I want kids, she doesn't (I think)

[jpk]

I'm in a weird spot and looking for some advice. I'm 35 and I've been ready to have kids since I was 27. My wife is 34 and finishing up grad school, so she wants to wait at least four years, which I can sort of understand. But we've been talking about this for 8 years now and she always has a reason why we should wait. She says she wants to have kids with me, but I don't know if I believe that any more.

I'm worried I'll be 40 before I know it and she'll still be putting me off. She knows how important it is to me but it's starting to look hopeless. Anyone been in this position? If so, what did you do?

[K'Nort]

Frankly, I think it sounds like the sort of issue that needs to be discussed with a trained professional. Marriage counselor type. That's a very major, very sensitive issue, so that's the only thing I really feel qualified to say about it.

Good luck, though.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

I echo K'Nort's advice. This topic is too sensitive and too personal for me to give you any advice that I think would have any merit at all. I can only say that I was the one in my marriage who needed some convincing to go forward with having a family, and I'm quite glad that my wife (who continues to be both the looks and brains of the relationship) convinced me to take the plunge. Best thing I ever did.

[Jeff Brady]

I'm quite glad that my wife convinced me to take the plunge. Best thing I ever did.

Just so Howy sees it for the next digest...

[taintedlunch]

"I want kids, she doesn't (I think)". The topic alone tells me that you're not communicating. Try talking to her about it, and if you find that you can't without arguing or holding back, talk with a marriage councellor. A councellor can't solve your problems, but he or she can teach you how to talk to each other so you can solve them on your own.

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

Just so Howy sees it for the next digest...

But I...

I mean, that's not what I ...

Aw, crap.

[Amokitty]

JPK, I've been where you're at right now.

I always wanted children, but my husband (after telling me during our engagement that he wanted kids) was getting cold feet, and after 4 yrs. of waiting (6 yrs. together total), I realized that the situation was never going to change. As deeply as I loved my husband, I knew our marriage was in trouble.

My husband has ALWAYS been wonderful to both me and my family; there's never been any question of us not loving each other, but we couldn't agree. So we went to marriage counseling. We found a psychiatrist that had 20 yrs. experience specializing in marital therapy.

It saved our marriage, plain and simple. We worked really hard at it, and in the end, my husband decided he was ready and willing to have kids. Our marriage is on firm foundation, and life is good.

We are now actively trying to start a family. ;) :)

However, you must take a good hard look at what is the most important to you - your spouse or a potential baby. You're going to have to consider your future and realize in the end, maybe you can't have them both. You may have to make a choice. For me, it was my husband first and foremost because I love him just that much, and couldn't imagine life without him. He, on the other hand felt the same way, and through counseling we worked it out.

Try marriage counseling, and commit to it. One way or another, ultimately, you'll find the happiness that you want, and hopefully find a solution you can be at peace with.

Good luck to you and your wife.

[Noir_Dark]

If the biological clock runs out- there’s always adoption.

[kmeyers]

If the biological clock runs out- there’s always adoption.
I'm looking into cloning myself.

[Noir_Dark]

I'm looking into cloning myself.
I’ve been babying an empty can of Pringles.
It’s a lot cheaper and smell like ketchup.

[Spike-X]

My wife is 34 and finishing up grad school, so she wants to wait at least four years...

By which time she'll be lucky if she can get pregnant at all, and will probably be stamping her feet demanding subsidised fertility treatment.

[howyadoin]

I'm in a weird spot and looking for some advice. I'm 35 and I've been ready to have kids since I was 27. My wife is 34 and finishing up grad school, so she wants to wait at least four years, which I can sort of understand. But we've been talking about this for 8 years now and she always has a reason why we should wait. She says she wants to have kids with me, but I don't know if I believe that any more.

I'm worried I'll be 40 before I know it and she'll still be putting me off. She knows how important it is to me but it's starting to look hopeless. Anyone been in this position? If so, what did you do?Just outta curiosity, how's your financial situation? That could be a factor in her position.

[Gary_B]

I echo the suggestion that you should seek advice from a councillor. My cousin married a woman who was clear that she didn't want kids and he thought she would change her mind eventually. She never did and they're not together anymore. Talk and talk some more until you reach a consensus.

[Spike-X]

My cousin married a woman who was clear that she didn't want kids and he thought she would change her mind eventually.

That was somewhat foolish.

[Gary_B]

yup..........

[jpk]

Thanks everyone for taking time to answer, espeially Amokitty. A counselor is definitely the next step. I've discussed this at length with close friends and a family member, and my wife and I have had long and mostly civil talks about this, but I thought some fresh points of view would be helpful, and they were.

I know she's understandably nervous about carrying around a living being in her body for 8-9 months. But there are deeper issues there that are best left to a trained professional.


Just outta curiosity, how's your financial situation? That could be a factor in her position.

