The Worst Books Ever Made

[Dustin]

What were the most crappiest books ever made from your opinion?

[Doodle Bob]

main kampf, the protocols of the elders of zion, the turner diaries, and anything by ann coulter

[Violently Apathetic]

I don't know, Ann Coulter books can be entertaining, albeit often unintentionally...

As for the actual question...I admit I have difficulty being objective and seperating poorly written books from books I just didn't enjoy. For example I hated The Stone Angel with a passion, but there was a fair amount of skill involved in writing it...

[Dustin]

I hate all of the Star Trek books. Most of all, I hate Star Trek.

[Donald M.]

I hate all of the Star Trek books. Most of all, I hate Star Trek.

"Hate" is a strong word, son. What has Star Trek ever done to you?

[rick]

main kampf, the protocols of the elders of zion, the turner diaries, and anything by ann coulter


Naw.

Propaganda and hate literature are actually very worthwhile if for nothing else then to give us a look into the inner workings of evil minds.

Romance novels on the other hand.

[Josh S]

What has Star Trek ever done to you?


Star Trek murdered my grandparents.


I dislike sci-fi not written by PKD or Douglas Adams and I really don't care at all for the LOTR and books of that ilk.

[Jonathan Bogart]

Hell and damn no. Some of the greatest works of the English language are romance novels. Jane Austen for instance.

(Ain't no one badmouths my homegirl Jane.)

But, sure, the cheap airplane paperbacks with Fabio on top, I can go along with that. If only somewhat. (Some great writers have toiled in the romance ghetto, just as they have in the sci-fi, crime, horror, and western ghettos.)

I have the distinct premonition that this thread is going to be another one of those where everyone who still resents high school is going to fill 'er up with everything they didn't enjoy having crammed down their throats in English class.

As for me, I dunno. I tend to avoid crappy books, or at least to convince myself that everything I've enjoyed has merit.

Probably the crappiest thing ever written has never been published; it may be some hideous X-Files fan-fiction from 1997 lurking out there dusty and unread on a forgotten newsgroup.

Or we could define our terms: in what sense crappy? Are we talking style, morals, general wrong-headedness, a shitty command of language, or character, or plot, or theme? Or do you just mean something you didn't like, for whatever (probably not-all-that-defensible) reason?

According to critic Dale Peck, Rick Moody is the worst writer of his generation (that would be 1990s and on), and there's no doubt Moody can write. He just writes falsely about false things. (According to Peck, that is; I can't take Moody's overheated style for more than a few pages, so I dunno.) There's one option.

Or I'll go for the least-popular option and say that Tolkien's Lord of the Rings, while not crappy in itself, did irreperable harm to fantasy literature via the countless crappy knockoffs that have been vomited up in the past fifty years. So whatever the first Tolkien rip-off was. That's my choice.

[Buzz Dixon]

main kampf, the protocols of the elders of zion, the turner diaries, and anything by ann coulter
Das Kapital, the Communist Manifesto, Quotations of Chairman Mao, anything by Michael Moore

[Paul McEnery]

Naw.

Propaganda and hate literature are actually very worthwhile if for nothing else then to give us a look into the inner workings of evil minds.

Romance novels on the other hand.
Wait a sec.

There's a difference?

[Albert]

Some of John Norman's later works spring to mind (Rogue of Gor and others)... sections seem to have been written wth a Xerox machine. Pretty much anything by Poppy Z. Brite.

Others have a level of incompetence that amuses rather than irritates. Killer in Drag and Death of a Transvestite by Ed Wood have all of the same train wreck appeal as alot of his movies.

[Doodle Bob]

Das Kapital, the Communist Manifesto, Quotations of Chairman Mao, anything by Michael Moore


That's a pretty good list, too. Although none of the above authors -- except for Chairman Mao of course -- advocated the political violence that the authors in my list all do.

[Roquefort Raider]

Jonathan has a point: we need to clarify what we mean by crappy. That the subject of a book should be offensive or controversial does not make it bad in and of itself.

"Das Kapital" might have given rise to a political movement that harmed a great many people, but in itself it is an O.K. (if obsolete) book. I am quite against most of the things advocated by the communist manifesto, but it too is a well-crafted piece of work (and thankfully much shorter than Das Kapital)!

Hey, I am a true blue atheist and personally view both islam and christianity as forces of obscurantism in today's world, but I still consider the Koran and the Bible as remarkable books and would certainly encourage everyone to read them.

Now on to a less controversial subject:


A book I would consider as truly crappy is Arthur C. Clarke's 3001: the final odyssey.

As a sequel, it should build on what has gone on before and make the whole story better than it was originally. It doesn't. Actually, it takes the enduring mystery that made 2001 and 2010 engaging and throws it out the window with an extremely cheap plot twist worthy of a 1950s B movie.

It is also quite mundane in its "daring" description of the world of 3001 where, (get this!) people have sex without feeling guilty, have given up religion and where dinosaurs are cloned from ancient DNA. My, where do these writers get their groundbreaking ideas?

Finally, the book itself has a slight but nevertheless illogical plot, and what little there is of it is resolved thanks to an idea also seen in such a scintillating example of storytelling as the movie "Independence day".

I think it's better for all of Clarke's fans to pretend this one never happened.

[Karl J. Barnes]

Jonathan has a point: we need to clarify what we mean by crappy. That the subject of a book should be offensive or controversial does not make it bad in and of itself.

