Largest Comic Book Ad Disappointment

[Red Oak Kid]

Here is a poll in which you can vote for the comic book ad that was the biggest disappointment in your life.

The ones listed are just the tip of the iceberg so feel free to tell us your own least favorite if it doesn't appear in the poll.

[scratchie]

The "life sized ghost" that turned out to consist of a piece of white plastic and a string.

[MDG]

The "life sized ghost" that turned out to consist of a piece of white plastic and a string.

Than you must click here:
http://www.secretfunspot.com/unclelaff.htm

My biggest disappointment is that I didn't send for more stuff. I'd kill for a 6-foot Jack Davis Frankenstein poster today.

MDG

[MWGallaher]

I was only actually suckered in by two of them--Sea Monkeys and X-Ray Specs, and despite my disappointments, both of them had some degree of funness: the Sea Monkeys had an extremely clever manual (including life insurance policy!) and really *were* alive and visible on your shelf, and the Specs looked freaky on you and did perform an interesting optical illusion. From what I've heard, the others would have been even more disappointing: 2-D toy soldiers, printed cardboard box "submarine", and a plastic card table cover cabin? I'd have been crushed.
But I'll bet I'd have been even more disappointed with the Man From U.N.C.L.E. gimmick that promised to allow you to "see through walls"! As an adult, I can read between the lines to understand this was actually just the now-ubiquitous "front door peephole" *. Imagine getting this and then trying to get permission to install it in whatever wall you planned on seeing through!

---------------------------------
* Most people don't know that the standard model peephole is really a terrible "security" device. On most models, there is a lens that can be unscrewed by anyone from the outside of the door, resulting in a "reverse peephole": you can't see anything looking through from the interior of your dwelling, but someone on the outside can now see inside your home or apartment pretty darn well.

[Rob on the Job]

Hands-down winner: The false promise of seeing genitalia.

http://www.fljerry.com/x-ray%20specs/xrayad1.gif

Honorable mention for gulling suckers:

The backyard nuclear sub ...

http://jrworm.com/images/SubAdsmall.jpg

... and the 200-piece Roman soldier set [image not available].

[Red Oak Kid]

Hands-down winner: The false promise of seeing genitalia.

http://www.fljerry.com/x-ray%20specs/xrayad1.gif



Heck, I would have settled for boobs.

[prince hal]

The 200 Civil War soldiers crammed into a 2x2 "cardboard" "foot locker" served at least one purpose. They activated my cynical gland at an early age.

[Mike Kuypers]

I never sent for any of that stuff. Did anyone ever send away for the ball (weather balloon?) that was ten feet in diameter?

[Red Oak Kid]

I never sent for any of that stuff. Did anyone ever send away for the ball (weather balloon?) that was ten feet in diameter?

I remember that one. It reminds me of an ad in Warren mags for a genuine government surplus astronaut suit. I think this was actually an air force jet pilot suit.

And what about that U.S. government surplus Jeep that you could get, Cheap!.

[Red Oak Kid]

OK, I ordered the Revolutionary War Soldiers and the Davy Crockett cabin. I wish I had a photo of me the day I got the tiny box of soldiers and the failed smile on my face as I proped them up against the couch on the floor of our living room.

The Crockett cabin was plastic so thin, that it would be rejected by Dollar General as a garbage bag.

I did get the I Spy/Man From Uncle Spy Pen Radio from an ad in Boy's Life magazine and it was semi-legit, in that it would pick up the strongest local AM statiion. But it was too big to fool the teacher.

[MWGallaher]

A neighbor and I went in together on the 10-in-1 Scope (http://www.stupid.com/stat/TEN1.html) ordered from a 1971 DC comic. Compass, telescope, magnifying glass, binoculars, microscope, sun dial, two mirrors, and a couple of other uses that, in my opinion, don't quite merit being counted in the "10": code transmitter and fire starter (i.e., the mirror and magnifying glass again) . We waited what seemed like all summer for the blasted thing, but loved it when it arrived! It's highly recommended by me and Kevin Quinn, and, amazingly, still available through the link above (apparently these are warehoused pieces vintage 1970)! If I could only track my old buddy down, I'd send him one.

[Scott Shaw!]

As far as I can remember, I've only answered two comic book ads and one was "worst" and the other was "best". (I've also DRAWN a number of em, but those don't count, unless you actually expect Post Fruity Pebbles to taste "fruity"!)

Worst: It was a small ad that appeared in ACG comics -- "GROG Grows Its Own Tail!" It depicted a full-grown Tyrannosaurus rex, and the gimmick was that it was a dinosaur figure that had a plant for a vine-like plant for a tail. I sent off my money, waited for an eternity, and received a crummy little plaster plaque with a teensy-tiny indentation in which to plant a seed that would eventually grow into a "tail". I think the first time I tried to water Grog's would-be tail, I immediately washed away the thimble-full of dirt -- and the seed -- in that indentation. I believe this is when the word "gyp" entered my vocabulary!