We're not wealthy, but if we had to live on just my salary for a couple years it wouldn't be super hard.

[Sentry]

i think prehaps you should give her my number, i hate kids and never want any. I could set you up with a gal who wants kids, part exchage sorta deal.

[Typo Lad]

Communication is important, and with stuff like this it pays to ahve a third party there. Therapy rocks.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

I echo everyones thoughts...see a Marriage counsler . Go to one and talk and voice your reasons for kids. Maybe she'll realize her fears and all. Good luck with it man.


Or you could as the soap opera Passions showed , knock her up using a turkey baster. ( That will always make me laugh. :D )

[west3man]

I'm in a weird spot and looking for some advice. I'm 35 and I've been ready to have kids since I was 27. My wife is 34 and finishing up grad school, so she wants to wait at least four years, which I can sort of understand. But we've been talking about this for 8 years now and she always has a reason why we should wait. She says she wants to have kids with me, but I don't know if I believe that any more.

I'm worried I'll be 40 before I know it and she'll still be putting me off. She knows how important it is to me but it's starting to look hopeless. Anyone been in this position? If so, what did you do?
When you talked about it, eight years, ago, when did she says she expected to be ready for kids?

[tricksterpup]

Just outta curiosity, how's your financial situation? That could be a factor in her position.
this is the right question to ask..
She may be still alittle afraid of the money issue. Kid's are the biggest Money pit there is. They are lovable, until their teens, but cause a big strain on the wallet. Now that my girl and her teenage son moved in, I havent been able to afford the comics and other side items I used to enjoy. She still wants to have kids, i am iffy at best right now.

[Shellhead]

By which time she'll be lucky if she can get pregnant at all, and will probably be stamping her feet demanding subsidised fertility treatment.

The older the parents are, the greater the risk of birth defects. My uncle and his wife had their fifth kid when they were 50 (!), and their little boy was born with Down's Syndrome, which apparently is much more common when the parents are older. Even 38 is getting into some greater risks with the birth defects. I think it's great that modern women have so many more options with respect to career, education and lifestyle, but the human body has not evolved quickly enough to support some of those choices.

[Michael P]

If the biological clock runs out- there’s always adoption.
Echoed. My parents weren't too much older than you when they adopted me.

[Xetal]

If you decide to wait, do have a fertility check-up with the doctor. Both of you. We waited - then waited five more years while they corrected both our fertility problems. I was 38 and my wife 33 before our son was born.

[Paradox]

Not to highjack the thread, but why has every woman I've been with interpretted me saying I'm ambivilant about children as "he doesn't want to have kids"? My ex-wife and two other girlfriends have tried to throw that in my face and I have had to correct them, so apparantly they think not ACTIVELY wanting children means "doesn't want to".

I often wonder if people even speak English any more.

[Jeff Brady]

I often wonder if people even speak English any more.

Sheeit, fo' shizzle.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

I often wonder if people even speak English any more.


Thou speaketh thee truth.

[StoneGold]

I can solve this with two images.

http://english.pravda.ru/img/2004/02/condom.jpg http://www.allproducts.com/twfastener/topoint/05-nail.jpg


Problem solved.

[Trystenn]

I can solve this with two images.

http://english.pravda.ru/img/2004/02/condom.jpg http://www.allproducts.com/twfastener/topoint/05-nail.jpg


Problem solved.
Duuuuuuude that suxxors!

[jpk]

Major update. My wife and I turned a corner in December 2006. Long story short (and there are a lot of details I''m leaving out) she decided she was OK with us having kids.

In November 2007 this little guy was born. Justin Cole Klinger is now 9 weeks old, and full of piss and vinegar (just like his mom):

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/jedijpk/jan1-1.jpg

Again, thanks to everyone who chimed in with advice.

Of course, I didn't think about how much this kid would eat into my comics budget...

[StoneGold]

That's funny. I didn't realize this was a revived thread, and I was thinking I should post a picture of a condom and a picture of a needle. Little did I know, I already had. What does that say about me?

[jpk]

That's funny. I didn't realize this was a revived thread, and I was thinking I should post a picture of a condom and a picture of a needle. Little did I know, I already had. What does that say about me?

If it makes you feel any better, that picture made me laugh my ass off.

Then I actually considered your plan.

[Ben Morgan]

Just so Howy sees it for the next digest...

Was it ever put in the digest?

[howyadoin]

Major update. My wife and I turned a corner in December 2006. Long story short (and there are a lot of details I''m leaving out) she decided she was OK with us having kids.

In November 2007 this little guy was born. Justin Cole Klinger is now 9 weeks old, and full of piss and vinegar (just like his mom):

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/jedijpk/jan1-1.jpg

Again, thanks to everyone who chimed in with advice.

Of course, I didn't think about how much this kid would eat into my comics budget...Congratulations, man.

