road for hours. But I kept walking. Night came, and I made a makeshift camp at the side of the road. I found an old rusted broken down pickup truck that looked like it had been there for hundreds of years. I slept in a bed for the first time in weeks. I remember lying there, hungry, staring at the sky. I’ve never experienced a quiet so quiet. There was nothing. There was only darkness and quiet. I probably could have talked myself into thinking I was dead or insane, but for the hard rusty reality of the dead vehicle I was laying on.
Then, in the quiet, in the dark, I felt. It was something so simple, so small, so nothing, but it was something. It was just a slight breeze, a cool kiss on my skin. This slight touch in such an empty world, it excited me. The tiny hairs on my arms tingled and bumped. The smell of power entered my nostrils. My mouth salivated and my penis became erect. I felt something coming.
I sat up and looked into the distance. And I sat there, quiet, staring at the pure dark for I don’t know how long. Then, far away, I saw a glow for just a moment. In my half awake confused state, my mind jumped first to the thought of alien invaders. But then there was another breeze, another feeling, another kiss. There was a so very slight rustle of wind in my ears, as the breeze passed me by. Then, there was a sound. In the dark, in the empty, only a breeze and rusted metal to keep me company, a powerful sound. This sound was powerful, but slight. So very quiet, so very timid, but it carried the weight of the inevitable future with it. I heard a rumble, a low quiet rumble.
I sat on the hard packed dirt and waited. The breezes picked up, and I could hear the wheat or corn or whatever the fuck was all around me blow and hiss in the wind. That community of plants found a voice in the slightly gusting wind. It was comforting and beautiful. The flashes came more frequently, until the sky became visable.
---
The sky out there is different than a city sky. In the city, you only catch glimpses of sky. And even in the glimpses, light and smoke cloud the truth. But in the Out Open, there is no light, there is no smoke and there are no buildings to hide behind. The sky was everywhere, and there were more stars than I could ever imagine. The sky at night is my most loved memory from my time out west.
---
The time between flashes and rumbles became close. And, after some time, watching the sky, I could make out something in the distance. I didn’t realize how big this something was until later in the night as the storm came closer and the lighting flashes revealed more. I saw a wall of cloud. The huge sky hit a dead end in the clouds of a massive thunderstorm. When the lightning flashed, I was able to catch glimpses of those massive towering clouds. I’ve never seen clouds so big. They were overwhelming, the Godzilla of clouds. They stretched across the horizon and towered high into the sky. I’d never experienced anything like that before, and I believe I began to cry, maybe. I faced Mother Nature full on, the enormity of that energy, still so very far away, humbled me.
---
I fell asleep and the storm passed by without ever coming near me. When I woke up, I continued to walk. In the mid-afternoon, a truck traveling east stopped and picked me up. He was a friendly fellow who let me ride with him for quite a long time. He never asked for anything and never asked me anything personal. He had a permanent content smile on his face which I’ve envied ever since that day he picked me up. Unfortunately, not all my traveling experiences went so well.
---
Some time later, after numerous hikes and hitches, I found myself in the Smokey Mountains. This was an altogether different environment than I’ve experienced before, and I was excited to begin experiencing it. I was dropped off by a vehicle of Christians. It was a van full of a church youth group from Kentucky, on their way to the coast of North Carolina for some kind of festival of religious teenagers. They were very friendly toward me, though a bit pushy about my sinful lifestyle. But, generally, they accepted me and I was happy to ride with them. They dropped me off in a small town in Western North Carolina, a place which I never thought I’d be, never thought I’d find myself in…in fact, it was a place I never even thought about in any detail whatsoever before that. I decided that made it a good place to explore.
---
And that’s where my story begins. Alone, without money, without purpose, but open to anything life decided to throw my way. And life did throw things my way, that’s for sure. In all my life, in all my travels, in all the people I came across up to that point, nothing prepared me for the six months I stayed in the mountains. I had many bad experiences, but even more good experiences. And no matter where I am now, I will always have that time. I cherish it more than any other time in my life. It was a time that I learned and grew, loved and hated, made friends and enemies, was clean and filthy.
---
I don’t know where to begin. I never do. Life only begins once. Every story starts at the end of another story. There is no beginning, middle or end, there is only a continuation of one long story. So, I don’t begin, I continue…
---
The young Christians dropped me off at a Burger King in some town I can’t remember the name of in the mountains of North Carolina. This is not the beginning of my story, but a continuation of my tale. With Burger King, a new set of circumstances began. The events which started at Burger King would change my life forever, transform me, break me, and rebuild me. And it all started at a fucking Burger King. Yeah, that’s where I’ll start telling you about this particular chapter of my life, if you’re interested in hearing it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
~Richie
P.S. - I didn't really plan on anything after that haha. Continue if you want, I may too. We can have multiple stories start at the same point, why not? I think I have more to tell here, but I'm not positive...
I have two things in my arsenal. These two things are my smile and my mind. Charm goes a very long way. I can make friends easily. I’ve been told I have a quiet voice and easy walk which puts people at ease. I listen to what people say. I’m friendly, I’m courteous. I’m a bad person, with just enough good to make me seductively exciting. I have quirks, but I don’t see them as quirks, its just who I am.
I haven’t had a home in five years. My mother and father took turns hurting me, so I left. I moved in with a friend. Things happened, so I left again. I made other friends. I stayed with them. I continued moving, from place to place, life to life, and experience to experience. Back then, I was swimming in the current of drug addiction, floating from substance to substance, anything to keep me afloat. The money ran dry, I ran dry.
