Iron Syndicate
07-20-2006, 12:52 PM
Hey all, I wrote this for a contest over at Pencil Jack. The goal of the contest was to write a 5-page script with no text what-so-ever. No dialogue, no captions, nothing. C&C most welcomed...
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Unbroken Bonds
By Itai Rosenbaum
12.7.06
A Note to the artist: Hello, there is one thing I need to stress before we get going with this. Because there is no dialogue it is imperative we all get the mood of the piece right. I’ll try and accentuate it in the writing, but overall the mood needs to be somber. We’re talking washed out colors, nothing pastel or rich and vibrant. It should be black and white, or grays - color should still show, but they should have a somewhat faded look to them, like a long-lost memory. Now let’s get to it.
Page 1 (3 Panels)
Panel 1 - A man stands alone on a roof. We are looking at this panel from below, maybe 2-3 feet below the actual roof, and we are looking up at the man. This is SAM, a handsome young man in his late 20’s. SAM wears black dress pants, a white dress shirt and black dress shoes. SAM is looking out to the horizon, deep in thought. He is troubled by something, we can tell as we can see slight hints of tears in his eyes, and signs that he has been crying. The roof belongs to a small-town house - two-story tall, there is a window open on the roof’s single, small gable - it leads to the house’s attic. It is around mid-autumn, gray rain clouds litter the sky and the trees are beginning to turn red.
Panel 2 - Medium-shot of SAM as he looks at his watch.
Panel 3 - We see SAM as he climbs through the window, back into the house.
Page 2 (5 Panels)
Panel 1 - SAM is in a bedroom. The bedroom is obviously a teenager’s bedroom, but slightly outdated. There is a poster on the wall of a rock band that was famous 15 years ago, a poster of a movie that premiered 20 years ago, etc. On one wall there are several frame photographs of a younger SAM and his dad. One picture that really stands out is a night-time photo of 8-year old SAM lying asleep at his DAD’s lap. His DAD is holding a book and is reading from it. They are both sitting on the roof, the only light in the photo comes from the attic’s open window. SAM is standing in front of a full-length mirror, tying a black tie around his neck. On the chair next to him there is a black suit-jacket.
Panel 2 - Medium shot of SAM’s reflection as he is buttoning up the jacket.
Panel 3 - SAM is coming down a set of stairs to the house’s foyer, dressed in the black suit. Lining the wall beside the staircase are various family pictures of SAM, his MOM, and his DAD. SAM’s MOM is waiting for him downstairs, she is clenching several tissues in her hand. She too is dressed in black - a black dress, and her graying hair is clipped with a black hair clip.
Panel 4 - SAM and his MOM are leaving out the front door. We are seeing this from inside the house, so we can only see them through the thin crack left just before SAM shuts the door. Even though it is thoroughly furnished, the house should appear empty and gloomy.
Panel 5 - SAM helps his MOM into the passenger side of a car.
Page 3
Splash. We are looking at a funeral scene. The camera should be positioned slightly above and to the side of the actual scene (as if it were positioned on a tree-branch next to the grave) looking down onto it. We should be able to see the casket inside the hole, but also the people’s faces. SAM and MOM should be prominent in the center of the small crowd. MOM should be weeping into her tissues, while SAM stands, stoic and solemn, trying his hardest to keep it together. A PRIEST is in mid-prayer, he holds a book in his hand and gestures skyward with the other. The various people around the grave (a modest crowd, nothing too big, something respectable) are all dressed in black, some are crying (the ones closest to the grave), and everybody is sad.
Page 4 (5 Panels)
Panel 1 - Close-Up of the PRIEST as he continues his prayer.
Panel 2 - 2-shot showing SAM and MOM, she is crying onto SAM’s shoulder, and he has his hand around her. The glint of tears can be seen in the corner of SAM’s eyes, but he is biting his lip to keep from crying.
Panel 3 - The PRIEST has finished his prayer, and he stands, head bowed, with the book closed in his hands. The entire crowd is standing silently, heads bowed down in respect.
Panel 4 - SAM is walking towards the open grave, his hand reaches towards the pile of soil next to the grave.
Panel 5 - Close-up on SAM’s hand as it drops a handful of dirt onto the coffin.
Page 5 (4 Panels)
Panel 1 - We are back at the house, during the wake. We can see most of the people from the funeral here, talking amongst themselves. Some are smiling, but it is a not a happy smile, they are remembering the good-times they’ve had with SAM’s DAD. Behind the crowd can be seen a buffet table with refreshments, and some of the guests, have plates with a slice of cake, or some fruit-salad, etc.
Panel 2 - We focus in on a group of people conversing, one of which is SAM. He is listening to the man talking, but his mind is miles away, behind him is a wall with some framed photos, though the photos content is not visible.
Panel 3 - Close up on SAM, accentuating his far-away look, he is clearly not paying attention to the man he is speaking to. Behind him, the photos on the wall, can now be seen more clearly, though we can only roughly see how many figures are in each photo. Only one picture should have two figures in a sitting position (the rest should have either one or three figures).
Panel 4 - Close up on the photo with two figures. In contrast with the rest of the piece this photo should use brighter, “happier” colors. It is a picture of SAM, in his early twenties, and his DAD. They are both sitting on the roof, a small TV set stands in front of them, with the power-chord snaking through the open window into the house. They are wearing baseball caps (both should be for the same team) and each has a cold beer in his hand. Between the two is a cooler with more beers and some food.