"Das Kapital" might have given rise to a political movement that harmed a great many people, but in itself it is an O.K. (if obsolete) book. I am quite against most of the things advocated by the communist manifesto, but it too is a well-crafted piece of work (and thankfully much shorter than Das Kapital)!

Hey, I am a true blue atheist and personally view both islam and christianity as forces of obscurantism in today's world, but I still consider the Koran and the Bible as remarkable books and would certainly encourage everyone to read them.

Now on to a less controversial subject:


A book I would consider as truly crappy is Arthur C. Clarke's 3001: the final .

As a sequel, it should build on what has gone on before and make the whole story better than it was originally. It doesn't. Actually, it takes the enduring mystery that made 2001 and 2010 engaging and throws it out the window with an extremely cheap plot twist worthy of a 1950s B movie.

It is also quite mundane in its "daring" description of the world of 3001 where, (get this!) people have sex without feeling guilty, have given up religion and where dinosaurs are cloned from ancient DNA. My, where do these writers get their groundbreaking ideas?

Finally, the book itself has a slight but nevertheless illogical plot, and what little there is of it is resolved thanks to an idea also seen in such a scintillating example of storytelling as the movie "Independence day".

I think it's better for all of Clarke's fans to pretend this one never happened.

Wasn't the last installment of the odyssey series ghost written or collaborated with someone else?

[Roquefort Raider]

Wasn't the last installment of the odyssey series ghost written or collaborated with someone else?

That would explain the unfortunate plunge in quality, and it is true that most of Clarke's recent books have been collaborations. However, Clarke didn't mention it in his introduction (where he showed a rather unsettling lack of respect for his own readers, stopping one sentence short of telling them to "get a life") and other books written at about the same time (like "the hammer of god") show the same tendendy to introduce story elements obviously meant to be daring, but that were by then commonplace. Ooooh, look: such-and-such is bisexual! How innovative!

Just personally, I think Clarke tried too hard to do things he's not very good at. His forte was creating believable technological applications; whenever he dealt with sociology of personal relationships his prose felt flat. (I remember that most laughable line in Rama II, where the two main characters are romantically described as "having intercourse". Sheesh!!!)

[Doodle Bob]

Jonathan has a point: we need to clarify what we mean by crappy. That the subject of a book should be offensive or controversial does not make it bad in and of itself.


This is true. To me, "crappy" books are those written in bad faith (i.e. willingfully deceitful or disingenuous). So, purposefully shoddy scholarship falls in there quite snuggly.

I guess Mein Kampf wouldn't be there by this criterion (I'm just following the 615th Jewish Law: Never say anything good about Hitler).

But The Protocols were written completely in bad faith as a means to justify the suppression of jews in Russia via pogroms, etc. The Turner Diaries nearly fall into that category as well: another attempt to justify a race war.

Finally, we get to Coulter... It would be one thing if she just wrote a diatribe against those nasty, godless liberals, but she feels the need to "justify" her views by footnotes and references that don't do anything except give a false veneer of respectability. If one actually tries to follow up any of her "research", one finds that she's not providing any real back-up to what she's advocating.

For this reason as well, I'm not a tremendous fan of very many political writers at all these days -- left or right. No one seems willing to actually change their mind due to research. However, I still think Coulter is the worst of the bunch.

I do struggle, though, with distinguishing literature written satirically versus in bad faith. This is a contradiction that I can't quite resolve.

[Arilou]

The Sword of Truth series written by Terry "The Yeard" Goodkind.

There's at least 12 threads on the ASOIAF boards explaining why.

It is a badly written fantasy series (that the author refuses to acknowledge as fantasy) filled with horrible plots, 20-page speeches. General vileness, and hackneyed philosophy.

Pseudo-fascistoid, weirdly fetishistic, and most of all *terribly written*.

[Michael P]

Interview With The Vampire.

That's right, I said it.

[Motormouse]

The 1987 Booker Prize winning "Moon Tiger" by Penelope Lively!
Under 200 pages of shear boredom with a final good but emotional 5 pages that do nothing but remind the reader that the hours he's wasted reading this literary equivalent of watching 10-year-old scotch ageing, is time that he can NEVER get back!:mad:

[dougputhoff]

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand.

[CjP]

Anything by Dr. Laura or (conceptually, at least) Stephen King.

"Ooh, I'm gonna write a horror book about a rabid dog."

Get a real job, you hack.:p

[BigBoss]

I hate all of the Star Trek books. Most of all, I hate Star Trek.
oh man star trek is da bomb. and the books are great also.

[Roquefort Raider]

oh man star trek is da bomb. and the books are great also.

So, since we mentioned Star trek, is Data still dead?

[JeffreyWKramer]

Interview With The Vampire.

That's right, I said it.


I thought that and LESTAT, while over-rated, were not particularly badly-written. I've found almost everything else Anne Rice has written to be quite unreadable, though.

[CaptMagellan]

"The Celestine Prophecy"

If someone is going to write a crapfilled fictionalized 1st person narrative about 'Love and Light' spiritual epiphanies, at least be entertaining about it.

<heavy sarcasm> How can one become vicariously enlightened when we have to read such amateurish prose </heavy sarcasm>

[Shellhead]

Just personally, I think Clarke tried too hard to do things he's not very good at. His forte was creating believable technological applications; whenever he dealt with sociology of personal relationships his prose felt flat. (I remember that most laughable line in Rama II, where the two main characters are romantically described as "having intercourse". Sheesh!!!)

