Everything I needed to know about crime...

[Ta2grrl]

I learned from watching "Law and Order"...and applied it to real life...

Here's a list of things the various "Law and Order's" have tought me...although this could apply to anything, like CSI...

1. If you're a teenager ditching school you will stumble across a dead body.

2. If you're walking away during a fight with your spouse, you will stumble across a dead body.

3. Never take a job as a trash collector or park cleaner- nothing but dead bodies.

4. Police are always having to interview men on parole who work at the fish market.

5. Detectives are always having to "go get me some evidence."

6. Rich white dudes commit a majority of crimes.

7. A woman who has given birth will always recognize the human placenta being carried in the mouth of a dog running down the street.

8. The 2-7 [27th precinct] encompasses all of Manhattan. If you commit a crime anywhere in Manhattan you can be sure it will be investigated by a detective from the 2-7.

9. Whenever you go to the ME's office or the ballistics lab, the exact same doctor or technician will inverably be on call.

10. The internet is strange and scary, and the only people who use it are pedophiles or stalkers. It is impossible to understand if you are over 30.

11. Hudson University has a higher mortality rate than Sub-Saharan Africa, Riker's Island and heroin combined. Its liability insurance is higher than the GDP of most countries.

12. In New York, ADAs are young, female, and look like models. Sometimes they are black men, but that's an exception.

13. TV stars from the 80s and 90s, if they can't find work once their show is cancelled, move to NYC and commit sex crimes.

What has Law and Order taught you....??

XXX

[Michael P]

1. If you're a teenager ditching school you will stumble across a dead body.
I ditched school (well, one class) one day because I'd skipped breakfast. Only thing I stumbled over was my own damn feet getting out of bed.


8. The 2-7 [27th precinct] encompasses all of Manhattan. If you commit a crime anywhere in Manhattan you can be sure it will be investigated by a detective from the 2-7.Hell, I've seen those bastards investigate crimes in the Bronx.


13. TV stars from the 80s and 90s, if they can't find work once their show is cancelled, move to NYC and commit sex crimes.
So I should be worried that Cody from Step by Step has moved into my building?

[blackdragon6]

apparently every black suspect plays the race card :rolleyes:

[Ta2grrl]

So I should be worried that Cody from Step by Step has moved into my building?

Ha...

:D

I guess that depends on whether or not he comes home with small bags of childrens clothes...or leaves his home with them...!!

XXX

[StoneGold]

So I should be worried that Cody from Step by Step has moved into my building?
Given his penchant for beating the crap out of his wives, you might.

[blackdragon6]

Given his penchant for beating the crap out of his wives, you might.
i thought that was found out to be bullshit?

[Ta2grrl]

i thought that was found out to be bullshit?

Does that qualify as an urban myth and if so...can I call it for the Urban Myths Avatar thread...??

;)

XXX

[Michael P]

apparently every black suspect plays the race card :rolleyes:
That reminds me: All defense lawyers are glory hounds and will invariably pull a ridiculous defense out of their ass in order to turn the trial into a media circus.

Also, detectives making wisecracks over the still-fresh corpse of the deceased is considered appropriate and professional behavior.

[JDogindy]

What has "Law and Order" taught me?

1. A person who is going to die anyway shouldn't be sentenced if he/she murders someone.

2. Bodies will be removed in unorthodox fashions.

3. (this is actually more of CSI) High tech close-ups of the victim and gory remakes of the crime make it more understanding.

[blackdragon6]

That reminds me: All defense lawyers are glory hounds and will invariably pull a ridiculous defense out of their ass in order to turn the trial into a media circus.

Also, detectives making wisecracks over the still-fresh corpse of the deceased is considered appropriate and professional behavior.not only that but the DA's some how pull a plot devise out of their ass to get a conviction.their like the superman of the court system.

[Boldido]

1. All defense attorneys begin negotiations with the DA on behalf of their client by being snotty and rude.

2. All defense attorneys carry lots of motions to dismiss on their persons at all times.

3. If you are the no name actor, less important co-defendant you will agree to give a full confession after only consulting your attorney for approximately one and one half seconds once you learn that the death penalty is off the table and you will be spending the rest of your life in prison.

