TNA IMPACT Review: "A Lesson in Misery"

[DWEarhart]

We begin with the recently accused Kurt Angle talking about three of the biggest egos in TNA (Rhino, Angle, and Joe) going into Lockdown against Team Cage. Right now, they’ll settle for Serotonin. In case you’re wondering, Angle is still a physical wreck, and SOME people in TNA are worried.

Team Angle 3/5 vs Serotonin: Rhino and Martyr start things off. Rhino shoulder blocks Martyr. He scampers off to tag in Kaz. Angle comes in and GERMAN on Kaz, some uppercuts and boots, and a tag to Joe. Kaz tags in Havok, but Joe treats him like the whipping boy Raven thinks he is. Martyr sneaks in a cheap shot, but Joe gets rid of him. Kaz tags back in and Joe continues what he started with Martyr. Rhino GORES THE HELL out of Havok. Kaz gets the Olympic Slam, and Joe hits Martyr with the musclebuster for the win.
Winner: Team Angle 3/5

AJ and Christian are arguing about being outnumbered after Abyss defected to Team Angle, but by the end of the night, Christian swore that both sides would be evened up. AJ still wants his title shot.

We see Raven pouring candle wax on Martyr or Havok (couldn't tell), mind-warping his Get Along Gang.

Borash talks to Abyss and Sting (sans the face paint). Sting swears that Abyss will overcome his obstacles. Sting shows why he is paint-less. Abyss dun effed him up.

Team 3D’s in the ring with two lock boxes; they wish to speak with L.A.X. Homicide and Hernandez are out, and don’t those titles look so pretty around their waists? Digging Brother Ray’s “Road Warrior Hawk” t-shirt. I like Homicide’s “Lucha Thug”, just a bit more. Team 3D opens the boxes and shows off their legacy: all the titles that they’ve won over the years (WWE, WCW, and ECW). The ECW titles get some major props and some E-C-Dub chants. They throw out the challenge, the legacy vs the TNA tag team titles. A handshake is offered, but Konnan’s got something to say (as usual). He pisses on their legacy, and throws out the challenge for an Electrified Steel Cage match.
“Orale. Ariba la raza, PUTO.” - Konnan. Apparently, Ray and Konnan despise one another in real life.

Backlund’s begging Cornette for a match at Lockdown. He’s never done drugs, but he’s going to the moon. Cornette says Backlund can’t have a match, but he can referee the Lockdown match between THE Austin Starr and Senshi (Low-Ki any other day. Except ppv Sunday).

Robert Roode Inc. Representative – Eric Young vs THE Austin Starr: Oddly, Roode is hanging out with Starr at the intro future tube. Young works the crowd, Starr shows Eric, he’s not here to play with the crowd. Starr is giving off a Vincent Price – Dr. Phibes kinda vibe. Young finally gets to show off some stuff. Roode gets in the ring, tells Young to finish off Starr, then turns on him. That lets Starr hit the STARRbuster and the clock strikes 1..2..3. Winner: THE Austin Starr

Roode wants to pick on Young some more, but Petey Williams comes to the rescue and beats down Robert Roode. A nice Team Canada mini-reunion. Williams extends his hand to Young, but Roode pulls him out of the ring before Young can reciprocate.

Borash talks to Jerry Lynn. Lynn’s mouthing off about Christopher Daniels. The lights go out, Undertaker’s he--- oh, no, it’s Christopher Daniels. There’s some violent sound effects, the lights are back on, and Christopher Daniels looms over a fallen Jerry Lynn. He puts a choker around Lynn’s neck for good measure. Daniels is looking quite Stingish, wearing a black trench coat.

Chris Harris (who’s in TNA’s own “doghouse”) is demanding a match against James Storm from Jim Cornette. He wants a doctor’s note that clears Harris to wrestle, until then, no match for Harris.

James Storm w/Jackie Moore vs Jerry Lynn: Lynn has crappy intro music. Lynn pulls a no show, selling the beating by Christopher Daniels. James Storm is pissed. He drinks beer and kicks butt, and he’s all outta beer. He demands a match with anyone. Chris Harris is more than happy to oblige. Gail Kim won’t let him. Jackie knows what to say to get Kim to hit the ring. The ladies do the dance while Harris chases Storm out of the ring area. The refs have to break up the ladies. I wish I was Gail Kim’s shower massager.
Winner: James Storm via forfeit.

