New UFO photos: Best Evidence Yet

[JadeDragon]

Hello old friends.

My girlfriend stumbled upon this story last night at Coast to Coast with George Noory and the images still haunt me. I use photoshop every day at work to create imagery, so I have become adept at spotting image manipulation trickery.

These are the most compelling photos I have ever seen. If they are fakes then they are the works of a supreme master. What is equally fascinating is the description of the way it moves and the noises it makes. I saw a UFO once and wish I had been able to get photographs like these. But mine was a pyramid shaped craft, Ive written about it here before.

Here are the photos, as well as the story given by the photographer and a link to where this was found. Let me know what you guys think.

*********************

Last month (April 2007), my wife and I were on a walk when we noticed a very large, very strange "craft" in the sky. My wife took a picture with her cell phone camera (first photo below). A few days later a friend (and neighbor) lent me his camera and came with me to take photos of this "craft". We found it and took a number of very clear photos. Picture #4 is taken from right below this thing and I must give my friend credit as I was not brave enough to get close enough to take this picture myself!

The craft is almost completely silent and moves very smoothly. It usually moves slowly until it decides to take off. Then it moves VERY quickly and is out of sight in the blink of an eye. MORE THAN ANYTHING I simply want to understand what this is and why it is here?

We found your show with Google and I have listened for a few nights now. I have decided that if anyone can help me understand what this thing is, it is you and your audience. I must admit I am deeply unsettled by this thing. I have never seen anything like this in my life... Location: I would prefer not to say for now.

--Chad

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/JadeDragonDreams/UFO%20pix/Craft050607a.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/JadeDragonDreams/UFO%20pix/Craft050607b.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/JadeDragonDreams/UFO%20pix/Craft050607c.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/JadeDragonDreams/UFO%20pix/Craft050607e.jpg

CONT....

[JadeDragon]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/JadeDragonDreams/UFO%20pix/Craft050607x1.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/JadeDragonDreams/UFO%20pix/Craft050607x2.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/JadeDragonDreams/UFO%20pix/Craft050607x5.jpg

Chad wrote back to us with additional info: Thank you so much for posting my photos! I hope someone can help identify this... First of all, I see this thing VERY often. Since it first appeared, I have probably seen this thing maybe 8 different times since the first appearance. My friend and I went out the next day after I first saw it to get the photos, but it was not there. Then we tried again the next day, and we found it within like 30 minutes and followed it for a while. Most of the time I see it out of windows in my house, in the distance. but I would say almost half of the hikes I have gone on in my area, I have seen it very close. It is very easy to photograph and...many neighbors aside from my friend have also seen it.

It is almost totally silent but not quite. It makes kind of "crackling" noises. It's hard to describe them but they are only intermittent and not very loud, but you can notice them. Sometimes there is a very slight hum that sounds kind of mechanical, almost like when you are near very large power lines. But it is nothing loud like a jet engine, it is very quiet for the most part.

It moves almost like an insect. If you have ever seen a bug on a pond, it is kind of like that. It is VERY smooth and slow most of the time, but then every now and then it will rotate very quickly and go VERY fast into another direction, then stop, and repeat the process all over again. There is just something very unnatural about the way it moves.

Also, I have had maybe 4 headaches in the last week, and I am normally not the kind of person who really ever gets them. Also my wife has been tired and fatigued lately. She is about a month pregnant, and the doctor said fatigue is normal around this time, but I worry that it is a lot. Basically what I'm worried is that this "craft" has got some kind of radiation or something. Like I said, it sounds like power lines if you get close enough to it. Obviously I am worried for our health, especially with a baby on the way. I dont know if they are related, but again, this is why I really hope someone can answer these questions!

--Chad

AMAZING!~~~Patrick

[JadeDragon]

The writing on the craft strikes me as Japanese...almost. Secret Asian Tech? or Alien device? Bee killer? Alien environmental studies?

Im flummoxed.

Here is the original web posting...

http://www.coasttocoastam.com/gen/page2022.html

[BlairH]

Looks like a blatant hoax to me.

I'm really into my UFOlogy, and I can hardly be called a sceptic when it comes to the prospect of visitors, but even I must admit that this looks faker than Pamela Anderson.

Why didn't this guy show the pics to the local police? If he's so concerned about health then surely he would show it to his doctor?