I totally blame his co-writer on that book, Gentry Lee. Normally, Clarke's character don't have sex at all, or at least it isn't talked about directly. While I agree that Clarke's speculative sociology is weak, he usually has the common sense to stick to his strengths.

[Matt Linton]

John Marco, the Jackal of Nar. I read this on a bus from Chicago to Detroit. It was a real page-turner, but only because I was stunned at how bad it was and wanted to see if it could possibly get any worse. It could.

[stealthwise]

I thought that and LESTAT, while over-rated, were not particularly badly-written. I've found almost everything else Anne Rice has written to be quite unreadable, though.

I'll take your Rice and raise you a Laurell K Hamilton.

Talk about the dog's breakfast.

[JeffreyWKramer]

I'll take your Rice and raise you a Laurell K Hamilton.

Talk about the dog's breakfast.


I liked Hamilton's first few books - not great, but okay pulpy fiction - but all the Anita Blake books past OBSIDIAN BUTTERFLY have been progressively awful, though in sort of a train-wreck-fascinating way. For all the sex scenes, she sure writes boring sex, and her characters have become the biggest set of Mary Sue wankery and tedious, walking plot devices imaginable.

I like the basic concept behind the other series, with Merry Whatshername, the faerie one, but the most recent of the volumes I tried to read - last year sometime, I don't know if there's another by now - I found entirely unreadable.

[Matt]

I'll raise all of you by mentioning a certain Matthew Reilly.

A local bookstore was, a while back, giving away some of his work for free. I picked up a copy to see what it was all about ... I ended up laughing as I read it.

The plot involved military trained super gorillas, a stereotypical tough as nails human soldier, an abandoned island military base, cliches by the bucketload and explosions. No, it wasn't a bad X-Men comic - it was supposedly a professional novel.

[sheets]

The plot involved military trained super gorillas, a stereotypical tough as nails human soldier, an abandoned island military base, cliches by the bucketload and explosions.

When you describe it that way, it actually sounds kind of entertaining ;)

Responding to the LOTR point, I believe Terry Brooks's Sword of Shannara was the first major LOTR rip-off, which went on to become a bestseller and damn the fantasy genre to decades of overwritten series novels full of stuck-up, tree-hugging elves and gruff, subterranean dwarves on quests to find and/or destroy magical artifacts. So that's not too bad choice.

[Buzz Dixon]

There's a difference between bad writing and a bad book. Stephen King is a superlative writer -- he couldn't make a laundry list not read enthrallingly -- but his books have tended to suck since he hit the big time (I attribute that to his publishers not willing to exercise much editorial control over him). Conversely Clive Cussler commits every known stylistic offence in the writer's handbook and yet the Dirk Pitt novels are incredible page turners.

Mind you, I have twice literally hurled a Cussler novel across the room in disgust when he popped yet another amazing coincidence on us, but I keep coming back for more. (Sidebar: I forget which novel it was, but at least a decade before Katrina he predicted the destruction of New Orleans was going to be the worst disaster in U.S. history.)

[Slam_Bradley]

The plot involved military trained super gorillas, a stereotypical tough as nails human soldier, an abandoned island military base, cliches by the bucketload and explosions. No, it wasn't a bad X-Men comic - it was supposedly a professional novel.


It is impossible not to like super gorillas. You are clearly not human.

[Subotai]

I'll raise all of you by mentioning a certain Matthew Reilly.

I enjoyed Ice Station; the rest of his work, bleh. Of course, I knew I was in trouble when he said he preferred the film Die Hard to the Roderick Thorp novel.

[Subotai]

There's a difference between bad writing and a bad book. Stephen King is a superlative writer -- he couldn't make a laundry list not read enthrallingly -- but his books have tended to suck since he hit the big time (I attribute that to his publishers not willing to exercise much editorial control over him). Conversely Clive Cussler commits every known stylistic offence in the writer's handbook and yet the Dirk Pitt novels are incredible page turners.

Mind you, I have twice literally hurled a Cussler novel across the room in disgust when he popped yet another amazing coincidence on us, but I keep coming back for more. (Sidebar: I forget which novel it was, but at least a decade before Katrina he predicted the destruction of New Orleans was going to be the worst disaster in U.S. history.)

That's an interesting and important distinction. To quote George Pelecanos, King is a good writer and anyone who thinks otherwise knows nothing about the craft. However, the quality of his work varies considerably. I've picked up Cell, haven't started reading it though.

Cussler's novels have been ghostwritten for some time, and I actually find them more readable now than when I was a kid. They are pretty brutally written, though.

I've been on a crime fiction kick lately, so to touch on the hardboiled/crime novels thread I'll mention Dan Simmons' Kurtz novels, Robert B. Parker's Spenser novels(the last 15 years) and Andrew Klavan's Bishop and Weiss novels.

[Gordon Smith]

I enjoyed Ice Station; the rest of his work, bleh. Of course, I knew I was in trouble when he said he preferred the film Die Hard to the Roderick Thorp novel.

On a related note, have you read 58 Minutes? I believe Walter Wager wrote it.

[Jay]

The Sword of Truth series written by Terry "The Yeard" Goodkind.

There's at least 12 threads on the ASOIAF boards explaining why.

It is a badly written fantasy series (that the author refuses to acknowledge as fantasy) filled with horrible plots, 20-page speeches. General vileness, and hackneyed philosophy.

Pseudo-fascistoid, weirdly fetishistic, and most of all *terribly written*.

I agree with everything said here - but it's still not as bad Robert Newcomb who was chiefly inspired by reading Goodkind.

