Gail Simone FACTS!

[David Bedlam]

Gail Simone's hair is not of this earth. It is in fact an alien weapon sent to destroy this planet! However Gail was able to stop it exploding though using her mighty brain to will it not to explode. She keeps it on her head so that her mental waves don't have to travel too far.

Gail Simone can touch this.

Gail Simone is not compleaty retired from the hair care buisness. She still has one patron: Chuck Norris. Gail is the only living being who is capable of cutting Chuck's mighty hair. Anyone else attempting to do so is driven insane by his hair's invunability. Also, Gail can block Chuck's roundhouse kick. One handed!

[Arilou]

It is, in fact true, that Gail did not create the universe.

She subcontracted it out to Chuck Norris because she felt it was beneath her dignity.

[Boldido]

As long as Gail is on the planet, Jesus will not come back because she makes him feel inferior.

[David Bedlam]

One day there was a dim little girl. Her name was Chiyo-chan. Chiyo-chan hated her hair, which was short and scruffy. So she made a wish to the good fairy to make her hair nice. But as she was dim, who she thought was the good fairy was actually a passed out drunk. However, passing by was Gail Simone-san, who took pity upon the dim little girl, and summoned all the power of her mighty red hair and plucked from her head a single red strand, which he planted onto Chiyo-chan's scalp. Instantly Chiyo-chan's hair was long, silky and vibrant. Also, such was the power of that one stand, that the dim girl was instantly transformed into a genius! Also, she could now fly for some reason. Go figure. Her gorgous hair, transfer to high school, and resulting popularity, leading to eventually becoming President was all thanks to Gail Simone and her gift of hair!

[Cam63]

Gail invented the mullet. David Bowie, a long time customer, took the credit for it.

[Sabrinaset]

Whenever Gail takes a day off, bad things tend to occur.

For instance, All-Star Batman and Robin? Gail was at Disneyland that day. If she had been at work, this would never have happened.

[Michael P]

Contrary to Internet rumor, Gail Simone is not possessed by the Phoenix Force. The Phoenix Force is possessed by Gail Simone.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

The original meaning of YABS was "Yancy's Against Brick-A-Brack, Suzy."

[Cam63]

I thought it was Y'all A Buncha Sissies.

[sk716]

The original meaning of YABS was "Yancy's Against Brick-A-Brack, Suzy."

Are you sure, because I was told it was:

"You'll All Be Slaves To My Will"

But the "TMW" didn't work out as Yabstmw, is not an easily pronounced word in most latin based languages.

[Cam63]

SK has been smoking her ferrets again, I see.

[Larry Dixon]

Gail Simone possesses the strength of ten pro wrestlers, and can wither legumes with a glance.

Gail Simone can divide by zero, and transform leptons to marshmallowy sticky bosons. At will.

Gail Simone invented the zero-maintenence lifetime hair perm, but is witholding it until she needs Rome to recognize it as a miracle for beatification.

Gail Simone knows all of Kurt Buseik and Mark Waid's secret passcodes to The Infinity Typewriter, and thus can ghost-write them flawlessly. And has. They wanted vacation time in Cozumel.

Gail Simone has every Heroclix. Every one. Even the prototypes. And the dies they were cast from. And the production drawings. And several of the designers, in cryogenic capsules.

Gail Simone has many, many robot-bent I beams. From the Future.

Gail Simone rolls a d30 to hit.

Gail Simone has in her contract that all comics she writes are 1/4" bigger in all dimensions than other comics. Because, quote, "her stories are just that damn awesome."

Gail Simone knows that any day, any place, any time, Statesman is her bitch.

[Cam63]

I can't beat that.

[mistervader]

Gail Simone actually gave Chuck Norris the gift of the beard. Chuck, being the dick that he was, never gave it back.

Gail has beaten Firelord. And Wolverine. In the 90's.

Galactus is Gail's least powerful herald. When Galactus failed to follow her instructions ONCE, Gail stopped giving Galactus his weekly rations. That explains the planet-hunting.

The Presence left the DC Universe because Gail can do a better job than Him.

Whenever Son Goku dies, it's not the Dragonballs that bring him back to life. Gail RETCONS him back to life.

Vertical Horizon's songs are all actually dedicated to Gail.

Gail was slated to main event Wrestlemania, but Vince McMahon was scared of how high his taxes would get from the pay-per-view buys by such a spectacle.

Gail taught Mr. Miyagi Karate.

Before Gail, Popeye hated spinach.

Mr. T never "pitied da foo" until he saw Gail pwn J-Bolt and Ray Tate.

[Night Swordsman]

Gail has more hair than Warren Ellis,Peter David,Brian Micheal Bendis,and Grant Morrison combined,but not Alan Moore. But she would look better in a bikini than any of them.

[stealthwise]

All your base are belong to Gail

[Sabrinaset]

We only have orgasms because Gail allows us to.

