Guess What Happened Next!

[Typo Lad]

Monday night, Suzannah is in the shower, having returned from the gym. She's telling me about how unattractive she feels lately and how she really feels better for having gone. She begins saying "I know I'm incredibly fat. It's just a fact."

I, trying to reassure her interrupt with:

"Okay, so you're incredibly fat - "

Guess what happened next.

[Charles RB]

She hit you?

[Deathstroke]

Monday night, Suzannah is in the shower, having returned from the gym. She's telling me about how unattractive she feels lately and how she really feels better for having gone. She begins saying "I know I'm incredibly fat. It's just a fact."

I, trying to reassure her interrupt with:

"Okay, so you're incredibly fat - "

Guess what happened next.

You found out you have the superpower of indestructibility when she tossed your dumb ass out the window?

[Alan Lynch]

You had wild animal sex right there on the floor?

Someone has to be optimistic here.

[Deathstroke]

You had wild animal sex right there on the floor?

Someone has to be optimistic here.

Actually, that's not optimistic, that's proof you are absolutely barking stars.

[Lord of Denial]

Monday night, Suzannah is in the shower, having returned from the gym. She's telling me about how unattractive she feels lately and how she really feels better for having gone. She begins saying "I know I'm incredibly fat. It's just a fact."

I, trying to reassure her interrupt with:

"Okay, so you're incredibly fat - "

Guess what happened next.

I'm just glad there is someone that knows less about women then me.

But if you where looking for a way to NEVER have sex again, well done!

[Adam West]

Monday night, Suzannah is in the shower, having returned from the gym. She's telling me about how unattractive she feels lately and how she really feels better for having gone. She begins saying "I know I'm incredibly fat. It's just a fact."

I, trying to reassure her interrupt with:

"Okay, so you're incredibly fat - "

Guess what happened next.

She thanks you for being honest?

[parrish]

Did you have to sleep on the couch that night? Or did you spend the night in the hospital?

[Alan Lynch]

Actually, that's not optimistic, that's proof you are absolutely barking stars.
cut me some slack; I've been single for a few months now. I forget how women react to these things.

[JeffreyWKramer]

cut me some slack; I've been single for a few months now. I forget how women react to these things.

If you can't remember that sort of basic thing, expect to stay single for a lot longer.

[Winslow]

You got kicked in the 'nads.

[Typo Lad]

When we last left our hero he had just foolishly uttered "Okay, so you're incredibly fat - " to his wife of seven years.


I immediatly tacked on "-and I'll go make up the couch now."

We then both disolved into laughter for about five full minutes. She knew I was just quoting her, so she wasn't pissed off (she's reasonable like that) and I got to finish the point I was getting at, which is that while she may have expanded slightly, she's taking control of it, which is good. I also pointed out that even at her current weight she doesn't look it and she's "geekbait".

There was no bloodshed.

[Tages]

When we last left our hero he had just foolishly uttered "Okay, so you're incredibly fat - " to his wife of seven years.


I immediatly tacked on "-and I'll go make up the couch now."

We then both disolved into laughter for about five full minutes. She knew I was just quoting her, so she wasn't pissed off (she's reasonable like that) and I got to finish the point I was getting at, which is that while she may have expanded slightly, she's taking control of it, which is good. I also pointed out that even at her current weight she doesn't look it and she's "geekbait".

There was no bloodshed.

Women like Suzannah exist to make men like me bitter.

[jessecuster3]

When we last left our hero he had just foolishly uttered "Okay, so you're incredibly fat - " to his wife of seven years.


I immediatly tacked on "-and I'll go make up the couch now."

We then both disolved into laughter for about five full minutes. She knew I was just quoting her, so she wasn't pissed off (she's reasonable like that) and I got to finish the point I was getting at, which is that while she may have expanded slightly, she's taking control of it, which is good. I also pointed out that even at her current weight she doesn't look it and she's "geekbait".

There was no bloodshed.


Hmm are you saying she only looks good to overweight old guys who live in their parent's basements?

[Winslow]

It's awesome you can laugh about it. And very cool you can flip it around to see a positive, Morts, and encourage your wife.

