Marital Arts Discussion Thread.

[Typo Lad]

Any tips and tricks for the folks at home?

[Forefinger]

Any tips and tricks for the folks at home?
Did you decide to kick your brother's ass?

[Typo Lad]

Did you decide to kick your brother's ass?

No, no, no. You're thinking of Martial arts. I'm talking about marital arts.

Huge difference.

Unless you're into that.

[Forefinger]

No, no, no. You're thinking of Martial arts. I'm talking about marital arts.

Huge difference.

Unless you're into that.
Right, that's either dislexia or stupidity kicking in.....so embarassed. I must have read the other thread title and just associated it with yours. Anyway, women seem to like flowers...so buy your wife some flowers some time.

[Royal]

1. Walk Away.
2. Offer A Beer
3. Give Them Your Money
4. Apologize
5.Walk Away
6. Explain In A Nice And Calm Manner
7. Get All The Facts
8. Help Out When You Can
9. Use What Works
10. Walk Away

[Royal]

Seriously though. What you need? what's a good school? Instruction on moves? Diet and exercise? History? McDojo detection?

[Typo Lad]

No Roy, that's Martial Arts you're thinking of. This is Mar-i-tal Arts.

Been a while for you, I take it...

[Forefinger]

Seriously though. What you need? what's a good school? Instruction on moves? Diet and exercise? History? McDojo detection?
He's spoofing.....see?

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Marital

[Royal]

No Roy, that's Martial Arts you're thinking of. This is Mar-i-tal Arts.

Been a while for you, I take it...

It's still early for me.

I haven't had my coffee yet.

[Dreadstar]

I don't know how much weight any of my marital advice might carry, considering that I'm divorced.

[Puma]

don't feel bad Royal, I thought the same thing. Then I wondered why we needed two threads abour martial arts and then the big one was why the devil Typo was starting one.

too bloody early.

[StoneGold]

1. Walk Away.
2. Offer A Beer
3. Give Them Your Money
4. Apologize
5.Walk Away
6. Explain In A Nice And Calm Manner
7. Get All The Facts
8. Help Out When You Can
9. Use What Works
10. Walk Away
Oddly... those all work either way.

[Forefinger]

don't feel bad Royal, I thought the same thing. Then I wondered why we needed two threads abour martial arts and then the big one was why the devil Typo was starting one.

too bloody early.
Typo is a bastich is the message I'm getting from all this.

Typo, you need to buy your wife lot's of flowers to make up for your bastichness.

[StoneGold]

A man is a man all his life, A woman is only sexy till she becomes your wife!

[StoneGold]

Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay but you never get anything back.

[Typo Lad]

Then I wondered why we needed two threads abour martial arts and then the big one was why the devil Typo was starting one.

Mostly to see how many people thought this was a "martial arts" thread.

Yes, I am a stinker.

That said, the flowers thing is actually good advice F. I try to buy Suzannah flowers every Shabbos. Sometimes I don't though, because I suck.

Oh, here's a good one... if your spouse has an annoying habit of, let's say leaving his/her socks on the floor, instead of getting worked up about it, dump them in the laundry for a bit and bring it up at a later date when you're feeling less frustrated.

[StoneGold]

Lie if your wife is awaking. Lie if your belly is aching. Lie if you think she's faking. Lie, sell shoes, lie.

[Typo Lad]

Oh, here's a good one...

If you find that Al Bundy's life mirrors your own, get a divorce. Hell, fake your death. Just get out of there.

[StoneGold]

Oh, here's a good one...

If you find that Al Bundy's life mirrors your own, get a divorce. Hell, fake your death. Just get out of there.
"If I could just help one kid not marry, my job is done."

[Typo Lad]

And if your life mirrors Ted Bundy's, stay the hell out of my town, kay?

[StoneGold]

What about King Kong Bundy?

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

I've always found that "Yes, dear" is probably the most useful phrase in the English language.

But, then again, I'm thoroughly whipped.

[Forefinger]

Mostly to see how many people thought this was a "martial arts" thread.

Yes, I am a stinker.

That said, the flowers thing is actually good advice F. I try to buy Suzannah flowers every Shabbos. Sometimes I don't though, because I suck.

Oh, here's a good one... if your spouse has an annoying habit of, let's say leaving his/her socks on the floor, instead of getting worked up about it, dump them in the laundry for a bit and bring it up at a later date when you're feeling less frustrated.
I'm going to buy my wife flowers tonight....just because....

[Puma]

should I buy my husband flowers tonight?

[Dom]

I would help you if I could Morts.

I can't though, I've been with the love of my life for 7 years and I have no had an original thought in the last 5 years.

It's been very liberating. Turns out I prefer my hair longer, my suits darker and my shirts to be more expensive.

[Typo Lad]

should I buy my husband flowers tonight?

Dougnuts are the male equivlent of flowers.

[Puma]

Dougnuts are the male equivlent of flowers.
he doesn't like really like sweets. I am thinking I should get him something today since I'm going to the massage therapist tonight

[StoneGold]

Dougnuts are the male equivlent of flowers.
And here I thought it was blowjobs.


Unless that's just your repressed religious version of describing a blowjob.

[Typo Lad]

he doesn't like really like sweets.

It's the thought that counts.

[COLOR=Sienna] I am thinking I should get him something today since I'm going to the massage therapist tonight

Oh. It's a 'I feel guilty 'cause another man is touching me and making me feel good" gift?

Skin mag.

[HomerJay]

- The customer is always right.
- If she's pissed about something and you don't know if it's something you did, don't ask. At least with my wife it's better to let the fire burn out rather that poke it with a stick. Wait until the fire is out before you investigate the cause.
- Always say "I love you" before you leave the house.
- You don't always need a reason to buy a gift.
- Give/do more than expected and you'll get more than you expected (if ya know what I mean).
- Listen.