[Jack Zodiac]

The perspective changes drastically in at least three of those photos. Not only is it a hoax, it isn't even a good one. Kudos on the unique design, though.

[Mike Smash!]

I'm gonna go with some really skillful Photoshop for that Jiffy Pop spaceship.

The second pictures looks the most like a hoax.

[Loren]

Last month (April 2007), my wife and I were on a walk when we noticed a very large, very strange "craft" in the sky. My wife took a picture with her cell phone camera (first photo below). A few days later a friend (and neighbor) lent me his camera and came with me to take photos of this "craft". We found it and took a number of very clear photos. Picture #4 is taken from right below this thing and I must give my friend credit as I was not brave enough to get close enough to take this picture myself!

The craft is almost completely silent and moves very smoothly. It usually moves slowly until it decides to take off. Then it moves VERY quickly and is out of sight in the blink of an eye.

It moves very quickly and can be out of sight within the blink of an eye...yet "Chad" took the first photo on one day and the other photos "a few days later."

So the UFO just hung around the same forest for a few days, floating and waiting for him to come back? And although he went home for a few days before returning with a camera, it never occurred to him to return with, say, a video camera?

Oh, wait, his follow-up tells a slightly different story:

First of all, I see this thing VERY often. Since it first appeared, I have probably seen this thing maybe 8 different times since the first appearance. My friend and I went out the next day after I first saw it to get the photos, but it was not there. Then we tried again the next day, and we found it within like 30 minutes and followed it for a while. Most of the time I see it out of windows in my house, in the distance. but I would say almost half of the hikes I have gone on in my area, I have seen it very close. It is very easy to photograph and...many neighbors aside from my friend have also seen it.

Well that changes things a bit. So he hasn't just seen it twice, he's seen it a bunch of times. Including from his house. And a bunch of other people have seen it too. And although it's easy to photograph, no one else seems to have done so. Or reported it to the media. Even he's only demonstrated that he's taken a mere six photos. (If you had a digital camera and saw a UFO, would you even stop taking photos before you ran out of memory?) And he sent those photos not to the newspaper, not to the police, not to NASA, but to a late-night conspiracy-themed radio talk show host.

And still, despite multiple, predictable opportunities, no video footage. You'd think for all he has to say about its movement and its sound, he'd want to record its movement and sound. Now this is just a guess, but I suspect this may have to do with video footage being harder to fake. Just a guess.

[Loren]

The perspective changes drastically in at least three of those photos. Not only is it a hoax, it isn't even a good one. Kudos on the unique design, though.

To be fair, "Chad" does seem to be claiming that he moved around while taking these photos, and he talks about the 'ship' moving too. So at least he bothered to incorporate the change in perspective into his story.

Of course, the downside in that story, like I pointed out before, is that anybody with that much time to photograph a UFO would've snapped dozens or hundreds of photos, not just a small handful.

[Agent Helix]

How is this the work of a "supreme master"? Anybody with some 3DMax (Or hell, even small-scale model building) and Photoshop skills could've made these photos.

Obvious, obvious fakes.

[mgs]

this is truely awful, the 2nd and 4th ones make me think....bunsen burner.

[BoosterBronze]

THis looks like a sci-fi channel original movie

[Donald M.]

THis looks like a sci-fi channel original movie

Attack of the Killer Utensils!

It Slices!

It Dices!

It's Out For Blood!

[Sanagi]

THis looks like a sci-fi channel original movie
It's not that bad!

[moebius]

I want to believe.

[Drew Van T.]

The writing on the craft strikes me as Japanese...almost. Secret Asian Tech? or Alien device? Bee killer? Alien environmental studies?

Yes, the most frequently used letter in there is a katakana "fu". Also the katakana "me".

Definitely a beautiful object, though.

[Alan Lynch]

I don't need any more proof of UFO existence. I grew up in a street overlooking Bonnybridge: UFO Capital of the World!

[DonC]

If this is an alien spaceship, where are the aliens supposed to be? The scale isn't real good, but it doesn't look that big and there doesn't appear to be much room for the little green men.

[BlairH]

I don't need any more proof of UFO existence. I grew up in a street overlooking Bonnybridge: UFO Capital of the World!

Did you see anything?

I hear the sky over Bonnybridge can be a spectacular light show sometimes.

