Hey, I almost killed a guy.

[Agent Helix]

So I'm driving downtown earlier today, on pretty much the biggest, busiest road through the entirety of Columbia. I admit, I wasn't paying as much attention as I should've been, a lot on my mind today. So I'm looking up at one of the traffic lights ahead, and then I hear somebody beeping in front of me. I look forward again just in time to see one car swerve out of the way, because a minivan in front of him just stopped dead in front of the highway on-ramp, and a guy gets out of the passenger side and hops out into the street.

I slam my brakes on, and swerve to the right, narrowly avoiding rear-ending the car, and eventually stopping up on the sidewalk, six inches away from the guy who didn't give a shit that he was in the middle of the goddamn street. Apparently, the asshole in the minivan had picked up a hitchhiker, and then decided to just STOP RIGHT THERE IN THE FUCKING STREET to let him get his stupid hobo bag and leave. Right in front of a busy on-ramp intersection. With no warning. Not at a traffic light. On a road with no shoulder. DURING THE LUNCH RUSH.

So yeah, six inches to the left, and I could've seriously hurt somebody. I wonder if I'd have been charged with a crime for that.

[Sir Tim Drake]

So yeah, six inches to the left, and I could've seriously hurt somebody. I wonder if I'd have been charged with a crime for that.

It almost sounds like if you had hit the minivan driver, you should have been awarded a medal for improving the gene pool.

[Agent Helix]

No, I almost hit the hitchhiker. The way my car stopped, basically the two front wheels were up on the sidewalk, and my driver side window was literally six inches away from the guy as he continued to get his damn bag out of the car. I rolled it down real quickly after stopping and asked if he was okay, then had to sit there like a dope until I had clearance to back up off the sidewalk and go about my business. The minivan driver just drove the hell off, not giving a shit.

Fortunately, nobody was hurt, and I didn't scrape the crap out of the bottom of my car, the whole thing just really scared the crap out of me.

[Ed Cunard]

No, I almost hit the hitchhiker. The way my car stopped, basically the two front wheels were up on the sidewalk, and my driver side window was literally six inches away from the guy as he continued to get his damn bag out of the car. I rolled it down real quickly after stopping and asked if he was okay, then had to sit there like a dope until I had clearance to back up off the sidewalk and go about my business. The minivan driver just drove the hell off, not giving a shit.

Fortunately, nobody was hurt, and I didn't scrape the crap out of the bottom of my car, the whole thing just really scared the crap out of me.

Wait... killing hobos is illegal?

Shit.

[Michael P]

Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, son.

[Agent Helix]

Best part is, as I'm sitting there with my window open, waiting for the street to clear so I can carefully back up off the sidewalk and get back on the road, the hitchhiker is STILL standing there, and says...

"So, you headin' down '77?"

[Winslow]

My "fight or flight" adrenalin rush is pretty strong.

I probably wouldn't have handled it with as much class as you.

Glad everyone is O.K.

[Ray R.]

Wait... killing hobos is illegal?

Shit.

Possession of a dead hobo isn't a crime. Selling a dead one is.

[jessecuster3]

Possession of a dead hobo isn't a crime. Selling a dead one is.

Hobos, the other, other white meat.

[Ed Cunard]

Possession of a dead hobo isn't a crime. Selling a dead one is.

That's the dumbest joke you've ever made, Ray.

Who the fuck would buy a dead hobo?

[Serik]

Who the fuck would buy a dead hobo?

The people who make Spam? I dunno.

[Boldido]

Can we please stop all the hobo talk? Hobos don't hitch rides in minivans, they steal rides on trains.

What Agent Helix almost hit was a bum. Words mean things people.

[Dan Apodaca]

Damn, that sounds like a tense situation!

You should have stolen his bindle. It's full of hobo gold.

[Guapo Méndez]

Can we please stop all the hobo talk? Hobos don't hitch rides in minivans, they steal rides on trains.

What Agent Helix almost hit was a bum. Words mean things people.

If he had been six inches to the left, he'd be a 'bump'.

[Agent Helix]

Damn, that sounds like a tense situation!

You should have stolen his bindle. It's full of hobo gold.

From the smell, I would've said underpants.