The abominations of all abominations are Kevin J. Anderson's and Brian Herbert's subtractions to the Dune mythos - one of the worst ideas in the history of SF.

Ed Greenwood's Silverfall may be the worst examples in the history of the novella form.

The Davinci Code - anything that makes people who don't usually read think they have added insight should be frowned upon.

[Subotai]

On a related note, have you read 58 Minutes? I believe Walter Wager wrote it.

I did indeed. Inspiration for Die Hard 2, right? Solid little thriller.

[Gordon Smith]

I did indeed. Inspiration for Die Hard 2, right? Solid little thriller.

Yes, it was indeed the inspiration for Die Hard 2.

[algertman]

"Hate" is a strong word, son. What has Star Trek ever done to you?


One time me and Stark Trek had a one night stand. I woke up early to fix it breakfast and it high tailed it out the back door. I worked hard on those pancakes

[Roquefort Raider]

The abominations of all abominations are Kevin J. Anderson's and Brian Herbert's subtractions to the Dune mythos - one of the worst ideas in the history of SF.


How could I have fogotten those? They were like a double helping of diarrhea yogurt.

[JeffreyWKramer]

How could I have fogotten those? They were like a double helping of diarrhea yogurt.

The very idea made me want to hurl, so I've stayed away from those books. Gladly so, sounds like.

[Subotai]

One time me and Stark Trek had a one night stand. I woke up early to fix it breakfast and it high tailed it out the back door. I worked hard on those pancakes

Hey, at least you had pancakes.;)

[Karl J. Barnes]

How could I have fogotten those? They were like a double helping of diarrhea yogurt.

With nuts and whipped topping??

[hoffmandu]

American Psycho is pretty unreadable.

[Phrozen]

That's a pretty good list, too. Although none of the above authors -- except for Chairman Mao of course -- advocated the political violence that the authors in my list all do.

I take it you have never read The Communist Manifesto then. Marx specifically says that if a person does not agree with the revolution or won't hand over their property, that property should be taken by force.

[Tages]

American Psycho is pretty unreadable.
I burned through it. I never found it that unreadable, as long as you're reading it as a satire (it is) and don't see Bateman as psychologically plausible (he isn't).

[hoffmandu]

I burned through it. I never found it that unreadable, as long as you're reading it as a satire (it is) and don't see Bateman as psychologically plausible (he isn't).

I disagree, his overly detailed rants on 80;s bullshit as well as what the characters are wearing was ridiculously weak writing.

[Kirayoshi]

I'd nominate any political-themed book with a basic premise of "my party is perfect, the other party is funded by Satan". In other words, 99.9% of all political-themed books currently on the shelves, both left and right.

I personally blame Ann Coulter and Michael Moore for the complete downfall of intelligent political debate in this country.

[Karl J. Barnes]

I'd nominate any political-themed book with a basic premise of "my party is perfect, the other party is funded by Satan". In other words, 99.9% of all political-themed books currently on the shelves, both left and right.

I personally blame Ann Coulter and Michael Moore for the complete downfall of intelligent political debate in this country.

At least, we still have Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.

[stealthwise]

I disagree, his overly detailed rants on 80;s bullshit as well as what the characters are wearing was ridiculously weak writing.

Well, I, er, disagree with your disagreement. The book's ridiculously insightful in regards to what drove 80's culture and society in the USA, and produces an excellent sense of unreality.

[Subotai]

I'd nominate any political-themed book with a basic premise of "my party is perfect, the other party is funded by Satan". In other words, 99.9% of all political-themed books currently on the shelves, both left and right.

I personally blame Ann Coulter and Michael Moore for the complete downfall of intelligent political debate in this country.

Well, Coulter advocates murder. Hard to do worse than that. She should be sitting at the children's table. Plus, she could break a thosuand-dollar clock.

[Tages]

Well, I, er, disagree with your disagreement. The book's ridiculously insightful in regards to what drove 80's culture and society in the USA, and produces an excellent sense of unreality.
People who expect realism from Bret Easton Ellis novels are naturally going to hate them. I enjoyed the book as satire, though I've since read the far superior "The Killer Inside Me" by Jim Thompson that covers much of the same ground and was written over three decades prior.

[Arawn]

So, since we mentioned Star trek, is Data still dead?

I don't think anyone brought him back yet, and it is yet. Remember when Q took Picard into the future, Data had skunk hair. Of course the serries timeline was vastly ignored in the movies. You can also go with, Data coppied his mind into the Autistic robot. So eventually they could fix him. But that would kind of cheapen the whole death thing.

Don't worry I'll sacrifice myself for you. Besides someone can bring me back, when they fix the other Data's brain...

[Ghost]

I dislike sci-fi not written by PKD or Douglas Adams and I really don't care at all for the LOTR and books of that ilk.

So, basically, you generally dislike sci-fi with a few exceptions, as well as most fantasy?

I'll raise all of you by mentioning a certain Matthew Reilly.

A local bookstore was, a while back, giving away some of his work for free. I picked up a copy to see what it was all about ... I ended up laughing as I read it.

The plot involved military trained super gorillas, a stereotypical tough as nails human soldier, an abandoned island military base, cliches by the bucketload and explosions. No, it wasn't a bad X-Men comic - it was supposedly a professional novel.

That sounds absolutely awesome. :D

[Dustin]

I hate all Romance books. Can't stand them.

[Jonathan Bogart]

I hate all Romance books. Can't stand them.
Smartass Response #1: So how does that make them bad?

