The undollar.

[TomStillwell]

So here I am at work. It is lunch time. I brown bag my lunch to save all that sweet sweet Honor Brigade money for naked cash diving.

I need a pop or soda for those not born in the Midwest. One lousy Coca-Cola. I have exactly one dollar of actual money on me. Everything else in my Scrooge McDuck-live vault at Stately Stillwell Manor.

I hit the break room and slide my greenback into the dispenser of liquid goodness (is it just me or does that sound kind of kinky?). Or tried to. The machine won't take my dollar.

I tried a different machine. No go. I went to a different machine on a different floor. Nada. The dollar is in fine shape and it's not a phoney. There's no reason for it to be rejected. I try more machines. Nothing.

It's the undollar! The damn thing refuses to work!

I WILL MAKE THIS DOLLAR WORK!!!!

[Jack Zodiac]

Did you rub it against the corner of the machine? Always works for me.

[Sarah Beach]

Could be that the machines bill holder is full. Try getting change and use coins.

Or they could be all out of beverages.

Or the corner of the bill crinkles, or the wrong side of the bill is facing upward. Or the machines are all possessed of demons intent on thwarting anyone who stands against the Evil Force of Olney.

:)

[TomStillwell]

I rubbed it all over that damn machine even though it's an almost crease-free new dollar bill.

WHY DO YOU RESIST ME SO?! WHY DO YOU DENY ME MY SYRUPY SUGAR LACED MISTRESS?!!

[TomStillwell]

Could be that the machines bill holder is full. Try getting change and use coins.

Or they could be all out of beverages.

Or the corner of the bill crinkles, or the wrong side of the bill is facing upward. Or the machines are all possessed of demons intent on thwarting anyone who stands against the Evil Force of Olney.

:)

The coin machine won't take it and I've tried half a dozen vending machines.

It might be an Olney-Dollar: It refuses to be spent.

[Jack Zodiac]

I rubbed it all over that damn machine even though it's an almost crease-free new dollar bill.

WHY DO YOU RESIST ME SO?! WHY DO YOU DENY ME MY SYRUPY SUGAR LACED MISTRESS?!!

Clearly the only logical course of action is to forego the typical law-abiding approach of actually paying for the product, and opt for the simpler, legally-questionable kicking the front of the machine in and looting it.

[taintedlunch]

Buy a 7Up with it. It's the uncola.

[TomStillwell]

Clearly the only logical course of action is to forego the typical law-abiding approach of actually paying for the product, and opt for the simpler, legally-questionable kicking the front of the machine in and looting it.

It's no longer about a pop. It's about domination.

I SHALL BECOME THIS DOLLAR'S MASTER!!!!

[MPagar]

There's aways the 'shaking it like a mad man' approach. But then the dollar would have won.

[Sarah Beach]

The coin machine won't take it and I've tried half a dozen vending machines.

It might be an Olney-Dollar: It refuses to be spent.

And here I thought that quality belonged to Scottish money. Or maybe it's just Scottish purses that won't open......

Diversion: I believe this story was in a Reader's Digest. But wherever, I remember because I'm half-Scott...... An American couple was traveling in Scotland and they stopped in a small shop and bought some things. The wife took out her hand-made coin purse to pay for their items. She'd made it with a Velcro closure. As she opened it up, the shopkeeper perked up and said "That's a right Scottish purse you have there. It screams when you open it."
Okay, end of diversion....

I really don't know what to suggest about the bill. If it's that new, maybe it's too slick for the rollers to grip it? Try crinkling it up some and then smoothing it out.

[hellokittykat]

Your greenback wouldn't go into the dispenser of liquid goodness? And you tried rubbing your greenback all over it and still no entry?

Did you try taking it out for dinner first atleast?

[Joshua Pantalleresco]

It's no longer about a pop. It's about domination.

I SHALL BECOME THIS DOLLAR'S MASTER!!!!

The trick is realizing that you cannot force the undollar to be anything more then what it is. So you must realize the truth: There is no undollar. Once you see that you will find that it's not the dollar you are dominating; it's yourself.

Someone shoot me. I think I need help.

JP

[TomStillwell]

Tomorrow I will return with that same dollar. I will bring no other money.

IT WILL OBEY ME!!!

[Quiggy]

Is it Canadian dollar? I have that problem sometimes with Canadian quarters in vending machines.

Q

[WhiteRose]

I am also firmly in the vein of KICK THE MACHINE UNTIL IT OBEYS.

I find the concept of a dollar bill amusing. COINS FOR ALL! THEY ALWAYS WORK!

[sk716]

Tomorrow I will return with that same dollar. I will bring no other money.

IT WILL OBEY ME!!!

I feel a comedy bit coming on. . .

[TomStillwell]

Is it Canadian dollar? I have that problem sometimes with Canadian quarters in vending machines.

Q


It's an American dollar bill.

I just took an iron to it. It's perfect, flawless now. IT WILL WORK!!!

[OzBat!]

I find the concept of a dollar bill amusing. COINS FOR ALL! THEY ALWAYS WORK!Ahhh, but you are young, and unschooled in the ways of notes. For once upon a time Australians also had $1 and $2 notes. My children possess a couple that I've kept for posterity, so that they can point and laugh, but that is besides the point. $1 and $2 Coins know that they are ursurpers, and every now and then one will refuse to play the game and none of the three glorious altars to snack and soft drink dispension around my office will work with it. Nor even the paid parking metres outside. This coin appears to be perfectly legitimate. The weight is correct. The edges are undamaged. It is still shiny with its newly-mintedness. But the coin will. not. work!

