Lorendiac
12-06-2006, 03:08 PM
Let's say that Big Name, a professional comic book writer, currently writing the very popular title Character X for Monumental Comics, is giving autographs at a convention and allowing each fan to ask him a question or two, face to face, while they have the chance. Here are some sample questions and answers:
"Mister Name, why do you keep your phone number unlisted? I live in the same city as you, and I'd love to be able to call you up directly sometime and share my ideas with you, ask you to clear up something ambiguous from a recent script, etc."
(The truth is: a thousand other fans would also love to be able to ring him up in the middle of the night and beg him to tell them whether or not Character X's old buddy, the Reagent, is going to come back from the dead anytime soon. Or they might get his address from the phone book and come knocking on his door and expect him to invite them in and feed them dinner and just shoot the breeze with them for a few hours when he was actually planning to spend some quality time with his wife and kid. Extreme cases might vandalize his front door, spray-paint his car, etc., to "punish" him for a story they didn't like. His attitude is: "If they want to 'send me a message,' there's always e-mail. That way I can respond if I want to, at a time of my own choosing, when my schedule permits. They don't [i]need to be able to call me or pound on my door at any time of day or night; they just think it would be fun -- for them, but not for me!" Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "Because I'm paranoid about handing out personal information. What other reason could there be?"
"Mister Name, where do you get your ideas?"
(The truth is: he gets them from anywhere and everywhere. Novels, movies, myths, real-life experiences, dreams, loose ends from other people's old comic book stories, helpful suggestions from friends and relatives, fooling around with a Tarot deck, whatever. There is no single source of inspiration that he uses for each script. Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
He says: "I copy plot elements from old stories. Works like a charm!" (He's mainly referring to Shakespearean plays, Biblical parables, Greek myths, and other stuff that has been in the public domain for centuries -- and he's oversimplifying. Not all of his plot ideas come from classical sources, although some do.)
"Mister Name, it seems like every time your name comes up online in connection with loud criticisms of your peers, you always seem to be singling out your rivals from Wizard's 'Top Ten Writers' listing. Why do you pick on them so much?"
(The truth is: Big Name is perfectly willing to go on the record and criticize anyone at the drop of a hat if he is convinced they did something badly wrong. Especially if he thinks they have enough practical experience that they really ought to know better! He does not limit his criticism to other writers on Wizard's Top Ten list. But, for some reason, if he does criticize what Jack Hotshot is doing with the bestselling title The New Team Y, that always gets a lot more attention in online discussions by comics fans than occurs if Big Name criticizes what Bill Obscurity is doing on the lower-selling title Mister Preposterous (volume 6). But Big Name usually doesn't know or care which of his fellow writers are above or below him on Wizard's latest list! Still, many fans end up with a very skewed perception of what is going on and jump to the conclusion that Big Name goes out of his way to constantly snipe at his fellow "Top Ten" writers in an effort to tear them down. Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "Because I gnash my teeth in horror at the thought that anyone is more popular than I am, this month. Naturally I want to tear them down in the public eye to leave more room for myself at the top!"
"Mister Name, why do you keep killing off supporting characters? Not to mention the torture scenes?"
(The truth is: he figures precious little else is going to carry enough drama to impress today's jaded fans. His sale figures appear to vindicate his position. If the fans didn't like it, they'd just quit buying it, wouldn't they? Thereby teaching him a valuable lesson for future use, regarding what they do or don't find really entertaining? That's how the free market is supposed to work! Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "Because I'm sadistic, and I like to imagine readers squirming in discomfort."
"Mister Name, why did you break up the long-running romance between Character X and Stella Simper, who's been his girlfriend, intermittently, ever since the Silver Age? Broke my heart!"
(The truth is: he always figured Stella Simper was a whiny, self-centered, shallow little airhead with the emotional maturity of a six-year-old child. Even if she happened to be wearing a gorgeous body that could really fill out a bikini. Doesn't good old Character X deserve something better? Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "I got rid of her because I was jealous of Character X's good fortune. It seemed unfair and unrealistic. Why should he have such a gorgeous girlfriend hanging around all the time, when I didn't have nearly so much luck at his age?"