Smartass Response #2: You hate everything written in French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, or Romanian? I dunno; seems kind of arbitrary to me.

Only-Kind-of-Smartass Response #3: I used to too, until I read some good ones. Now I don't.

[Gingold]

Lots of good picks here already. Some more to add to the honor roll:

Who Moved My Cheese and its ilk.

Those R.A. Salvatore dark elf novels were pretty attrocious.

[Kirayoshi]

The Return of Merlin, by Deepak Chopra.

I was expecting a modern-day King Arthur, and I get a new-age seminar, minus the Enya music! OY!

[howyadoin]

this literary equivalent of watching 10-year-old scotch ageingBut at the end of the aging period, you're rewarded with 10-year-old Scotch.







Oh, and has anybody mentioned L. Ron Hubbard yet?

[CaptMagellan]

Oh, and has anybody mentioned L. Ron Hubbard yet?

L. Ron Hubbard curdles 10 year old scotch.

He's the skunk in (what should have been) a really good batch of guiness.

He's MadDog 20/20 hiding in that bottle of cabernet that you're hoping to impress that hot date with.

Damn... he's not even good enough to be a poor white boy's bottle of Robitusson.

[Ms. M]

The worst kind of book to me is one that is bad in an unentertaining way. I like books by people like Clive Cussler and Matthew Reilly. They're bad, but they amuse me.

By that criteria, the worst book I've read was the dull and derivative Eragon. I can't believe a movie version of that crap is coming out this winter.

[Ontir]

Alex Kava's the Stroke of Madness is a very mixed bag! She creates an interesting killer, and has some wonderful imagery and supporting characters, but what should be red-herrings, are just one-offs that are never mentioned again, and are rarely brought to anyone's attention, outside the reader. Worse, the story would actually work much better, if her heroine/detective were excluded from the story.

[Ogami]

Even though it's definitely not the worst book ever made I found 'Crime and Punishment' to be an utter struggle. Totally flat and dull with the most irritating characters ever created. I was expecting a fascinating psychological study of guilt, instead I got a lifeless, dragging book that for all its length doesn't even scratch the surface of the important issues.

[JeffreyWKramer]

Even though it's definitely not the worst book ever made I found 'Crime and Punishment' to be an utter struggle. Totally flat and dull with the most irritating characters ever created. I was expecting a fascinating psychological study of guilt, instead I got a lifeless, dragging book that for all its length doesn't even scratch the surface of the important issues.

Wow, that's about 180 degrees from most people's experience of CRIME AND PUNISHMENT.

[Jonathan Bogart]

Wow, that's about 180 degrees from most people's experience of CRIME AND PUNISHMENT.
It's like I keep saying: we can't assume that just because English is these kids' first language that they have the tools to read great literature.

[Ogami]

I realise I'm in the minority with my opinion but I'm not about to sing its praises when I didn't enjoy it. Maybe it all went over my head, or maybe it was a dodgy translation. And just to clarify I have read a lot of other known classics such as 'Moby Dick' and 'Lolita' and consider them to be on a different level to C&P, so I think I have the tools to appreciate a classic when I read one.

[Tommy]

I thought that and LESTAT, while over-rated, were not particularly badly-written. I've found almost everything else Anne Rice has written to be quite unreadable, though.
Her best book (that I have read) is Pandora. Which for what it is, is fairly enjoyable. I think the aberration is that she was writing about a woman. Memnoch the Devil had its moments as well.

Queen of the Damned: the WORST ever speculation on a world with out men I have read. And that is saying something considering the "world with out men" sub genre is overflowing with crap.

The Tale of the Body Thief: Someone should have told her not to write about genitalia she does not possess.

The Vampire Armand: Dull dull dull (I never finished reading it). And for me to say that about a book with as much gay sex in it as this one says something.

Her major problem is that she lacks the ability to write male protagonists. So they all wind up whiney and gay. This was most apparent in the Tale of the Body Thief where I was flummoxed by that fact that penises do not work that way. She also has all her vampires positively fixated on their lives and so two thousand years later you just want to scream, “Get over it.” And the funny thing is that her female characters are all great. Lestat’s mother, the little girl vampire, Pandora, Maheret all are great interesting and different characters. While her male characters are all the same, terrible character.

[Magneto_X]

I really liked Memnock. However, its ending was a complete WTF? moment.

The book suddenly went off the deep end and got all metaphysical on the reader.

To this day I still don't get the ending at all.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was the book that got Anne Rice into her current fundamentalist batsh*t insane mindset.

I did like her version of the Devil and biblical events, though.

[gary bolt]

Her major problem is that she lacks the ability to write male protagonists. So they all wind up whiney and gay. This was most apparent in the Tale of the Body Thief where I was flummoxed by that fact that penises do not work that way. She also has all her vampires positively fixated on their lives and so two thousand years later you just want to scream, “Get over it.” And the funny thing is that her female characters are all great. Lestat’s mother, the little girl vampire, Pandora, Maheret all are great interesting and different characters. While her male characters are all the same, terrible character.

That might actually make her new book "CHRIST THE LORD: Out of Egypt" an interesting read.

[Hush Little Batman]

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

A piece of trash from start to finish.

[Sir Tim Drake]

I realise I'm in the minority with my opinion but I'm not about to sing its praises when I didn't enjoy it. Maybe it all went over my head, or maybe it was a dodgy translation. And just to clarify I have read a lot of other known classics such as 'Moby Dick' and 'Lolita' and consider them to be on a different level to C&P, so I think I have the tools to appreciate a classic when I read one.