[Gail Simone]

Some of these things aren't even true!


Gail

[Lester C.]

Some of these things aren't even true!


Gail

Key word some. I know for a fact that Gail frames the moon. That's how she rolls.

[Azrael52]

Gail had to remind me to pause here . . .




. . . to go pee.

[Lester C.]

Gail had to remind me to pause here . . .




. . . to go pee.

If you are at SK’s house aim for the ferrets.

[Azrael52]

Gail was the inspiration behind Skelator, Mr. Potatohead, and Kramer.

Gail built a Dalorian that could travel through time; it could go to any year, but only on January 9th.

Gail enjoys hunting fat kids.

Gail shops at my cousin's moonshine distillery.

Gail rubs the lotion on her skin or else she gets the hose again.

It was originally Gail Simone and The Shawshank Redemption.

Gail voted for Bob Dole!

Gail is the other "other white meat."

Gail likes it when you call her Big Papa.

Lester, Gail suggested they take Highlander off the air to make room for some great movies.

[Azrael52]

If you are at SK’s house aim for the ferrets.

I'm not, but still I can try. I'm fairly powerful.

[Azrael52]

Gail put Charlse in Charge of me.

Gail set up the A-Team with Col. Decker's help.

Gail has a summer house on Apocolypse.

Gail first started the "tramp stamp" tatoos.

[Lester C.]

Lester, Gail suggested they take Highlander off the air to make room for some great movies.

THIS MEANS WAR!!! :mad:

[Azrael52]

Origninally, it was Snap. Crackle. Gail. Rice Crispies.

In other cerial news, Gail was the first one to decline giving any Trix to that silly rabbit. Then, everyone just sorta jumped on the banwagon.

Gail eats Scooby-Doo-style sandwhiches for every meal and one for a snack.

[Don Munsil]

Gail Simone has constructed a simple proof of Fermat's Last Theorem, using only the contents of a box of Alpha-Bits and a glue gun.

Gail Simone is the real "sixth Beatle."

Gail Simone has discovered a way to keep mallomars in your front pocket without smooshing them.

Gail Simone likes Pina Coladas, but not walking in the rain.

But most astonishingly, Gail Simone can make you spend money on comics using only her brain.

It's all true.

Ish.

[sk716]

Gail Simone once mugged a Girl Scout, took all the cookies, and sold them to unsuspecting Kmart Shoppers. She then used the cash to buy Slurpees. And had the audacity to enjoy the Slurpee's in front of the Girl Scouts of America Headquarters.


Gail Simone was Chuck Norris' Sensei.


Leigons of Mole-Men swear allegiance to Gail Simone.


Gail Simone stole Kurt Busiek's car and drove it into the Grand Canyon, not once, but twice! :eek:

[f. chong rutherford]

Gail Simone will allow affordable sub-orbital space tourism for the first time in our history. Due to the unique technology developed by Burt Rutan, Gail Simone has overcome the difficult issues of re-entry into the earth's atmosphere.

Designs for Gail Simone are progressing on a weekly basis at Rutan's base in Mojave, California and by early 2005 the final design for Gail Simone should be signed-off.

What will follow will be a concerted Research and Development programme to earn Gail Simone the qualification to carry some of the world's first scheduled space tourists. Safety is paramount. Gail Simone is planned to have multiple levels of redundancy on key systems in order to achieve a very robust system in every phase of flight.

"We've always had a dream of developing a space-worthy Gail Simone, and Paul Allen's vision, combined with Burt Rutan's technological brilliance, have brought that dream a step closer to reality. The deal with Gail Simone is just the start of what we believe will be a new era in the history of mankind, one day making the affordable exploration of space by human beings a real possibility."
Richard Branson

[stealthwise]

Every Saturday Gail smells vaguely of pine. No one mentions this to her, nor do they question her long, long walks in the woods the previous night.

[Arilou]

Gail is, in fact, secretly behind every comic in the history of man. Her purpose for only taking credit for a few is unknown.

[ninjapeps]

Gail is the Unified Field Theory.

[David Bedlam]

Gail Simone can tug Superman's cape.

[Steel Spider]

Gail once blocked a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris AND Vin Diesel and beat them silly. After the fight, Gail took all of Vin Diesel's hair and stuck it onto Chuck's face, thus leaving Vin Diesel his trademark lack of hair and creating the Chuck Norris beard at the same time.

[Gaz]

Gail Simone can tug Superman's cape.
Of course she can. I can do that. It's Superman. Worst case scenario, he picks me up, puts me down in front of him and politely asks me to not do it anymore.

[David Bedlam]

Of course she can. I can do that. It's Superman. Worst case scenario, he picks me up, puts me down in front of him and politely asks me to not do it anymore.

Yes, but when he does that to Gail, she gives him a roundhouse kick to the face and tells him to stop the backtalk.