Soon after that I was at a very low point. I remember things, like from a dream. Sunken eyes, I remember. I remember cackling laughs, I remember blood, I remember fear, I remember damp alleys and city sounds. I remember becoming a rag doll of abuse, the lowest of the low. I did things to survive.
And, I did survive. I experienced things no person should experience. But what is there to do? Learn. Every experience, good or bad, is a learning experience. I clawed my way back from the pit of addiction, criminality and filth. I moved on.
---
There is one rule I’ve always kept. Never Trust.
---
There was a time when there was calm. Somehow, through connections with people I barely knew, I made my way west. I was abandoned, as was expected. I went from the guts of New York to the Breadbasket. The difference in reality was jarring, but there is always adaptation. I felt like I was on another planet. I would look and see only two things. I would see a road, straight, ahead and behind, empty. On either side were miles of fields. What was there to do? I walked.
---
One night I had been walking, and there had been no vehicles on the road for hours. But I kept walking. Night came, and I made a makeshift camp at the side of the road. I found an old rusted broken down pickup truck that looked like it had been there for hundreds of years. I slept in a bed for the first time in weeks. I remember lying there, hungry, staring at the sky. I’ve never experienced a quiet so quiet. There was nothing. There was only darkness and quiet. I probably could have talked myself into thinking I was dead or insane, but for the hard rusty reality of the dead vehicle I was laying on.
Then, in the quiet, in the dark, I felt. It was something so simple, so small, so nothing, but it was something. It was just a slight breeze, a cool kiss on my skin. This slight touch in such an empty world, it excited me. The tiny hairs on my arms tingled and bumped. The smell of power entered my nostrils. My mouth salivated and my penis became erect. I felt something coming.
I sat up and looked into the distance. And I sat there, quiet, staring at the pure dark for I don’t know how long. Then, far away, I saw a glow for just a moment. In my half awake confused state, my mind jumped first to the thought of alien invaders. But then there was another breeze, another feeling, another kiss. There was a so very slight rustle of wind in my ears, as the breeze passed me by. Then, there was a sound. In the dark, in the empty, only a breeze and rusted metal to keep me company, a powerful sound. This sound was powerful, but slight. So very quiet, so very timid, but it carried the weight of the inevitable future with it. I heard a rumble, a low quiet rumble.
I sat on the hard packed dirt and waited. The breezes picked up, and I could hear the wheat or corn or whatever the fuck was all around me blow and hiss in the wind. That community of plants found a voice in the slightly gusting wind. It was comforting and beautiful. The flashes came more frequently, until the sky became visable.
---
The sky out there is different than a city sky. In the city, you only catch glimpses of sky. And even in the glimpses, light and smoke cloud the truth. But in the Out Open, there is no light, there is no smoke and there are no buildings to hide behind. The sky was everywhere, and there were more stars than I could ever imagine. The sky at night is my most loved memory from my time out west.
---
The time between flashes and rumbles became close. And, after some time, watching the sky, I could make out something in the distance. I didn’t realize how big this something was until later in the night as the storm came closer and the lighting flashes revealed more. I saw a wall of cloud. The huge sky hit a dead end in the clouds of a massive thunderstorm. When the lightning flashed, I was able to catch glimpses of those massive towering clouds. I’ve never seen clouds so big. They were overwhelming, the Godzilla of clouds. They stretched across the horizon and towered high into the sky. I’d never experienced anything like that before, and I believe I began to cry, maybe. I faced Mother Nature full on, the enormity of that energy, still so very far away, humbled me.
---
I fell asleep and the storm passed by without ever coming near me. When I woke up, I continued to walk. In the mid-afternoon, a truck traveling east stopped and picked me up. He was a friendly fellow who let me ride with him for quite a long time. He never asked for anything and never asked me anything personal. He had a permanent content smile on his face which I’ve envied ever since that day he picked me up. Unfortunately, not all my traveling experiences went so well.
---
Some time later, after numerous hikes and hitches, I found myself in the Smokey Mountains. This was an altogether different environment than I’ve experienced before, and I was excited to begin experiencing it. I was dropped off by a vehicle of Christians. It was a van full of a church youth group from Kentucky, on their way to the coast of North Carolina for some kind of festival of religious teenagers. They were very friendly toward me, though a bit pushy about my sinful lifestyle. But, generally, they accepted me and I was happy to ride with them. They dropped me off in a small town in Western North Carolina, a place which I never thought I’d be, never thought I’d find myself in…in fact, it was a place I never even thought about in any detail whatsoever before that. I decided that made it a good place to explore.
---
And that’s where my story begins. Alone, without money, without purpose, but open to anything life decided to throw my way. And life did throw things my way, that’s for sure. In all my life, in all my travels, in all the people I came across up to that point, nothing prepared me for the six months I stayed in the mountains. I had many bad experiences, but even more good experiences. And no matter where I am now, I will always have that time. I cherish it more than any other time in my life. It was a time that I learned and grew, loved and hated, made friends and enemies, was clean and filthy.
---
I don’t know where to begin. I never do. Life only begins once. Every story starts at the end of another story. There is no beginning, middle or end, there is only a continuation of one long story. So, I don’t begin, I continue…
---
The young Christians dropped me off at a Burger King in some town I can’t remember the name of in the mountains of North Carolina. This is not the beginning of my story, but a continuation of my tale. With Burger King, a new set of circumstances began. The events which started at Burger King would change my life forever, transform me, break me, and rebuild me. And it all started at a fucking Burger King. Yeah, that’s where I’ll start telling you about this particular chapter of my life, if you’re interested in hearing it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
~Richie
P.S. - I didn't really plan on anything after that haha. Continue if you want, I may too. We can have multiple stories start at the same point, why not? I think I have more to tell here, but I'm not positive...