Do you remember which translation it was?

[Ogami]

Do you remember which translation it was?

It's a vintage classics edition and was translated by Richard Pevear and Larissa Volokhonsky.

[Matt K]

I would add The Divici Code (and Angels and Demons) but they did have redeeming aspects (the story was good, just poorly written).

My nominee would be Little Green Men by ???. It's one of the few books I could just never bring myself to finish. I can't remeber anything about it now (I read it like 5 or 6 years ago) but it was awful.

I'd also add Steinbeck (at least The Pearl and the one about the horse) as very boring books in my opinion but Little Green Men is tops.

Oh, I guess Fifth Column by Hienlien was pretty bad too. Extremely racist and not a very good story however it was short (so I guess there was a redeeming aspect).

[howyadoin]

Her major problem is that she lacks the ability to write male protagonists. So they all wind up whiney and gay.Well, they are vampires...

[Jared_Humpherys]

Roquefort's right about "3001." Cradle was also terrible by the same authors.

I'll also echo the Who Moved my Cheese? hatred.

The "Promise Keeper" books are, as far as I can see, the largest collection of lies ever made into book form. One story mentions a woman fasting in the Church of Satan for the destruction of Christian Ministers. And this is nonfiction? Bullshit.


Crossroads of Twilight is, by my estimation, the biggest "fuck you" ever given to readers of a book series. It's like he made it terrible on purpose. Weevils? Rrrrrrighhhhhht...

[Jared_Humpherys]

By that criteria, the worst book I've read was the dull and derivative Eragon. I can't believe a movie version of that crap is coming out this winter.

My fiance read the first book of that series, and came back with two words for it:

"pure plaigarism."

[Roquefort Raider]

The "Promise Keeper" books are, as far as I can see, the largest collection of lies ever made into book form. One story mentions a woman fasting in the Church of Satan for the destruction of Christian Ministers.

That would make a great Jack Chick comic!!!

[Jared_Humpherys]

That would make a great Jack Chick comic!!!


The sad thing is, you're right.

[Matthew E]

For Tolkien ripoffs, the Shannara series is in fact pretty bad, but it's Shakespeare compared to whatever that series was by Dennis L. McKiernan.

I have trouble coming up with stuff that a) I hated and b) lacked all craft. I've read some D&D-related books that were pretty shoddy, but what do you expect? I hate Gertrude Stein's writing above all things, but was it badly written? If so, how could we tell?

[phantom1592]

I read one that was easily the worst book ever. The problem is I've "mostly" blocked the whole thing out of my mind. Which is unfortunate because I never wanted to buy something form that Author again :evilangry

It was a modern day vampire story, had something to do with the vampire in charge of hunting down other vamps. What made it so bad was that in this authors mind, Vampires have lived so long that they get bored with living. They need new experiances to be interesting. Thus they start doing the most perverted and depraved acts I've ever heard of. In detail. Men, Women, Children.... It was just.... sickening.

If anyone else has read this book...

1) I'm sorry.

2) Who wrote that crap?!?

[Jared_Humpherys]

I've read some D&D-related books that were pretty shoddy, but what do you expect?


Anything about Eliminster is just the lowest of the low. Biggest Gary Stu in fiction.

[Lester C.]

Lawerence Block is a good writer but he phoned it in with Hit Parade.

[nateslate8]

I take it you have never read The Communist Manifesto then. Marx specifically says that if a person does not agree with the revolution or won't hand over their property, that property should be taken by force.

Gee, that sounds a lot like eminant domain. So, I guess anyone who agrees with eminant domain is in agreement with Karl Marx.

[Buzz Dixon]

Gee, that sounds a lot like eminant domain. So, I guess anyone who agrees with eminant domain is in agreement with Karl Marx.As Churchill so eloquently explained it, "In capitalism, man exploits man. In communism, it's the other way around."

[nateslate8]

As Churchill so eloquently explained it, "In capitalism, man exploits man. In communism, it's the other way around."

Churchhill's always fun to quote. There's a lot of truth in that, too. Problem comes when it's YOUR house the government takes from you. Then that quote goes out the window and it then becomes: man with the means of enforcement (government) exploiting man. That's communism. And that's what eminant domain is all about. You can thank our fair and balanced judiciary in this country for that.

[nateslate8]

Anyone read Jean Paul Sartre's Nausea? That BOOK was pure Nausea.

I also didn't find Narnia to be all that great either. Of course, I read them as an adult and I could see liking them more as a kid- kinda like I liked the go-bots as a kid.

[nateslate8]

Anyone read Jean Paul Sartre's Nausea? That BOOK was pure Nausea.

I also didn't find Narnia to be all that great either. Of course, I read them as an adult and I could see liking them more as a kid- kinda like I liked the go-bots as a kid.

[nateslate8]

Anyone read Jean Paul Sartre's Nausea? That BOOK was pure Nausea.

I also didn't find Narnia to be all that great either. Of course, I read them as an adult and I could see liking them more as a kid- kinda like I liked the go-bots as a kid.

[phantom1592]

Anyone read Jean Paul Sartre's Nausea? That BOOK was pure Nausea.

I also didn't find Narnia to be all that great either. Of course, I read them as an adult and I could see liking them more as a kid- kinda like I liked the go-bots as a kid.


How did you read Narnia? I know they renumbered them so you read them in "chronological" order:rolleyes: The new #1s (Magicians nephew and /or Horse and a boy) Pretty much sucked. The original order started with Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe.

