Confessions of a Part-Time Moderator

[OzBat!]

Every time I've ever spoken to gail about moderating, it's all "It's all too HARD!", winge winge whine whine whine. Like it was a CHORE or something. I mean, sure half the posters are psychotic and the other half are just plain freaky, but hey! you take the deal you're given, right?

Personally this moderating gig is a breeze. Well, except for the burn marks on the sofa. And one of my last posts refuses to show up, causing a loop in the thread it's on. And I need to go to the bathroom. And the Ann Coultier thread scares and excites me at the same time. And Cam63 keeps threatening to come around and give me "pointers", which, seeing as he's geographically capable of making good on this possible commitment, has me reconsidering the levels of dedication I have to extreme drink and drugs.

I'm sure there's a lesson to be learned here, but I'm not sure what it is. In the words of the immortal Calvin & Hobbes: "Live and Don't Learn, that's us!"

I wish I had a little red wagon to tear around the board with. That would be fun! But are moderators allowed to have fun? Should I be feeling disproportionate amounts of guilt for having fun?

Maybe I should just ban a few people - that's always guilt-free fun!

I think that's why gail refuses to have people banned. She lives for the guilt! One big guilt trip, all day long. If she looks at the dog funny, she feels all squirmy and angst ridden and only a trip to Disneyland or the unfettered mewling praise of her YABSish cult members can take the pain away. All those breaking thumbs and other nasty stuff in the pages of BOP must be some kind of cathartic release for deeply repressed rage-fuelled testosterone-abusing lebian guilt.

I haven't figured out how J-Bolt really figures into this, yet!

I think I need a moderator checklist for running this place properly, to avoid all of gail's problems. A little help here? What key points should any good YABS moderator be aware of?

[OzBat!]

#1. If everything appears to be quiet, check for where the lebians are... they'll be blazing a trail of destruction leaving dazed and drooling fanboys behind them on some innoculously labelled thread somewhere.

#2. Check with Gail's psychiatrist. Find out how the heck she does that whole "Stream of consciousness" random adlib theatre stuff so well.

#3. Don't look behind the couch. You don't. want. to. know.

[sk716]

#1. If everything appears to be quiet, check for where the lebians are... they'll be blazing a trail of destruction leaving dazed and drooling fanboys behind them on some innoculously labelled thread somewhere.

We are not!!! You can't prove that!!! Good luck keeping up!


#2. Check with Gail's psychiatrist. Find out how the heck she does that whole "Stream of consciousness" random adlib theatre stuff so well.

Think like Cam.

#3. Don't look behind the couch. You don't. want. to. know.

You really, really, really don't. Us lesbians were there.

[Bob Violence]

Just remember: With great power comes...something, I forget what. But I think it was something good, like twinkies.

[EdContradictory]

You should close the Ann Coulter Thread.

Dooooo it.

You know you want to.

[Forsaken_One]

I think Gail should come back to see every thread longer than two pages locked. Just because it's funny to picture the look on her face.

[OzBat!]

#4. Keep a list of anybody giving "hints" for what to do/who to get: these people must never be considered for moderator duties, ever. They obviously have too much time on their hands.

#5. Play along with Cam63. He really IS that drunk.

#6. Name-drop. A LOT. Mark Waid was telling me the other day, it's the best way to yourself noticed as a professional. Unless you're Grant Morrison. He told me he hires other people to name drop for him.

[Cam63]

You should close the Ann Coulter Thread.

Dooooo it.

You know you want to.

For the love of Beer, no !

[Cam63]

#4. Keep a list of anybody giving "hints" for what to do/who to get: these people must never be considered for moderator duties, ever. They obviously have too much time on their hands.

#5. Play along with Cam63. He really IS that drunk.

#6. Name-drop. A LOT. Mark Waid was telling me the other day, it's the best way to yourself noticed as a professional. Unless you're Grant Morrison. He told me he hires other people to name drop for him.

I thought if you dropped a name like " Rock ", it was because it's like, a heavy name.

I'm soberish today and feel free to play along. A handful of painkillers for my right knee and a beer to help it down.

Stick that " spoonful of sugar " crap, Mary Poppins !

[Cam63]

#1. If everything appears to be quiet, check for where the lebians are... they'll be blazing a trail of destruction leaving dazed and drooling fanboys behind them on some innoculously labelled thread somewhere.

#2. Check with Gail's psychiatrist. Find out how the heck she does that whole "Stream of consciousness" random adlib theatre stuff so well.

#3. Don't look behind the couch. You don't. want. to. know.

I looked behind the couch.

It's not that scary, but it's startin' to smell funny.

I elect we bury it in Lester's back yard.

[Larry Dixon]

If you want a little red wagon to tool around in, I'll hook you up. We'll tubeframe you a blown, small block V-8 into custom snake pipes and a rock crusher tranny to feed the fastchange positraction diff. We'll put some fat Mickey Meats and tub the rear so there's room to bloom when you hammer that bitch down to the firewall.

[Cam63]

Larry says he has a car.

