Chuck Norris' X-men~~!!!!

[parasite studios]

Since Norrismania is sweeping the net....I'd love to see this book.

TEAM LEADER!!! CHUCK NORRIS!!! ROUND HOUSE BASED MUTANT POWER!!!

COLOSSUS!!!
JUGGERNAUT!!!
STRONG GUY!!!


Are there any ninja or martial arts based mutants we could use???

Chuck Norris could charge his foot with energy like Gambit does the cards.

SUPER EXPLOSIVE ROUND HOUSE ACTION IN THE MIGHTY MARVEL MANNER!!!

[X-Men Forever]

Since Norrismania is sweeping the net....I'd love to see this book.

TEAM LEADER!!! CHUCK NORRIS!!! ROUND HOUSE BASED MUTANT POWER!!!

COLOSSUS!!!
JUGGERNAUT!!!
STRONG GUY!!!


Are there any ninja or martial arts based mutants we could use???

Chuck Norris could charge his foot with energy like Gambit does the cards.

SUPER EXPLOSIVE ROUND HOUSE ACTION IN THE MIGHTY MARVEL MANNER!!!

Somebody is still stuck in the 80's ;) .

[jj9126]

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, we need a kid sidekick character like in the classic Norris/Brandis film "Sidekicks".

Here is my rough plot for issue 1:
Chuck Norris arrives at the Xavier institute to offer his help to the team. Of course, Professor X, Cyclops, Emma Frost and Storm step aside and ask him to take over the school.

By the end of the issue - Chuck has kicked Magneto's head off and made love to Rogue (he is unaffected by her powers).

Issue 2:
A 12 year old boy arrives at the institute and asks for help. He is a poor kid from a broken home and he is in trouble for spraying graffiti on a subway car. Chuck befriends him and become a father-like figure to him. Chuck also bangs his mom.

[X-Men Forever]

AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, we need a kid sidekick character like in the classic Norris/Brandis film "Sidekicks".

Here is my rough plot for issue 1:
Chuck Norris arrives at the Xavier institute to offer his help to the team. Of course, Professor X, Cyclops, Emma Frost and Storm step aside and ask him to take over the school.

By the end of the issue - Chuck has kicked Magneto's head off and made love to Rogue (he is unaffected by her powers).

Issue 2:
A 12 year old boy arrives at the institute and asks for help. He is a poor kid from a broken home and he is in trouble for spraying graffiti on a subway car. Chuck befriends him and become a father-like figure to him. Chuck also bangs him mom.

This would be a better read than the current stuff being written on the X-Men titles.

[parasite studios]

AWESOME INDEED!!!

Where's JOE Q's email address????

[The Lucky One]

There were actually 3 teams of X-Men in between the originals and the All-New squad, but none of them asked Chuck Norris to join. Luckily Xavier remembered his manners the 4th time and extended an invite. To which Chuck Norris healed his legs through Sheer Badassery, made Xavier stand up, then roundhouse kicked him in the spine. Then he roundhouse kicked the third Summers brother into orbit and left.

-D

[parasite studios]

Even Better!!!

[Twigglet]

Issue #1: Chuch Norris "Who wants a piece of the Norris"

For the rest of the issues every single X-women would make love to him AT THE SAME TIME.

At the very end, he kills 1 BILLION ninjas.

[X-Men Forever]

There were actually 3 teams of X-Men in between the originals and the All-New squad, but none of them asked Chuck Norris to join. Luckily Xavier remembered his manners the 4th time and extended an invite. To which Chuck Norris healed his legs through Sheer Badassery, made Xavier stand up, then roundhouse kicked him in the spine. Then he roundhouse kicked the third Summers brother into orbit and left.

-D

And the moral lesson to the story is, don't ***k with Chuck.

[jj9126]

There are some bad-ass ideas floating in this thread.

My issue 3:
Chuck gathers all of the mutants who were de-powered in the Decimation arc and has them drink his special brew of green tea. Suddenly, all of their powers return. He also discovers that his saliva can cure the legacy virus. Afterwards, Chuck and Cody (his new kid sidekick) try to help a homeless girl who has been targetted by the Yakuza. Then, Chuck goes on a date with Cody's middle-school Principal and they make love on a giant american flag (which makes Psylocke angry).

[X-Men Forever]

There are some bad-ass ideas floating in this thread.

Then, Chuck goes on a date with Cody's middle-school Principal and they make love on a giant american flag (which makes Psylocke angry).

Well just make sure Chuck is wearing his Union Jack boxers, so Psylocke will not get so angry with him ;) .