Best: I convinced my parents to respond to an ad for the first four or five issues of Wallace Wood's fabulous prozine, WITZEND, as Christmas presents. Despite the nudity depicted therein (mainly, Reed Crandall illustrations for the Canaveral Press ERB "Mars" books), they did -- and it was money well spent!

Aloha,

Scott!

[Punch]

X-Ray specs easily.

[Hintermann]

I grew up in India in the 1960s and while I used to regularly see these adverts, I had no direct access to the goods. But in those days I had a penpal somewhere in Kansas who told me that selling 'American Seeds' got her and her brother some nice prizes. I remember that there used to be stuff like sleeping bags, Spalding baseball gloves, bicycles, watches, onion gums, whoopee cushions, monster masks, minatue cameras, 'girlwatching' telescopes(!) etc....and the inevitable "surprise package".

[Deathstroke]

The Sea Monkeys considering it was the only thing I ever bought as a kid from comics.

[Hintermann]

The Sea Monkeys considering it was the only thing I ever bought as a kid from comics.

What really were they? The ad seemed to be very ambiguous, almost suggesting that they were live animals.

[MDG]

What really were they? The ad seemed to be very ambiguous, almost suggesting that they were live animals.

According to the powerful sea-monkey lobby (http://www.sea-monkey.com/html/about/profile.html):

They're "dream pets"
Sea-Monkeys® are a true miracle of nature. They exist in suspended animation inside their tiny eggs for many years. The instant-life crystals, in which the eggs are enclosed, preserve their viability and help to extend still further their un-hatched life span! Sea-Monkeys are real Time-Travelers asleep in biological time capsules for their strange journey into the future!
The joy of watching Sea-Monkeys grow offers a lot more than just pure fun. It is one of the outstanding educational experiences of a lifetime, because the entire life-cycle of these unique creatures are fully recreated. Conceived in 1960 as a biological novelty, the “fantasy” has transformed into brilliant reality.

Translation: they're brine shrimp

They then go on to point out that sea lions don't look like lions, and sea horses don't look like horses, so don't get on our case!

MDG

P.S. to DEATHSTROKE: Glad to see another Rory fan here.

[scratchie]

Than you must click here:
http://www.secretfunspot.com/unclelaff.htmOh, man. That's great. Thanks.

[scratchie]

But in those days I had a penpal somewhere in Kansas who told me that selling 'American Seeds' got her and her brother some nice prizes. I remember that there used to be stuff like sleeping bags, Spalding baseball gloves, bicycles, watches, onion gums, whoopee cushions, monster masks, minatue cameras, 'girlwatching' telescopes(!) etc....and the inevitable "surprise package".Oh, man. I tried selling those seeds. No dice. I guess I would have had better luck in some place where people might have actually grown vegetable gardens, instead of an apartment complex surrounded by a dozen small cape houses.

I also tried selling the personalized greeting cards. I think I took one or two orders. I was just a sucker for those full-page ads full of tempting merchandise!

So what was the Polaris Sub anyway? A cardboard box?

How about the build-it-yourself hovercraft? That always intrigued me. Did anyone ever buy one of those?

Someone should start a blog just for comic book ads. :D

[Scott Shaw!]

Someone should start a blog just for comic book ads.

Sounds like someone hasn't been reading ODDBALL COMICS!

In each of my columns, I not only offer analysis and synopses of every story in each Oddball Comic, I also list every ad, including a scan of the most amusing ones. Check out this week's column on M.E.'s THE BRAIN! No. 6, with a back-cover ad drawn by Bob Powell, for a "Magic Wreckmobile"!

Aloha,

Scott!

[scratchie]

Sounds like someone hasn't been reading ODDBALL COMICS!Not regularly, but my impression has been that you tend to do more obscure titles, whereas I'm more interested in the oddball ads in "regular" comics.

Remember the one month in the late 70s where there was a full-page ad for a "little girl praying" doll on the back of every Marvel comic? Talk about mis-reading your potential audience. I hope the guy who sold that ad got a raise.

--Art

[Slam_Bradley]

I don't believe I ever bought anything from a comic book ad. Well except for subscriptions to a few comics. Damn subscription creases.

[rick]

Right now I am in the middle of an epic story I am writing titled, The X-Ray Specs.

That should pretty much answer the question for me.

[Rob on the Job]

Did anyone, anywhere, ever sell or even subscribe to the Grit newspaper that was advertised in comics?

[Slam_Bradley]

Did anyone, anywhere, ever sell or even subscribe to the Grit newspaper that was advertised in comics?

I have really vague memories of Grit. They may be from it being around the house or from one of my older brother trying to sell it. But the memories are from before 1975 (when I was 7-8) so they're terribly vague.

[Red Oak Kid]

How about the build-it-yourself hovercraft? That always intrigued me. Did anyone ever buy one of those?



If I recall correctly that ad just sold you the plans for how to build one. You had to somehow buy all the materials yourself. I think.

