Mitch Hedberg Memorial Thread

[a. non]

It's been a year since we lost one of comedy's greatest, Mitch Hedberg, one of a few who makes my sides split. this thread is to remember him.

"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. "Dammit, Otto, you are an alcoholic." "Dammit, Otto, you have Lupus." One of those two doesn't sound right.

[Dennis K]

While he was funny, and I'm certainly not saying I'm happy he's dead, isn't it a bit of a stretch to call him one of "comedy's greatest"?

[Huh?]

I have one of my favorites in my signature, but here are a couple:

"I saw a human pyramid once... It was totally unnecessary."

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."

[Matt Algren]

I have one of my favorites in my signature, but here are a couple:Me too. Here are a few more. (I will say, these work a lot better if you are familiar with his delivery.)

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

I opened up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

I use the word “totally” too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. “Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches?” All-encompassingly...

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

I wrote a script for a guy, and he said he liked it but he thought that I need to rewrite it. I said, Screw that, I'll just make a copy.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty.

[pennywisdom]

My girlfriend and I were looking through one of her photo albums. She said "Here's a picture of me from when I was younger." I said, "EVERY picture of you is from when you were younger."


RIP Mitch Hedberg. I put him in the same class as Emo Philips, Steven Wright, Rodney Dangerfield, and all the other classic one-liner comedians. ABSOLUTELY one of the greats.

I forget where I read it, but I spotted this great quote regarding Mitch. It was made by a music/culture critic at some magazine or other...

"The best stand-up comedian of my generation died at age 37. Jimmy Fallon will probably live to be 150."

[borateen]

"The best stand-up comedian of my generation died at age 37. Jimmy Fallon will probably live to be 150."

I like Dennis Leary's version better:

And I'll tell you something else right now. I have the solution to the drug problem in this country. Nobody wants to hear it, but I have it. Not less drugs, more drugs. Get more drugs, and give 'em the right fucking people. Mmm mm, cuz every time you hear about some famous guy overdosing on drugs, it's always some really talented guy. It's always like Len Bias, or Janis Joplin, or Jimi Hendrix, or John Belushi. You know what I mean!? The people you wanna have overdose on drugs never would! Like Motley Crue would never fucking overdose man, never! You could put them in a room with two tons of crack. They come out a half an hour later, "Rock on man!" "Shit, they're still alive. Fuck! They're probly gonna make another double-live album now, God dammit!"

We live in a country, where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest, Yoko Ono was standing right next to him and not one fucking bullet! Explain that to me! Explain that to me, God! Explain it to me, God! I want it! God! Jesus! Now we've got twenty-five more years. Yeah, I'm real fucking happy now, God. I'm wearing a huge happy hat, Jesus Christ! I mean Stevie Ray Vaughan is dead, and we can't get Jon Bon Jovi in a helicopter. Come on, folks. "Get on that helicopter John. Shut the fuck up and get on that helicopter! There's a hair dresser in there. Yeah, go ahead in there, yeah yeah."