DWEarhart
03-16-2007, 08:38 PM
Smackdown is on.
Miz has Batista on Miz TV. He punks Batista by switching the lights off, insinuating the Undertaker will come out. Batista plays it cool – Pacino style, then lashes out with the “Momma, he dun killed yuh boy” Batista Bomb. Miz aches his way into the commercials.
When’s Mark Wahlberg going to make an appearance? Hmm? This Bunch isn’t Funky enough? I couldn’t take The Departed seriously because you all looked like fifteen year olds trying to be thirty year olds.
Ashley and Kane are on Smallville. Yay Kane. That is all.
Kennedy talks his talk.
Matt Hardy vs Mr. Kennedy:
They dance. Kennedy hides in the ropes. The crowd reacts with some light Hardy chants. There are wristlocks and takedowns; Kennedy loves those ropes. More, louder, Hardy chants. They dance. Kennedy works Hardy’s mid section all the way to the ground. Kennedy gives Hardy’s head a tour of the corners. Hardy gladly returns the (kennedy) favor, and speeds things up, busts out a running clothesline. Hardy spears Kennedy through the second rope, out to the floor. Commercials. Kennedy’s twisting Hardy’s head, Hardy comes back, lands an elbow off the ropes, but he sells a tweak in the knee. Kennedy goes right after it. Ass stomp off the ropes to the “injured” right knee. He’s relentless with it. Naturally, he’s got to go to the post with it. He works up to a pin attempt, but only 2. Kennedy plants Hardy on the top rope, and Tree of Woe, kicking (kennedy) that knee, on the ropes punching the knee. Belly to back off the ropes…2 count. INDIAN DEATHLOCK. Kennedy has busted out the INDIAN DEATHLOCK!!!. Shuhbangbang. Television time seems to really appreciate the Indian Deathlock. Hardy reverses the InDiAn DeAtHlOcK.
Kennedy goes back to stomping him. KENTON BOMB – misses. Hardy rolled towards the post. Clothesline 1 and 2, Russian Leg Sweep, up to the second rope and that thing (kennedy) with his fingers; leg drop….2 count. Side Effect…2 count. Kennedy forces Hardy into a sunset flip, but Hardy sits down, and tries to grab the ropes. No go. Kick to Hardy’s face. Only 2. Kennedy was either going for a tumbling fireman’s carry, or a Kenton Bomb, either way, Hardy reverses into the twist of fate for the 1..2..3.
Winner: Matt Hardy. His reward? Commercials. What else would it be?
I know that Pussycat Dolls show would really draw viewers if they were on fire. Just a suggestion for you television suits out there.
Kennedy is bitching about losing before the MITB ladder match at Wrestlemania.
Back at the ring is MVP. Dammit, Lbo. I will say MVP’s outfit is much more glamorous tonight, and suits him well. MVP is being allowed to develop his character tonight. He brags about his upcoming opponents credentials. He is the Honduran Champion. You love him, and so do I. El Grande Latte.
MVP vs El Grande Latte the Honduran Heavyweight Champion (non-title match): MVP drops Latte fast, elbows him, and, oh look, the first Tree of Woe sprouted another one. MVP beats him down, wild forearms to Grande’s face. MVP pulls a behind the knee windmill slammy thingy.
Winner: MVP
Aaaand MVP’s back on the mic. He wants Teddy Long to answer him about his recent challenge to Benoit’s U.S. Title. He calls Benoit “BORING?!?!” and “UNCHARASMATIC?!?!?!” Nooooooo. Jess. Oh, jess. Noooooo. Uh oh, MVP busts out the laundry list of legends, but the crowd boos instantly when he switches the subject back to himself. MVP doesn’t care about the title, he wants to win it so he can become the highest paid person in sports entertainment history. Oooooh. Teddy Long pops up. Tells him Benoit IS here. Benoit IS all over MVP’s face, until he gets a serious raking of the face. MVP gets a whiff of the crossface, but he escapes.
