Be Ray Tate for a day! Review JLA: C 20 just like he would!

[Sabrinaset]

Pretend YOU are Ray Tate! You have Gail's latest issue...what do you say?

Review of JLA: C #20. By Sabrinaset Tate.

Ah, the latest excressence from Gail Simone slogs it's way into my hands for yet another thoughtful, expert analysis. And, believe me, I put the Anal in Analysis, baybee. Let's look at what Gail did wrong in THIS issue.

Gail's first screw-up begins on the second page, by listing Propoganda, biological, and chemical attacks. Sill Gail can't even remember her own comics, and forgets about all the other attacks...psychological, economic, nuclear, cosmic. Sending the Sentry into JLA HQ. Placing copies of AS: B&R into the Batcave. DON'T tell me that isn't in your comic, it's in mine and I'm standing by my story!

Next, we see that Tuzik, lover of women, has a son washing dishes at the local greasy spoon. Yet another continuity gaffe, as he wears a shirt indicating he works at a chili joint, and yet Green Arrow is nowhere to be found. Gail can't even keep her own continuity straight.

Meanwhile, Wonder Woman is taking on the entire Chinese Army. Ha! Do YOU see Egg Fu in there? Yet ANOTHER blatant continuity gaffe from Gail, who once again bends down and services IC by ignoring all of Wonder Woman's famous villains, like the Duke of Deception, the Blue Snow Man, and the Stilt-Man. Geez, Gail couldn't afford Midol this month?

Meanwhile, some girl, just like a Juke-Box Hero, gets stars in her eyes, picks up a rifle, and kills SOME GENERIC SCIENTIST. Meanwhile, the Martian Manhunter (and why did Gail make him green, anyway? Are there some kind of racist undertones to this character Gail wan't us to know, but is simply not writing well enough to make clear to the rest of us? And WHEN did Gail stop beating her wife?...but, like Peter David, I digress...) meet Starro, who now looks like a collection of letters saying "No Truce" Sublety, thy name is Gail.

Meanwhile, the Flash, who has fought speedsters from the Reverse-Flash to Zoom to the Black Flash, is having trouble fighting some girl with blue lipstick. At this time, Wonder Woman is saying that there are "too many R.P.G.s" WHAT THE HECK DO ROLE-PLAYING GAMES HAVE TO DO WITH THIS STORY??? IS GAIL ON CRACK??? I'M A CRITIC, LISTEN TO ME DAMNIT!!!

Wonder Woman, mercifully for this story, loses when SOME GENERIC STORYTELLER drops the Titanic on her, and even throws the corpse of Leonardo DiCaprio on her for good measure.

It ends with a total rip off ending, as J'onn J'onzz shoots SOME GENERIC SOLDIER. Gail couldn't even have the guy snap his head in two.

I give this one out of five trashcans...and that one is only because I liked the pretty picture of Dan Didio in the back of the book.

[Cam63]

Gail smells bad and she writes funny.

[Gail Simone]

Pretend YOU are Ray Tate! You have Gail's latest issue...what do you say?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, my god, that's awesome.

Gail

[Kyuubi]

Review of JLA: C #20 By Kyubbi Tate





RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!





P.S. Gail sucks



P.P.S Gail still sucks



P.P.P.S. Gail sucks again.



Close enough?

[shrike]

Personally I'm holding out for Gail's arc in TPB form with a 'special introduction and foreword' by Ray Tate.

[Calamas]

JLA Classifide #20

This comic is hardly worth the time it take for me to type up this review of her comic that’s so bad as to make me struggle to get through it with my stomach intact and brain still thinking straight.

Uh?

And I no she was thinking of me when she put those bloodstains all over the front page (SPLASH page, yeah we get it Simone) because if she can’t stop my free speech in real life she can at least get her Infinitive Crisis thrill by killing me in her comic.

And that ‘Marvel of Technology’ gag was pathetic. Marvel comics is not out to run you over like a boat. They wont collect you’re Deadpool stuff because your a hack and there glad to be rid of you and pretentiousness and stuff.

This is the last one of your comics I will ever review until I need more attention. Until than, YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

Calamas Tate

[Weetomuncher]

JLA : Classified #20 reviewed by Ray The Rat

I said I'd never read another Gail Simone book again. And I was lying.

Gail Simone is the greatest comics writer in the world, not to mention the cutest :) but she refused to get me a job with DC (and to sleep with me) so I absolutely hate her, for ever and ever and ever and ever.

The story is really good superhero fare - oh no wait, Gail is evil so the comic stinks.