"Mister Name, why did you abruptly quit your successful run on Stupendous Man at Global Comics and switch over to writing Character X for Monumental Comics instead? My friends and I were all looking forward to seeing what you would do in Stupendous Man #800 and it just about broke our hearts when you left seven issues too soon for that!"
(The truth is: the editors at Global Comics were trying to micromanage his ideas for what sort of stories he wanted to tell. He had already managed to double the sales figures on Stupendous Man during his two years on the title, but that didn't seem to matter. None of those editors has ever written anything that made it into the "Top Ten Bestselling Comics of the Month," a feat which Big Name has achieved several times, but they still thought they knew a hundred times more than he did about "good storytelling." They didn't just tinker with the odd line of dialogue; they completely rewrote the endings of his story arcs at the last minute to suit their own biases! He finally washed his hands of them and switched his allegiance over to Monumental Comics, where he could work with an old friend of his who was now an editor. Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "Because Monumental offered to raise my standard page rate by five percent. Every little bit counts! What's 'loyalty' compared to 'cold cash'?"
"Mister Name, last year I read your story for Character X #505 and noticed one gaping hole in the continuity that really needed to be filled. A rather awkward inconsistency with what has been firmly established about a certain character in several previous stories. I thought about it long and hard, and the day after that issue came out, I sent you a polite e-mail pointing out this problem and offering a sneaky way to rationalize it all without doing a really big and embarrassing retcon! It worried me that you didn't use my idea -- nor any other idea -- to explain away this awkward 'contradiction' when #506 came out a month later! Why not?"
(The truth is: this fan has no grasp of the concept of "lead time" as it applies to the comic book industry. By the time the fan actually had the chance to buy and read #505 of a series, Big Name had already long since written scripts for #'s 506, 507, 508, and 509, and turned them in to his editor. On the day #505 came out, those later scripts were already at various stages in the pipeline of being revised, pencilled, inked, lettered, colored, etc. Largely beyond the control of Big Name even if he agreed with the fan's "constructive criticism" in that e-mail, and he may well have agreed with it when he read it! But by then, it was probably too late to work mention of this cute little "explanation" of an apparent inconsistency into anything coming out sooner, than, say, #510, another five months or so in the future. Big Name has answered similar questions honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "I guess I just never learned to take constructive criticism, so I pressed onward with my original plans regardless!"
"Mister Name, why do you keep your phone number unlisted? I live in the same city as you, and I'd love to be able to call you up directly sometime and share my ideas with you, ask you to clear up something ambiguous from a recent script, etc."
(The truth is: a thousand other fans would also love to be able to ring him up in the middle of the night and beg him to tell them whether or not Character X's old buddy, the Reagent, is going to come back from the dead anytime soon. Or they might get his address from the phone book and come knocking on his door and expect him to invite them in and feed them dinner and just shoot the breeze with them for a few hours when he was actually planning to spend some quality time with his wife and kid. Extreme cases might vandalize his front door, spray-paint his car, etc., to "punish" him for a story they didn't like. His attitude is: "If they want to 'send me a message,' there's always e-mail. That way I can respond if I want to, at a time of my own choosing, when my schedule permits. They don't [i]need to be able to call me or pound on my door at any time of day or night; they just think it would be fun -- for them, but not for me!" Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "Because I'm paranoid about handing out personal information. What other reason could there be?"
"Mister Name, where do you get your ideas?"
(The truth is: he gets them from anywhere and everywhere. Novels, movies, myths, real-life experiences, dreams, loose ends from other people's old comic book stories, helpful suggestions from friends and relatives, fooling around with a Tarot deck, whatever. There is no single source of inspiration that he uses for each script. Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
He says: "I copy plot elements from old stories. Works like a charm!" (He's mainly referring to Shakespearean plays, Biblical parables, Greek myths, and other stuff that has been in the public domain for centuries -- and he's oversimplifying. Not all of his plot ideas come from classical sources, although some do.)
"Mister Name, it seems like every time your name comes up online in connection with loud criticisms of your peers, you always seem to be singling out your rivals from Wizard's 'Top Ten Writers' listing. Why do you pick on them so much?"