[Typo Lad]

And here I thought it was blowjobs.

Naw, hummers are the equvilent of earings.

[StoneGold]

Always knock before entering through the back door.

[HomerJay]

Naw, hummers are the equvilent of earings.
Is swallowing then like adding a box of chocolates to the flowers?

[Typo Lad]

Is swallowing then like adding a box of chocolates to the flowers?

No, that's equivlent to a necklace that matches the earings.

And no, a set of pearls is not on par with what you are thinking.

[Puma]

It's the thought that counts.



Oh. It's a 'I feel guilty 'cause another man is touching me and making me feel good" gift?

Skin mag.
female therapist

[Dr. Hfuhruhurr]

I would help you if I could Morts.

I can't though, I've been with the love of my life for 7 years and I have no had an original thought in the last 5 years.

It's been very liberating. Turns out I prefer my hair longer, my suits darker and my shirts to be more expensive.

Heh. For the first 3 years of married life, I kept asking my wife, "Hey, have you seen my favorite flannel shirt/T-shirt/old blue jeans/etc?" and could never figure out where everything went, until I realized that she was mounting a slow war of attrition against my wardrobe.

I think I have some socks that survived from pre-marriage, but that's about it.

[HomerJay]

Okay, I think I got this now:
Flowers = Handjob
Earings = BJ
Earings & matching necklace = BJ & swallow
Expensive dinner = Sex
Expensive dinner at a restaurant you dont like but she does = Anal
A new car = A threesome

[Typo Lad]

Actually, a new car = getting to "break in" the new car.

[HomerJay]

Actually, a new car = getting to "break in" the new car.
I was actually going for equivalent metaphors vs. showing cause and effect I think like you're going for.

[Dom]

Okay, I think I got this now:
Flowers = Handjob
Earings = BJ
Earings & matching necklace = BJ & swallow
Expensive dinner = Sex
Expensive dinner at a restaurant you dont like but she does = Anal
A new car = A threesome


Maybe I'm wrong, but wouldn't earing and matching necklace be more like a BJ and a pearl necklace?

Nudge, Nudge, Wink, Wink, Say no more.

[HomerJay]

Maybe I'm wrong, but wouldn't earing and matching necklace be more like a BJ and a pearl necklace?
Didn't make that joke because it's too obvious. :D

[Typo Lad]

Night at the "theater"=Peal Necklace.

[StoneGold]

Night at the "theater"=Peal Necklace.
And here I thought it was a bullet to the back of the head.



I have to stop watching the History Channel.

[MsSpring]

Am I the only chick who seriously is uninterested in flowers?

There are so many other, better options to show someone you're thinking of them. I dunno, overall, flowers have no thrill for me. I'd would be happier with a cool DVD and a tub of popcorn, so that we could stay in an have a movie night. Don't listen to me though, when it comes to gift advice. FWIWwe have strict policy of "adult" gifts only for b-days, anniversaries and etc. I look forward to gift exchanges a whole lot more than I used to.

It might also be I don't like flowers because it always begins a war between the cats and I, to see if they can find and eat the flowers no matter where I place them.

[Corrina]

I'm not that thrilled with flowers...flowers themselves don't do much for me.

However, to get flowers out of the blue sends the message "I was thinking of you and wanted to tell you that" and that message, I like a lot.

[Slam_Bradley]

female therapist


Videotape of the session.

[Typo Lad]

Videotape of the session.

Bingo.

Giftwrap is a nice touch too.

[Slam_Bradley]

Bingo.

Giftwrap is a nice touch too.

If there is one thing that I know it is the way to a man's heart.

[StoneGold]

If there is one thing that I know it is the way to a man's heart.
Dig underneath the ribcage.

[Slam_Bradley]

Dig underneath the ribcage.


Exactly. Preferrably with a sharpened spoon.

[Michael P]

Naw, hummers are the equvilent of earings.
Reminds me of a joke:

A married couple are getting it on when they suddenly see their five-year-old daughter standing in the bedroom doorway. After the requisite freak-out, they decide to sit her down and explain, in broad strokes, the facts of life to the tyke. The mom draws the short straw, and so goes into the girl's room and sits down on the bed.

"Honey," she says, "I know you might be confused about what you saw, but Mommy and Daddy were just doing a special thing mommies and daddies do to show how much they love one another."

"What was that long thing sticking out of Daddy?" the kid asks.

Mom figures, in for a penny, in for a pound, so she says, "That was Daddy's penis."

"And what was that thing he was sticking it in?"

Now half-regretting the whole idea, Mom says, "That was Mommy's vagina. When Daddy puts his penis in Mommy's vagina, sometimes they get a baby."

The kid thinks for a bit, then says, "I saw you put it in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?"

"Jewelry."

[nervmeister]

The best martial artists, in my opinion are the ones who discover or invent their own style.

[Michael P]

The best martial artists, in my opinion are the ones who discover or invent their own style.
Would you say the same for marital artists?

[nervmeister]

Would you say the same for marital artists?Weird question. But just think of the guy who eons ago first came up with Muay Thai.

[StoneGold]

Weird question. But just think of the guy who eons ago first came up with Muay Thai.
Man, someone who really didn't read which thread he was posting in.

[nervmeister]

Man, someone who really didn't read which thread he was posting in.Forgive me, but I was determined to give a random opinion.

[MacQuarrie]

Vital defensive move for marital artists: Learn your wife's monthly cycle. Or at least keep an eye on the bathroom wastebasket and/or wherever she stores her supplies. You need to know when the Scarlet Witch is visiting without asking or seeming to be aware. When it's "that time", shut up. Be kind and patient and don't start anything. And don't put up a defense if she wants to start something. Just smile and wait.