Curse you, Simone!

[Don Munsil]

I just read the Newsarama interview about Secret Six. It sounds great. Do you know what my current comics bill is? I can't add another book. I loved Villains United, and I figured I could add Birds of Prey at the OYL changeover, but two more...I just don't know.

Dammit, woman, can't you do just one phoned-in piece of hackwork? Some kind of convoluted, fanboy love-letter crapfest that we can safely ignore?

I know, you're one of those old-school people with the "pride in her work," and the "love of the craft," and the "desire not to be cancelled." But if you can't do it for yourself, do it for the fans. Our pocketbooks are hurting here.

Next thing you'll be on Newsarama or one of those other sites plugging Gen13 and making it sound all clever and twisty, maybe even sexy. It's fiendish, that's what it is.

Has anyone else here been harmed by the inconsiderate Gail Simone? Have you perhaps laughed so hard reading one of her books that you sprayed half-chewed food all over your fresh clothes? That's the kind of thing that we shouldn't just sweep under the rug. She has to be told what kind of damage her "quality writing" and "clever plotting" is wreaking on her readers.

I know I'll be slammed by people for saying this. Perhaps some will defend her right to write excellent comic books. But I know what's right, and I won't be silenced!

Think of the children!

Don

[Lubichev]

Steal it online. It's all the rage now.

[Azrael52]

I just set outside my fellow fan's houses and read their books through high powered binocs...

...Hell, yes, I can afford high powered spy gear, but can't afford my monthly comic fix, so what?

[Don Munsil]

But the pocketbook issue is really only the tip of the iceberg. And realistically, I can afford the new comics if I just rob a few extra liquor stores.

But what if a nuclear power-plant operator were reading a Gail Simone comic on duty? Ordinary comics wouldn't be nearly engrossing enough to distract him or her from the loud klaxon warning of imminent core meltdown.

I'm just saying something simple and obvious: this level of excellence in writing could cause the end of life as we know it. Perhaps in parallel universes as well.

Think of the children!

Don

[Azrael52]

You do have a point...what if a judge was reading an issue of Boids and totally misjudged a case? The wrong man could go away for a very, very long time.

[Don Munsil]

Yes, of course you're right.

And it gets even worse! From careful perusal of these "intranet blobs", I've discovered that a self-styled comic writer who goes by the "handle" of "Brian Bendis" has threatened to crack the intranet in half.

If there's one thing I've learned in my 62 years of smurfing the intranet, it's that anything anyone says should be taken as literally as possible, no matter what the context.

Clearly if this "Bendis" person (or whatever his real name is) can "crack the intranet in half," what could a writer of Gail Simone's skill accomplish, perhaps without even trying?

Wake up, people! I'm not in any way given to hyperbole or exaggeration, so I know people will take me seriously when I say that Gail Simone may well be the largest threat to America today. Or its greatest asset. I may need to carry the two.

Imagine what could happen if Soviet Communism were to subvert Gail Simone for their nefarious ends? I know there will be some pollyannas like the ones in my weekly group who will poo-poo my warnings.

"The Soviet Union doesn't exist any more, Don."

"Communism fell apart years ago, Don."

"We normally wear pants to group meeting, Don."

Well, I'll keep pointing out the Truth where-ever I see it.

And the children - just thinking of them makes me weep. Not weep weep exactly. My eyes are watering. I may need a Benadryl.

What were we talking about?

Don

[Gail Simone]

I could change BEANS into PEAS!

Gail

[Cam63]

You call that a miracle ?

[Don Munsil]

I could change BEANS into PEAS!

There! You see?

Today: Transmutation of legumes.

Tomorrow: Overthrow of western civilization.

The people must be warned. It starts by getting us hooked on her fine writing, but it all ends in tears. Or with some kind of Canary/Cheshire catfight. It's all blurring together for me. Where's that Benadryl?!

And the children? What will happen to them?

Don

[Cam63]

The children will be fine.

They all become feral steel boomerang throwing mutants.

[Larry Dixon]

I could change BEANS into PEAS!

Gail
Imagine! Peas In Our Time!

(and Don--yay! Funny stuff :)

[Cam63]

Good pun...

BANG !

[Lester C.]

Hey Cam quick turnaround and look the other way someone offering free beer.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG . That was for you Larry. I emptied the whole clip.

[Don Munsil]

Tomorrow: Overthrow of western civilization.

I know I'm quoting myself, but in times like these the rulebook sometimes needs to be thrown away. I do it for the children.

It struck me last night that a Gail Simone-run Western Civilization would clearly be preferable to what we have now. So I withdraw my concerns. Gail, continue with your plans for world domination. Let us know if we can help.

What would a Gail Simone dictatorship be like? Any thoughts? Would late-night eggs be required or merely encouraged?

Don

[Cam63]

Hey Cam quick turnaround and look the other way someone offering free beer.

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG . That was for you Larry. I emptied the whole clip.

I can't believe you missed.