[Shellhead]

This thread is an amazing coincidence. Last night and today, I have been helping someone write a paper contrasting Law & Order with the reality of working in a prosecutor's office. Specifically, I watched a couple of episodes from a dvd set last night, and then went to www.tv.com to search for useful quotes from various episodes.

[Ta2grrl]

This thread is an amazing coincidence. Last night and today, I have been helping someone write a paper contrasting Law & Order with the reality of working in a prosecutor's office. Specifically, I watched a couple of episodes from a dvd set last night, and then went to www.tv.com to search for useful quotes from various episodes.

So how does it compare so far...

Are we correct in our misconceptions...thereby making them conceptions...??

XXX

[Shellhead]

So how does it compare so far...

Are we correct in our misconceptions...thereby making them conceptions...??

XXX

No, this is good stuff, funny but on target. Another one I found... it's probably abnormal for the judge to exchange insults with the defendant while determining bail.

[Tish-the-Scorpion]

it's probably abnormal for the judge to exchange insults with the defendant while determining bail.yeah all of the above that was mentioned in this thread is the reason why i don't watch this show.


i do have a recomendation though,i suggest you all watch american justice.theres no one sidedness,no politics its just as is stories of the american justice system.though it does have its flaws though,every episode seems to be about some guy who murdered his wife/girlfriend :rolleyes:

[Ta2grrl]

Ok Shell...how about this...

Anyone who refuses to give the police a DNA sample is guilty.

Anyone who refuses to give the police a verifiable alibi ("I was home alone") is a closet homosexual.

The only way to be acquitted of a crime is to hire a slick lawyer who can confuse the jury with some whacky defense strategy.

All overweight white women are frumpy, bitter and evil.

All overweight white men are Italian/Russian/Jewish mobsters or grizzled cops.

All overweight black women are nurturing, maternal, intelligent, and supportive.

All overweight black men are former athletes or cab drivers.

All overweight Hispanic women are domestics who discover bodies or mothers of suspects hiding in their apartments.

All thin black or Hispanic women are girlfriends of drug dealers or murderers.

All thin white women are detectives, DAs, trophy wives, or somebody's daughter.

All cab drivers in NY speak perfect English...

XXX

[BlairH]

Crime? Crime is a shit that needs wiping up!
http://www.burntfaceman.com/

[SUPERECWFAN1]

The most important lessons I've learned from Law & Order.


1. I know that Scolia is some law since its always refered to in a great numbers of episodes.


2. Lenny will crack a good joke. Even to the bitter end " Who's there , show me your badges ! " " We don't need no stinkin badges. "


3. The Prosecutor will always give one fine kick ass speech to the Jury.

4. The Prosecutor will always look at the Judge and yell " Your Honor , he's trying to influence the Jury ! "

5. SUV Male Detectives are one step from kickin your ass.

6. Most cases will be solved in an hour. Unless its a sweep month and then theres a cross-over and its 2 hours.

7. Detectives let thier personal lives go straight to hell. Most end up non-married , divorced , turning to alchohol ect ect.

8. Hot babes become ADA's. No room for ugly women in the Distrcit Attorney's Office.

[Iangould]

6. Rich white dudes commit a majority of crimes.


True, but you also have to watch out for:

- medical doctors;
- university professors; and
- rich elderly white women

[Iangould]

That reminds me: All defense lawyers are glory hounds and will invariably pull a ridiculous defense out of their ass in order to turn the trial into a media circus.

Also, detectives making wisecracks over the still-fresh corpse of the deceased is considered appropriate and professional behavior.

Don't forget DAs setting legal precedents every month or so.

[Iangould]

Approximately 95% of all maids, housecleaners and nannies are sleeping with one or more members of their employer's family.

[Slam_Bradley]

All crimes can easily be solved in 60 minutes.













The real Hell is trying to explain to real victims why this isn't so.

[Michael P]

4. The Prosecutor will always look at the Judge and yell " Your Honor , he's trying to influence the Jury ! "

Just once I'd like to see a judge say, "Well, duh. That's what we're here for, Brainiac."

[howyadoin]

All crimes can easily be solved in 60 minutes.Actually, if you follow the dates and times at the beginning of each scene in Law & Order, you'll see that each episodes spans a fair bit of time.