Gail Kim is demanding a match at Lockdown against Jackie Moore who happens to interrupt, and the cat fight continues. Security tries to break them up.

We get the history of Sting and Abyss.

Christain Cage & AJ Styles vs Sting &Abyss: Sting and Abyss take control and single out Christian. AJ turns the tables on Sting, and Cage takes to pounding fists on Sting’s head. Styles is tagged in. He’s got happy feet. 2 count into commercials. Abyss gets tagged in, Shock Treatment on Styles, he tries on one Cage, but Styles breaks it up. Abyss nails a double clothesline, and Sting comes crashing down on the two heels. James Mitchell is back, and he’s brought out some elderly woman with him. Abyss’s (sigh) mother. Abyss ditches Sting, who’s being beaten down by Cage and Styles. Sting Hulks out, and whoops on the two goons. Stinger Splashes all around. He sens Cage over the top, and traps Styles in the Scorpion Deathlock. Cage tries to get back in, but the ref won’t let him back in. Scott Steiner runs in, knocks Sting out with a steel pipe, and Styles picks up the 3.
Winner: Christian Cage & AJ Styles.

All three fight for the spotlight at the end. THAT was funny.

PUTOOOOOOO.

Thoughts: Nothing lavish, just some setups and continuations for storylines leading into Lockdown. THE Austin Starr looked well tonight. It’d be nice if Chris Harris could get his hands on James Storm, but that’ll definitely happen at Lockdown. Backlund knows comedic timing, and the main event was solid enough. Do I really have to tell you who that woman with James Mitchell was (she revolves around the storyline)? I didn’t think so.

[Arune Singh]

Great review.

And awesome iMPACT. We're seeing feuds grow and getting great matches. I'm blown away by how Sting, Christian, Abyss and AJ ALL looked great, even when Stibyss kicked Christian & Angle's asses. Tell WWE that's how you book a good match leading up to a PPV.

Loved the Petey Williams intro into the roode/young story. Very smart and lots of good history to draw on.

AJ's heel character is great. There's something goofy and loveable about his heelness.

[clayholio]

AJ's heel character is great. There's something goofy and loveable about his heelness.

The exchange between AJ and Christian was worth the entire hour's worth of watching. So was Backlund offering an unrequested cup of his own urine.

I'll say this about Impact: it does actually make me want to order the PPVs. This time, I really want to see Austin Starr turned loose against Senshi. That sounds like it could be a damned good match. It's kind of unfortunate that it's during the all-cage match PPV. I guess that's what the DVDs are for...

[Arune Singh]

The exchange between AJ and Christian was worth the entire hour's worth of watching. So was Backlund offering an unrequested cup of his own urine.

I'll say this about Impact: it does actually make me want to order the PPVs. This time, I really want to see Austin Starr turned loose against Senshi. That sounds like it could be a damned good match. It's kind of unfortunate that it's during the all-cage match PPV. I guess that's what the DVDs are for...

Dude, AJ/Christian are...perfect. Truly an instant classic. The whole limelight think at the end was awesome. It's the little touches-- Christian pushing AJ down instead of swatting him away. Makes all the diffeence.

Starr/Senshi was great last time, so I'm sure it'll be fun another time around. Still, not enough X-Division for me this week. We need Sabin doing SOMETHING.

Lynn is good on the mic! It really helps a lot. That and his dancing. Hopefully we get more teases of Daniels before a feud.

Notice how many legit contenders we have for the NWA championship? Both Team Angle and Team Arune...err...Christian, are made of real contenders. That's just awesome.

[lboinyamouf4sho]

no, no, not....................JUDY BAGWELL!!!!:mad: oh well the whole pose thing at the end with AJ & christian made up for it. in the past i haven't ordered lockdown simply for the fact i didn't want to support the idea of an all cage match PPV, and i've regreted it 2 times. this time i say to hell with it, i'm gonna bite the bullet an order, call it a birthday present to myself.

[DaveEB]

"That's got chunks in it!" Best line of the show. AJ and Christian are GREAT together! Love it. The whole show was pretty good. Seriously that was Judy Bagwell? I remember that...

