Need some advice / criticism

[spazzy mcghee]

I posted this story I wrote a few days ago. All I have to go for criticism is my Good friends, and my wife. Neither of which I totally count on as being unbaised or brutally honest. If you have a spare moment, take a look and let me know what you think. I'm really looking for the negatives and how to improve on them. But posetive stuff is always welcome. =)

thanks,

http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=2143595

[Lonewalker]

Well, spazzy, I read it and was absolutely entertained by the piece. No grievances from my part, though I would suggest to refrain from using too many commas. Although it was required in some parts, there were other instances were it felt unnecessary or simply made the reading a bit cloggy.

You truly used great narrative, mostly in the descriptive area, and the dialogue was really inviting and evocative. And like I said, I enjoyed it thoroughly.

Keep it up!

[spazzy mcghee]

Wow, thanks. I'm fairly new to writing, or at least to writing for something other than term papers and police reports. And I realize that my punctuation is certainly flawed. Thanks so much for the input. I'll read it over again and cut out some of those nasty little things.

Thanks again!!! =)

[Lonewalker]

Anytime. :)

It was an enjoyable read, so it was a feast. You truly have talent if you're new to writing, other than reports, essays and the like.

[spazzy mcghee]

I'm trying. I don't know if I would say talented. I posted it to get feedback and critisism. It's har dto fix what you don't know is broken! =) Thanks again for taking the time. If I can ever return the favor, let me know!