But it was "dangerous territory" you wandered into.

[Mac Danny]

I'm glad it worked out. For a minute there it was a cliffhanger from Tales of the Gold Monkey or something.

[Michael P]

Nice save. When you IMed me about this last night, I honestly thought you'd be on the couch until the Messiah came.

[Typo Lad]

Women like Suzannah exist to make men like me bitter.
Poor, poor Tages.

If it makes you feel better, I'm almost certain you won't die alone.

[Michael P]

Poor, poor Tages.

If it makes you feel better, I'm almost certain you won't die alone.

Taken in a certain context, that's not that reassuring.

[Tages]

Poor, poor Tages.

If it makes you feel better, I'm almost certain you won't die alone.

It says something about my current outlook on life that the very first thing to immediately pop into my brain was "Hostage crisis."

[Typo Lad]

Oh good, I'm better at subtlty than I thought.

[Alan Lynch]

When we last left our hero he had just foolishly uttered "Okay, so you're incredibly fat - " to his wife of seven years.


I immediatly tacked on "-and I'll go make up the couch now."

We then both disolved into laughter for about five full minutes. She knew I was just quoting her, so she wasn't pissed off (she's reasonable like that) and I got to finish the point I was getting at, which is that while she may have expanded slightly, she's taking control of it, which is good. I also pointed out that even at her current weight she doesn't look it and she's "geekbait".

There was no bloodshed.

Lucky man having a lady that relaxed about stuff like this. I've not known many women who would've left my balls intact.

[Spackling Compound]

I was going to guess, "Then you posted on CBR about it".

[Jeff Brady]

Heh heh. That was good.

[JeffreyWKramer]

It says something about my current outlook on life that the very first thing to immediately pop into my brain was "Hostage crisis."

Fighting off the ATF and the black helicopters, maybe? ;)

[Guapo Méndez]

Monday night, Suzannah is in the shower, having returned from the gym. She's telling me about how unattractive she feels lately and how she really feels better for having gone. She begins saying "I know I'm incredibly fat. It's just a fact."

I, trying to reassure her interrupt with:

"Okay, so you're incredibly fat - "

Guess what happened next.

Dude, I winced.

You need to carefully cultivate mental blocks against those scenarios. That way when she asks again you'll be able to Batman your way through and even get a compliment on your sensitivity.

[Boldido]

She was cool with it, huh?

I'd have someone taste your food for the next couple of months...and if any of your passover coke smells strongly of almonds, dump it down the drain.

[Ray R.]

She was cool with it, huh?

I'd have someone taste your food for the next couple of months...and if any of your passover coke smells strongly of almonds, dump it down the drain.

My thoughts exactly.

I'd be waiting and waiting for that inevitable kick to the nuts to come when I'd be least expecting it.

"Hi, honey. Good morning."
"Good morning. Oh, by the way, I was thinking about what you said the other night."

*KA-SHUUUK*

[Deathstroke]

When we last left our hero he had just foolishly uttered "Okay, so you're incredibly fat - " to his wife of seven years.


I immediatly tacked on "-and I'll go make up the couch now."

We then both disolved into laughter for about five full minutes. She knew I was just quoting her, so she wasn't pissed off (she's reasonable like that) and I got to finish the point I was getting at, which is that while she may have expanded slightly, she's taking control of it, which is good. I also pointed out that even at her current weight she doesn't look it and she's "geekbait".

There was no bloodshed.

Worst FN ending to a story EVER.

[Deathstroke]

Poor, poor Tages.

If it makes you feel better, I'm almost certain you won't die alone.

I, on the other hand, have to hire someone to check on me when I get old so I don't get one of those "Old Fart found in home, died a year ago, no one noticed" newspaper articles.

[Paul McEnery]

I, on the other hand, have to hire someone to check on me when I get old so I don't get one of those "Old Fart found in home, died a year ago, no one noticed" newspaper articles.

Well sure.

It's not like the smell's going to get any worse!
















for any of us; we'll all smell of pee and stale cigarette smoke and flatulence and probably our own vomit; decomposition will be a blessing

[Typo Lad]

Death, you pay my airfair, I can aleveate that fear for you.