[Scott Evil]

no, no, not....................JUDY BAGWELL!!!!:mad: oh well the whole pose thing at the end with AJ & christian made up for it. in the past i haven't ordered lockdown simply for the fact i didn't want to support the idea of an all cage match PPV, and i've regreted it 2 times. this time i say to hell with it, i'm gonna bite the bullet an order, call it a birthday present to myself.

I know you're from LA, what's your cable provider? Its just that PPV seems to be really weird where I'm at and I'm forced to go to my buddy's house for anything (UFC, WWE, Pride, whatever)

And is it really Judy Bagwell? Oh sweet mercy...

[Arune Singh]

no, no, not....................JUDY BAGWELL!!!!:mad: oh well the whole pose thing at the end with AJ & christian made up for it. in the past i haven't ordered lockdown simply for the fact i didn't want to support the idea of an all cage match PPV, and i've regreted it 2 times. this time i say to hell with it, i'm gonna bite the bullet an order, call it a birthday present to myself.

After AJ's spot last year with the ladder and table, I GOTTA order the one this year.

[Legato]

While Im looking forward seeing Lynn vs Daniels I hope that I could see Daniels feuding with Sting in the near future.

There has to be a reason as to why he is dressing like Sting. With the trenchcoat and the entrance , plus the baseball bat.

I like how LAX is used in TNA. They aren't made to look like complete jokes like how WWE would to it's mexican wrestlers with the exception of Rey Mysterio. Still wish that they would move on to feuding with other tag teams though. TNA could provide a pretty solid tag devision but they dont have the roster to showcase it.

As long as TNA wont reveal that Buff Bagwell is Abyss's brother down the road then I wont mind Judy returning to TNA.

[Arune Singh]

While Im looking forward seeing Lynn vs Daniels I hope that I could see Daniels feuding with Sting in the near future.

There has to be a reason as to why he is dressing like Sting. With the trenchcoat and the entrance , plus the baseball bat.


I trust TNA on this one. They've been managing new/returning stars well...except the heartbreakers.


I like how LAX is used in TNA. They aren't made to look like complete jokes like how WWE would to it's mexican wrestlers with the exception of Rey Mysterio. Still wish that they would move on to feuding with other tag teams though. TNA could provide a pretty solid tag devision but they dont have the roster to showcase it.


3D works because they aren't LAX bitches like AMW, who used to get beat up and never got their revenge. 3D at least stands tall.


As long as TNA wont reveal that Buff Bagwell is Abyss's brother down the road then I wont mind Judy returning to TNA.

"Abyss is piss...but Buff is still the stuff"....ick.

[SnowTrooper]

Team 3D has won both versions of the WWE Tag Titles(World and WWE) so why was there only 1 set of belts from the WWE? Kinda weird.

[lboinyamouf4sho]

I know you're from LA, what's your cable provider? Its just that PPV seems to be really weird where I'm at and I'm forced to go to my buddy's house for anything (UFC, WWE, Pride, whatever)

And is it really Judy Bagwell? Oh sweet mercy...

i'm not from L.A homes, i'm from central cali, san joaquin valley to be more specific. if i was from LA i'd be going to PWG every month and sure as hell would be there for both nights in april.

Team 3D has won both versions of the WWE Tag Titles(World and WWE) so why was there only 1 set of belts from the WWE? Kinda weird.

they probly couldn't find replicas of those titles in time for the show.

[The Zapper]

I think the point was that they won the belts everywhere. I don't think many fans noticed or cared that they didn't have both WWE belts.

[marshal99]

Watch Jarrett come back and reclaim back his title and Christian's spot in the company.

[DWEarhart]

While Im looking forward seeing Lynn vs Daniels I hope that I could see Daniels feuding with Sting in the near future.

I kind of want Sting to piece together his own little cult. Daniels and Abyss could be members. Sting could still get some air time, and Daniels could wrestle more.

[Arune Singh]

I kind of want Sting to piece together his own little cult. Daniels and Abyss could be members. Sting could still get some air time, and Daniels could wrestle more.

That's actually a really great idea. Sting cuts good promos and would be a great manager for Daniels, sometimes getting in on the fights himself.