Chris Benoit (champion) vs MVP: U.S. Title Match – Wrestlemania 23. It’s on.
They talk about Raw, and Bradshaw’s “comeback.” Commercials talk about products.
More Ashley. Now with a side of Melina.
Intergender Tag Team Match: MNM and Melina vs London/Kendrick and Ashley (sigh. Should have considered that threesome idea. That’s all I’m sayin’. Yuh know:) Kendrick and Mercury start, London comes in for a quick hit; tags Kendrick back in, tag back to London, leaping stomp off the top to Mercury’s subdued left arm. Double flapjack., Nitro can’t make the save. Ashley and Melina take a turn. Melina immediately tags Nitro in. He’s confused, and London and Kendrick capitalize. A plancha special for two, and the champs wipe out MNM. Melina turns the tide, kicking Kendrick in the gut, allowing Nitro to slap on a chinlock. And then that same necklock that Kennedy used earlier. Mercury is tagged in. He works Kendrick pretty well. Double team by MNM, they distract the ref, Melina chokes Kendrick on the ropes. She just went up 2 notches on me likey meter. Mercury and Nitro take turns whooping on Kendrick. But the champs are back, a battered Kennedy tags London in, and he is all over MNM. Melina hits a low blow on London, SNAPSHOT by MNM, and it’s 3. Ashley goes right after Melina, and the teams are holding the women apart. They’re pissed because now – Commercials.
Winners: MNM and Melina.
Edge is in Planet Terror. Where you at Wahlberg? Why did you talk like a divorced woman overdosing on testosterone in Planet of the Apes? Boogie Nights was cool. BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT, DAMMIT!!
WWE and wrestling fans everywhere show much respect to Ernie Ladd. He earned it, just like he did everything else in his life. R.I.P.
A blonde clone in black lingerie.
Finlay’s looking for Hornswoggle (Little Bastard). Neither his majesty himself or the queen divine have seen him. Booker chases after Finlay to argue some more, reverting to street Booker ever so fluently. Her Queen is alone, and Hornswoggle is drunk, with a nice full mug ready to be sipped. Kiss him. He’s Irish (Happy St. Patty’s Day.) The Queen runs off, and Hornswoggle drinks some more.
Stone Cold sticks it to both billionaires on the Raw recap. Stone Cold just doesn’t seem to fit in anymore. He doesn’t even have to try and he outdoes mostly everyone. I wish we could look forward to an encounter with Cena, but it isn’t likely. What is likely? Commercials.
Daivari vs Kane:
Do I really need to spell this one out? With his head shaved, Daivari looks like a porn film producer. Kane gets the goozle, but doesn’t slam Daivari. He throws him outside, and knocks off a level of the ring steps, and chokeslam on the steel steps. Kane wants to go fishing, or whaling. He wraps the chain end of the fishhook around Daivari’s neck, and drags him all the way to the back. Maybe it’s just me, but I like this side of Kane.
I don’t enjoy? Commercials (Harsh Times rocked).
Countout or No Contest: Take your pick.
Kane wants Daivari to send Khali a message, and drags him to the boiler room. Or a nightclub. I don’t know. There were red lights.
Mr. Fuji will soon be an official Hall of Fame inductee. Praise him. Know him. Harry Fujiwara. ……..Or don’t.
Batista’s on commentary.
Undertaker vs King Booker: Taker does the spooky entrance while Batista assures he is confident and not intimidated by Taker. The bell rings, they size one another up, and it’s a gunfight. Both men land shots, but Taker lands stomp bombs. The brutal ballet continues outside; the king tastes some steel. Back inside Undertaker tenderizes his majesty’s left shoulder. A genuine comeback by his highness, but alas he falls prey to Taker’s infamous BOOT to the face. Deadman goes old school and measures King Booker. They tussle and a DDT by Taker, damaging the valuable cranium belonging to the Highborn of Houston. Taker picks his shots. The King fights back, but Taker knocks him outside.