If I keep up the criticism, I'll be writing JLA : Classified soon and Gail will need to sleep with me. :evilsmile

Gail can't write characters very well and she doesn't love the Raymeister and she doesn't know what she is missing. All two and a half inches of it.

Anyway, Gail is a poopypants and Ray Tate rools. So na na na na :p

1/10

Ray The Rat

[Cam63]

That's Ray, alright !

[YoGo]

Gail Simone Shot Me.

[TCJohnson]

Gail Simone Shot Me.

No, that is being Yogo for a day...and as strange as Yogo is he is nothing like Ray Tate.

[EdContradictory]

Review of JLA: Classified #20. By Ed Tate.

-25 stars out of five

Now, mind you, I haven't read the latest issue of Gail Simone's epic attempt to destroy everything that is great about the Justice Leauge. But, based on previous issues, I feel comfortable saying that it sucks. And Gail Simone sucks. Everybody sucks. You suck.

Suck.

Now, to the issue at hand. How bad is it? Really bad. Batman doesn't act like Batman. Superman doesn't act like Superman. Wonder Woman doesn't act like Wonder Woman. And the plot doesn't even make sense. Why doesn't Superman just fly backwards around the Earth, turn back time, and stop everything before it even started? It's just moronic and shows a seething hatred for everything that's great about DC.

Now, some would say that I have a personal axe to grind with Gail Simone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I just wish she wasn't the worst writer in the history of the universe. And I wish that her run on this book hadn't ruined the characters for me to a point that I can never read another DC book again.

And why wasn't Norm Breyfoyle's 90s version Batmobile in the issue? And I think Krona should have been in it, too. Maybe he was, as I said before, I didn't even bother reading it. I just used the issue to wipe my dog's ass. Not because I had to. Because I wanted to.

[Super Sonic]

JLA: Classified #20
A Review by Sean "Super Sonic" Tate

Batman playing chess and fighting SOME CHINESE PERSON, that's absurd, you can't do those two things at once....Gail is obviosuly on her knees pleasuring the chess Gods..........damn there lucky hides.

For if she knew of my secret love for her, I would be in trouble, for all those gifts I left on her doorstep, nights I spent under her bed (then blamed poor innocent Super Sonic) and hours following her.

You see, True Believer, I give such bad reviews to throw Gail of my scent.........and boy is it a scent, so that she shall never know my love for her burns like the whinte hot intensity of a thousand suns.

......back to the review.....

Wonder Woman is displayed as too much of a bad-ass, this intimidates me, so naturally it sucks.
SOME MILIATARY GUYS actually became characters in this story, not random miliatay personell, which of course shouldn't have happened, as I AM ALWAYS RIGHT!

....I'm too angry to finish this now, just thinking of Gail makes me drop want to drop everything, cuz I'm so "angry", not desperatly alone and just thinking of her gets me off, angy.

..........

Sean "Super Sonic" Taaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....................

[TCJohnson]

Response by TCSeric27

How dare you! How dare any of you!

How dare you critisize The Ray Tate or His writing! Don't you realize He posts these rants every single week! EVERY SINGLE WEEK! The Man is a reviewing God and you should all drop to your knees and properly thank Him for what He does for all of you! Women want Him and men want to be Him! Except for Gilda who wants both!

You don't have the right to question Him! You don't have the right to critisize Him! All that does is threaten His freedom of speech. So what if He comes off half illiterate. I don't see any of you use the period as creatively as The Ray Tate! It is pure god-like genius!

And don't you dare praise any other critic before Him! Others might be more understandable but The Ray Tate doesn't have time for grammer! People, just be happy for what He gives you! Sacrifice virgins and Yogo to Him, damn it! If you don't it will be hurting His right to free speech!

[Cam63]

OK. You're all brilliantly funny.

[David O Burcham]

Review by Phoney Tate:

Once again Gail Simone has spread her legs to the prodistigators of Infinite Crisis without even the benefit of Astro Glide. I know her sumulculumuns will no doubt harass me on the forums about how this arc of JLA: Casssified has nothing to with the Crisis, just like her first issue. That is irreverent to the matter at hand. which is that Gail simply doesnt understand the psycoanalogy of super-heroes. Partitionally how they react to threats by non-powered humans. The latest victim of the Infinite Crisis retroaction character devolation is Jon'n Jonn'z, the Martian Manhunter. In no way, shape, or form would he stoop to the level of commiting homogenize, even in a war situation. He would find another way!

And what's this "chess" crap with Batamn and Tuzik? I have never been able to grope the intimacies and strajectory of a complicated game such as chess. If I don't understand it, how is the concensual fan picking an issue up off the rack supposed to?