Just ask.

[Pól Rua]

When we last left our hero he had just foolishly uttered "Okay, so you're incredibly fat - " to his wife of seven years.


I immediatly tacked on "-and I'll go make up the couch now."

We then both disolved into laughter for about five full minutes. She knew I was just quoting her, so she wasn't pissed off (she's reasonable like that) and I got to finish the point I was getting at, which is that while she may have expanded slightly, she's taking control of it, which is good. I also pointed out that even at her current weight she doesn't look it and she's "geekbait".

There was no bloodshed.

Congratulations, you have now achieved the rank of 'Supafly'.
Smoove like buttah!

[Pól Rua]

I'm glad it worked out. For a minute there it was a cliffhanger from Tales of the Gold Monkey or something.

I <3 Tales of the Gold Monkey.

[Matt Algren]

I, on the other hand, have to hire someone to check on me when I get old so I don't get one of those "Old Fart found in home, died a year ago, no one noticed" newspaper articles.
I used to work with someone who died like that. He was in his late 30s. He'd gone on vacation on the weekend before Memorial Day (during a heat wave) and told his family elsewhere that might stay here, and told his friends here that he might go to see his family. He had a heart attack in his apartment and everyone assumed he was elsewhere.

They didn't find him until he didn't show up for work. The police had to ask if he was black or white. Sad, sad week.

Sincerely,
Captain Bringdown

[Athena Bast]

When we last left our hero he had just foolishly uttered "Okay, so you're incredibly fat - " to his wife of seven years.


I immediatly tacked on "-and I'll go make up the couch now."

We then both disolved into laughter for about five full minutes. She knew I was just quoting her, so she wasn't pissed off (she's reasonable like that) and I got to finish the point I was getting at, which is that while she may have expanded slightly, she's taking control of it, which is good. I also pointed out that even at her current weight she doesn't look it and she's "geekbait".

There was no bloodshed.

Sounds like my relationship with my BF a lot of the time. Only he's heavier than me and whenever I say I'm feeling heavy he tacks on "I would KILL to weigh what you do". Which is only about 30 pounds less than him and if he really tried that would would just melt off him I know it.

[Typo Lad]

Which is only about 30 pounds less than him and if he really tried that would would just melt off him I know it.

Wow. You're like, a wife.

[Athena Bast]

Wow. You're like, a wife.

He just has a very seditary lifestyle. He eats maybe one real meal a day. He's body is in starvation mode. He walks to work everyday (20 mins each way) for over a year but I think he maybe lost 5-10 in the whole year. His weight makes him unhappy sometimes but he still doesn't try and I get frightened when I tell him well, maybe lose the weight if it bothers you.

[Jeff Brady]

He just has a very seditary lifestyle. He eats maybe one real meal a day. He's body is in starvation mode. He walks to work everyday (20 mins each way) for over a year but I think he maybe lost 5-10 in the whole year. His weight makes him unhappy sometimes but he still doesn't try and I get frightened when I tell him well, maybe lose the weight if it bothers you.

Tell him to eat six very small meals throughout the day. The way he's eating now, he'll never lose the weight. This way, his metabolism will get a boost & start dealing with the food properly.

Also, he needs to walk at least three miles a day, every day. 40 minutes a day isn't enough.

The only other thing that sets me off is "I get frightened when..."

Fear's not a good thing in this instance. What's going on?

[Matt Algren]

Tell him to eat six very small meals throughout the day. The way he's eating now, he'll never lose the weight. This way, his metabolism will get a boost & start dealing with the food properly.

Also, he needs to walk at least three miles a day, every day. 40 minutes a day isn't enough.

The only other thing that sets me off is "I get frightened when..."

Fear's not a good thing in this instance. What's going on?
But six small meals a day is so time consuming. Ugh. It's so much easier to just grab a hamburger on the drive home.

Yes, I'm serious. I've been doing the one meal thing forever, and it worked just fine until I hit the 30 year mark and my metabolism slowed down. I have gotten better at snacking on dry cereal at work, though.