He shows the majesty how they’ve redecorated the announcing area, with his majesty’s noggin’. Batista and Taker stare each other down. Taker’s about to leave it all alone when the king knocks him off the apron, with Taker’s torso bouncing off the announce table right in front of Batista. Batista stares. He sees them. Commercials.
The King is trying to put Undertaker away. Terrorizes him with a chinlock. Undertaker has the advantage outside the ring again. Within, Booker gets knees to the head, and side-kick, dropping Taker, but only for 2. The King has Taker locked own, but Taker fights back up and out, but the King regains control and proceeds with punches to Taker’s head. They trade. Someone didn’t flush. Taker hits snake eyes, and BOOT 2: The Closer.
Booker lands a heel kick in the midst of Taker’s offense, but Taker gets him in position for the Last Ride; FINLAY busts everything up. He saves the king, and it’s a double team on the man from the dark side. Batista sits back, and watches. Taker retaliates harshly. He SLIDES FINLAY over the announce table, wiping out Batista. GOOZLE on King Booker, up and DOWN. 1…2…3.
Winner: The Undertaker.
Batista is in the middle of the ring, and he is furious. Taker acknowledges the champ’s anger with his back turned, and Taker shows Batista that someone will be going on a Last Ride.
Thoughts: Solid show. It was much better than last week. It was cool for Matt to get the win over Kennedy. It doesn’t mean much, but felt all warm and squishy to watch. MVP did his job tonight, and he didn’t suck - I’ll say that.
After this role with Kane is all played out, then what? Oh yeah. See No Evil 2.
It’s so weird how all 4 guys are still mixing it up. Booker, Finlay, Batista, and Undertaker. And I really NEED a Regal/Taylor fix. What the hell? I know they jobbed to the friggin’ Godwins during the dark match, but c’mon. Give me something.
The tag team match was probably the best one by default, though Kennedy and Hardy gave them competition. Taker and the King did their do, and it was tight. A good show overall.
At least Benoit's on Wrestlemania.
Miz has Batista on Miz TV. He punks Batista by switching the lights off, insinuating the Undertaker will come out. Batista plays it cool – Pacino style, then lashes out with the “Momma, he dun killed yuh boy” Batista Bomb. Miz aches his way into the commercials.
When’s Mark Wahlberg going to make an appearance? Hmm? This Bunch isn’t Funky enough? I couldn’t take The Departed seriously because you all looked like fifteen year olds trying to be thirty year olds.
Ashley and Kane are on Smallville. Yay Kane. That is all.
Kennedy talks his talk.
Matt Hardy vs Mr. Kennedy:
They dance. Kennedy hides in the ropes. The crowd reacts with some light Hardy chants. There are wristlocks and takedowns; Kennedy loves those ropes. More, louder, Hardy chants. They dance. Kennedy works Hardy’s mid section all the way to the ground. Kennedy gives Hardy’s head a tour of the corners. Hardy gladly returns the (kennedy) favor, and speeds things up, busts out a running clothesline. Hardy spears Kennedy through the second rope, out to the floor. Commercials. Kennedy’s twisting Hardy’s head, Hardy comes back, lands an elbow off the ropes, but he sells a tweak in the knee. Kennedy goes right after it. Ass stomp off the ropes to the “injured” right knee. He’s relentless with it. Naturally, he’s got to go to the post with it. He works up to a pin attempt, but only 2. Kennedy plants Hardy on the top rope, and Tree of Woe, kicking (kennedy) that knee, on the ropes punching the knee. Belly to back off the ropes…2 count. INDIAN DEATHLOCK. Kennedy has busted out the INDIAN DEATHLOCK!!!. Shuhbangbang. Television time seems to really appreciate the Indian Deathlock. Hardy reverses the InDiAn DeAtHlOcK.
