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View Full Version : Random facts about Jack Bauer

Jared
02-16-2006, 10:14 AM
http://roflbox.blogspot.com/2006/02/jack-bauer.html



Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a f*cking terrorist.
Dennis K
02-16-2006, 10:18 AM
Some of those were actually pretty funny
Chiasm
02-16-2006, 10:28 AM
That is hilarious.
Deathstroke
10-27-2006, 05:25 PM
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.
borateen
10-27-2006, 10:00 PM
When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

Are we doing this now? Okay..."Scientology was based off a Mad Lib that Jack Bauer filled out when he was drunk."
Deathstroke
11-09-2006, 03:57 PM
Are we doing this now? Okay..."Scientology was based off a Mad Lib that Jack Bauer filled out when he was drunk."

Jack Bauer wasn't addicted to heroin, heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
borateen
11-10-2006, 07:58 AM
Jack Bauer wasn't addicted to heroin, heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Similar to yours:

Jack Bauer gives cigarettes cancer.
Deathstroke
11-10-2006, 08:32 AM
Similar to yours:

Jack Bauer gives cigarettes cancer.


The 2007 budget for the US military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.
borateen
11-10-2006, 11:56 AM
The 2007 budget for the US military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.

When God said, "Let there be light," it was so Jack Bauer could see who he was going to shoot.
Deathstroke
11-10-2006, 07:51 PM
When God said, "Let there be light," it was so Jack Bauer could see who he was going to shoot.

Jack Bauer once shot himself 10 times just to prove 50 Cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle an alligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.
borateen
11-13-2006, 12:41 PM
Jack Bauer once shot himself 10 times just to prove 50 Cent is a bitch. He proceeded to wrestle an alligator while talking to Chloe about schematics.

Jack Bauer used to beat the hell out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
DrewTheXenocide
11-13-2006, 12:50 PM
Jack Bauer used to beat the hell out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

Best. One. Ever.
borateen
11-13-2006, 01:59 PM
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

Best. One. Ever.

Giraffes were created when Jack Bauer uppercut a horse.
Deathstroke
11-13-2006, 07:15 PM
Giraffes were created when Jack Bauer uppercut a horse.

Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons, life asks him which fruit he wants.
DrewTheXenocide
11-13-2006, 08:04 PM
Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons, life asks him which fruit he wants.
Jack Bauer once opened a can of Whoop Ass and found a mirror.
Deathstroke
11-13-2006, 09:11 PM
Jack Bauer once opened a can of Whoop Ass and found a mirror.

When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught three bullets in the chest and used them to reload.
Adam West
11-13-2006, 09:46 PM
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.
Deathstroke
11-14-2006, 05:17 AM
Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
Fish Sauce
11-14-2006, 05:44 AM
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.
KenK
11-14-2006, 06:53 AM
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.

Now THAT'S a good one!:D
borateen
11-14-2006, 07:37 AM
Jack Bauer once lost his TV remote, but managed to regain control by calmly telling the television what to do.
ookami
11-14-2006, 06:20 PM
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris.Why?. because Chuck Norris is a pussy.
Adam West
11-14-2006, 09:18 PM
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris.Why?. because Chuck Norris is a pussy.

Chuck Norris once sent Jack Bauer a Total Gym. Jack promptly returned it with the bullet-ridden corpse of a terrorist, as well as a note that had been stapled to the man's chest. It read, "This is what I do to workout."
Vaders shoeshine boy
11-14-2006, 09:19 PM
In "Die Hard III",the villains specifically asked for John McLane to carry a sign. Jack would've worn a tatoo instead...
Deathstroke
11-14-2006, 10:16 PM
If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
Murrocko
11-14-2006, 11:31 PM
Jack Bauer named his cat Chuck Norris.Why?. because Chuck Norris is a pussy.
That was funny, but Mister Norris would not apperciate it at all :p
borateen
11-15-2006, 10:23 AM
If Jack Bauer told me "I won't let anything happen to you" and then said jump of this bridge, I would do so with no fear in my mind.
Dennis K
11-15-2006, 10:25 AM
Jack wets himself at the thought of facing The Shatner in hand to hand combat.
malephoenix
11-15-2006, 10:51 AM
Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
malephoenix
11-15-2006, 10:56 AM
No one stays dead in the Marvel U because Jack Bauer isn't a Marvel U character.
borateen
11-15-2006, 12:36 PM
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Deathstroke
11-15-2006, 02:21 PM
No one stays dead in the Marvel U because Jack Bauer isn't a Marvel U character.

Okay, now that was a great one.
Jared
11-15-2006, 03:30 PM
Jack Bauer doesn't read books. He tortures them until they give him the information he requires.
Adam West
11-15-2006, 06:46 PM
courtesy of a friend:

When Jack went into a guess store, he shoots all the store attendants on the kneecaps while shouting "SAY IT!!" because he wont spend his time guessing
malephoenix
11-21-2006, 09:31 AM
Magneto threatened all humanity, claiming homo superior was the next step in human evolution. Jack Bauer kicked him in the crotch - no one's superior to Jack Bauer.
malephoenix
11-21-2006, 09:34 AM
These are a lot more fun when they're specific to comics.