Funniest thing you ever heard someone say when they were mad

[hellokittykat]

When my brother was about fifteen, he was going through this phase where he would add 'my ass' to the end of every smartass sentence. He was really obnoxious and would aggravate us all.
Like if my mom was yelling at him to come to dinner, he would say,"Yeah, I'm coming...my ass!" Needless to say, he was grounded a lot.
So one time my brother was complaining to my dad because my dad hadn't put up the net to go around his trampoline. My dad finally lost it and screamed,"I'll put your net up...MY ASS!"
It took my dad a few seconds to realize why my brother was roaring instead of trembling in fear of his wrath.

[hellokittykat]

My uncle once put a bottle of soda in the freezer to get it cold quicker. He forgot about it though and it exploded making a huge mess.
My grandmother was angry that she bellowed,"Mutter, mutter, peanut butter!!" :confused:

[Buzz Dixon]

An irate Korean landlord once called me a "gypsy Jew bastard." :confused:

Wrong on all three counts. :rolleyes:

[Guts/Batman]

"SHIT SHIT SHIT TRIPLE SHIT!!!"

My mom when being frustrated with something in the garden a few years back. Great line. :D

[Michael P]

My mom once got stung by a scorpion while my dad was away on a business trip, called him up, screamed "YOU'RE NEVER HERE WHEN I NEED YOU!" into the phone, and hung up.

[mistervader]

My uncle, when he was younger, didn't know much English. So when someone ticked him off, he kept on shouting at the other kid, "Once upon a time!"

It was a riot.

[hellokittykat]

My uncle, when he was younger, didn't know much English. So when someone ticked him off, he kept on shouting at the other kid, "Once upon a time!"

It was a riot.

That's a great one :D

When I was like eight I was helping my grandfather nail something, I don't remember what it was exactly, but I was the one holding the board that he was going to nail. I was afraid that he was going to hit my hand so I must have been shaking a bit. All of sudden my grandfather sputters,"Will you hold still!? You're shaking like a dog trying to crap perssimon seeds!"

[Buzz Dixon]

The late great humorist H. Allen Smith documented a variant on that: "Shakin' like a dog shittin' a loggin' chain and dreadin' th' hook..."

[Sharpandpointies]

My buddy to me:

"Your ass and my face!"

It took some explaining, once he had calmed down and I had stopped roaring.

[Cam63]

" YOU'RE DEAD, YOU FUCKIN' ( really bad word ) ! ", by some waste of a leg over I was holding down on a bar room floor by his neck after he crossed my " don't piss me off " line.

Yeah, I let it go eventually.

[Steel Spider]

I told my father that I was working and he got a little angry and replied "Work? You? That's a fucking understatement!" He meant to say overstatement :)

[Cam63]

I hope you and your old man are having a better understanding now.

[Ponda]

Many years ago, I was playing basketball with my neighbor.
Her name is not Mable. That becomes important later.

Her father is the equivalent of Ned Flanders... very religious, not prone to anger.

It was getting near dinner time and he wanted her to set the table. So each time he passed our basketball game (he was going back and forth from the shed, carting firewood I believe), he would say something about setting the table.

We just kept playing basketball.

Eventually, he became so irate that he yelled "TABLE MABLE!"

[Steel Spider]

I hope you and your old man are having a better understanding now.

Yeah, we are. Most of the time.

[Cam63]

I wish you well.

I still can't speak to mine after 13 years.

[hellokittykat]

I wish you well.

I still can't speak to mine after 13 years.

Sorry about that Cam! :(

It wasn't your pop who you holding down on the bar floor was it?

[Cam63]

Nope.

Just another waste of a leg over.

[hellokittykat]

Nope.

Just another waste of a leg over.

Okay, don't make fun of me please, but what exactly is a 'leg over'?
I'm assuming that it's not a good thing.

[Cam63]

Leg over = an imtimate encounter of the breeding kind.

[hellokittykat]

Y'all might not find this one as hysterical but after seventeen years I still harrass my mom about this.

My brother was a terror even when he was a baby. He was a little tot running around doing something bad and aggravating my mother. My mom actually has a lot of patience but what was getting her frustrated was that my brother would do something bad and then laugh when my mom scolded him. So one time he did something bad, my chastised him and as usual he laughed. My mom just lost it one day and shrieked 'Oh you're funny! You're just a jolly LAUGH!'

I still giggle about it but then again I'm a sicko. :p

[Cam63]

I'm just glad she never screamed, " I WISH I MADE YOUR DAD WEAR A CONDOM, YOU BASTARD ! "

That shit ends in therapy, my friend.

[WhiteRose]

All the women in my family speak pretty damn fast, so it's hard to figure out what we're saying if you're not used to it.

So anyway, my mother got so frustrated at my sister's constant talking through a movie that she yelled "Shut up or I'll throw a chair at you!"

The kid promptly replied "What's a 'chairatchu'?"

[kingdom2000]

I have gotton my mom mad enough that she has called me "a son of a b!$ch." Word of caution, if that ever happens, don't offer up how you agree with her.

[SUPERECWFAN1]

A long while back...one of the old people my dad knew called my grandmother about a music CD. This guy named Bill is in his 80's and he's possibly going senile. Its sad but heres what made this funny.


" Look , I know he has it. God knows he has it. Tell him to let me have my Eddie Arnold CD I let him borrow . "

My dad got home when this shit was going on and called Bill and the 2 started up about it. My dad had never heard of this guy and I sure as hell knew he would never listen to Eddie Arnold .


Bill kept repeating it and we drove to where he lived in person and kept trying to explain that we didn't have his CD. My dad then said this. " Look , Bill , I'm gonna be honest. I have no clue who or what Eddie Arnold is . I listen to Elvis Presley and the Beatles . " That stunned me as I looked over " Hold on...I thought you hated the Beatles ..."

My dad offered to buy Bill the same CD to appease him.

" I don't want that. I want the one my grand kids gave me. "

A few days later Bill called up and told my dad he had found the CD. My dad talked awhile and hung up. I could tell this whole deal had agravated him as he looked at me " That damn Eddie Arnold. Who Is that guy ? "

[hellokittykat]

All the women in my family speak pretty damn fast, so it's hard to figure out what we're saying if you're not used to it.

So anyway, my mother got so frustrated at my sister's constant talking through a movie that she yelled "Shut up or I'll throw a chair at you!"

The kid promptly replied "What's a 'chairatchu'?"

It's a Pokemon isn't it?

[Cam63]

If it's a Pokemon, we must kill it.