[Buzz Dixon]

I found an online resource for deSade's SALO the other day. I didn't bother downloading or reading the entire thing; a brief synopsis and a few skips through three or four chapters were sufficient. It baffles me that deSade is regarded as anything other than a vile pornographer, and is defended to this day by people claiming he was making social commentary and writing satire simply because he squeezed off the occasional witty line. That's like saying Larry Flynt is the equivalent of Ansel Addams 'cuz HUSTLER ran photos that were in focus.

[nateslate8]

How did you read Narnia? I know they renumbered them so you read them in "chronological" order:rolleyes: The new #1s (Magicians nephew and /or Horse and a boy) Pretty much sucked. The original order started with Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe.

I read them with the new order: Magician's Nephew first. Like I said, I'm sure they would be great if I read them as a child. Just doesn't hold my attention now.

[Athena Bast]

I don't know, Ann Coulter books can be entertaining, albeit often unintentionally...

As for the actual question...I admit I have difficulty being objective and seperating poorly written books from books I just didn't enjoy. For example I hated The Stone Angel with a passion, but there was a fair amount of skill involved in writing it...

OMG I hate that book too! And ya know what... They are making that into a movie!! http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0847897/

I read that in high school or junior high.. I can't remember.. and I wrote an epilogue to it. Got a damn fine mark for it too!

[Athena Bast]

Anything by Dr. Laura or (conceptually, at least) Stephen King.

"Ooh, I'm gonna write a horror book about a rabid dog."

Get a real job, you hack.:p

What about a horror book about cellphones?

[Athena Bast]

I thought that and LESTAT, while over-rated, were not particularly badly-written. I've found almost everything else Anne Rice has written to be quite unreadable, though.

She starts off well and then it just goes to hell.

Her Mayfair witch trilogy. The first book, The Witching Hour is really good. You can almost forget she wrote it. Then there's the sequels, Lasher and Taltos, I've known 2 year olds that could have written those better.

[Athena Bast]

The worst kind of book to me is one that is bad in an unentertaining way. I like books by people like Clive Cussler and Matthew Reilly. They're bad, but they amuse me.

By that criteria, the worst book I've read was the dull and derivative Eragon. I can't believe a movie version of that crap is coming out this winter.

I saw the cover of the book and I thought Eragon was the dragon.. nope.. the dopey kid. Jeremy Irons and John Malkovich are in it. Malkovich is the bad guy. Something tells me a lot of furniture is going to be chewed in this movie.

[xgeek52]

everything everyone said is totally subjective...i have read some increadiably BAD books written by writers who turn around and write a masterpiece...the first book i ever read was a louis l'amour western...i was ten...didn't pick up a romance novel until i was in my twenties...

good or bad we all learn something...i like stephen king, but he has written some bad books...

[Athena Bast]

Truce at Bakura by Kathy Tyers.

I like the Star Wars books.. including Anderson's Academy Trilogy. But Tyers' book is complete schlock. First it's the aliens.. the Ssssslruks or whatever the hell they're called. BY A FRICKING VOWEL! Then there was Chewie or someone building this little love next thing hidden in the Falcon for Han and Leia. It was the first time I physically threw a book across the room.

[Hombre]

I found an online resource for deSade's SALO the other day. I didn't bother downloading or reading the entire thing; a brief synopsis and a few skips through three or four chapters were sufficient.

Buzz,

Salò is a pleasant little lakeside town in Lombardy, as you can see here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sal%C3%B2

The manuscript you refer to is most likely this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_120_Days_of_Sodom

The link between the two, of course, is Pasolini's film. Although the latter is based on De Sade's novel, it should be seen as something else from the book entirely.

Pasolini used De Sade's horrifying collection of atrocities merely as an inspiration for what he saw as an eminently moral indictment of fascism as a paradigm of the obscenity and anarchy inherent in the notion of men holding absolute power over others, as well as of the peril of spiritual bankruptcy attendant with the rising culture of consumerism in Italy, which in his eyes was destined to relegate the worth of men in society to a mere ostentation of material wealth and consumption, with a pervasive conformism and the abandonment of precious traditional values and the idea that the most important qualities in life are to be found and nurtured within.

[Hiromi]

Truce at Bakura by Kathy Tyers.

I like the Star Wars books.. including Anderson's Academy Trilogy. But Tyers' book is complete schlock. First it's the aliens.. the Ssssslruks or whatever the hell they're called. BY A FRICKING VOWEL! Then there was Chewie or someone building this little love next thing hidden in the Falcon for Han and Leia. It was the first time I physically threw a book across the room.

It read so much better in summary too. But then a lot of the early Star Wars novels were like that before they actually started establishing a consistant EU continuity. except for Zahn, Zahn was and continues to be incredible.

[TheTen-EyedMan]

What about a horror book about cellphones?

There's a movie about that...Cellular.

There is nothing new.

[Buzz Dixon]

Pasolini used De Sade's horrifying collection of atrocities merely as an inspiration for what he saw as an eminently moral indictment of fascism as a paradigm of the obscenity and anarchy inherent in the notion of men holding absolute power over others, as well as of the peril of spiritual bankruptcy attendant with the rising culture of consumerism in Italy, which in his eyes was destined to relegate the worth of men in society to a mere ostentation of material wealth and consumption, with a pervasive conformism and the abandonment of precious traditional values and the idea that the most important qualities in life are to be found and nurtured within.Fancy language to describe naked teens eating feces then being raped and tortured to death. Kiddee snuff porn is kiddee snuff porn no matter how eloquently one phrases the description of it.