This is what happens when women are allowed to write super-hero secretial art. They need to stick to the soap opera junk like that Terry Moore chick. Why on earth DC would let a woman write super-hero genie comics when I am right here makes me angry. It's unfasionable that DiDio would do such a thing!

[werped]

Why do this?

Ray Tate is a bad reviewer, what he said was inappropriate. Now fans of a creator are harping on an issue that has no relevance for what is going on right now. Now we are starting a new cycle that helps no one and only hurts.

[Kyuubi]

Why do this?

Ray Tate is a bad reviewer, what he said was inappropriate. Now fans of a creator are harping on an issue that has no relevance for what is going on right now. Now we are starting a new cycle that helps no one and only hurts.



You haven't been here long, have you?

[Crowley]

Why do this?

Ray Tate is a bad reviewer, what he said was inappropriate. Now fans of a creator are harping on an issue that has no relevance for what is going on right now. Now we are starting a new cycle that helps no one and only hurts.
shut it hippy!

:p

[Thnikkaman]

Question: Does anyone know if Ray Tate and Ken Tucker are the same person? Because Tucker's review of the American Dad Season 1 DVD set was just the sort of thing I'd expect from Tate. He spends half the review ranting about another show, a quarter dissecting one joke while managing to completely and utterly miss its point, and the final quarter dissing the show with a quote from a South Park episode which he managed to miss the entire point of as well.

[Calamas]

More likely one is the hero/inspiration of the other.

Wouldn't be surprise to find copies of Tucker's "work" on Ray Tate's bedroom walls.

[Gail Simone]

Why do this?

Ray Tate is a bad reviewer, what he said was inappropriate. Now fans of a creator are harping on an issue that has no relevance for what is going on right now. Now we are starting a new cycle that helps no one and only hurts.


They're just being silly, Werped. It isn't even really about Ray anymore, it's just about trying to make each other laugh.

Gail

[Super Sonic]

They're just being silly, Werped. It isn't even really about Ray anymore, it's just about trying to make each other laugh.

Gail


...and it stops them laughing at me, so I play along. ._.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

JLA: Classified #20

by The Tate of Yucca Flats


"[Sigh] Here we are again, my friends. And I don't care if Beau Smith puts yet another dead bison in my mailbox, I just have to reach the public with this: Gail Simone's 'The Hypocritical Woman' has by now become and utter, shambling mess of a story. I mean, a TWO-PAGE spread?! Reaching a little, Mrs. Simone? Simone's usual class of synchelephants will no doubt clamor with their usual praise of this being a work that makes Alan Moore resemble a child pornographer by comparison, but shouldn't we hold both our creators & our field to a higher standard?

And returning to the aforementioned two-page spread; there's a small bit of dialogue where Wonder Woman tells the soldiers to "line up, please." But she never mentions for what. I mean, come on. We get all this development for General Natasha Fatale, but she can't even exapnd upon a simple bit for a character who's existed for 60-plus years? Gail, you need to remember being cryptic isn't the same as being creative; it's just cheating. Ditto for your apparent forced retconning of Batman as a "vampire who feeds upon the terror of the innocent." Let me spell it out for you: Batman is a guy who dresses up as a Bat. Got it? Good. I swear to God, Chuck Dixon is just spinning in his grave right now for that. You make me want to vomit up a big ICk-y load. Go away, just go away."

[TCJohnson]

Wouldn't be surprise to find copies of Tucker's "work" on Ray Tate's bedroom walls.

...What would you be doing in Ray Tate's bedroom?

[Calamas]

“Wouldn’t be surprised.” Speculation not fact.

Thank God.

[TCJohnson]

“Wouldn’t be surprised.” Speculation not fact.

Thank God.


Yeah, sure. Speculation. We believe you. No, really. ;)

[Cam63]

Why do this?

Ray Tate is a bad reviewer, what he said was inappropriate. Now fans of a creator are harping on an issue that has no relevance for what is going on right now. Now we are starting a new cycle that helps no one and only hurts.

1. What Ray said was scummery at it's lowest. " Inappropriate " hardly covers it.

2. Ray is still a snotty little dick.

3. We're having fun amusing ourselves and it's been a lot of fun. Sure it's at his expense, but seeing he's a snotty little dick, we probably don't care until he mends his ways.

4. The aforementioned snotty little dick should apologise properly.

...Oh and Welcome, werped. Weally !

[PatrickG]

Enh... Somebody wants to be a public figure, they open themselves up to satire.