[Karl H]

I don't need any more proof of UFO existence. I grew up in a street overlooking Bonnybridge: UFO Capital of the World!

I live near Rendlesham Forest. My 'grass is green' 'sky is blue' farmer uncle who insists on almost everything being bunkem claims he saw something that night. As do a lot of other local people who definitely aren't the type to be believing in stuff. So I'm convinced there's something out there but there's nothing in the photos in this thread that has convinced me!

[Michael P]

It's not aliens. It's Balamb Garden. Clearly, this man's wife is a sorceress.

[hoffmandu]

Attack of the Killer Utensils!

It Slices!

It Dices!

It's Out For Blood!

Eh, maybe all that hardwares for making coleslaw.....

[BlairH]

It's not aliens. It's Balamb Garden. Clearly, this man's wife is a sorceress.

Haha!

I knew I recognised the basic design of the "ship"!

[Wesley Dodds]

One thing I've never undestood is how people who believe in UFOs make the leap from "mysterious thing in the sky" to "aliens exist and they're visiting us".

For that to work, you have to assume faster-than-light travel is possible. That's a pretty big if.

In fact, no matter what the photo shows, the obstacles to interstellar space travel are so great that it could never be "proof of alien visitors". "Something else" would always be more likely.

[moebius]

One thing I've never undestood is how people who believe in UFOs make the leap from "mysterious thing in the sky" to "aliens exist and they're visiting us".

For that to work, you have to assume faster-than-light travel is possible. That's a pretty big if.

In fact, no matter what the photo shows, the obstacles to interstellar space travel are so great that it could never be "proof of alien visitors". "Something else" would always be more likely.

Or the compression of space-time through wormholes, which doesn't require FTL but probably still takes something ridiculously advanced and/or energy intensive.

[Wesley Dodds]

Or the compression of space-time through wormholes, which doesn't require FTL but probably still takes something ridiculously advanced and/or energy intensive.

Or aliens fired probes into space. And didn't mind waiting forever for a return message.

[Dreadstar]

So, after all these years of being fleeting and evasive, the "visitors" have decided to hang around a specific place for a week or so? And deciding that, knowing that discovery would be inevitable (and likely intentional), they decided to hang around a backwoods area rather than a nice suburb somewhere?

Further, having very likely discovered "first contact", an event likely to put him in the history books for centuries, Chad has decided to keep the location a secret for now and instead of alerting the media, he's decided to self-publicaize his discovery on the internet.




...yeah, sure, makes sense to me.

[Motormouse]

Well, that's a first.......... i think that i can actually smell the bullshit through my monitor. I believe that there is life else where in the cosmos, hell, i even believe that i have 12 or so seconds of a UFO caught on video which i shot in Mexico in 1999, but the pictures posted look so shiny, i believe that the ship was made by the same guys who made this!

http://www.framecaplib.com/ufolib/images/computer/compu108.jpg

[BlairH]

I've taken some pictures of what seems to be some form of advanced Alien Technology! The truth is out there folks!

http://file034b.bebo.com/4/large/2007/05/14/15/11330704a4376238825b973559684l.jpg
http://file034b.bebo.com/4/large/2007/05/14/15/11330704a4376238630b624847798l.jpg
http://file034b.bebo.com/4/large/2007/05/14/15/11330704a4376238377b275477311l.jpg

[Justin Davis]

JD, have all the others made you cry yet?

How silly would you all feel if that really was an extraterrestrial craft?

[Loren]

Lots of skepticism (http://www.coasttocoastam.com/gen/page2024.html?theme=light) over at the Coast to Coast AM website. Several alphabet inspirations are suggested, and there's plenty of allegations of fakery as to the photos.

[Mike Smash!]

Well, that's a first.......... i think that i can actually smell the bullshit through my monitor. I believe that there is life else where in the cosmos, hell, i even believe that i have 12 or so seconds of a UFO caught on video which i shot in Mexico in 1999, but the pictures posted look so shiny, i believe that the ship was made by the same guys who made this!

http://www.framecaplib.com/ufolib/images/computer/compu108.jpgIs that a frame from "Davey and Goliath"?

[Mike Smash!]

JD, have all the others made you cry yet?

