Okay you get to live out ONE Bond movie.

[Doom]

Anyway so all the talk about Casino Royal and the Bond hype has got me thinking about.
I think we've all dreamed of being James Bond at least once a day. (Yes not "once in our life." I'm saying that we all dream of being Bond on a daily bases.)

So if you could live out one Bond movie, which one would it be? Basically you swap places with Bond, only everything that happens to Bond in that movie happens to you. (So you'll win any fight that Bond won or escape any trap that he escaped. And of course, you get to sex up the Bond girls too.) All that being said, any film where Bond gets tortured or punched or shot, that also happens to you.

And just to make it fair, you'll get the script for that Bond film memorized into your head so you'll always know what to say and do. So which Bond film do you chose?


Me, I'd chose Goldeneye.

I get to bungee jump off a dam, drive a motorbike into a falling plane, pilot a tank through Russia, beat up Sean Bean AND get to grapple with Famke Jansen and Izabella Scorupco?

Now that would be a day well spent.

So what Bond film would you chose?

[rick]

I'd go for the Man With the Golden Gun.

I get to drive all over Hong Kong at extremely high speeds and kick the ass of some martial arts masters in a dojo.

Then I get it on with both Maud Adams and Britt Ekland.

Every thing comes to a head when I have a duel to the death with Christopher Lee.

And finally for dessert, I get to drown Tattoo from Fantasy Island.

There might be some that are better, the boat chase in Live & Let Die for example, but this one is my dream vacation.

[Brock]

It wouldn't be "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" that's for sure.

Bummer ending. :(

[rick]

It wouldn't be "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" that's for sure.

Bummer ending. :(


Bad ending, but you do get to sleep with Diana Rigg in her prime.

And that has to count.

[Scorpion13]

You Only Live Twice.

Fake your own death, hook up with a hawt Japanese chick, get scrubbed down in a bath by girls who marvel at your mighty body hair...


THEN, go to Ninja School and get armed not with throwing stars and crap like that, but guns that shoot rocket bullets, fly a tiny auto gyro and shoot down Spectre helicopters and end it all with an enormous battle between rocket ninjas and evil terrorists in the middle of a volcano...

I mean, theres just no beating it.

[RickThunderclees]

The Man With the Golden Gun........hands down.

[Buzz Dixon]

Ditto re YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE. Scorpion13 sums it up nicely.

[Leslie Lee III]

The one where he hooks up with Halle Berry.

[LordEd1976]

Man with the Golden Gun. If thats unuseable then I'd have to go with From Russia with Love. Not only would I get to bag a really hot looking Russian agent, I get to use that great briefcase.

[Toreador]

Live and Let Die. Jane Seymour, boat chase through the bayou, Jane Seymour.

Moonraker. Dr. Goodhead, hot brazilian babe, hot helicopter babe, going into outer space. Plus I love that wrist device he gets.

[Albert]

Bad ending, but you do get to sleep with Diana Rigg in her prime.

And that has to count.

I'll take that deal... I've watched too many eps of The Avengers to say no. If only I could work Julie Newmar in there as well.









Talk amongst yourselves for awhile, I am in my happy place.

[Sanagi]

You Only Live Twice.

Fake your own death, hook up with a hawt Japanese chick, get scrubbed down in a bath by girls who marvel at your mighty body hair...


THEN, go to Ninja School and get armed not with throwing stars and crap like that, but guns that shoot rocket bullets, fly a tiny auto gyro and shoot down Spectre helicopters and end it all with an enormous battle between rocket ninjas and evil terrorists in the middle of a volcano...

I mean, theres just no beating it.
On the other hand, you have to wear makeup that supposedly makes you look Japanese, but actually makes you look like a westerner with a fake tan and bad plastic surgery.

[Buzz Dixon]

On the other hand, you have to wear makeup that supposedly makes you look Japanese, but actually makes you look like a westerner with a fake tan and bad plastic surgery....you say that as if it were a bad thing...

[Doom]

Live and Let Die. Jane Seymour, boat chase through the bayou, Jane Seymour.

Moonraker. Dr. Goodhead, hot brazilian babe, hot helicopter babe, going into outer space. Plus I love that wrist device he gets.

Not to mention that you get to use some Pew Pew Pew lasers.

[The Mirrorball Man]

The one where he hooks up with Halle Berry.
You have to spend six months in a North Korean jail first.

[thehod]

Plus I love that wrist device he gets.

To be fair he doesn't need to use it all that much with all the hot looking women he gets to shag...

Oh, you meant the other wrist device.



As for me, its You Only Live Twice.

How many chances will you get to storm a volcano base?

[Cam63]

Goldfinger, even though the scenes where the two lasses get killed sucks, as is the one where Ernst is about to see what a laser can do to Bond's wedding tackle.

[bodie_3_7_ci5]

The Spy Who Loved Me
I get to ski in the Austrian Alps and parachute off a cliff. Drive a car on land and dispatch the bad guys with the various gadgets the car has.Then drive into the sea where it changes into a submarine. Shag Barbara Bach. Fight Jaws.

I wouldn't want to live out A View To A Kill. I just couldn't bring myself to shag Grace Jones.

[spideyrules99]

GoldFinger. I love that movie. The best one of all. And I would get to save all the gold in the great And my Home state of Kentucky. And so many col lines.

"Do you really expect me to talk"
"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die."