(Or at least, that's how it was back when I used to watch a lot of TV. Might've changed since then.)

[Michael P]

These are more SVU-based:

All male college students are rapists.

Attractive, bright, young female coeds always shack up with their professors. (Which probably explains why all the males students turn to rape.)

If a guy hung around with a girl because he liked her, but never got up the courage to ask her out, he's a stalker pervert and the number one suspect in her murder.

Pedophiles who have been through the system are always gaunt, creepy-eyed loners who live in tenaments. Pedophiles who haven't are always clean-cut WASPs with wives and families.

The parents of molested children are always alcoholics or drug addicts.

Black suspects and informants will give information to the black cop that they won't give to his white partner.

[Slam_Bradley]

Actually, if you follow the dates and times at the beginning of each scene in Law & Order, you'll see that each episodes spans a fair bit of time.

(Or at least, that's how it was back when I used to watch a lot of TV. Might've changed since then.)


I'll take your word for it. I'm not allowed to watch lawyer shows...I drive everyone nuts pointing out the inaccuracies.

I just see the effect that they have on people. Worse than the impatience is the "CSI effect."


"I'm sorry, ma'am, that patrol officer that came to your house is our CSI team."

"No, we're not going to try to find DNA samples."

"Why?"

"Because this is Burley, Idaho and your son's bike was stolen. This isn't a triple homicide in Manhattan."

[Michael P]

Actually, if you follow the dates and times at the beginning of each scene in Law & Order, you'll see that each episodes spans a fair bit of time.

(Or at least, that's how it was back when I used to watch a lot of TV. Might've changed since then.)
No, it's the same, but people never read those.

[Iangould]

DNA and other forensic tests are regularly fast-tracked through the system in 24 hours or less as a personal favor to the investigating officer.

[Forefinger]

Civil rights and due process mean nothing to most of the cops and ADAs.

[Grazzt]

As an addendum to that last point, a DA is willing to hurt a couple of hundred innocent people in order to put one murderer away. They will do this, despite the fact that their sole witness, and the basis of their case, is one of those people being hurt.

[scratchie]

This is more of a CSI: Miami thing, but:

The first person you question about a crime will always be extremely rude and arrogant, and will always turn out to have some motive. But he is never the actual perpetrator.

[howyadoin]

No, it's the same, but people never read those.But the really important thing here is, I'm still right.

[Ta2grrl]

This is more of a CSI: Miami thing, but:

The first person you question about a crime will always be extremely rude and arrogant, and will always turn out to have some motive. But he is never the actual perpetrator.

And David Caruso will undoubtly over-act to levels not seen since William Shatner on Star Trek...

XXX

[Forefinger]

And David Caruso will undoubtly over-act to levels not seen since William Shatner on Star Trek...

XXX
And he will suck while doing so. I watched one episode of that. That was more than enough.

[GreenHornet]

What L&O taught me?


The smartest person in the squad is always going home alone

The streets of NY are not a noisy as people say because I can hear everyword people are talking about

Child porn make me very sick EVEN if its all fiction, ( I think they hit too close sometimes on that subject)

All kidding aside I never knew that they make those kinds of deals

[Ta2grrl]

I forgot religion on these shows...

If you have any kind of religious convictions or belong to any kind of religion, you are either:

1. a terrorist
2. a moralist but secretly a hypocrit and a sex offender
3. a parent with kids who are killing people or raping people or something
4. or someone who is hiding something sinister.

These shows give EVERYONE a bad name...!!

XXX

[Noah Johnson]

Only vanilla sex does not lead straight to murder.

And we're keeping a pretty close eye on that, too.

[howyadoin]

Only vanilla sex does not lead straight to murder.

And we're keeping a pretty close eye on that, too.I guess Cherry Garcia is out of the question, then.

[Ta2grrl]

I guess Cherry Garcia is out of the question, then.

You're a bad bad man...

Let's get married...

;)

XXX

[Puma]

this thread makes me happy that I've never watched this show. But it is darn entertaining to read about!

[Ta2grrl]

Hehe...

Its actually not a bad series of shows at all..I actually really enjoy Law and Order: Criminal Intent...but then Vincent D'Onofrio kicks ass...