How silly would you all feel if that really was an extraterrestrial craft?Not that silly, because if it were real, these aliens would be morons. Hanging around the same woods for over a week while humans are following you on the ground recording your movements? What would be the point? And if they clearly don't care about hiding themselves or in being recorded, why hang out in the woods? Why not contact world leaders? And why all the secrecy for decades before just joyriding around in the middle of the day?

If this were real, the media would have had a story about it, though likely mocking the people with the photos. Or, at the very least, the government would have at least spotted the ship themselves and stopped people with cameras from getting too close to it, by closing off the area.

Honestly, if there is a government lie about alien spaceships, I suspect that it's ships themselves. That this is likely a ploy to keep plenty of educated and conspiracy-minded folks -- who have the time and patience to pour over government documents -- distracted with fake stories of a Skrull invasion and abductions of retired airmen and ranchers, so that they don't have the time to look into the legitimate ways that the U.S. government is truly and genuinely fucking us over and ripping us off each and every day.

Now, that's a conspiracy.

[Shellhead]

Given the vast scale of the universe, I think that it's perfectly reasonable that intelligent life has developed on other planets. However, I don't think that there is intelligent life on other planets in our solar system, and travelling to other [edit] solar systems would consume great resources. I find it extremely unlikely that aliens would travel all that distance merely to spy on us. Unless they are making contact for the purposes of trade or warfare, the expenditure of resources wouldn't make much sense. That's why I tend to automatically consider these kinds of photos to be a hoax until some kind of serious proof is revealed.

[Mike Smash!]

Oh, I agree with Shellhead that given the size and scale of the universe that it's inevitable that life exists on planets other than our own. It's just the "Communion" type abduction stories or the tales of clandestine alliances between world leaders and alien beings that just seem too ridiculous to even consider.

[Brian "Vash" Ashby]

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g75/TheHuzzah/tinfoil-hat.jpg



The only time a digital photograph will be the best evidence ever will be if the question is

"is my digital camera broken?"

[Loren]

Honestly, if there is a government lie about alien spaceships, I suspect that it's ships themselves. That this is likely a ploy to keep plenty of educated and conspiracy-minded folks -- who have the time and patience to pour over government documents -- distracted with fake stories of a Skrull invasion and abductions of retired airmen and ranchers,

There was a passing reference in an X-Files episode ("Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man," IIRC) that Roswell was, in fact, a government-concocted fake to draw the attention of conspiracy theorists away from the REAL alien encounters.

I think they may have contradicted that later in the series, but I rather liked that scenario.

[BlairH]

http://i53.photobucket.com/albums/g75/TheHuzzah/tinfoil-hat.jpg




That's a fake UFO nut right there!

Everybody knows that tinfoil hats may actually AMPLIFY the extra terrestrial/Governmental mind-control. The myth that they PROTECT you is actually ChimpyMcBu$hitler RACIST, Government propoganda, calculated to get more people wearing tinfoil hats, so that KKKarl Rove may control them and sell them out to their RED CHINESE overlords.

The only way to stop the mind control from Faux News is to destroy the concept of free speech by supporting fairness doctrine.

Yes

[Brian "Vash" Ashby]

i always wondered which was better

tin foil

or aluminum foil

[BlairH]

i always wondered which was better

tin foil

or aluminum foil

Neither you fool!

Both materials are constructed by the B00$h military industrial kkkomplex and will only amplify the signal!

Have you seen chemtrails in the sky above your town recently?

[Brian "Vash" Ashby]

well which is superior for the evil gov'ts purpose then?

I mean

If i pulled a gun on you and let you chose, which hat would you take?

[Paul McEnery]

Oh, I agree with Shellhead that given the size and scale of the universe that it's inevitable that life exists on planets other than our own. It's just the "Communion" type abduction stories or the tales of clandestine alliances between world leaders and alien beings that just seem too ridiculous to even consider.

Oh now.

It's well known in extraterrestrial circles that human beings have the cutest butts in the universe, with the possible exception of the Xantari, and their sphincters don't pucker quite as tightly.

[mgs]

I've taken some pictures of what seems to be some form of advanced Alien Technology! The truth is out there folks!

</p>
O...M...G!!!! O.O

They even put their internationally known symbol for an alien on it tooo!!!! Those bastards are soo confident we will never know the truth, that they flaunt the truth in our faces!!!!! O.O

With the ability to fabulously overclock our systems!!!! ;)

[mgs]

well which is superior for the evil gov'ts purpose then?