[Legato]

So in a way it would be like The Ministry?

[DWEarhart]

The Order of The Scorpion.

[Legato]

The Order of The Scorpion.

That doesn't sound to bad actually.

[lboinyamouf4sho]

I kind of want Sting to piece together his own little cult. Daniels and Abyss could be members. Sting could still get some air time, and Daniels could wrestle more.

i want sting to go home and take judy with him, he's ruining abyss.

did anybody think austin starr looked deflated, i wonder if he is off the juice??

and anybody know what's with the "angle is still a psyhical mess" comment in the 1st post??

[DWEarhart]

I wouldn't mind Sting packing up and going home all together, but we're going to be stuck with him at least close to another year. Supposedly, Jarrett actually had that in mind and was not going to extend his contract, but Mrs. Carter insisted that TNA keep him around a bit longer.

I swear, Starr looked like Vincent Price from the Dr. Phibes flicks.

Aaaaand there is some heavy skepticism as to just how healthy Angle is, and that some folks in TNA have found Angle to be rather incoherent backstage, as in he's taking too many feel good sumthin sumthins if yuh know what I mean, mmmhmm.

[lboinyamouf4sho]

Aaaaand there is some heavy skepticism as to just how healthy Angle is, and that some folks in TNA have found Angle to be rather incoherent backstage, as in he's taking too many feel good sumthin sumthins if yuh know what I mean.


no, i'm sorry to say i don't know what you mean, fill me in. what's the source?? i'm really surprised i hadn't heard anything about that, usually if angle farts there's tons of reports.

[DWEarhart]

It came out of a TNA news website, so it could be news for the sake of making news, or it could have some meat to it (and the reports from this site usually do).

Angle is kept in the "stars" dressing room where the likes of Sting, Nash, and Christian change, and when he's seen outisde of it, he's been known to be mumbling heavily. Certain office folk are saying that it's because Kurt's been chewing tobacco alot, but an unnamed wrestler has come forward and said that something very bad is going to happen to Angle one of these days, and those in the know that can do something about are doing nothing.

Another note - Cornette has told the X-Division guys to slow their matches down. Jarrett stepped up and said not to, that the X-Division matches should be fast paced, almost like a "video game".

[Arune Singh]

Another note - Cornette has told the X-Division guys to slow their matches down. Jarrett stepped up and said not to, that the X-Division matches should be fast paced, almost like a "video game".

I'm for the fast paced matches, but we need *more* of them. The X-Division is, IMO, the reason to watch TNA and they need more time in the sun. I understand the NWA title is going to take upa good 40% of the show in some form, but the X-Division should get at least 30% of the time, if not more as TNA seems intent on making the Tag division simply LAX & 3D.

[The Zapper]

Wow, I can't believe that I agree with JJ over Cornette, but I do.

[Young Avenger]

TNA please end the Abyss/Sting feud. I'm sick of it already.

[SnowTrooper]

Who is going to be the last member of Team Angle? You got Angle, Joe, Rhino, and probably Sting, I cant think of a 5th member.

[DWEarhart]

Who is going to be the last member of Team Angle? You got Angle, Joe, Rhino, and probably Sting, I cant think of a 5th member.

Think of one letter, and then double it.

[Arune Singh]

Think of one letter, and then double it.

A...A

...

Arn Anderson?

;)

[DWEarhart]

A...A

...

Arn Anderson?

;)

I was thinking that they would exhume the corpse of Gorgeous George. I know I'd order that ppv. They could hang his withered carcass from the top as a Team Angle exclusive weapon, get him down, and just start swinging that sucker at anyone from Christian's team.

[Arune Singh]

I was thinking that they would exhume the corpse of Gorgeous George. I know I'd order that ppv. They could hang his withered carcass from the top as a Team Angle exclusive weapon, get him down, and just start swinging that sucker at anyone from Christian's team.

Vince, is that you? ;)

So I'm thinking it's either Hulk Hogan or Jeff Jarett, with the former being a wild shot in the dark?

What is Randy Savage doing? I'd love to see him do a special team up with Lethal.

[SnowTrooper]

The fans in the Impact Zone hate Jeff Jarret too much to take him seriously as a face dont they? I know I do.