Kennedy goes back to stomping him. KENTON BOMB – misses. Hardy rolled towards the post. Clothesline 1 and 2, Russian Leg Sweep, up to the second rope and that thing (kennedy) with his fingers; leg drop….2 count. Side Effect…2 count. Kennedy forces Hardy into a sunset flip, but Hardy sits down, and tries to grab the ropes. No go. Kick to Hardy’s face. Only 2. Kennedy was either going for a tumbling fireman’s carry, or a Kenton Bomb, either way, Hardy reverses into the twist of fate for the 1..2..3.
Winner: Matt Hardy. His reward? Commercials. What else would it be?
I know that Pussycat Dolls show would really draw viewers if they were on fire. Just a suggestion for you television suits out there.
Kennedy is bitching about losing before the MITB ladder match at Wrestlemania.
Back at the ring is MVP. Dammit, Lbo. I will say MVP’s outfit is much more glamorous tonight, and suits him well. MVP is being allowed to develop his character tonight. He brags about his upcoming opponents credentials. He is the Honduran Champion. You love him, and so do I. El Grande Latte.
MVP vs El Grande Latte the Honduran Heavyweight Champion (non-title match): MVP drops Latte fast, elbows him, and, oh look, the first Tree of Woe sprouted another one. MVP beats him down, wild forearms to Grande’s face. MVP pulls a behind the knee windmill slammy thingy.
Winner: MVP
Aaaand MVP’s back on the mic. He wants Teddy Long to answer him about his recent challenge to Benoit’s U.S. Title. He calls Benoit “BORING?!?!” and “UNCHARASMATIC?!?!?!” Nooooooo. Jess. Oh, jess. Noooooo. Uh oh, MVP busts out the laundry list of legends, but the crowd boos instantly when he switches the subject back to himself. MVP doesn’t care about the title, he wants to win it so he can become the highest paid person in sports entertainment history. Oooooh. Teddy Long pops up. Tells him Benoit IS here. Benoit IS all over MVP’s face, until he gets a serious raking of the face. MVP gets a whiff of the crossface, but he escapes.
Chris Benoit (champion) vs MVP: U.S. Title Match – Wrestlemania 23. It’s on.
They talk about Raw, and Bradshaw’s “comeback.” Commercials talk about products.
More Ashley. Now with a side of Melina.
Intergender Tag Team Match: MNM and Melina vs London/Kendrick and Ashley (sigh. Should have considered that threesome idea. That’s all I’m sayin’. Yuh know:) Kendrick and Mercury start, London comes in for a quick hit; tags Kendrick back in, tag back to London, leaping stomp off the top to Mercury’s subdued left arm. Double flapjack., Nitro can’t make the save. Ashley and Melina take a turn. Melina immediately tags Nitro in. He’s confused, and London and Kendrick capitalize. A plancha special for two, and the champs wipe out MNM. Melina turns the tide, kicking Kendrick in the gut, allowing Nitro to slap on a chinlock. And then that same necklock that Kennedy used earlier. Mercury is tagged in. He works Kendrick pretty well. Double team by MNM, they distract the ref, Melina chokes Kendrick on the ropes. She just went up 2 notches on me likey meter. Mercury and Nitro take turns whooping on Kendrick. But the champs are back, a battered Kennedy tags London in, and he is all over MNM. Melina hits a low blow on London, SNAPSHOT by MNM, and it’s 3. Ashley goes right after Melina, and the teams are holding the women apart. They’re pissed because now – Commercials.
Winners: MNM and Melina.
Edge is in Planet Terror. Where you at Wahlberg? Why did you talk like a divorced woman overdosing on testosterone in Planet of the Apes? Boogie Nights was cool. BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT, DAMMIT!!
WWE and wrestling fans everywhere show much respect to Ernie Ladd. He earned it, just like he did everything else in his life. R.I.P.
A blonde clone in black lingerie.