So I take this coin, and I use it as part of my small change when I buy lunch, and it eventually gets passed to some other poor schmuck! End of problem!

[LtMarvel]

I have a confession to make.

I've been using dollar coins ever since I've heard a senator note cicra 1992 that the budget would have been balanced if we had discontinued the paper dollar in 1979.

I've had exactly two problems: a vintage pinball machine wasn't set for the dollar coin despite having a dollar coin slot (it took the dollar but gave no games), and one snack vendor walking aisles at a ball park wouldn't take the coins that looked too much like quarters.

[Papergirl]

Pfft. Simple solution: Ask someone in the office for change for the dollar bill. Or another dollar bill.

Either way, some other poor fool gets stuck with the Evil Bill, and you end up getting your drink.

:p

~Bev

[WhiteRose]

Ahhh, but you are young, and unschooled in the ways of notes. For once upon a time Australians also had $1 and $2 notes. My children possess a couple that I've kept for posterity, so that they can point and laugh, but that is besides the point. $1 and $2 Coins know that they are ursurpers, and every now and then one will refuse to play the game and none of the three glorious altars to snack and soft drink dispension around my office will work with it. Nor even the paid parking metres outside. This coin appears to be perfectly legitimate. The weight is correct. The edges are undamaged. It is still shiny with its newly-mintedness. But the coin will. not. work!

So I take this coin, and I use it as part of my small change when I buy lunch, and it eventually gets passed to some other poor schmuck! End of problem!

Yes yes, but you can glue two 10c coins together and get a coke for 40c at some of the machines around here. You cannot do that with bills.

[TomStillwell]

Pfft. Simple solution: Ask someone in the office for change for the dollar bill. Or another dollar bill.

Either way, some other poor fool gets stuck with the Evil Bill, and you end up getting your drink.

:p

~Bev

No. I can't do that. I'd be giving up and setting this demonic dollar upon another unsuspecting soul.

IT SHALL BE TAMED!!!

[Papergirl]

No. I can't do that. I'd be giving up and setting this demonic dollar upon another unsuspecting soul.

IT SHALL BE TAMED!!!

Yeah, but it's sooooo much funnier to watch someone else deal with it! :D

~Bev

[Larry Dixon]

Damn it! Someone beat me to the olney-dollar gag.

[TomStillwell]

Day Two: Still no beverage.

I spent a good hour this morning shredding papper in front of the dollar to show it what I do with useless paper. The dollar appeared to be sweating but that could have just been my lack of Cola induced delirium. Either way I was totally freaking the dollar out!

I slid it in the machine and it took the damn dollar. For about a minute. Then spit it back out.


ARRRGGGHHHHH!!!! OH NOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Joshua Pantalleresco]

It will happen Tom. Fear and Intimidation works EVERY time. I do the same thing with my dollar bills.

JP

[Bob Violence]

Pull a screwdriver on it. Machine needs to be taught a lesson.

[Sarah Beach]

This is goldarn funny. Heee.

[hellokittykat]

This is goldarn funny. Heee.

I know! I've never felt such a strange combination of admiration and pity.
Feels kinda like indigestion.

[TomStillwell]

This Dollar Shall Rue The Day It Vexxed Thomas Anthony Stillwell!!! Rueeeee Ittt!!!

[Sarah Beach]

This Dollar Shall Rue The Day It Vexxed Thomas Anthony Stillwell!!! Rueeeee Ittt!!!

"'Rue the day'? Who says that?" from Real Genius.

:D

[The Xenos]

And I don't give a damn about a greenback dollar, spend it as fast as I can.
For a wailin' song and a good guitar, the only things that I understand, poor boy, the only things that I understand.
When I was a little baby, my momma said, Hey, son. Travel where you will and grow to be a man
And sing what must be sung, poor boy. Sing what must be sung.

(mp3 here (http://my-3-sons.com/music/mp3a/Kingston%20Trio%20-%20Green%20Back%20Dollar.mp3))

[Shades0077]

Have you tried turning it around?

Or perhaps holding the dollar out and inserting the vending machine around it?

[TomStillwell]

I win!!! I Win!!! I Win!!!

Take that, dollar bitch!!!

[David Bedlam]

I take it you managed to spend the dollar.

What did you do? Spend it over the counter?

[Karen El]

But you misunderstand! That poor dollar loved you and was just trying to protect you from the evil liquid sugar!

[TomStillwell]

I take it you managed to spend the dollar.

What did you do? Spend it over the counter?

I took an iron and starch to that evil piece of paper. I finally got the machine to take it.

[Joshua Pantalleresco]

I took an iron and starch to that evil piece of paper. I finally got the machine to take it.

So is it really an undollar anymore?

JP

[David Bedlam]

I took an iron and starch to that evil piece of paper. I finally got the machine to take it.

Wow. You were really determined to bend that piece of inanimate paper to your will.

Have you thought of becoming a tespotic tyrant?

[Bob Violence]

So is it really an undollar anymore?

JP

No, it's gone to a happier place, where dollars can frolic and run about all day.

[Alex L]

So is it really an undollar anymore?

JP

Yes. It just got scared and wanted to get away from Tom as fast as possible.