[DWEarhart]

Vince, is that you? ;)


Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. The crazy philanthropist WISHES he was that warped (or dumb). That's pure HUSTLE, baby.

__________

I found Forever Hardcore , Hardcore Homecoming, and Hardcore Homecoming 2: November Reign for 18 bucks each. Can anyone tell me if they're worth owning; if so should I try online to find them cheaper?

[clayholio]

I found Forever Hardcore , Hardcore Homecoming, and Hardcore Homecoming 2: November Reign for 18 bucks each. Can anyone tell me if they're worth owning; if so should I try online to find them cheaper?

Definitely try to get 'em cheaper. If you check around online, you might be able to find 'em used (like at Wherehouse or other used DVD sellers). I have the Hardcore Homecoming one, and it's okay, but I think you'd have to be a much bigger fan of the original ECW than I am to really enjoy it (I wasn't watching wrestling during ECW's original run, so...).

[DWEarhart]

Definitely try to get 'em cheaper. If you check around online, you might be able to find 'em used (like at Wherehouse or other used DVD sellers). I have the Hardcore Homecoming one, and it's okay, but I think you'd have to be a much bigger fan of the original ECW than I am to really enjoy it (I wasn't watching wrestling during ECW's original run, so...).

10:4. Thanx.

___________

TNA IMPACT pulled a 1.0. 411mania brought up a good point. This isn't bad at all considering they were going head to head with the NCAA tournament. I still don't like college sports.

[lboinyamouf4sho]

I'm for the fast paced matches, but we need *more* of them. The X-Division is, IMO, the reason to watch TNA and they need more time in the sun. I understand the NWA title is going to take upa good 40% of the show in some form, but the X-Division should get at least 30% of the time, if not more as TNA seems intent on making the Tag division simply LAX & 3D.

that's really not very fair, with a 1 hour show all they really have time to showcase is is 2 teams. you figure you got 1 hour and have to push the HW title, the x-title, and the tag titles, that leaves you with about 5min to spare, besides it "makes sense" atleast with LAX bragging they sent every other team in the division packing. the only way i can think of to get another team cramed in there would be a 3 way title fued.

[Arune Singh]

that's really not very fair, with a 1 hour show all they really have time to showcase is is 2 teams. you figure you got 1 hour and have to push the HW title, the x-title, and the tag titles, that leaves you with about 5min to spare, besides it "makes sense" atleast with LAX bragging they sent every other team in the division packing. the only way i can think of to get another team cramed in there would be a 3 way title fued.

Yeah, I understand that, I do...but after 3D or LAX, who is in place to feud? It's the one division in TNA with no real heir apparent. So I'd love to see a third team inserted in the feud to not only liven things up, but help infuse some life into the tag division. I do love LAX and they are that damn good...but we need to see a legitimate challenger other than 3D.

[lboinyamouf4sho]

Yeah, I understand that, I do...but after 3D or LAX, who is in place to feud? It's the one division in TNA with no real heir apparent. So I'd love to see a third team inserted in the feud to not only liven things up, but help infuse some life into the tag division. I do love LAX and they are that damn good...but we need to see a legitimate challenger other than 3D.

that's why 3D need to win the belts, with them as champs it opens up the gates for any heel team to challenge them. let LAX take a breather till konnan gets healthy, and give homicide and hernandez some singles matches for the mean time.

tomko/steiner, shelly/starr(with some help from nash), the naturals(as heels), serotonin(if raven ever decides to help them) roode & eric young(for a short program to progress their storyline) could all work until LAX eventually comes back and takes the titles again. hell, whenever james storm is done with chris harris and roode/young is over i'd love to see them(roode and storm) go as a team.

[Arune Singh]

that's why 3D need to win the belts, with them as champs it opens up the gates for any heel team to challenge them. let LAX take a breather till konnan gets healthy, and give homicide and hernandez some singles matches for the mean time.

tomko/steiner, shelly/starr(with some help from nash), the naturals(as heels), serotonin(if raven ever decides to help them) roode & eric young(for a short program to progress their storyline) could all work until LAX eventually comes back and takes the titles again. hell, whenever james storm is done with chris harris and roode/young is over i'd love to see them(roode and storm) go as a team.

Because....IT PAYS TO BE ROODE!