Until someone invents a patch for J-Bolt withdrawl, YABSers will look for a quick fix elsewhere and, right now, Ray Tate unintentionally volunteered himself.

[Cam63]

Next week, it'll be the dolphins' turn.

Damn squeaky, happy faced pretend fish thingies !

[heystacy]

JLA Classified #20 By HeyTate

OMG!!!!!!!! I hadn't even read this stupid book yet, but I know how it will end. Gail Simone and her Hypothetical Woman-make that "Hypocrytical Woman!" Doesn't invalidating a woman as imaginary woman place her in the "Women in Refrigerators" category? Shame on you Simone!!!! Shame, shame shame!!!! You don't know DC at all!!!

Why does Wonder Woman bake cookies (they aren't even chocolate chip)? You set the women in comics back to pre-pre-Crisis!!!!! Why is Starro there? He isn't the star of the story!!!!! Everybody knows Martian Manhunter lost his telepathy years ago to Professor X in Marvel vs. DC!!!! Gail Simone is Dumb!!!! Her fans are dumber!!!!! DC is dumbest of all for letting her ruin their properties!!!!!!!!!!!! I can write a far better story that could save the universe!!!!!!! (Please DC-give a guy a chance! I'm tired of bashing Simone for attention. I need some comic book pro-love.)

Simone I got some advice for you. Stick to what you know. Villians United and BoP. Leave Justice Leage to those who care for the characters. You didn't even put Black Canary on the roster. That's a crime in itself!!!!

[Gail Simone]

QUIT MAKING ME LAFF!

Gail

[Cam63]

Didn't you order us to make you laugh in another thread ?

Don't confuse the troops, SIR !

[Tommy]

Well I have not read JLA:C yet so I feel just like dear Ray.

Gail Simone is clearly the worst writer ever. Gail couldn't write a quality script if she was handed a script by another writer and was told to retype it. She sucks.

JLA: Classified starts off with Batman and Superman talking about stuff. They are wildly out of character since everyone knows they don't talk to each other in any language other than pig Latin. Obviously Gail does not know her comics, because she sucks.

Well Wonder Woman wonders in. Wonder Woman then proceeds to kill the villain. Obviously Gail is performing a reverse cowgirl on Infinite Crisis. Both IC and Gail suck.

Then Martian Manhunter goes out for some Kentucky Fried Chicken. J'onn goes because he "feels rumblings in his stomach." Clearly Gail fails to realize that Martian Manhunter has the world's greatest chef on his Rolodex. Gail sucks.

Well everyone goes out to KFC. And this whole plot requires some smart servers and some dumb superheroes. The JLA took FIVE minutes to read the menu board and order their food! This is the JLA! Are you seriously telling me the cream of the crop will take five whole minutes picking out whether they want extra crispy chicken or not? My god Gail sucks. I wanted to hit someone when I read this plot.

Well there is a problem! The KFC's in the DCU don't serve extra crispy chicken. The Chicken Crispyer technology went up in a puff of smoke when the Legion of Superheroes was rebooted. Gail Simone clearly sucks. Oh and if someone mentions Superboy mucking up the time stream I will hunt them down and skin them alive in front of their children. If they have no children I will do it in front of their closest blood relation.

Even if I were to except that the KFC's magically invented this crispy technology, then how could they be so fast at it? One minute Wonder Woman is ordering extra coleslaw and the next her chicken has arrived. Clearly if they already had enough chicken on hand to feed the JLA the League would have seen it. Plus the employees of that KFC appear to be Japanese. Is KFC supposed to be in Kentucky or Jappanesseland? Only Gail knows and she isn't telling anyone since she sucks.

Now Gail mucks up chickens. According to Gail chickens are born in "eggs" and then "hatch". Man I miss the days where chickens just gave birth to live young. This new method is just biologically ridiculous. But Gail likes it since she sucks.

This issue sucks, and Gail sucks. And I won't buy any more of her product. Because she sucks.

[heystacy]

QUIT MAKING ME LAFF!

Gail


You'll have to shoot me to keep me silent. ;)

[Cam63]

Hey... Don't go all Yogo on us, you !

[heystacy]

It was so tempting. I could not resist. Besides channeling Tate made me channel Yogo. Next will be Lester, and so fourth.

I admit, my Tate piece made me laugh.

[Cam63]

That was pretty good.

[Cam63]

Umm... Do you really need shooting ?

[heystacy]

No. I was going with the flow.

[titanfan]

OMG you guys are hilarious! I have never laughed so hard in a CBR thread ever!