However they do perpetuate alot of stereotypes...

You should try it Puma...one of us...ONE OF US...!!!

XXX

[Pól Rua]

Ah, so glad I watched 'Homicide' rather than 'L&O'.
*sigh*
It still hurts that it's gone.

[Forefinger]

Ah, so glad I watched 'Homicide' rather than 'L&O'.
*sigh*
It still hurts that it's gone.
I watched both. Now I only watch SVU, but it's starting to have the same shit in every episode.......Oh well, I watch to see Stabler slip closer and closer to being insane every episode, and the chick can be hot when she wants to be.

[Iangould]

I watched both. Now I only watch SVU, but it's starting to have the same shit in every episode.......Oh well, I watch to see Stabler slip closer and closer to being insane every episode, and the chick can be hot when she wants to be.

You'll know SVU has officially jumped the shark when Stabler and Bentson fuck.

[Ta2grrl]

It'll never happen as she's too hung up on her past rape and he's...well he was in OZ...God only knows what he's hung up on...

XXX

[Squirrel]

Now, this thread is a perfect example of why Muffin and I watch Forensic Files and Body of Evidence on CourtTV. True, they don't have the laugh-out-loud ridiculous moments you find on L&O, and not too many recurring characters (ha, they're either dead or imprisoned by the end of the episode), but there is something to be said for actual...you know...facts, and stuff. :D

Of course, that black dude on CSI is HOT...

[Forefinger]

You'll know SVU has officially jumped the shark when Stabler and Bentson fuck.
I haven't watched most of this past season, but I got the impression that they had something going on from the episodes that I did catch.

[Forefinger]

It'll never happen as she's too hung up on her past rape and he's...well he was in OZ...God only knows what he's hung up on...

XXX
A stick up his ass or something.

[Expletive Deleted]

...well he was in OZ...That's why SVU Season One can't be topped. Keller, Schillinger, and Ryan O'Reilly as good guys? Cognitive dissonance, ahoy.

I just love the incestuous casting that goes on between all the Wolf/Fontana/Simon east coast police procedurals. All the LAW & ORDERs, HOMICIDE, OZ, THE WIRE . . . good stuff.

[Grazzt]

Of course, that black dude on CSI is HOT...

Did you see the episode where they showed him in the locker room half-naked?

I no longer needed to watch the show after that. ;)

[Squirrel]

Did you see the episode where they showed him in the locker room half-naked?

:eek: Why do I always miss the best episodes?!

[Cei-U!]

So I should be worried that Cody from Step by Step has moved into my building?

Cody from Step By Step was the previous tenant of my apartment in Burbank.

Cei-U!
The above is not a joke!

[howyadoin]

Muffin and IMuffin and Squirrel? I hate to ask if you have any kids.

[Ta2grrl]

Muffin and Squirrel? I hate to ask if you have any kids.

They have 2...

Nuts and Bolts...

;)

XXX

[StoneGold]

Speaking of rape, holy fucking shit!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060428/ap_on_re_us/party_attack_16

They raped him with a lawn umbrella, poured bleach down the umbrella, then kicked it in furtherl.

[Ta2grrl]

Speaking of rape, holy fucking shit!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060428/ap_on_re_us/party_attack_16

They raped him with a lawn umbrella, poured bleach down the umbrella, then kicked it in furtherl.

Seriously...do you just spend your day googling the word "rape" and see what comes up??? I mean how do you find this crap?? And how long til they make it an episode of Law and Order...??

XXX

[StoneGold]

Seriously...do you just spend your day googling the word "rape" and see what comes up??? I mean how do you find this crap?? And how long til they make it an episode of Law and Order...??

XXX
It was on the front page of Yahoo News. It was less me looking for a good rape story to stick on the thread, as me finding a good place to mention the story that freaked the hell out of me.

[Michael P]

Speaking of rape, holy fucking shit!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060428/ap_on_re_us/party_attack_16

They raped him with a lawn umbrella, poured bleach down the umbrella, then kicked it in furtherl.
Ah, yes, a "Number Seven."

[Iangould]

100% of all crimes are solved.

98% of all offenders are arrested and tried.