[scratchie]

How about the build-it-yourself hovercraft? That always intrigued me. Did anyone ever buy one of those? If I recall correctly that ad just sold you the plans for how to build one. You had to somehow buy all the materials yourself. I think.That's right. It's all coming back to me. It was powered by a vacuum cleaner motor. Still interesting, and if it actually worked, the plans were probably more valuable and useful than most of what was sold out of comics in those days.

[Hintermann]

How many of you recall this advert that used to appear on the back page of almost all Gold Key comics in the mid-60s? I thought those squeaky clean kids represented what you'd find in an average middle class home.

[MDG]

How many of you recall this advert that used to appear on the back page of almost all Gold Key comics in the mid-60s? I thought those squeaky clean kids represented what you'd find in an average middle class home.

Yeah--I tried writing a story where twenty years later they end up mysteriously killed, but couldn't come up with a good reason.

For a while, Gold Key books were advertising a lot of "aret pronts" of cute, big-eyed kids and animals.

MDG

[Mr. Palmer]

I always liked the soldiers you could buy. The Redcoats/Minutemen, the army soldiers, and the Romans. There was also a nifty battleship game. The only ones I never got, but deeply wanted (and still do), are the Civil War men.

Oh, how I wish I still had them! :o

[Scott Shaw!]

Not regularly, but my impression has been that you tend to do more obscure titles, whereas I'm more interested in the oddball ads in "regular" comics.

I think you have the wrong impression, Art. Nearly all of the comics I spotlight are newsstand-distributed comics of all genres. Check out this list of books I've recently featured at ODDBALL COMICS:

August 7 (TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES MEET THE CONSERVATION CORPS), 14 (FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH STARRING HOMER STRETCH), 21 (TOP SECRET ADVENTURES), 28 (FORBIDDEN WORLDS), 2006
September 4 (YOU’VE GOT TO HAVE GRIT), 11 (ZA ZA THE MYSTIC), 18 (RICHIE RICH VAULT OF MYSTERY), 25 (SANDS OF THE SOUTH PACIFIC) 2006
October 2 (THE BROTHERS, HANG IN THERE), 9 (KOOL-AID KOMICS), 16 (THE INFERIOR FIVE), 23 (DIXIE DUGAN), 30 (LITTLE DOT DOTLAND), 2006
November 6 (WHAT IF THEY CALL ME "CHICKEN"?), 13 (CHARLTON SPORT LIBRARY: PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL), 20 (JOHN F. KENNEDY), 27 (HOUSE OF MYSTERY), 2006
December 4 (POPEYE SPECIAL), 11 (DRIVING LIKE A PRO), 18 (DETECTIVE COMICS), 25 (THE BRAIN!), 2006

(All of the above are archived at my site.)

Besides, who wants to read about comics they ALREADY know about?

Aloha,

Scott!

P.S.: What the heck ARE "regular" comics, anyway? -- SS!

[benday-dot]

What really were they? The ad seemed to be very ambiguous, almost suggesting that they were live animals.

I ordered them... I tell you, I may as well have ordered a bag of dust. It looked like nothing more so fascinating than brownish flakes floating around in a bowl. Which of those flakes was the king with his crown, which the blissful queen of her brood... and whither the happy little children. I don't know... when I soon flushed them down the toilet after so much disappointment maybe I committed genocide.

[benday-dot]

I was thinking just a few weeks ago about sending a quarter with postage and handling to invest in the fine Van Dyke beard that ever seemed so enticing. How sauve I would be at parties...

And maybe later I send for the promise of "Grow Taller by 6 Inches". Sweet.

[Buzz Dixon]

P.S.: What the heck ARE "regular" comics, anyway? -- SS!Any that are high in fiber (as opposed to underground comics, which are high on fiber;) :p :D )

I had (or rather, was had) by the Davy Crockett log cabin: It was a big square vinyl that draped over a card table you had to supply yourself; the doors and windows had to be cut out.

There was also a tank sold by the same people who did the Polaris sub.

[scratchie]

P.S.: What the heck ARE "regular" comics, anyway? -- SS!Silly Scott! They're what I read as a kid! :D

Seriously, though... Kool-Aid? John F Kennedy? Pro Football? Driving? As great (or as odd) as they may be, you've got to admit that those are not typical topics of discussion down at the old comic book store.

[Hintermann]

I ordered them... I tell you, I may as well have ordered a bag of dust. It looked like nothing more so fascinating than brownish flakes floating around in a bowl. Which of those flakes was the king with his crown, which the blissful queen of her brood... and whither the happy little children. I don't know... when I soon flushed them down the toilet after so much disappointment maybe I committed genocide.

My. my! And my sister-in-law used to think that those 'creatures' as advertised were so cute! What's all that about them being 'so eager to please' and all that cr*p?

[Mike Kuypers]

I ordered them... I tell you, I may as well have ordered a bag of dust. It looked like nothing more so fascinating than brownish flakes floating around in a bowl. Which of those flakes was the king with his crown, which the blissful queen of her brood... and whither the happy little children. I don't know... when I soon flushed them down the toilet after so much disappointment maybe I committed genocide.

Or regicide. :)