I mean

If i pulled a gun on you and let you chose, which hat would you take?

hmmm....alumin...no, WAIT!!! Ti.... *dies*

see, now as I was saying (before it didn't post properly), the conspiracy is actually, indecision. They both work remarkably well, but in the time it takes someone to choose one, they become ded. D.E.D. ;)

[BlairH]

</p>
O...M...G!!!! O.O

They even put their internationally known symbol for an alien on it tooo!!!! Those bastards are soo confident we will never know the truth, that they flaunt the truth in our faces!!!!! O.O

With the ability to fabulously overclock our systems!!!! ;)

My favorite part of the system is the fact that the power/battery/wi-fi indicators are engraved in such a manner that they look like strange alien symbols.

http://file034b.bebo.com/9/large/2007/05/15/00/11330704a4381970869b467783384l.jpg

[mgs]

My favorite part of the system is the fact that the power/battery/wi-fi indicators are engraved in such a manner that they look like strange alien symbols.

</p>
I bet in the alien language those 3 'symbols' are the equivalent of writing, 'Fuck - And - You!'. Sneaky alien bastards!!! ;)

No, I have not had the priviledge of owning an ALienware system yet, but I think one day I will get one of their fabulous gaming machines! :)

[moebius]

Honestly, if there is a government lie about alien spaceships, I suspect that it's ships themselves. That this is likely a ploy to keep plenty of educated and conspiracy-minded folks -- who have the time and patience to pour over government documents -- distracted with fake stories of a Skrull invasion and abductions of retired airmen and ranchers, so that they don't have the time to look into the legitimate ways that the U.S. government is truly and genuinely fucking us over and ripping us off each and every day.

Now, that's a conspiracy.

"Let's get the band back together. The password is 'Love'."

[Alan Lynch]

Did you see anything?

I hear the sky over Bonnybridge can be a spectacular light show sometimes.
I've seen lights, but nothing that I'd call spectacular. Or even alien; I'd love to be able to say I've seen real live aliens, but sadly not.

Everyone knows that Roswell thing was really Dr Zoidberg anyway.

[Karl H]

I've seen lights, but nothing that I'd call spectacular. Or even alien; I'd love to be able to say I've seen real live aliens, but sadly not.

Everyone knows that Roswell thing was really Dr Zoidberg anyway.

or Quark from DS9

***runs back to geek pit***

[Forefinger]

Hello old friends.

My girlfriend stumbled upon this story last night at Coast to Coast with George Noory and the images still haunt me. I use photoshop every day at work to create imagery, so I have become adept at spotting image manipulation trickery.

These are the most compelling photos I have ever seen. If they are fakes then they are the works of a supreme master. What is equally fascinating is the description of the way it moves and the noises it makes. I saw a UFO once and wish I had been able to get photographs like these. But mine was a pyramid shaped craft, Ive written about it here before.

Here are the photos, as well as the story given by the photographer and a link to where this was found. Let me know what you guys think.

...
I'm not thinking that these are real, but my family and I saw one of the triangle crafts in broad daylight about 20 years ago on a trip to a creek, deep in the woods. I do believe that they are out there, just not these.

[Jared_Humpherys]

or Quark from DS9

***runs back to geek pit***

I love that episode.

[Motormouse]

Is that a frame from "Davey and Goliath"?

Before it got yanked, the pic was from Gerry Anderson's U.F.O.

[MacQuarrie]

Given the vast scale of the universe, I think that it's perfectly reasonable that intelligent life has developed on other planets. However, I don't think that there is intelligent life on other planets in our solar system, and travelling to other [edit] solar systems would consume great resources. I find it extremely unlikely that aliens would travel all that distance merely to spy on us. Unless they are making contact for the purposes of trade or warfare, the expenditure of resources wouldn't make much sense. That's why I tend to automatically consider these kinds of photos to be a hoax until some kind of serious proof is revealed.
Given the size and age of the universe, the likelihood of two different planets having sentient populations at the same time is extremely unlikely, even if it were possible for another planet that could sustain life to exist (it's not, but I'll get to that).

Basically, it would be as if the the entire population of the world for its entire history consisted of two people, one born in North America sometime between 10,000 BCE and now, and another in Australia in the same time frame. What are the odds that they would both exist at the same time? What are the odds that they would ever find each otehr, or even find some way to look for each other?