DA's win around 98% of their cases.

Most of the 2% of defendants who are acquitted will commit nearly identical crimes about a year later, be investigated by the same detectives, prosecuted by the same DA and convicted.

[JolietJake]

What I've learned from Law & Order:

1. Defense attorneys, while legal masterminds capable of kicking Jack McCoy's self-righteous ass all over the courtroom, inevitably screw up by conducting plea negotiations with their clients in the room. The client always gets pissed and confesses.

2. In New York, it's apparently entirely ethical for the prosecutor to communicate directly with represented defendants.

3. An individual who stands trial and is convicted is either actually innocent or covering for a loved one. Anyone who is acquitted actually did it.

4. White supremacists always engage in witness tampering.

5. Pre-Trial conferences always take place on the courthouse steps during the judge's smoke-break.

[Ta2grrl]

What I've learned from Law & Order:

4. White supremacists always engage in witness tampering.

Thats so true...I'm surprised I never noticed it...

Those bastards...although it makes sense...everyone seems to know a white supremacist...

Speaking of which...did anyone see Phelp's daughter on NBC talking out her ass??

XXX

[Iangould]

Written motions are invariably a waste of time since the judge will make their ruling on the basis of a 30-second oral presentation.

[Jared H.]

Muffin and Squirrel? I hate to ask if you have any kids.


Actually, Muffin = me. and no, we don't have any children(nor are planning to for quite some time).

[Ta2grrl]

Ok ok I can't stop...I'm officially addicted...!!

If you work for the DA's office or the NYC police department, you have very little or no private life...

Parking in this city will kill you...

Nearly all dead bodies are discovered facing up; most of those are neatly arranged...

XXX

[Anakela21]

Hi Ta2grrl, if you are going to copy/paste my words from Televisionwithoutpity.com, then I would appreciate a credit of some kind, as here it appears that you are passing them off as your own 'toughts'.

Here is a link (http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3124203&st=75&p=4628402&#entry4628402) to my TWoP post, written two months before you created this thread and turned my post into numbers 1-7 on your list.

Thank you,
Anakela


ps- and so why did "It's a rare search that does not get thrown out" not make the cut?


ETA: here are the links to the original TWoP posts, posted in 2005, of numbers 8-9 (http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3124203&st=75&p=3970817&#entry3970817), and numbers 10-13 (http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3124203&st=0&p=2618229&#entry2618229), of the initial post of this thread, for anyone who might be interested.

[Michael P]

Ruh roh! ()

Perusing that thread, I found a lot of good ones. This one, in particular:


If someone is guilty but you don't have enough evidence, take a copy of the Bill of Rights, close your eyes, point to one at random, violate the guilty party's right, and this will force him into a confession. And it's ok, because he's guilty, and our Founding Fathers meant for the Constitution to be used to convict and punish the guilty. Anyone opposing this is a passionate lesbian liberal and has nothing to contribute to the pursuit of justice anyway.

I'm now giggling unstoppably over the image of the cops quartering soldiers in someone's home to get them to confess.

[Agent Helix]

Ouch.

Bad form.

[Michael P]

Also, one learned from other shows:

No one represented by Perry Mason or Ben Matlock is ever guilty.

[Mac Danny]

All NYC detectives have witty remarks to make about a crime. We miss you jerry Orbach!

[Mac Danny]

bump bump bump..

http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/pic/151/B018~B2K-Posters.jpg

[Anakela21]

And also Ta2grrl, the first post on page 2 of this thread, the one that starts Ok shell...how about this... (http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showpost.php?p=3023610&postcount=16) is plagiarized from this post (http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3124203&st=45&p=3054027&#entry3054027)from Televisionwithoutpity.com that was originally posted in 2005.

Totally not cool.

For those who would like to read the originals of these threads, there are a couple of them over on the TelevisionWithoutPity.com:

Everything I know, I Learned from Law & Order (http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3124203)

From Cragen's Private Stash: the SVU Drinking Game (http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3124507&st=0)

Club soda For Me: The Mothership Drinking Game (http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3124385&st=0)

Just please don't copy the posts there and try and pass them off as your own words here...or if you must, at least change the wording up some, so that your plagiarism isn't so easy to detect!