My gangster comic project

[TroyCarlson]

this is the start of a gangster story I'm making up as I go along. (can't seem to actually sit down and write anything beginning to end, so I'm going to just draw this thing and see where it takes me!)

These are still just details, not full pages. I'm only just getting started, but would love some critique / comments before I get too far into things!

http://www.popmatic.com/images/comic_images/gangster/page3.jpg

http://www.popmatic.com/images/comic_images/gangster/page4.jpg

http://www.popmatic.com/images/comic_images/gangster/page5.jpg

[BoosterBronze]

I would be better if I could read the words. :) If you don't ink, you might want to photoshop the pics and make them darker.

Also, your first page would POP more if he was falling either AT the reader, or away from the the reader. Going right to left seems fairly undynamic.

You're third page is the strongest, althought the kneeling guys hand is a little unclear... but that may just be because the penciling is so light.

Keep it up. I look forward to more.

[TroyCarlson]

I would be better if I could read the words. :) If you don't ink, you might want to photoshop the pics and make them darker.

Also, your first page would POP more if he was falling either AT the reader, or away from the the reader. Going right to left seems fairly undynamic.

You're third page is the strongest, althought the kneeling guys hand is a little unclear... but that may just be because the penciling is so light.

Keep it up. I look forward to more.

Sweet, man, thanks for the critique!

Good point about the words. I haven't gotten to the inking stage yet (and yeah, I'm going to try and do it myself. I've had mixed success with it, but love the challenge) Anyway, so everyone can read what is being said:

page one: BANG!

page two:
- Aaigh!
- You - You SHOT me!
B - Bastards!
God
SHOT me...

- Dude, if I were you...

page three:
- I would shut my yap n' let me catch my breath...
... cause we're just getting started...

And damn it if you aren't right...it's kind of undramatic the way he is shot. I'm hoping that in the context of the story, it may make a little more sense and work better, but if not, I may go back in and change it. (After having finished these three pages, I realized it needed something to lead into it. Pages 1 and 2 are coming this week...that's what's great about making it up as you go! Heh...)

Really, appreciate the crit.

[Chocolove]

Booster basically said everything that I would say (save that I don't think there's a problem with the first panel in conjunction with the later pages), so just wanted to show that someone else was looking.

[howyadoin]

There's a lot I can't quite make out, but the first panel is great. Lookin' forward to seein' more of this.

[spazzy mcghee]

Yes, everything has been said. But the art is good. Booster said it perfectly, change the angles to make it more dynamic. I like it!!! Keep it going.