[Matthew E]

I don't think you can use the word 'snuff' unless real actual people are dying. Or am I wrong?

[Buzz Dixon]

Fine "wannabe-snuff."

[Athena Bast]

There's a movie about that...Cellular.

There is nothing new.

I was trying to be ironic.. or sarcastic.. or just plain silly. I can't remember now.:(

[i_mmmchocolate]

Not sure if it's 'one of the worst books ever made', but I think it's overrated. Lady Chatterley's Lover. If it weren't for the controversial nature of it, this book would've slipped under the radar. Also, it proves why the majority of stories never have an Englishman as a lover.

[Buzz Dixon]

Not sure if it's 'one of the worst books ever made', but I think it's overrated. Lady Chatterley's Lover...it proves why the majority of stories never have an Englishman as a lover.
In Heaven:
The police are English
The cooks are Italian
The politicians are Irish
The lovers are French
The engineers are German


In Hell:
The lovers are English
The engineers are Italian
The cooks are Irish
The politicians are French
The police are German

[Athena Bast]

Not sure if it's 'one of the worst books ever made', but I think it's overrated. Lady Chatterley's Lover. If it weren't for the controversial nature of it, this book would've slipped under the radar. Also, it proves why the majority of stories never have an Englishman as a lover.

Yes.. but the movie has a naked Sean Bean running around.

[Puma]

I will second (or third) the Laurel Hamilton opinion.

DaVinci Code, I could not finish it. Boring, poorly written, and did I mention boring?

Jordan's Wheel of Time series, please, someone get this man an editor.

anything by Danielle Steele or Tim LaHaye

[i_mmmchocolate]

In Heaven:
The police are English
The cooks are Italian
The politicians are Irish
The lovers are French
The engineers are German


In Hell:
The lovers are English
The engineers are Italian
The cooks are Irish
The politicians are French
The police are German
That's hilarious.

[Hombre]

Fancy language

Perhaps the language wasn't all that eloquent, after all. I wasn't trying to convince that you were wrong, except as concerns the title of the book.

I meant to suggest that for this, as for other works of fiction that may be dismissed as "evil", there is more than one key to interpret it.

Pier Paolo Pasolini knew that these things had always been part of the human experience, and that they were often the result of a dehumanization of others, which is, I think, what the nazis did in order to justify what they did in their eyes.

On the basis of his whole body of work, I do think his intent was to show the horror of brutalization for what it is, without flinching, in order to come to terms with his own moral outrage and engender moral outrage in others starting from the fundamental premise that absolute power is by defintion a form of anarchy where anything is possible. For the ultimate purpose of preventing any such things from happening ever again.

Peace, man.

[Athena Bast]

Jordan's Wheel of Time series, please, someone get this man an editor.


I knwo someone who swears they are some of the best ever written. She can have her opinion but it's her 'Yer f'n wrong POV that drives me nuts because she's got serious emotional issues that don't relate to the book at all.

[phantom1592]

I knwo someone who swears they are some of the best ever written. She can have her opinion but it's her 'Yer f'n wrong POV that drives me nuts because she's got serious emotional issues that don't relate to the book at all.


I have friends like that too. So I just started reading them myself. THey do make my brain hurt.

He's had a character named Alltara with a nickname of ALL and Elseia nicknamed ELSE.

ALL and ELSE are NOT names.

He also did something mindboggleing with a flashback. Picture this Chapter one has them escaping a town. Chapter two. Them leaving a farmer or something after hitching a ride some time after escaping. Chapter 3; Flashback to right after leaving the town, contains EVERYTHING for two more towns, and ends with them MEETING the farmer who gave them a ride!

WHO WRITES LIKE THAT! He didn't skip any time. There was no reason to NOT just write the story sequentially.

Good story, but... weird style/

[jadedlemon]

Dan Chernenko's The Bastard King - horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible

[Sir Tim Drake]

Orson Scott Card's next book (http://www.hatrack.com/index.shtml) has the potential to be one of the worst of all time. The excerpts posted on his website are utterly execrable-- terrible prose and unrealistic dialogue, coupled with a deeply offensive worldview that makes one wonder what kind of rock he's been living under. I see no evidence that he doesn't actually believe the bullshit he puts into his protagonist's mouth. I used to love this writer but I can't believe how low he's sunk.

[Buzz Dixon]

Yow! Wot hoppen? Card used to be a much better writer than that! The excerpts read like they were written bya 12 year old who perused too many of his grandfather's old pulp magazines!

[Sir Tim Drake]

Yow! Wot hoppen? Card used to be a much better writer than that! The excerpts read like they were written bya 12 year old who perused too many of his grandfather's old pulp magazines!

I've heard it suggested that the Mormon Church disagreed with the politics of his earlier work, and instructed him to take a line that was more in keeping with the church's political stance. I don't know whether there's any truth to this. Maybe he just gradually turned into a right-wing extremist.

I have no idea what caused the quality of his writing to drop so much. It's a mystery to me.

One especially annoying thing about that excerpt is Professor Averell Torrent, who is probably the worst stereotype of a liberal academic that I have ever encountered. There are Jack Chick characters who are more nuanced and believeable than this guy. Also, his graduate students are portrayed as a bunch of mindless sheep, and the material that Professor Torrent is teaching doesn't even seem appropriate for a graduate course.