Finlay’s looking for Hornswoggle (Little Bastard). Neither his majesty himself or the queen divine have seen him. Booker chases after Finlay to argue some more, reverting to street Booker ever so fluently. Her Queen is alone, and Hornswoggle is drunk, with a nice full mug ready to be sipped. Kiss him. He’s Irish (Happy St. Patty’s Day.) The Queen runs off, and Hornswoggle drinks some more.
Stone Cold sticks it to both billionaires on the Raw recap. Stone Cold just doesn’t seem to fit in anymore. He doesn’t even have to try and he outdoes mostly everyone. I wish we could look forward to an encounter with Cena, but it isn’t likely. What is likely? Commercials.
Daivari vs Kane:
Do I really need to spell this one out? With his head shaved, Daivari looks like a porn film producer. Kane gets the goozle, but doesn’t slam Daivari. He throws him outside, and knocks off a level of the ring steps, and chokeslam on the steel steps. Kane wants to go fishing, or whaling. He wraps the chain end of the fishhook around Daivari’s neck, and drags him all the way to the back. Maybe it’s just me, but I like this side of Kane.
I don’t enjoy? Commercials (Harsh Times rocked).
Countout or No Contest: Take your pick.
Kane wants Daivari to send Khali a message, and drags him to the boiler room. Or a nightclub. I don’t know. There were red lights.
Mr. Fuji will soon be an official Hall of Fame inductee. Praise him. Know him. Harry Fujiwara. ……..Or don’t.
Batista’s on commentary.
Undertaker vs King Booker: Taker does the spooky entrance while Batista assures he is confident and not intimidated by Taker. The bell rings, they size one another up, and it’s a gunfight. Both men land shots, but Taker lands stomp bombs. The brutal ballet continues outside; the king tastes some steel. Back inside Undertaker tenderizes his majesty’s left shoulder. A genuine comeback by his highness, but alas he falls prey to Taker’s infamous BOOT to the face. Deadman goes old school and measures King Booker. They tussle and a DDT by Taker, damaging the valuable cranium belonging to the Highborn of Houston. Taker picks his shots. The King fights back, but Taker knocks him outside.
He shows the majesty how they’ve redecorated the announcing area, with his majesty’s noggin’. Batista and Taker stare each other down. Taker’s about to leave it all alone when the king knocks him off the apron, with Taker’s torso bouncing off the announce table right in front of Batista. Batista stares. He sees them. Commercials.
The King is trying to put Undertaker away. Terrorizes him with a chinlock. Undertaker has the advantage outside the ring again. Within, Booker gets knees to the head, and side-kick, dropping Taker, but only for 2. The King has Taker locked own, but Taker fights back up and out, but the King regains control and proceeds with punches to Taker’s head. They trade. Someone didn’t flush. Taker hits snake eyes, and BOOT 2: The Closer.
Booker lands a heel kick in the midst of Taker’s offense, but Taker gets him in position for the Last Ride; FINLAY busts everything up. He saves the king, and it’s a double team on the man from the dark side. Batista sits back, and watches. Taker retaliates harshly. He SLIDES FINLAY over the announce table, wiping out Batista. GOOZLE on King Booker, up and DOWN. 1…2…3.
Winner: The Undertaker.
Batista is in the middle of the ring, and he is furious. Taker acknowledges the champ’s anger with his back turned, and Taker shows Batista that someone will be going on a Last Ride.
Thoughts: Solid show. It was much better than last week. It was cool for Matt to get the win over Kennedy. It doesn’t mean much, but felt all warm and squishy to watch. MVP did his job tonight, and he didn’t suck - I’ll say that.
After this role with Kane is all played out, then what? Oh yeah. See No Evil 2.
It’s so weird how all 4 guys are still mixing it up. Booker, Finlay, Batista, and Undertaker. And I really NEED a Regal/Taylor fix. What the hell? I know they jobbed to the friggin’ Godwins during the dark match, but c’mon. Give me something.
The tag team match was probably the best one by default, though Kennedy and Hardy gave them competition. Taker and the King did their do, and it was tight. A good show overall.
At least Benoit's on Wrestlemania.