[Ben Morgan]

Major update. My wife and I turned a corner in December 2006. Long story short (and there are a lot of details I''m leaving out) she decided she was OK with us having kids.

In November 2007 this little guy was born. Justin Cole Klinger is now 9 weeks old, and full of piss and vinegar (just like his mom):

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/jedijpk/jan1-1.jpg

Again, thanks to everyone who chimed in with advice.

Of course, I didn't think about how much this kid would eat into my comics budget...
Congrats dude!

[jpk]

Thanks - I consider him to be a comic-book geek in training. His grandmother just bought him spider-man slippers, so my evil plan obviously is working.

[StoneGold]

If it makes you feel any better, that picture made me laugh my ass off.

Then I actually considered your plan.

Ironically, that's mostly a chick ploy that most guys try to avoid.

[jpk]

Ironically, that's mostly a chick ploy that most guys try to avoid.

Quoted for truth. I guess I know who's wearing the pants in my family.

[i_mmmchocolate]

Aww, he's a cutie.

Congrats!

[Ben Morgan]

I’ve been babying an empty can of Pringles.
It’s a lot cheaper and smell like ketchup.
How did that turn out for you?

[BYC]

Those eyes are creepy me out. That's gotta be a good thing for acting or something.

[jpk]

Those eyes are creepy me out. That's gotta be a good thing for acting or something.

Yeah. Sometimes he freaks me out, too. Little bastard sleeps about 6 minutes a day...

[StoneGold]

Those eyes are creepy me out. That's gotta be a good thing for acting or something.

He does have a bit of a Peter Lorre look to him. Well, that or Peter Lorre had a bit of a two month old look to him. I think it might be the latter.

http://bernardschopen.tripod.com/images/lorre2.jpg

[Jeff Brady]

Major update. My wife and I turned a corner in December 2006. Long story short (and there are a lot of details I''m leaving out) she decided she was OK with us having kids.

In November 2007 this little guy was born. Justin Cole Klinger is now 9 weeks old, and full of piss and vinegar (just like his mom):

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/jedijpk/jan1-1.jpg

Again, thanks to everyone who chimed in with advice.

Of course, I didn't think about how much this kid would eat into my comics budget...

Congratulations!


Was it ever put in the digest?

I don't think so.

[Ben Morgan]

I don't think so.
I'd imagine Puffensuff is disappointed

[Matt Algren]

Those eyes are creepy me out. That's gotta be a good thing for acting or something.
He'll grow into 'em.

Congratulations to both of you, jpk.

[Winslow]

Congratulations jpk.

It's nice to read about something like this getting resolved.

Being a geek dad is awesome. The kids think you're cool.

[Asa]

Major update. My wife and I turned a corner in December 2006. Long story short (and there are a lot of details I''m leaving out) she decided she was OK with us having kids.

In November 2007 this little guy was born. Justin Cole Klinger is now 9 weeks old, and full of piss and vinegar (just like his mom):

http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f29/jedijpk/jan1-1.jpg

Again, thanks to everyone who chimed in with advice.

Of course, I didn't think about how much this kid would eat into my comics budget...
Congratulations!!!!. He's a treasure! My Blessings to you, your wife, and Justin. Good wishes for happiness, good health, and good wealth.

[Michael P]

Well, you sure impregnated her good.

[Typo Lad]

Mazal Tov.

Say goodbye to sleep!

[jpk]

Well, you sure impregnated her good.

It was Valentine's Day of this year. Nice restaurant, bottle an a half of wine. Snowed in for two days after.

And that's how you do that.


Mazal Tov.

Say goodbye to sleep!

Ya. Sleep deprivation is like being drunk, but a lot less fun.

[Winslow]

It was Valentine's Day of this year. Nice restaurant, bottle an a half of wine. Snowed in for two days after.

And that's how you do that.

Heh . . yeah my first was a nice dinner celebrating my passing of the Professional Engineers exam.

[jpk]

Heh . . yeah my first was a nice dinner celebrating my passing of the Professional Engineers exam.

Proves my theory: Good food+liquor+sex=children.

So how many do you have now?

[Winslow]

Proves my theory: Good food+liquor+sex=children.

So how many do you have now?

Two, 15 year old daughter and 12 year old son.

Here's a pic of them in their younger days:

http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c103/WinslowSolomon/kids13-1.jpg

[howyadoin]

Proves my theory: Good food+liquor+sex=children.Note to self: eat crappy food.

[Matt Algren]

Note to self: eat crappy food.
I'm 0 for 3!

[Ronald Bryan]

Proves my theory: Good food+liquor+sex=children.

So how many do you have now?
Does sex with oneself count? No? Whew!

[StoneGold]

Does sex with oneself count? No? Whew!

http://www.impawards.com/1994/posters/junior.jpg