How cool.

[Ryan K]

The Spy Who Loved Me or Thunderball.

Barbara Bach or Claudine Auger AND Luciana Paluzzi.

I think I'll go with Thunderball cause you also get to pilot the jetpack.

[Buzz Dixon]

You have to spend six months in a North Korean jail first....and listening to Madonna...

[mattx110]

hmmmmmm... i'd have to go with dr. no cause i just looove being tortured.

[Buzz Dixon]

hmmmmmm... i'd have to go with dr. no cause i just looove being tortured.Have you read any of the Quiller books (i.e, THE QUILLER MEMORANDUM, etc.)?

[saintsaucey]

for your eyes only...im totally nailing the iceskating nympho

[StoneGold]

Doesn't he bang the most women in OHMSS? Although you have to wear a dress.

[Doom]

Doesn't he bang the most women in OHMSS? Although you have to wear a dress.

And have to hold Diana Riggs as she dies in your arms.

[Scorpion13]

And have to hold Diana Riggs as she dies in your arms.

And then the fucking bad guy gets away! WTF?

[WoodenDummy]

You Only Live Twice.

Fake your own death, hook up with a hawt Japanese chick, get scrubbed down in a bath by girls who marvel at your mighty body hair...

"Don't get soap in my eye"

[Toreador]

The Spy Who Loved Me
I get to ski in the Austrian Alps and parachute off a cliff. Drive a car on land and dispatch the bad guys with the various gadgets the car has.Then drive into the sea where it changes into a submarine. Shag Barbara Bach. Fight Jaws.

I wouldn't want to live out A View To A Kill. I just couldn't bring myself to shag Grace Jones.


Ooo, talk about taking one for the team. Like Homer Simpson said, "I feel like I'm making it with a dude." No even Tanya Roberts could wipe that memory away. Although a 3-way with her and Alison Doody might help.

[mattx110]

Have you read any of the Quiller books (i.e, THE QUILLER MEMORANDUM, etc.)?

no, but now i'm kinda afraid too.

ian fleming was really sort of a noir guy at heart (raymond chandler loved him), and bond's role in the books is to sort of have things happen to him and winds up in love, tortured, and often more random bad things. bond has this odd thing about seeing the villians plan through and trying to beat them at their own game.
because a lot of this is discussed in inner dialogue the films don't get to capture that so much. but i think dr. no really did. he got a bit of torture and a bit of pampering.
he did seem to have the most fun in goldfiner though. and galore's gang wouldn't be a bad sight... (if any overbearing conservative parents want their daughter to change from being a lesbian, ya got some hope that james bond could do it).

[rick]

for your eyes only...im totally nailing the iceskating nympho

Actually if you are playing the part of Bond, you instead turn her down for being too young.

How noble of you.

Sucker. :evilsmile

[Adrian Tullberg]

You have to spend six months in a North Korean jail first.


Wasn't it eighteen months? And throughout that time you'd be drowned, branded with hot irons, electrocuted, repeatedly stung with scorpion venom as well as other stuff that they couldn't get away with showing on the big screen without an 'R' rating - and the minute you get out, you have to swim about a mile to escape ...

[Buzz Dixon]

I forget who wrote the Quiller books (and the author's name is a pseudonym) but the gimmick is that secret agent Quiller is "reliable under torture," so he is constantly sent on missions where it is expected that he will be captured and tortured and will either (a) keep his big yap shut or (b) reveal false information under the pretect he's caving in to torture. The books are lightly disguised masochistic porn...well, not hentai-level porn but ecchi-level porn.

[Adrian Tullberg]

I forget who wrote the Quiller books (and the author's name is a pseudonym) but the gimmick is that secret agent Quiller is "reliable under torture," so he is constantly sent on missions where it is expected that he will be captured and tortured and will either (a) keep his big yap shut or (b) reveal false information under the pretect he's caving in to torture. The books are lightly disguised masochistic porn...well, not hentai-level porn but ecchi-level porn.


Is anyone else reminded of that South Park episode where they take on Passion of the Christ and Mel Gibson?

[mattx110]

I forget who wrote the Quiller books (and the author's name is a pseudonym) but the gimmick is that secret agent Quiller is "reliable under torture," so he is constantly sent on missions where it is expected that he will be captured and tortured and will either (a) keep his big yap shut or (b) reveal false information under the pretect he's caving in to torture. The books are lightly disguised masochistic porn...well, not hentai-level porn but ecchi-level porn.

that actually doesn't sound so bad. i had an english professor who would love that kinda thing.

actually sounds kind of like a warped bloody version of the pink panther.

[Jared]

Isn't it implied in From Russian With Love that Bond had a threesome with those fueding gypsie women? I think that movie would be my second choice, after Ultimate Ninja Volcano Fight!

[mattx110]

Isn't it implied in From Russian With Love that Bond had a threesome with those fueding gypsie women? I think that movie would be my second choice, after Ultimate Ninja Volcano Fight!

i'd rather "fix" a lesbian. that kinda thing gives waaaaaay more street cred than a threesome. woman'll be going up to you asking you to cleanse them of their lesbian sexual fantasies from all over.

fleming did get pretty graphic with the sexual content, but it definitely could have been taken way further past taste levels.

[Caswin]

I can't alter the events of the movie at all? I'd have liked to play out Goldeneye and, among other things, saved Boris.