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Unbroken Bonds
By Itai Rosenbaum
12.7.06
A Note to the artist: Hello, there is one thing I need to stress before we get going with this. Because there is no dialogue it is imperative we all get the mood of the piece right. I’ll try and accentuate it in the writing, but overall the mood needs to be somber. We’re talking washed out colors, nothing pastel or rich and vibrant. It should be black and white, or grays - color should still show, but they should have a somewhat faded look to them, like a long-lost memory. Now let’s get to it.
Page 1 (3 Panels)
Panel 1 - A man stands alone on a roof. We are looking at this panel from below, maybe 2-3 feet below the actual roof, and we are looking up at the man. This is SAM, a handsome young man in his late 20’s. SAM wears black dress pants, a white dress shirt and black dress shoes. SAM is looking out to the horizon, deep in thought. He is troubled by something, we can tell as we can see slight hints of tears in his eyes, and signs that he has been crying. The roof belongs to a small-town house - two-story tall, there is a window open on the roof’s single, small gable - it leads to the house’s attic. It is around mid-autumn, gray rain clouds litter the sky and the trees are beginning to turn red.
Panel 2 - Medium-shot of SAM as he looks at his watch.
Panel 3 - We see SAM as he climbs through the window, back into the house.
Page 2 (5 Panels)
Panel 1 - SAM is in a bedroom. The bedroom is obviously a teenager’s bedroom, but slightly outdated. There is a poster on the wall of a rock band that was famous 15 years ago, a poster of a movie that premiered 20 years ago, etc. On one wall there are several frame photographs of a younger SAM and his dad. One picture that really stands out is a night-time photo of 8-year old SAM lying asleep at his DAD’s lap. His DAD is holding a book and is reading from it. They are both sitting on the roof, the only light in the photo comes from the attic’s open window. SAM is standing in front of a full-length mirror, tying a black tie around his neck. On the chair next to him there is a black suit-jacket.
Panel 2 - Medium shot of SAM’s reflection as he is buttoning up the jacket.
Panel 3 - SAM is coming down a set of stairs to the house’s foyer, dressed in the black suit. Lining the wall beside the staircase are various family pictures of SAM, his MOM, and his DAD. SAM’s MOM is waiting for him downstairs, she is clenching several tissues in her hand. She too is dressed in black - a black dress, and her graying hair is clipped with a black hair clip.
Panel 4 - SAM and his MOM are leaving out the front door. We are seeing this from inside the house, so we can only see them through the thin crack left just before SAM shuts the door. Even though it is thoroughly furnished, the house should appear empty and gloomy.
Panel 5 - SAM helps his MOM into the passenger side of a car.
Page 3
Splash. We are looking at a funeral scene. The camera should be positioned slightly above and to the side of the actual scene (as if it were positioned on a tree-branch next to the grave) looking down onto it. We should be able to see the casket inside the hole, but also the people’s faces. SAM and MOM should be prominent in the center of the small crowd. MOM should be weeping into her tissues, while SAM stands, stoic and solemn, trying his hardest to keep it together. A PRIEST is in mid-prayer, he holds a book in his hand and gestures skyward with the other. The various people around the grave (a modest crowd, nothing too big, something respectable) are all dressed in black, some are crying (the ones closest to the grave), and everybody is sad.
Page 4 (5 Panels)
Panel 1 - Close-Up of the PRIEST as he continues his prayer.
Panel 2 - 2-shot showing SAM and MOM, she is crying onto SAM’s shoulder, and he has his hand around her. The glint of tears can be seen in the corner of SAM’s eyes, but he is biting his lip to keep from crying.
Panel 3 - The PRIEST has finished his prayer, and he stands, head bowed, with the book closed in his hands. The entire crowd is standing silently, heads bowed down in respect.
Panel 4 - SAM is walking towards the open grave, his hand reaches towards the pile of soil next to the grave.
Panel 5 - Close-up on SAM’s hand as it drops a handful of dirt onto the coffin.
Page 5 (4 Panels)
Panel 1 - We are back at the house, during the wake. We can see most of the people from the funeral here, talking amongst themselves. Some are smiling, but it is a not a happy smile, they are remembering the good-times they’ve had with SAM’s DAD. Behind the crowd can be seen a buffet table with refreshments, and some of the guests, have plates with a slice of cake, or some fruit-salad, etc.
Panel 2 - We focus in on a group of people conversing, one of which is SAM. He is listening to the man talking, but his mind is miles away, behind him is a wall with some framed photos, though the photos content is not visible.
Panel 3 - Close up on SAM, accentuating his far-away look, he is clearly not paying attention to the man he is speaking to. Behind him, the photos on the wall, can now be seen more clearly, though we can only roughly see how many figures are in each photo. Only one picture should have two figures in a sitting position (the rest should have either one or three figures).
Panel 4 - Close up on the photo with two figures. In contrast with the rest of the piece this photo should use brighter, “happier” colors. It is a picture of SAM, in his early twenties, and his DAD. They are both sitting on the roof, a small TV set stands in front of them, with the power-chord snaking through the open window into the house. They are wearing baseball caps (both should be for the same team) and each has a cold beer in his hand. Between the two is a cooler with more beers and some food.