[steve2275]

Somebody is still stuck in the 80's ;) .
i like it :cool: too

[Neolucifer]

I think you meant a DOG sidekick !! :D

[twilight]

Chuck Norris is hunted down by sentinels as his kicks contain more power than eleven nuclear bombs.

He goes to the X-mansion for sanctuary before he realizes he doesn't need it HE'S CHUCK NORRIS!

He then dismantles the horde of sentinels with his legs.

[xakko]

Gah, what is with the Chuck Norris cult?

He tweren't that great, even in his prime. And know he hawks exercise machines on infomercials. Is this some sort of Arnold Schwarzenegger type underground campaign thing to get him elected?

At least he has a sense of humor about the joke thread

[Jessica Drew]

This is the best CBR thread today! Keep it up, gentlemen!

[The Lucky One]

What few readers know is that there's a "lost" X-Men tale occuring in the team's early days, where Magneto successfully recruited Chuck Norris to the Brotherhood of Chuck Norris (and some Evil Mutants). The X-Men, realizing their helplessness against the unbridled fury of Chuck's roundhouse kicks, retaliated in the only way possible: recruiting Jack effin' Bauer. The two teams clashed in a battle of epic proportions, first blood going to Chuck Norris as he roundhouse kicked Jack to death. But drawing on his power to resurrect himself whenever he wants, Jack returned from the dead, looked intensely into the Scarlet Witch's eyes, and bellowed, "You just have to trust me!!" Overcome by the Velvet, Wanda immediately forsook her evil ways, erased Chuck Norris from existence (how'd he get back? He's Chuck Norris, that's how), and dragged her brother to the Avengers, promising never again to menace society. Jack, meanwhile, shot the Toad five times and cured Jean Grey's virginity, then returned to L.A., vowing to never again involve himself in mutant affairs.

And now you know the untold story.

-D

[streator]

http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/7705/25wq.th.jpg (http://img15.imageshack.us/my.php?image=25wq.jpg)

i don't like chuck norris whatsoever, but i'm guessing the internet stuff maybe has to do with conan?
oh, and i thought the above was slightly humorous.

[fishtaco]

Chuck Norris rocks my socks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fabian Nicieza should write it!!

[slayer2005]

Gah, what is with the Chuck Norris cult?

He tweren't that great, even in his prime. And know he hawks exercise machines on infomercials. Is this some sort of Arnold Schwarzenegger type underground campaign thing to get him elected?

At least he has a sense of humor about the joke thread

It all began with Conan O'Brien (I think, correct me if I'm wrong).

Conan's been showing hilarious and sometimes weird clippings from Chuck's defunct show "Walker, Texas Ranger".

Again, correct me if I'm wrong.

[steve2275]

that is true

[Brian M.]

Enter the Norris....hope the rest of the team survives.

. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.

[The Lucky One]

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

-Chuck Norris is responsible for 12 gold records and six academy award winning movies. He never goes to the award shows, however, because he finds Hollywood to be beneath him. Which it is.

-The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris -- more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris -- robot in disguise," and starred Chuck as a sarcastic comic book fan/crimefighter who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a Delorean. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

-Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "hardcore awesomeness." Jesus wore it proudly to His dying day. The other wise men, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly thereafter, all three died of roundhouse kick-related deaths.

-To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer, only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

-Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger by yelling, "Bang!"

-Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.

-Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the crap out of little kids.

-Chuck Norris will take your virginity. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity," then you are dead wrong.

-Chuck Norris can make any woman and most men climax by simply pointing at them and saying "booyah."

-When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axles, and buffalo
meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his masculine good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

-Upon viewing your CD and record collection, Chuck Norris will not only laugh at you, but the laughter will cause your eyes to bleed. Once blinded by this, he will roundhouse kick you and you will thank him for it and mean it.

-Chuck Norris has every copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once.

-Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his way."

-Chuck Norris ruins the endings of Harry Potter books for children just for the heck of it. When they start crying, Chuck calmly says, "I'll give you something to cry about" and roundhouse kicks them in the face.

-Chuck Norris once went to a fraternity party, and proceeded to roundhouse kick every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs, chided their musical tastes, and shat on their floor, just because he's Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the crap out of viruses. That's why Chuck never gets ill.

-Santa Claus was real until he forgot Chuck Norris.


-D

[Uncle Nobs]

http://img15.imageshack.us/img15/7705/25wq.th.jpg (http://img15.imageshack.us/my.php?image=25wq.jpg)
oh, and i thought the above was slightly humorous.
What's it say? Can't read it.

[X-Men Forever]

http://upload.wickimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f8/NorrisAsWalker.jpg

[streator]

What's it say? Can't read it.
click on the picture, it pops in a new window.

[TheDarkestHorse]

Funny stuff. Still, I like the ones about Vin Diesel better.