PDA

View Full Version : ever lost a friend to the H?


sherlockbones
04-18-2007, 05:07 PM
well, i just lost one. one of my best. kinda hard to deal with these feelings. anger, shame, helplessness, self-hating for being to naive...

you know, i have friends with the most opposite social background as you could imagine, so i am some what used to drug careers in friendships, but this guy, man i knew he had been an addict for 6 years but i was so sure he was handeling it, so it seems like i totally blinded myself and was unaware of his real situation.

he had been building himself a career as an event manager in a quite decent firm and was doing his therapy simultaniouly. or so i believed.

two weeks ago he returned from visiting his parents in moscow and we were planing to spend the evening with having some beer and watching a movie afterwards.

i went to meet him at the bar when things went strange. he called and told that he had trouble with his girlfriend and that he was unable to come. i had been waiting for about 30 minutes at this point so i was a little pissed.

i told him that we (my gf and me) would watch the movie anyway and if heīd decide to join in later he should feel free to join. he answered theyīd solve their problems most likely and that we shouldnīt worry.
heīd drop in later...

i tried to call him three times while watching the movie and decided that everything would be alright...until his father called me on monday and told me that he was found dead in his apartment.
he killed himself with an overdose the same evening.
drug addicts are such good damn liars. i was the last person he talked to and i bought his optimistic "itīs all ok" blabla

his parents told me on his funeral that he wasnīt even visiting them in russia, but he had been spending that time in a special medical facility in an attempt to get rid of the drug. they said he hadnīt told me cause he was too ashamed cause he had always assured me he was getting better.

what can i say? i feel stupid, cheat and guilty and angry that such a fine person died to such a stupid thing. he was one of the finest person i ever knew, even if am learning more and more about his double life that he was living.

he masked himself pretty good, part of me is telling you this to warn. this is not just happening to the uneducated people. his father is a respected professor for eastern european history and was building up a new institute in moscow at that time, his godfather led goethe-institute facilities at some time and his sister is a surgeon. his mother is an awesome person of great personal strength.

guess itīll take some time till i am over this, but let me advice you never to let your friend in trouble let you be shut out. they might be to proud to let you help them.

(not)only the good die young

Winslow
04-18-2007, 05:28 PM
Wow.

My condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Sounds cliche, but it might be a good time to talk to someone professional.

Paul McEnery
04-18-2007, 05:44 PM
Sorry for your trouble. Here's a couple of things from experience.

One: I've known a lot of people with self-destructive habits, and lost a few. At the end of the day, it's their choice, and you can't blame yourself for anything they do.

Two: One of the problems with recovering junkies is that recovery itself is likely to be what kills them. When they relapse, they misjudge what they can handle, because the set and setting tells them something different from what their body is actually ready for.

So if there's two things you can learn from this, it's never be judgmental about what people choose to do, because sneaking around can be what gets them into trouble; that, and be very clear about where your own boundaries are.

thespianphryne
04-18-2007, 06:01 PM
sherlockbones, I'm sorry for your pain. But remember, your friend made his choices. There's nothing you could have done. I've been in your position, sort of. When a person in that kind of psychic pain, even the staunchest of best friends are helpless.

Now is the time to take care of yourself, so don't be afraid to ask for the help you might need to take care of yourself.


-Das

Gingold
04-18-2007, 06:10 PM
My condolences on the loss of your friend. This is not your fault.

MichaelMogg
04-18-2007, 11:00 PM
I echo what they've all said above. I hope it doesn't hurt more to read this, but I'd like to say that his 'deception' must have been in a high regard for you. Had he not thought so highly of you and your friendship he most likely would have "burdened" you with it.

I find when we lose someone, anger is common, but ultimately it's thinking of the good times that get you through it. Not to mention he must have really been in turmoil and although we see it as the worst way to handle it, his struggle doesn't continue. RIP. :( Sorry again for your loss.