[EdContradictory]

Gail Simone once wore a gown to the Academy Awards made completely out of front-pocket wallets.

[David Bedlam]

Gail Simone also pulled the mask of the Lone Ranger.

She also tried spitting into the wind, but the wind instantly changed direction so that she wouldn't get splatered.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Gail's position on banning trolls isn't true; she actually secretly banned MWM during one black & stormy night six months ago and covered it up. They say the body's buried somewhere in Lousiana.

[Weetomuncher]

Gail's poop tastes better than Ben & Jerrys chocolate ice cream.

Gail can remember the first three hundred digits of pi.

Gail can make a mean lamb and pear pie.

Gail's urine tastes better than Australian lager.

Gail knows our answers before we know the question.

Gail refused to rewrite the Bible because the story was too far fetched.

Gail knows the words of EVERY national anthem because she wrote all of them, except for 'Advance Australia Fair' because it stinks.

Gail's hair is redder than the reddest thing you can think of.

[Azrael52]

Gail lets Weet have samples of her "poop" and urine for taste testing . . . apparently to his great joy.

[Weetomuncher]

Go ahead, Azrael, try some (holds up bowl with brown goo and glass full of yellowish liquid) you're bound to like it!

[Vendetta]

Gail's punch can retcon the real world. She once caused World War 2 by slamming the door too hard. In the original version, Hitler had remained an artist and eventually found steady work illustrating children's books.

[Cam63]

Only Simone knows the deeper, darker secret of those who carry their wallet in their front pocket.

[Weetomuncher]

wrongly posted!

[Krys Nyteshade]

When God calls in sick, Gail Simone docks his pay.

[Weetomuncher]

Gail created the Apple Mac but wasn't able to use it because of her allergies so she bought a PC instead.

Steve Jobs found it while prowling in Gail's yard.

[Cam63]

Gail didn't shave for a week so she could go to a costume ball as Bigfoot.

Some didn't notice much differance.

[Kyuubi]

There are no double posts



Gail does it on purpose to mess with us.

[Kyuubi]

There are no double posts



Gail does it on purpose to mess with us.

[David Bedlam]

Gail Simone causes threads to come back from limbo just be thinking about them for a nano-second.

Scientists have discovered the smallest ever measurement of time. The super-hyper-ultra-picto-second. It is the amount of time between someone meeting Gail and knowing that she is awsome incanate.

[Sharpandpointies]

Gail Simone is capable of frustrating entire internet communities with nothing more than a happy face.

[Noir_Dark]

Gail Simone has rhymed a word with ‘orange’

And that word was 'Gail Simone'.

[Larry Dixon]

Gail Simone will have going to travel back and forward in time. Just to piss off grammarians.

Gail Simone knows what Soylent Green is. It's Editors.

Doctor Doom's mask and armor have little tags inside which read, "Simone Industries."

Gail Simone has shot so many people, her favorite gun fell apart from having too many notches carved in it.

(someone's gotta send this thread to Wizard!)

[sk716]

Gail Simone will have going to travel back and forward in time. Just to piss off grammarians.

Gail Simone knows what Soylent Green is. It's Editors.

Doctor Doom's mask and armor have little tags inside which read, "Simone Industries."

Gail Simone has shot so many people, her favorite gun fell apart from having too many notches carved in it.

(someone's gotta send this thread to Wizard!)

This is actually the fifth incarnation of this type of Gail thread that I know of, two were lost in the pruning awhile back, but I found three.

http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showthread.php?t=80797

http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showthread.php?t=82867

http://forums.comicbookresources.com/showthread.php?t=49036




Does that mean we can reuse those old jokes in the threads that were lost?

[kid_mash]

Gail Simone Are A Genius!

[Shades0077]

Gail Simone writes Birds of Prey.

[Lester C.]

Gail Simone writes Birds of Prey.
Gail Simone is the only one that can take Cam’s beer from him and not die a gruesome horrible death.

[Gail Simone]

Gail cooked a meat loaf.

Of VIBRANIUM.

Gail

[matterconsumer]

Gail Simone makes Bill Jemas a writer :)

[Cam63]

Gail Simone is the only one that can take Cam’s beer from him and not die a gruesome horrible death.

I gave her a real stern look though.

[The Beast Of Yucca Flats]

Gail Simone drained the Pacific Ocean and blamed it on the dog.

[Azrael52]

Gail invented the Crop Circle.

Gail taught Gene Roddenberry to boldly go where no man had gone before.

Gail is the wind beneath my wings.

Gail spent six month trapped in a Genie's bottle after she fell for the oldest trick in the book.

Gail sometimes runs, runs as fast as she can, and once she caught the Gingerbread man.

Gail played professional ping pong, owned a shrimp boat, ate ice cream with Lt. Dan, and showed the president where she got shot in the buttocks. Oh, and she must've drank 15 Dr. Peppers.