(The truth is: Big Name is perfectly willing to go on the record and criticize anyone at the drop of a hat if he is convinced they did something badly wrong. Especially if he thinks they have enough practical experience that they really ought to know better! He does not limit his criticism to other writers on Wizard's Top Ten list. But, for some reason, if he does criticize what Jack Hotshot is doing with the bestselling title The New Team Y, that always gets a lot more attention in online discussions by comics fans than occurs if Big Name criticizes what Bill Obscurity is doing on the lower-selling title Mister Preposterous (volume 6). But Big Name usually doesn't know or care which of his fellow writers are above or below him on Wizard's latest list! Still, many fans end up with a very skewed perception of what is going on and jump to the conclusion that Big Name goes out of his way to constantly snipe at his fellow "Top Ten" writers in an effort to tear them down. Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "Because I gnash my teeth in horror at the thought that anyone is more popular than I am, this month. Naturally I want to tear them down in the public eye to leave more room for myself at the top!"
"Mister Name, why do you keep killing off supporting characters? Not to mention the torture scenes?"
(The truth is: he figures precious little else is going to carry enough drama to impress today's jaded fans. His sale figures appear to vindicate his position. If the fans didn't like it, they'd just quit buying it, wouldn't they? Thereby teaching him a valuable lesson for future use, regarding what they do or don't find really entertaining? That's how the free market is supposed to work! Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "Because I'm sadistic, and I like to imagine readers squirming in discomfort."
"Mister Name, why did you break up the long-running romance between Character X and Stella Simper, who's been his girlfriend, intermittently, ever since the Silver Age? Broke my heart!"
(The truth is: he always figured Stella Simper was a whiny, self-centered, shallow little airhead with the emotional maturity of a six-year-old child. Even if she happened to be wearing a gorgeous body that could really fill out a bikini. Doesn't good old Character X deserve something better? Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "I got rid of her because I was jealous of Character X's good fortune. It seemed unfair and unrealistic. Why should he have such a gorgeous girlfriend hanging around all the time, when I didn't have nearly so much luck at his age?"
"Mister Name, why did you abruptly quit your successful run on Stupendous Man at Global Comics and switch over to writing Character X for Monumental Comics instead? My friends and I were all looking forward to seeing what you would do in Stupendous Man #800 and it just about broke our hearts when you left seven issues too soon for that!"
(The truth is: the editors at Global Comics were trying to micromanage his ideas for what sort of stories he wanted to tell. He had already managed to double the sales figures on Stupendous Man during his two years on the title, but that didn't seem to matter. None of those editors has ever written anything that made it into the "Top Ten Bestselling Comics of the Month," a feat which Big Name has achieved several times, but they still thought they knew a hundred times more than he did about "good storytelling." They didn't just tinker with the odd line of dialogue; they completely rewrote the endings of his story arcs at the last minute to suit their own biases! He finally washed his hands of them and switched his allegiance over to Monumental Comics, where he could work with an old friend of his who was now an editor. Big Name has answered this question honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "Because Monumental offered to raise my standard page rate by five percent. Every little bit counts! What's 'loyalty' compared to 'cold cash'?"
"Mister Name, last year I read your story for Character X #505 and noticed one gaping hole in the continuity that really needed to be filled. A rather awkward inconsistency with what has been firmly established about a certain character in several previous stories. I thought about it long and hard, and the day after that issue came out, I sent you a polite e-mail pointing out this problem and offering a sneaky way to rationalize it all without doing a really big and embarrassing retcon! It worried me that you didn't use my idea -- nor any other idea -- to explain away this awkward 'contradiction' when #506 came out a month later! Why not?"
(The truth is: this fan has no grasp of the concept of "lead time" as it applies to the comic book industry. By the time the fan actually had the chance to buy and read #505 of a series, Big Name had already long since written scripts for #'s 506, 507, 508, and 509, and turned them in to his editor. On the day #505 came out, those later scripts were already at various stages in the pipeline of being revised, pencilled, inked, lettered, colored, etc. Largely beyond the control of Big Name even if he agreed with the fan's "constructive criticism" in that e-mail, and he may well have agreed with it when he read it! But by then, it was probably too late to work mention of this cute little "explanation" of an apparent inconsistency into anything coming out sooner, than, say, #510, another five months or so in the future. Big Name has answered similar questions honestly a hundred times before. Now he feels like shaking things up by saying something else, meant to be funny.)
Big Name says ironically: "I guess I just never learned to take constructive criticism, so I pressed onward with my original plans regardless!"