Now, about that world thing. There are about two dozen different factors that a planet must have in order to be able to produce life, such as gravity (if it's too high, toxic gases like methane cannot escape from the atmosphere; too low, and oxygen dissipates into space), ratio of water to land, rotation speed, tilt on an axis, distance from sun, temperature of sun, chemical makeup, presence of a moon, size and distance of moon, and so on. If any one of these factors varies more than 5% from ideal, life is impossible.

To complicat matters, it's impossible for such a planet to form naturally. Look at Venus and Mars. Earth is in between them, and it should be roughly the same size as them. And when it formed, it was. About four and a half billion years ago, an asteroid comprised mostly of lead and iron struck the Earth, displacing its original core, increasing its size and weight, altering its chemical makeup, changing its angle of rotation, and disbursing enough material into orbit to form a moon. In other words, due to a fluke billion-to-one accident, life suddenly became possible on Earth where before it hadn't.

The odds of it happening twice are far lower than the number of stars in the universe. Life on other planets is statistically impossible.

[Jack Zodiac]

"Life" completely and totally identical to humankind? Sure, I'll give ya' that. Life, though? Or even some form of intelligent life. This sandbox is way to fuckin' big for there to be just one kid in it.

[BlairH]

"Life" completely and totally identical to humankind? Sure, I'll give ya' that. Life, though? Or even some form of intelligent life. This sandbox is way to fuckin' big for there to be just one kid in it.

Life can survive in the most unthinkable places. We're starting to see certian organisms here on Earth thrive in places we thought were inhospitable only a few years ago, If life can find a home in such places, why not on other worlds?

Oh yeah:

http://img179.imageshack.us/img179/8824/watermarkef7kz2.jpg

[Agent Helix]

Life can survive in the most unthinkable places. We're starting to see certian organisms here on Earth thrive in places we thought were inhospitable only a few years ago, If life can find a home in such places, why not on other worlds?


The thermal vent ecosystems are really remarkable, considering they throw a lot of our ideas as to what's necessary to support complex life (multicellular organisms with two or more internal systems) into question. Thriving, complex pockets of life completely independent of photosynthesis, long thought to be the ultimate necessity to support life. Really fascinating stuff.

Does this mean spacepeople exist? No, not necessarily. It's simply an illustration that it's pretty arrogant to apply statistical mathematics to the universe to say anything is conclusive, when it's so often proven how little we understand about our own planet.

[JeffreyWKramer]

Given the size and age of the universe, the likelihood of two different planets having sentient populations at the same time is extremely unlikely, even if it were possible for another planet that could sustain life to exist (it's not, but I'll get to that).

Basically, it would be as if the the entire population of the world for its entire history consisted of two people, one born in North America sometime between 10,000 BCE and now, and another in Australia in the same time frame. What are the odds that they would both exist at the same time? What are the odds that they would ever find each otehr, or even find some way to look for each other?

Now, about that world thing. There are about two dozen different factors that a planet must have in order to be able to produce life, such as gravity (if it's too high, toxic gases like methane cannot escape from the atmosphere; too low, and oxygen dissipates into space), ratio of water to land, rotation speed, tilt on an axis, distance from sun, temperature of sun, chemical makeup, presence of a moon, size and distance of moon, and so on. If any one of these factors varies more than 5% from ideal, life is impossible.

To complicat matters, it's impossible for such a planet to form naturally. Look at Venus and Mars. Earth is in between them, and it should be roughly the same size as them. And when it formed, it was. About four and a half billion years ago, an asteroid comprised mostly of lead and iron struck the Earth, displacing its original core, increasing its size and weight, altering its chemical makeup, changing its angle of rotation, and disbursing enough material into orbit to form a moon. In other words, due to a fluke billion-to-one accident, life suddenly became possible on Earth where before it hadn't.

The odds of it happening twice are far lower than the number of stars in the universe. Life on other planets is statistically impossible.


All of your conclusions are based on the assumption that life must necessarily be just like life as we know it on earth. There's no reason to assume this to be the case.

Lots of your specific assertions are also pretty iffy, at best. The thing about the unlikelihood of an asteroid strike, for example - from what we can tell about our own solar systems, planets getting hit by bits of other space junk is anything but rare.