[howyadoin]

If you want a little red wagon to tool around in, I'll hook you up. We'll tubeframe you a blown, small block V-8 into custom snake pipes and a rock crusher tranny to feed the fastchange positraction diff. We'll put some fat Mickey Meats and tub the rear so there's room to bloom when you hammer that bitch down to the firewall.http://www.draglist.com/photoimages/Pod-0502/A%20section%20of%20the%20panoramic%20view%20of%20t he%20Little%20Red%20Wagon%20Wheelstander.%20Click% 20to%20see%20the%20full%20size%20photo%21%20Photo% 20by%20Lee%20Ecker.jpg

[Metronome35]

I have a terrible habit of misreading things at first glance, so I unfortunately thought at first that this thread was titled "confessions of a part-time molester".

[Forsaken_One]

And yet you clicked on it?

[Cam63]

Curiosity may over rule.

[Forsaken_One]

This is true.

Also on:

#4. Keep a list of anybody giving "hints" for what to do/who to get: these people must never be considered for moderator duties, ever. They obviously have too much time on their hands.
Doesn't this apply to pretty much every single person who has ever taken the time to register and post something about comic books on the Internet? Are those people discussing the battle between Zeus of DC and Zeus of Marvel in the Rumble forum somehow using their time better than those of us posting here?

[OzBat!]

Doesn't this apply to pretty much every single person who has ever taken the time to register and post something about comic books on the Internet? Are those people discussing the battle between Zeus of DC and Zeus of Marvel in the Rumble forum somehow using their time better than those of us posting here?You're forgetting, this is the YABS forum. Here, the highest form of debate is over whether or not Yogo needs to be shot again, or what percentage of posters are really front-pocket-wallet-wearers.I have a terrible habit of misreading things at first glance, so I unfortunately thought at first that this thread was titled "confessions of a part-time molester".Only of impressionable minds!

[OzBat!]

#7. Nautical Marauders and Pyjama Bandits are two equal but opposite forces. Mix at your own peril!

#8. Don't allow pets, unless they're trained to use the litter box. Political threads may serve the same purpose in a pinch.

#9. Learn to love posting at 4 am, or whenever they least expect it. That way, there's far less chance of being ambushed or pressured into actually having to moderate anything, like, heaven forbid! an actual topical debate.

#10. If cornered, Topical debates are to be derailed AT ALL COSTS. Non-sequiters work on the odd occasion; failing that, fabricate a J-Bolt sighting.

[EdContradictory]

For the love of Beer, no !
All I'm saying is you're not really a man... I mean a moderator, until you've closed a thread.

[OzBat!]

Good thing I took care of that a couple of days ago then... no questioning MY moderasculinity, nosireeBOB! If I smoked, I woulda had that nice slow relaxed satisfied cigarette afterwards too!

[OzBat!]

If you want a little red wagon to tool around in, I'll hook you up. We'll tubeframe you a blown, small block V-8 into custom snake pipes and a rock crusher tranny to feed the fastchange positraction diff. We'll put some fat Mickey Meats and tub the rear so there's room to bloom when you hammer that bitch down to the firewall.This man is now my all-time fav'rit poster, EVER.

Anybody wanting to knock him off this upper echelon of my moderator 'keep' list, is gonna have ta do some pretty heavy-duty serious bribery, I'm telling you now!

[heystacy]

This is true.

Also on:


Doesn't this apply to pretty much every single person who has ever taken the time to register and post something about comic books on the Internet? Are those people discussing the battle between Zeus of DC and Zeus of Marvel in the Rumble forum somehow using their time better than those of us posting here?

We have reached the end of the everything if peeps are having that discussion. Its so funny its sad.

[Cam63]

This man is now my all-time fav'rit poster, EVER.

Anybody wanting to knock him off this upper echelon of my moderator 'keep' list, is gonna have ta do some pretty heavy-duty serious bribery, I'm telling you now!

You may cleanse my sores.

...What ? Aren't you Flanders ?

[Azrael52]

Cam, have you tried steel wool pads for that?

[Cam63]

Funnily enough, yes.

[howyadoin]

Funnily enough, yes.Cheese grater?

[ElvisGuy]

#3. Don't look behind the couch. You don't. want. to. know.
So thats where you keep your special "Forearm Exercise" videos !

[Cam63]

Cheese grater?

I love that Stevie Wonder joke, but no.

[Shades0077]

You really, really, really don't. Us lesbians were there.
Not looking behind the couch because lesbians were there?

I'm sure there's a horrible joke about dirty carpet in there somewhere.

[sk716]

Not looking behind the couch because lesbians were there?

I'm sure there's a horrible joke about dirty carpet in there somewhere.

You'd need to read the "Ann Coulter is not a very nice person" thread to get up to speed on the latest in jokes. Pick up around page 90 where Sabrinaset starts in with the Retcon Punches.

[Pól Rua]

If you want a little red wagon to tool around in, I'll hook you up. We'll tubeframe you a blown, small block V-8 into custom snake pipes and a rock crusher tranny to feed the fastchange positraction diff. We'll put some fat Mickey Meats and tub the rear so there's room to bloom when you hammer that bitch down to the firewall.

Listen to this guy, Oz.
He'll fix your little red wagon!

[OzBat!]

Listen to this guy, Oz.
He'll fix your little red wagon!Are you also saying my new bestust poster is calling me a tool?

[howyadoin]

Are you also saying my new bestust poster is calling me a tool?Depends on what kind of tool you are. I mean, a hammer is pretty useful, not to mention manly.